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General

Featured Entries

Transgender Bloggers Wanted: Share Your Journey

Create your own blog at TGGuide.com. It's FREE and you can start right now. Some people blog as a sort of journal to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights. Others blog to express opinions on social and political issues. Others blog to share their knowledge and experience with others. Go ahead. Express yourself! Others may be grappling with issues you blog about and your words could provide useful insight or answers. Here are some blog topic ideas to get your creative juices f
  • Lori

A Valentines Day Party for Trans Girls & there loving Companion

I listen with a compassionate ear , and with a reminiscing grin I partake. These are the words that came to mind while attending a pre- Valentine Day Trans Girls Dinner Party especially for couples. There were some spouses and girlfriends there who have never ventured out with there companion while dressed in fem. The tension was definitely in the faces of many , but as time went on the atmosphere became more and more relaxed . A little wine does help , but as those wives and girlfriends opened

Coffee at work

I emailed a co-worker whom I told he could use my parking spot at work that I would be in for HR work. He said let's all go out for coffee, which I said sure thing. When I got to work about 10 or so co-workers came over to see how I was doing. I gave them a brief on how things were going and that I will be out for several more weeks (Robin at Marci's office emailed me today and said I can go back to work around March 2nd). So six of us took a walk over to the nearby Starbucks, got coff

Encouragement Moment

Everyone should have a 'transition song'. I listen to mine every single day. Every time my transition gets to be too hard or too frustrating. "Silhouettes" by Avicii is mine. Not only because of the video that comes along with it, but for the lyrics. "We've come a long way since that day, and we'll never look back at the faded silhouettes." It means you have to keep looking forward. You're not the person you were back then. You're not the same person you were on the day you decided enough wa

Trans Date 09/02/14

I had a conversation with my wife last night about the possibility of going SCUBA Diving again (I used to be an Instructor back in my male days 4 years or so ago), my wife said that she'd like to do that, we talked about our favourite shore dive in the UK, with fond reminisances. I'm not sure if we'll actually get around to doing it though, as we both have other interests that compete for our spare time now. But later in the night when I couldn't sleep (red wine induced insomnia!), I looked b

I Spilled The Beans In My Friend's Car

Here's another perfect example of how the goings-on in the world highly influence conversation. I knew it would only be a matter of time before I opened up more. Yesterday, on the way home from church, my elderly gentleman friend who drives me to and from church happened to mention Bruce Jenner. Keep in mind that the lid on the bean container, metaphorically speaking, of course, has been loose for quite some time. Mentioning the transitioning star tipped over the container and.... You know

Visited with ex-sister in-law and children last night

I texted her last week and said how about we get together? She said, next Sunday and why not come for dinner. When I arrived there was no mistaking that I had transitioned and this was the first they heard of it but she had figured it out from cryptic post I made on Facebook over the past six months. Her husband took it in stride but later confided in my he was very surprised. Her daughter and grand-son were there too who just heard from my daughter. We spent abound two hours chatting in t

Frustrated but hopeful

I'm not going to lie, I'm extremely frustrated. Maybe from not taking my meds last night, maybe from being tired, maybe even from just being restless. I'm so frustrated at the moment that I could just scream and start a fist fight. This whole month has been one big bowl of rotten, festering cherries in my face. First I had that fight with my sister, who has now decided that I'm a bad influence around my nieces, therefore she doesnt want me around them so long as I'm going to be warren, not k

Holy cow

Went to the grocery store this morning and while heading down one of the aisles a co-worker was crossing the aisle, look right at me and did not notice me. That was indeed a good sign as you can not fake not recognizing someone I had worked with for 15 years verses the look that someone gives you that they are ignoring you, at least in my book. This happened two other times in the past year so guess I am on the right track.

My mother is a smartie

After surgery my mother called hearing I was in California for surgery and inquired to what the surgery was. I told her it was not life threatening on three different times days after surgery, not to worry mom. Well this morning she called and asked about my surgery again and I said, don't you remember, I told you it was nothing to worry about. She said, I think I know what it was for. I said, what you do think, she said gender change? Well I am surely not going to deny it as my only reaso

Crappy morning

I went to bed around 10PM and woke up at 2:30AM which is not enough sleep, tinkered around until 5AM and then got another hour sleep. When I woke up still did not feel well but knew I had to do my dilation and was the worst dilation since the first one. I glided the tool in and knew immediately that it was going to be a painful time but kept on going. Usually immediately afterwards I take a shower which tends to make me feel normal again but it has been one hour since the shower and just beg

What is right can never be wrong

Having never been in hiding, I cant say how it feels to have come out to the world. It's in your face obvious that I'm special and unique. And this package is a police official too. So lete go through a decade of trials and tribulations in an organization that is male orientated with almost no ability to change.My decade started off with bam, because not only was I attacked and attempted to convince me that I'm wrong in who I am and portray. Gloating to everyone that she has put me in my pla

Female emotions

I will start off by saying that in the past 15 years there has been just one time I truly cried for something real. Today I was watching Chicago Fire television show where there was a very emotional scene. I could feel my body reacting to what I was watching and figured my eyes would become watery but not the case today, I completely broke down, cried, body shook and I actually made sounds. This has to be the hormones as I have noticed in recent months more joy in various aspects of my life,

First day home

The morning was not so hot which I believe was from yesterday's experience. Once I did my morning dilation, had breakfast and shower things where looking up. My neighbor left me my mail from the two weeks I was gone and happy to find my new social security card, new American Express card and Utah concealed handgun license. Now I need to get out and shop as my place is bare bones empty on food and essentials. And I am so happy to be back at home, feels fantastic :-)

Worst part of my trip to California

Yesterday started out good but ended up as a very frustrating day overall. Got up, took a shower then ate breakfast followed by checking email. One of the messages was from Alaska airlines indicating there were congestion issues forecasted at the San Francisco airport (which is ten minutes from my hotel) and that my flight was moved to San Jose which is just over one hour away. Called the limo service right away and said no problem. Wait for two hours, limo driver comes to pick me up and advised

Heading home

It is finally that time when I can leave California and so happy. There was one glitch, about an hour ago Alaska airlines diverted my flight from one airport which is ten minutes away to another one which is 1.5 hours away. Called the limo service and they said they would take me to the other airport.

Going home (and a tad more)

Just received my confirmation for a limo which will pick me up at my hotel and drive me to the airport in style. Have been here for 12 days that mark the beginning of my new life and even though I have missed home I have to say all those who have helped me do the transition here I am very grateful too. As I have mention several times that this is simply a stepping stone in my journey that by no means complete it is simply the most expensive aspect of this journey. One of the promises I mad

Climb Every Mountain

Okay, this entry isn't really about "The Sound of Music" but the title seemed appropriate as I got started. And since it's my blog, well, you get the picture. The reason I'm writing here is that I have another article that I'd like to share but couldn't decide on a good place to post in the Forums. It's about climbing mountains - personal mountains, full of loose shale and dangerous outcroppings: Every life has a Great Struggle. A struggle that defines how—and whether—that life will r
  • Emma

Healing note

It has been nine days post surgery noticed the following which I really should had mention two days ago. Date of surgery, no black and blue at the site, near end of day two, ugly black and blue. Two days ago, zero black and blue, two tiny areas that are medium red under the site and each day are getting smaller and smaller. Pain, I was out all day where we were sitting 95% of the time, after about six hours or so one side of the public area was bothering me and had to readjust how I was si

This week 2015-01-26

Week of 2015-01-26 So I thought I posted this, but did not. Don't know what happened. I did talk with my wife last week about having difficultly in not transitioning and being transgender and that I think that I need to transition. I told her that I talked to my therapist about and that she would recommend me, just based on the few sessions I had. She cried and reminded me that she wanted to be married to a man. I cried as well. She said that this would be so hard and how do you plan on doing

Spent the day with an old friend

Performed my first dilation of the day, zero issues. I did learn that the mirror used to see my vagina could be used for keeping the tool from sliding so I tried this out and worked like a charm. Spent the day with an old female friend whom I have not seen in 30 years. We did a whole lot of exploring and lost track where we went to but some were not tourist attractions as she has been living out here for 25 years. She was very surprised at how I looked and said I looked great and complimented

Stand up

I want to dance like nobody is watching but yet know that they are. I want to raise my fist to the sky scream and curse fall to my knees and ask forgiveness as I forgive. I want to live to the fullest extent of my being, laugh until I cry, love with all that my heart can endure. I have to be free and allow myself to be. To except my true self and love my true self enough to let my true self live. I no longer can cower in the shadows of my learned behavior but must climb out of the shelter and s

No picnic

Check out my No picnic entry, perhaps one of my most important entries where I write about being overwhelmed when thinking back on yesterday. I will state I am fine, just wanted others to see what I went through which in many ways more then the day of surgery. http://karenpayneblog.com/2015/02/03/no-picnic/

Post operation part 1

The following link is my blog entry for post surgery with Marci which includes dilation. http://karenpayneblog.com/2015/02/02/post-operation-appointment/ What I did not post there is peeing after the pee bag was removed. First thing, did a decent spray (not really something to be proud of) both times. I was told this may happen so I was well positioned for this event.

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