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cloudy day

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By Chrissy

· 1,382 views

Hi all,

After a very affirmative weekend I'm feeling a little "overcast." It's certainly fueled in part by other things going on in my life (i'm sure I mentioned in another entry that I have a job that I often hate), but it's drifting over here.

I know there are some people on here who are around my age (i'm 48, 49 in july), so i'm hoping somebody might have some words of encouragement if they'very felt this way.

I'very been thinking back about my childhood a lot recently, thinking about early indicators of being transgender, and while it's been useful in that sense, I also can't help but wonder who I could have been - and who I never will be - because I couldn't be free to be myself back then.

I know that living with regret is useless, but sometimes I feel completely powerless against it.

I hope that when this passes (and I do know that it will), I can channel the feeling sonehow, maybe do something to help the next generation more so that they can live the fullest lives that they can. But for now I just wonder why I couldn't.

That's all I have on this for now - thank you for listening :)

Xoxo

Christie

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    Emma

    Moderators

    Hi Christie,

    I'm a decade older if that's any consolation and I feel the exact same way. I really don't know what else I can say. I know exactly what you mean. It's sad, isn't it? I don't mean to wallow in a pity party but I'd sure have preferred to have been born female. I look at little girls around my neighborhood and, well, I can't help but be a bit envious.

    Emma

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    Chrissy

    Members

    Emma and Veronica,

    Thank you both so much for your kind feedback :)

    The clouds seemed to have passed right now. I wasn't that sure this morning, but I got up and went to the gym and now feel ok (it helped that I got my latest Kohl's order yesterday, which included some cute new gym clothes).

    So ironically my cloudy day has passed just as an actual cloudy day has descended.

    xoxo

    Christie

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