"Ghost Whisperer"
Entry posted by Chrissy
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A month or so ago (hard to keep track of the passage of time these days) I found myself becoming addicted to "Ghost Whisperer." I had seen bits of the show in passing in the past but it never caught my attention until now. For those who don't know, it was a show from - well, sometime - with Jennifer Love Hewitt in which she could see ghosts of people who hadn't been able to "cross over." She helps them resolve whatever it is that is keeping them "Earth-bound." And regardless how neat and sappy the episode is, it never fails to get me to cry at the ending as the ghost "sees the light."
I've never been a particular believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason, but I'm a strong believer in the ongoing work of the subconscious. I believe that it's always vigilant and ready to tell you "you need this, you're ready for this." I believe that's why my sudden addiction to this show.
My parents passed away about 10 years ago, within about 3 months of each other, and both too young (my mother was 67, my father had just turned 69). My life, which had been unraveling in slow and not-so-slow motion up until then, went into a full-on tail spin not long after that. I don't want to go into those details, and I know there are many, many people who have had far worse experiences, but I'll suffice it to say here that my experiences were not run-of-the-mill problems. I also spent a lot of that time blaming my parents, and not necessarily without cause.
They made a decision when we were born (I have an older brother and sister) that they didn't want to do what their parents did, which was to push them towards or away from particular careers, basically pushing them in the direction they thought they should go. But in doing so, my parents (I believe) went way too far in the other direction, failing to provide any sense of direction or encouragement to us. As a result I failed to develop follow-through and beyond that a belief in myself and that I could accomplish things.
Anyway, last night while I was doing my volunteer gig at a comedy theater there was a show going on that wasn't catching my interest, so I found myself going into my own head. Perhaps a comedian had made a parent reference, but something got me to thinking about them. And I realized (and this is where "Ghost Whisperer" comes into play) that I needed to forgive them, because until I did I wasn't going to be able to move on, at least as effectively as I can.
And so I did. Right, wrong, or otherwise I blamed them, and by doing that I was keeping myself focused on what they did wrong and the impact it had on me, rather than taking charge of my own life. I think I got into "Ghost Whisperer" because my subconscious saw the show's structure and realized that I needed that, and I was ready for it. It also might have some up because I was wearing my mother's high school ring. And especially right now I need that, because I've started a journey here that requires (REQUIRES) me to believe in myself. I find that when I feel any sense of "doubt" lately it's really fear, it's the fear that I will never be "passable," that people will always see a "man."
So there you have it. My review of "Ghost Whisperer" 
xoxo
Christie
(P.S., for further evidence of my belief that it was time, "Christie" was my birth middle name, and it was my mother's maiden name)
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