SO, Long time no see lol Sadly I've not had the chance to upload any youtube videos but I'm hoping to do that tomorrow while I have the day off. Oh yeah, the day off....I LOVE MY JOB.

So far the people I work with have been INSANELY AWESOME. They're so laid back and cool, and I love it. I started my first short-night last night with helping at the bar of the academy (yeah i know what you're thinking. A bar? At a school? But during the summer we host scientists and adults so they get drinking nights lol) and it was awesome. Everyone's so friendly and cool! I did talk to my boss (starr) about being transgender, and she assured me that it was NO problem, and to correct her if she ever uses the wrong pronouns. She's been super awesome about it and I am so super super grateful for it.

The dress code doesnt exist, so it allows me to wear whatever is comfortable which is a huge plus. Cellphones are allowed as long as its not obsessive, which is totally awesome because I'm not comfortable with being out that late at night without some way of calling for help if I needed it. My shifts are going to be on the third shift, which I'm oddly perfectly fine with. Granted I sort of miss my boyfriend, but we'll make it work. Last night I worked from 9pm until around 130am, which was a lot shorter than what my usual hours will be but I was only training for the bar. I even did such a good job keeping up and getting in the hang of it, that they offered me to come back tonight as well which I agreed to do.

Right now I'm sort of bummed on the other hand, and extremely frustrated with waiting for my top surgery. I mentioned in a transgender Facebook group that I'm in that as awesome as it is to see everyone getting their top surgeries and everything, that I'm also sort of bummed out to see it. I in no way meant it as a "stop posting your surgery things" but more as a "I'd love some support right now". But in the end they turned it around to where I'm the bad guy for saying it. In another group that is made JUST for top surgery related issues, I posted my gofundme page as I am fully allowed to do, and got bullied for it. It totally made my depressed mood even worse.

The man responded to my post with "Sure. I'll do that right after I've saved up every single spare penny I've found to fund my own damn surgery" and it sort of hurt. I said "thanks for the sarcasm and making my shitty night that much more shitty" to which he responded with "Dude, everyone here is going through the same struggle as you are to raise money for their surgeries. posting your little whiney 'give me money' page on a page where guys struggle every day isnt helping anyone. I could say the same to you. thanks for making my day shitty by reminding me that i still dont have money for surgery. Stop whining and grow up and stop begging, you're pathetic"

Honestly, I dont like having a gofundme. I feel like I'm begging. But that just made me feel so much more worse and honestly almost drove me to self harm, but I were able to avoid it and just ended up curling up in bed later. Though there were a few other guys who defended me and the rude comments had been deleted, and an admin even stepped in to say that I AM allowed to post my gofundme and I did nothing wrong....it still made me feel like crap.

My once 36D chest (4 yrs ago) is now a painful 44DDD and it hurts...I cant hardly bind anymore. My ribs are killing me. Breathing is agony, and my back aches horrible. Especially when I take my binder off at night because it's been so tight and constricting. But I cant do anything without it...I'm so lost. I cant afford my surgery and its looking like no companies will help me cover it. I'm so disappointed

Trying to stay positive,

Warren

SIDENOTE:

So I can legally change the gender on my license with a note from my doctor which I did. But to change it on my Social Security, I need an amended birth certificate or bottom surgery proof? Wtf kind of crap is that? 0.o So to some paperwork I'll be a guy and to others I'll be a girl. Yeah, that totally makes life easy  systems' screwed up, man....