Why tears.  Well I've always been an emotionally strong woman.  Yes, strong as in vocalizing what I think and how I do thigs, as well as not needing a Knight to save me I can save him too...  I'm a fighter after all.

Well in the last month I've been disciplined for not informing my commander about a lone child on street late at night!  I asked if that wasn't part and parcel of my work to serve and protect, and if so.  Give me a written instruction stating I should leave a defenseless five year olds on the street at 22:00 or anytime when I find a small child unsupervised.  Disciplinary actions immediately stopped as no commander wants to be held responsible as the person who instructed members under them to disregard the safety of their community let alone that of children.  But yes, that was in an emotional state of, I love children and no one is going to stop me when it comes to the future grown ups, because without them who are going to ensure our safety.

Now for my tears...

I got angered by family and friends, and my realization has come that only persons I have allocated a space in my heart can bring me to tears.  So some apparent reason this has always eluded me.  I'm hard, but soft to the touch, easy to look at and a major pain in the butt if need to bring my point over.

I've also found that children and animals are a sore point for me when mistreated.  Even though I despised my moms dog for wanting to kill my Labrador and almost succeeding and biting me before I went into fighting mode.  But that was self preservation on my part, I couldn't bring myself to say I'll miss him as he was euthanized, but started sobbing over Mike the Labrador who passed on years ago.

Does this make me emotionally stinted, as I can't comfort someone close to me in grieving.  I know I can blame my brother who didn't even allow me to grieve after my father's passing, which ended with my foot in a demanding priests face, as he tried to take something from me.  

But silent tears still flowed when the missing gets to much.  Tears flowing when I'm angry is even worse because that means I want to punch someone., but those also only flows if I care about the person, but I don't want to see or hear from them till I'm ready for that person.

The one most of us hate would be tears that makes us revert to wanting to bobe alone.  At that time to many emotions are attacking me just want to be alone.

Today's was that I wanted to release some anger I'm feeling towards a friend for calling me dumb when I couldnt find a him or the place we were going to.  GPS didn't work either, nor the number of the place.  Well I'm done with bitching for a bit, let me get ready for Eid as I have Muslim family and friends.  Eid Mubarak to all, and have a blessed and heart felt day.

Michele is out......