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This should be interesting


KarenPayne

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We all entertain our worst nightmares when stepping out the door the first time in broad daylight dressed entirely as a female all the while contemplating who others will perceive us. Hopefully over time this subsides and it's all second nature.

At my young age of 59 being a tactical instructor I was never concerned about my safety, only that of someone who might want to hurt me for their well-being after the fact which did happen the second week post surgery where in the end the police complemented me on how well I restrained myself and only used necessary force which in the end most likely left the attacker hurting for at least a week or so.

What was difficult was presenting myself to the owner of the company who owns the top school in my area for teaching self-defense, an old Marine who I guessed would not take my transition well especially since I was being groomed to take over operations of the group. He did not act rude when meeting or taken back but was treated differently. Leaving this group was very difficult, I spent a great deal of time being a top notch instructor to have 90 percent of it thrown away because I needed to transitioned. I try not to dwell on the past but it's sometimes difficult.

So this weekend I will be attending a remembrance/celebration of life for a Marine and good friend where many who know me have not yet seen me since transitioning. This will be interesting to see how those there will treat me. I plan on going in acting like my normal self, assess and react but not to react in a defensive manner which in my opinion might be detrimental. I did not sign up for this, my brain did but after almost two years out and seven months post op this is me and refuse to hide in a dark corner and feel sorry for myself but need to get past this. Once past this point I can check off another group whom afterwards will never discuss my former life as a male but instead use appropriate wording that has me not mentioning gender unless appropriate in a discussion.

Guess what, it takes time to finalize things as indicated above but at least for me I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and that light is closing fast which is fine by me as when the light is gone I have done what was needed to close one chapter and open another chapter of living.    

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Dear Karen,

Am very sorry about the loss of your job, but I feel the space will provide an opening for an even greater opportunity.  Know this sounds foolish, but I watch a program, one in English and one in Spanish, where cameras follow a team of bailiffs chasing down criminals who do not show up for court.  Can't recall the names of the shows right now, but you may want to do a Google search, and learn about it, even if you ultimately end up rejecting it, at least you have looked at it, and seen if it might be a good fit for you or not.

Thank you for honoring the Marine, as I have the highest regard for both or women and men Marines, and, of course, for all who have served.

Your friend,

Monica

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Hi Karen

 

Once defender of rifgts , you'll always be fine.  Good outlook in life, and I always remembered that I said I'm doing this as soon as I find the right medical practitioners I feel I can trust and follow my heart.  Definitely interesting to see peoples reactions after realizing I'm doing what I said I would.

 

Keep strong and happy.  Support your dreams, aspirations and that of loyalty.

 

Hugs

Michele

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