Last night I was informed that the one I'm dating is going away for a month or more.  I'm not the dependent type of person, but it's giving me the sensation of sadness and that my boo is way too far to touch.  And me vocalizing this feeling made him stress about it too.

What I know for certain is, his family decided on him to go help out at family and the ones that decided aren't aware of our relationship or at least not aware of how I look.  Make that his whole mom's side of the family, as I've been exposed to his dad's side and the battle of me winning them over or proving that we are a good couple was won on first impressions, one side down, another to go.

What's bothering me is he'll be away and about seven to eight hours worth of drive if not more.  I first need to find out if they are talking about 120km/h (75mph) or at a greater speed then the legal speed limit.  Which is almost giving me a sense of anxiety.  But we grew closer in the last few months of knowing each other and we will just have to see what this family obligation will hold in store for us.

Why are relationships so complicated???  I also know the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder.". But the more we had this discussion the more reluctant he is seeming to go help his family, which I don't want.  Maybe he is fearing me dumping him for being so far away.

The thing I'm worried about, it will be his first birthday together with me and will he truly be back by then.  No I didn't change my leave planning for him as yet, as we still have to gel more according to me, and then we can start planning our life together.  And family does come first especially if they are the supportive kind, and he is supper attached to his family.  Where I am the one only attached to some of my family, especially my oldest sister (even though we have an age gap of 16 years, she was the first to know I never identified as male, but we've been open about most of our feelingsfeelings as we have been open since before I was four years when we discussed me not being a boy), and then my sister in law and her oldest daughter I call my child.  I'm actually closer to my brother's in laws then my own family, weird.

So getting back to my feelings.  I would love to have him to myself, but I know I'm sharing him with his family and he doesn't give any two or even how million F#@ks about anybody disapproving of our relationship.  Still I'm getting a sense his mom was the deciding factor in this matter, because we never met and we don't have a relationship as yet.

Well I worry about the whole thing, or if anything is about to happen, as all relationships need a time apart to see if it will work.

Now that is my 2cents worth of thoughts on this.

Live life, love yourself, and be who you've always been.

I'm out

Michele