I was scrolling around in the crossdresser's forum to get more familiar with the topics discussed since the more Nikki talks the more he 'fits' the category at this point in time, so I wanted to learn more to help him be his best her on those days.  And I ran into this thread, and it's surreal.  I understand all the view points, but I realize so many things.

My insane life experience has made me uniquely qualified for this moment with Nikki and for once is a plus.  I believe I dealt with the 'confrontation' conversation thoughtfully, and firmly on the 'this thing you did is dangerous and scary and it's a real medical professional or nothing' angle while at the same time firmly deflecting him when he tried to lie again with a "I'm not here to be angry but I'm done with being shut out of my marriage and if I can't lie to you niether can you to me and this is safe" attitude I hope helped while taking as much care as I could to reassure him this was a conversation and not a lifetime decision or freakout. 

Then I went to learn.  I read website after website.  This is 11 years after this other woman, and obviously there are more resources.  I am much younger.  I had brush ups before.  I had a life experience that has led me to a certain fluidty of life experience understanding.  My hangups and stuck points were completely different.  But I could understand both her views and the responders.  I had trouble with some of the responses on both sides of the issue.  Love in a case like this does not conquer all, for example.  Love is fluid like everything else.  And it is absolutely possible to truly love a person and be truly unable to live with them in a marital situation.  I have seen this play out, and know this as fact of the emotional experience of mankind.  There is an inherent unfairness in finding out this is a thing in your life after so many years, just as there is an inherent unfairness in having to try to 'cure' yourself of this thing or hide away who you truly are, neither of which are healthy.  Sometimes fair goes out the damn window and you are just left with what is. 

I didn't realize how WELL I've grown until I read that woman's post, in much the same position I was in, and the responses.  And I realized that you can be in pain and fear and confusion, and never lose sight of the fact that you are talking to real human beings, and coming to them to asking them to share themselves with you to help you learn.  I think even the first day when I broke down in a crying frenzy to S (the only transgender woman I know for certain that I know who I could think to ask to help me understand and was so gracious and open with me on everything from what it's like to live with and helped me organize and prioritize what things i needed to know to start talking to Nikki about instead of bumbling around in the dark) I was already open to learning to deal with this reality even though I was terrified and wanted it all to just go away on day one.  I knew it didnt' work like that. 

And the reception I got here was beautiful and helpful, and that was something I had earned by how i honestly think.  I didn't do a persona, I didn't try to make myself fit any molds to fit in, I had worked my whole life to be a good turtle, and apparently it's worked. 
 

But reading that is so surreal.  And I can't imagine what would have happened to my delicate Nikki if I was more like that woman and less me.  So thank you everyone along my life from Grandpa to here, for all the learning and growing you help me achieve and continue to achieve.