Super excited about the weather, and had a long talk with the girl who runs our summer retreat of friends, and she is fiercely pro-Nikki and told me (unsolicited, I was just answering her questions why I'd gone weird the last six months and then so busy I couldn't talk to anyone because I was in deep talks with Nikki about everything) "I'm completely comfortable with him bringing his femme clothes and anyone who isn't comfortable here can go the fuck home because this is our safe space".  I love her so much.  I relayed that to Nikki, and it was just so huge for him.  He was asleep during my catch up call, but they are going to try to catch each other during the week and talk, they are as deep friends as she and I are.  But she's a nightowl and we thanks to Nikki's job are stupidly early risers.  Him way more than me.  I fess up, I snore at him while he's getting up and ready for work, bad Bree. LOL  SO now he's considering taking the plunge, trusting our close inner circle, and spending a day en femme at the retreat.  GO NIKKI!  He asked how I feel and I was all I don't care what you wear as long as it includes a bathing suit to swim with me.  There is a rule at the retreat no one swims alone for safety, and while I do it at home all the time, I completely respect the hostesses need to feel safe that we're not drowning. 

So my insomnia is kinda going dormant and I can sleep again.  The stress levels of the past nine or so months were crazy, and went absolutely nuts the first week I found out about Nikki's secret, but all the subsequent talking and working things out and the exit plan to my lung cancer-inducing job have made things so much better.  I had no idea how twisted up I'd gotten until we started working things out.  Knowing what is going on with Nikki and embracing it has made Nikki 'check back in' to the marriage.  The last four years he'd been really checked out emotionally and timewise, and I was really unhappy with that and trying to connect but he was unable to tell me what was wrong and engage with me.  Now that he's back as my spouse in the fullest sense of the word, things are getting back on track beautifully.  There is no need to shut down conversations getting to close to his secret anymore, and the openness fosters a deep closeness between us that works both ways, he's been as supportive of me and trying to deal with my issues now as I am of him. 

Life is getting better everyday.    And the weather is going up again!  I hope this summer is hot and normal, like the winter was pretty much back in normal ranges after two brutal  years of excessive cold (our normal is in the 20s, it was ranging from -10 to -45 at the worst the last two yeas).  The last two summers were rather cool, which is great for those without ac (like us in the house) but sad for those with pools who want to swim.    The first year I got the pool sucked so bad, they changed Nikki's hours shortly before we got it and I was on first and he was on seconds and everyone had to swim alone except for weekends.  Then last year I missed like six weeks of swimmable season due to the surgery.  This year we are going to swim and swim together dangit.  *shakes her paw at the sky*