So...stormed outta the house yesterday.  Was trying to talk to Nikki about realizing that even when he is the catalyst, he is not actually MY FEELINGS.  And that every feeling and confusion I have, even if they are started by something about him, is actually NOT ABOUT HIM, and talking over me as loud as he possibly could that it was made me leave.  I went to the park and froze my ass off sitting in a place i used to spend time with Grandpa really missing him.  Then I went to work, and Nikki sent me an apology.  He's good with that, taking responsibility when he does things that hurt me.  And talking over me and making everything about him like my dad does was was ugly. 

So we went to get our calzones...and that place was packed.  I'm talking there wasn't even standing room to wait for a table, so I suggested going further up to the next city and getting Boston Market Chicken since we both love it and don't have one in our city, healthier than the calzones anyway and very very tasty.  (But next Friday I'm getting my dang calzone, will try to time arriving a bit later in the day).  The only other thing that Nikki likes in the town we were in is one of those drive up burger stands without an indoors that I actually HATE the food at.  If I'm going to blow my diet to have a date with him in dress, I wanted to at least like the taste of the food.  I'm selfish that way.     So the food was awesome, date afternoon was as much fun as it always was, and there was a stop at the  pet store to peer at the animals.

I barely managed to hang onto my sanity in the pet store, came REALLY close to walking outta there with this huge gorgeous five year old girl that looks just like my boy cat only had white paws whose human had passed away.  But four cats would be ridiculous, especially with the female needing extra care now.  And we travel twice a year, and I don't want to overwhelm my pet caretakers.  The glow in the dark fish were tempting too.  Seriously, black light glow in the dark fish.  SUPER COOL!  I did get a piece of driftwood to add to the dragon's cage.  We have a female bearded dragon I gave Nikki a few years ago for Christmas after my turtle passed and we had space, he'd been wanting one for ages.  And I'm good with reptiles if they have legs.  I spend a lot of time playing with her actually, she's a very mellow dragon that likes to ride around the house on our shirts.

I am SO tired.  Spent all night going to the bathroom, must love blood pressure medication.  *Headdesk*  And I can't find my digital camera.  I just saw it a few weeks ago when of course I didn't want it.  Sometimes I think the inanimate objects ARE alive, and out to mess with us.  But Nikki is talking another zoo trip, the one we took for my birthday was slightly disappointing as the aquarium with the new seaturtle they got was closed!  Tragedy!  Actually we're talking about going once a month because it's good exercise and makes our membership a great value.   And I want better pictures of the seaturtle than I can do with my digital camera, and Nikki was talking about wanting me to photograph him.  Maybe I can take him out to the Black Swamp, some really nice vegetation and backdrops out there that would be fun to work with.  There is a tiny nature preserve of the swamp about 20 minutes from there that used to reign over the whole area. You can even see turtles through the wildlife blinds on a good day, and once I saw a fox, some beavers, possums, racoons, and a variety of birds.  Really nice place I forget to go to often.  We actully have a variety of nature preserve type parks here that we go walking at on occasion, but unfortunately a lot of them don't have bathrooms of any kind, which can get awkward for me at least.  Despite camping since childhood I never mastered the outdoors squat exercise. 

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend, it warmed back up to sixty here.  Yesterday was stupid cold here!  I asked Nikki what our target date for the pool was, I was thinking mid may, he said potentially next month depending on the ongoing weather patterns.  That would be awesome!