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Stuck in the middle without you.


Cyrsti

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I have been really fortunate over the past two years to really explore life as a dual gendered person.

Yes, another tag to add to the others describing our "condition". This is the difference in my opinion.

I'm still not "girl" enough for the SRS crew. I can't share the experience of having a baby or having a sex change operation. As with any human being, we tend to seek those out with similar experiences and exclude the rest. Many times it is not malicious just normal.

In addition, I'm not ready to end my male existence. On occasion I enjoy it immensely.

In many circles, I'm too much girl for the CDer's. I'm kind of like a cat. Most felines can make it on their own without us and yes I could make it without my male self. I've worked hard to present myself as female and I try to not be the bitch in these circles just because I've done more. (So to speak)

You see, in a mixed crowd...the guys in a dress still shy away from me as they do the "changelings". Do you get my point?

Probably, the most accepting group of all (and most of my friends) are the lesbian crowd. Many male gays are as biased against us as much as the straight males. Especially if they realize the HUGE difference in us versus the "queens".

All of this is just my view on the whole situation and I just throw it out to see if any of you have similar experiences1

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Very interesting. You know, sometimes I do miss the ability to be male and do male things with the guys. Of course, I wouldn't want to go back to being male. I love riding my Harley, playing poker, participating in sports and some other predominantly male activities. I've found a way to enjoy just about everything I want to do though. I just find it interesting that I'm viewed so differently being a woman participating in male dominated activities.

My experience may be a little different since I am pretty much in stealth mode. I find that I blend very well with the lesbian scene. Gay guys don't want much to do with me although I do have gay friends. And fortunately I'm able to blend into the mainstream fairly easily.

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Yes Cyrsti, I do hear you. I have built a career on the man that everyone thought I was. It seems foolish to throw away a life that has brought happiness to many people. I hope everyday that I will find a way to help the people who have known me for so many years come to allow themselves to know my feminine side. I cannot deny my past, but I am definately ready to live the rest of my life as someone that I really want to be. I am trying to refine my image and still be a positive influence in the lives of the people around me. i want so much for people to accept my new name but it seems that will be easiest by meeting new people and starting over. It is quite a conflict to be living.

amie

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