As of march of this year I finally decided that living as a male was no longer an option to me. I have struggled with my gender ever since I really new what the difference between boys and girls was. I always played with more girls than boys growing up and never saw a problem with wanting to play with barbies over playing baseball. I have slowly started down this road and have taken some big steps but at the same time feel like the road ahead stretches endlessly. I told my parents and they were suprisingly accepting of me wanting to transition. My mom had known for quite a while (ever since she had found numerous female clothing in my closet over the years) and seemed more relieved when I finally decided to tell my dad because she felt like she was keeping a secret from him. The one thing they told me was "they would rather have a live daughter than a dead son." That almost made me cry.

I started electrolysis earlier this month and it has been going well. It is a little pricy but the lady that does it is extremely nice and caring and always makes sure I am doing alright with it. I am starting hormones in two months and am really nervous about it. I don't know how quickly they will affect my body and how my body will react (if at all) to them. I, like all transitioning mtf, hope that they will slow some of my body hair growth (arms, legs, chest,& all that) and I hope to grow breasts that I can at least accentuate a little.

I've started looking for other TG/TS/TV people to hang out with and talk to and I have joined a support group that I attend (whenever I can because of working) but I've started to get a little down on myself. I try to look as good as I can but when I see other TG/TS/TV that are living full time, I just get a little down because I don't think I look near as good as them. I think I just need more confidence and all that. I can walk around town dressed and no one says a word to me or rarely ever get people who stare, but I still think I don't look good. Maybe when I grow out my real hair or the hormones soften my skin I'll feel better about myself but until then Im not sure what to think.