10.31.17 Tuesday
Entry posted by 4EverYoung
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(L)
Good morning,
I came in from taking son to school and Deedee was sitting at the dining table looking all pretty with a long sleeve white tshirt, jeans and her boots and hat on. I wasn't expecting to see it when I came in the front door and I guess I sort of looked dazed (I mean, it was 8:15am, I was, and still am, half asleep). She thought that I was not happy about her going to work that way, but it wasn't true, I was just surprised and not sure, in my half asleep state, what was going on. I know I should expect her to begin dressing up more and more, but it is still sort of a jolt to my system when I see her that way. I will get used to it, over time. And, it is Halloween also, so later on, when I had woken up a little more, it occurred to me that today was the best day as any to go out dressed up when it is light outside. So far, it has been at night, and in dark restaurants. She looked good, as always. I guess I can't say handsome anymore.
We are selling our house, and at the end of this month, we are going out on the road. We don't know our destination, nor where our journey will take us. This is a huge move, with lots of loose ends to tie up here, and I'm also leaving the area that my job is in, and taking it on the road, so if I have meetings I need to attend at the office, I'm trying to tie up all that stuff also. Besides the usual move stuff; address forwarding, school papers for the boys, shot records from drs, packing what stuff we are not taking on the road, to be stored until after the first of the year, selling the things that we can before we leave. My mind is full of stuff to do, besides the usual stuff, paying bills, cleaning, cooking, etc. Yesterday, Deedee and I had a little disagreement about starting the HRT. She came to me and said, I made an appt at a doctor for next week. I thought we were going through this journey together, so that was shocking to me, that she would make an appt without asking me, or figuring out a babysitter for the boys, etc. So I simply said, I thought we were doing this together? She took that to mean that I was against the whole idea. I simply asked a question, and then I wanted to voice my concerns that considering I already have so many things on my plate that it would be better for my sanity if we waited until after our road trip, possibly the beginning of the year, to find a Dr and begin it then. I can only handle so many things, emotionally, physically. I was called selfish though, so I let it go. After talking about it for a few hours, over the course of dinner time and getting kids to bed, I guess going to the appt isn't all bad. Even if they give her the meds that day (which I doubt), at least it is a start. We will find out the dosage course, and then look to transfer to another facility up north when we get there. I will have to just watch myself even more to stay on an even level with my emotions, and not think too much when/if she gets overly aggressive or mean. I already deal with a 5 yr old with ADHD and a 1 yr old that thinks everything is his, and screams bloody murder if he doesn't get what he wants. If I turn off my emotions for a few months, its all good. Momma is saving her sanity...
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