I have also experienced this - truly. I really didn't know when she asked me. I just told her that I'd keep exploring, contemplating, etc. It was highly emotional and we did decide to divorce. It's still emotional for both of us as we remain close, but as BFFs, not a marriage partners. 

I'm afraid that for you this is one of those rare times when you need to seriously consider how important it is for you to find your authenticity and live it... or not. Of course only you can answer that. It may well upend your wife's world and yours, that's a fact. 

It's almost two years since I drove north from the Bay Area away from my wife and our home. At the time I really didn't know where I'd end up. As it is now, I legally changed my name and gender (surprised but I was compelled due to Trump's threats), started HRT (as an experiment at first, but I liked it much more than I expected), discarded all of my male clothing, came out to everyone I know, had GCS and breast augmentation surgeries, and am scheduled for facial surgery in one month. Honestly, I had no idea I'd do all this, need to do any of it. I've reached a decision point, thought about it, weighed it, made the decision, and then encountered the next decision point and repeated my process. 

I'm happier but I miss my life partner, flaws and all. I'm lucky that we stay in touch but she's 1,000 miles away... 

I'd like to add what my therapist advised when I was in your situation. You are not responsible for your wife's feelings and/or emotions. Hers are valid and so are yours but authenticity means that you can (and should) express yourself regardless of their reaction. Trying to save her from her pain or worrying about it doesn't do you or her any good.

Now, I know that's easy to say. Perhaps good to keep in mind though.

At this point, I think I need to live authentically. I can't go back to lying to the world at large.  I love how I feel as Tilly, I don't think that I could keep my sanity if I had to box myself up again.  It is going to hurt for a while as my family falls apart, but I think it will be better for everyone in the long run.

On the up side, I guess I can now be 24/7...  At least once we talk to my daughter.