After my last post/blog, I figured it would be a good idea to give an update.

No, I were not fired. But I almost was. I went in and talked to my boss about it, and explained that I'd had an anxiety attack, which I'm prone to have. We talked it through and I assured him it wouldnt happen again unless nessesary, and I would tell them next time if I needed to leave.

He accepted, and I was allowed to work.

I were on my best behaviour all day, or as best as I could.

Sometimes theres days when things are so hectic and chaotic, you dont have time to think! But yesterday was so slow, I thought I'd fall asleep. There was no food to prep, no chores to be done, and nothing to do aside from 'look busy or go home'. Which is really hard to do when there's nothing to be done. So I literally crawled under the counters wiping up dust off the shelves, just so they 1)couldnt see me 2)looked busy.

I kept busy mentally with thinking things through and trying to keep myself calm, listening to music and thinking about the books I'm writing. It all seemed fairly good at the time.

Then....it happened.

I were standing on the other side of my counter refilling the serving stations (its set up buffet style) when one of the dish girls comes up to my counter.

I was friendly and smiled with a "Hey, hows it going?"

Her response? "Hey! So, I hear you've been spreading lies about me like a b****"

Um.....what?

Okay, backtrack to the highschool drama. "Jo" is the french student currently calling me a lying b****. "Britt" is a newer girl. Britt needed a locker. Management gave her one, no problem. Apparently said empty, filthy locker was previously Jo's locker. Jo got pissed, started ranting, left angry letters on the locker...ending in Britt moving her stuff to another locker to share with another coworker. I figured it was done and over with. Apparently not.

"What lies? If I'm spreading lies, I'd at least like to know what I'm supposably saying" I told her.

But she shrugged and walked off. I'm sorry, but I dont like Drive By Accusations.

So, I went to find her.

Me being a stubborn pain in the ***, I dont let things like that go easily.

I found her, and confronted her with a "Do you want to talk about this here, or go outside? Because we ARE going to talk about whatever the hell that was."

She tries pushing me around and giving me a sobstory, which I deflected quiet easily with facts about what she were saying herself were the only things I had repeated, so in turn did that mean she as lying to begin with?

I confronted her calmly and told her "If you had taken me aside and said 'hey can we talk about something?' then I would have been fine with that. Let's talk. But when you come up to me, on the front line, in front of all those people the way that you did, saying what you did....It's inappropriate and it was NOT appreciated. You want to talk about this like an adult, then be an adult. Talk. But dont do it in front of students, dont do it in front of other coworkers. This is not a competition for drama and this is not a popularity contest. You want to accuse me of something, then get your facts straight and dont walk off like a coward. If you're going to throw things in someones face, at least stick around to see their reaction."

I didnt hit, I didnt touch her, I didnt swear. I thought I handled it rather well, for me anyway.

Just saying.

IN OTHER NEWS:

I have officially been signed up for a councilor/ phsyciatrist for my gender related issues and anxiety disorder. I'm awaiting a phonecall once they pair me up with one, and will do the paperwork when I get there.

I'm glad it's set up, but nervous as hell. Got to admit, I almost dont want to go.

I've had nothing but people trying to convince me for so long that this is a phase, and even I have to question it sometimes. But deep down, I know theyre wrong. But that little fear in me cant help but worry that maybe it's just in my head.

I know people say "if you know in your heart that it is what it is, then it is". But what if I dont know what my heart is saying, because its too overclouded by what everyone else says? I'm just worried that they'll look at me and say "Nope, you're fine. It's stress/depression related, and we cant help you. You'll have to stay the way you are"

Besides, me talking face to face with someone about my feelings?

Not gonna go well.

Think I'm going to go bury my head in some cement.

Warren