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11/22 - 11/23/2014

(0 reviews)

By LovelyLisa

· 1,250 views

11/22/2014

Today I was 100% feeling female and thinking about it. It was distracting but since I didn't need to work or doing anything it was okay.

I talked to my wife about my appointment with the therapist and going to the support group and mentioned that she recommended that I go out dressed as much as I need to meet others like me and get the support that I need. I told her that if I cannot get on top of this soon, I will need to transition. This was upsetting, and I knew that it would be however I just wanted her to know how despirate of a situation this was for me.

I told her that I was still digesting the support group meeting. A lot was said and it was a bit much for me, attending for the first time. I am really thankful to have gone.

11/23/2014

This morning I was definitely feeling bad about my feelings of being female that I desired to be male. This used to happen to me a lot when I was younger, not so much now so it is surprising when it happens. It is this kind of self-loathing that I need to recognize for what it is. I need to acknowledge it but also not let it define me. I think that I did a good job. Later that day, I was better.

I hate not being to wear whatever I want to. But understand why.

--Lisa

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    Emma

    Moderators

    Hi Lisa,

    Good for you on all counts. It's so important, I think, to have a therapist who can be a sounding board, coach, and mentor - as well as a cheerleader. She's at "arms length" so can talk to you objectively which will hopefully help both you and your communications with your wife.

    I also think attending support group meetings is very important. Easy for me to say, as I have not attended one. But i will one day. For now I'm more focused on talking with my wife, in our couple's meetings and one-on-one.

    And I also feel the same way about my female feelings: they ebb and flow, peak and crash. I keep reminding myself that I'm not following some crazy compulsion: this has been with me my whole life. And the self-loathing also comes on strong for me as I really wish at times that I didn't have this issue to deal with. It seems so unfair. But at our age we both know that that's life, isn't it?

    My best wishes to you and your wife, and I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving celebration planned.

    Sincerely,

    Emma

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