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LovelyLisa

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11/29/2014

I'm starting to wonder if I am not Trans Female rather bi-gendered. There are some mornings and I feel perfectly content getting up and being male. Other mornings, not so much. In general, I feel like I should have been born a girl, however, it is such a pain in the butt getting ready and presenting female. So, I don't know if my distain for getting ready is behind this or if I genuinely like being male some days, which would make me bi-gendered (though when I was 4 years old that was not the case). Anyways, this is all so confusing. Honestly, if I could comfortably live as a woman full-time, but occaisionally present as male or just dress in male clothes that might be a good stead-state for me. I don't know. We'll see.

It is hard to know or to tell. I don't get as nervous about being a girl like I used to, however in a lot of ways I am just getting started. I will need to learn so many things and adapt in ways that I will not be comfortable with initially. If anything, I just need to remember to be myself. Once I stop doing that I will be right back where I started, in crisis-mode again.

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Hi Lisa,

I certainly know what you mean about ambivalence setting in and days when being transgender just seems like something I wish would just go away. I agree that we need to "just" be ourselves but that "just" word is huge.

Emma

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I know how you feel, Lisa. I wonder if my designation is bi-gender. Like you, I can be accepting of my manhood, sometimes, but not always. I'm examining my own feelings the most I've ever tried. I've given up on pretending. On here, I will still use the transgender designation, because this is where I can act as a girl in the virtual world and hang out with others who do likewise. Just this year alone, I've stumbled upon terms I've never heard before, terms like "gender fluid" and "bi-gender." I'm still trying to figure out what applies to me. Of course, I'm expecting my Heavenly Father to shed light on these dark areas. Jesus is my number 1 therapist, and if he wants me to also use human intervention, he shall divinely appoint the person/people who will help.

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