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In this day and age, and our locale here on the West Coast, I'm not too surprised that you've not lost friends, although I can certainly imagine your wondering how this will turn out. I think this response is also testimony to you: people like you and want to be friends with you because of how much they appreciate you as the "whole person" regardless of your gender.

Congratulations Eve!!! Sadly, the police will never be there in the majority of cases to interdict in such crimes, they are there in the aftermath to take the report to what happened. It is not just the United States but all of the world. Usually those who act out our in fear of the unknown, it may hit home from how they were brought up to something simple as they admired someone then found out that person was not who they appeared to be gender wise. Every time I hear such tragedies it deeply saddens me and at the same time strengthens my resolve to train people. Yes, this is kind of a point of no return but there truly is a returning point, that is if you have not gone through gender reassignment surgery or have been on hormones for an extended period of time that causes issues down below. For me I had years to prepare with zero regrets and you need to be the same way if planning GRS.

The above advice is sound, and I see that you've already gone for counselling. I'd also add that going to Trans venues can help, not sure where your local ones are but those that I regularly attended in Birmingham UK, helped me a lot, being with a lot of other transgirls sort of normalised my inner feelings, and then allowed me to progress. Best Nursery School ever!

Thank you for the comments, everyone. I probably should have mentioned that I've talked to therapists about my depression and I'm on medication for it. I talked about my gender issues the last time I talked to my therapist, but it's outside her area of expertise and I'm not comfortable trying to find answers while I explain things to someone who doesn't really get it. I think I need to find a therapist who's familiar with this sort of thing, so that's what I'm trying to do now. I should also mention that I've been talking to a trans friend about this and she's helped me a lot, so I don't feel alone.

What you are going through is commonplace for someone who is unsure of their gender identity and are not alone by any means. The first step to validate or invalidate your gender is to seek out professional assistance as option one while support groups are great they are in my opinion option two as it’s a roll of the dice to whom provides information which may or may not be a professional. Our first instinct is to bury thoughts of being in the wrong body for what are brains perceive as the opposite to what we are physically. This may or may not help but in only for a moment in time and as we age the urges become stronger if there is that chemical imbalance that is the root of the feelings. There are five levels of transgender which starts off with sexual fantasy on one end of the spectrum while on the other end, the undeniable drive to transition physically. Between these two are varying levels of the two ends. A professional can guide you to the most appropriate level and possible remedies to satisfy those feelings swirling through your brain. To bury and ignore these feelings in my opinion can lead to an unhealthy and painful existence in most cases while validation is the first step to freedom Any ways writing out your thoughts is a great step forward.

Dear Rae, I agree with Kristi, your confusion, dismay, and worries are all very familiar. I don't mean to minimize but to let you know that you're far from alone. I am glad to have met you here, to read your writings, and hope to read much more from you. I also agree that counseling can be very helpful. That said, it was and is hard at times for me and maybe like you to open up about what's really happening below the surface. Please try to be as open and vulnerable as you can. Therapists are here trying to help us. Some are better than others, and we connect with some better than others too. But until we open our heart we cannot really know. I wish you the very best, Rae, I mean that. Hugs, Emma