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Well said, Karen. So true for pretty much everything in our lives. Emma

Wow, that is good advise!

Karen, thank you so much for the suggestion. I will do that!!! --Lisa

So true in regards to how things happen in the technical field. I think that there are many aspects that can sway things your way. I had a boss for about five years who pulled me aside one day and said "we need to document how important you are here". The reasoning was there was a huge layoff, 200 out of 1000 and much of what I do is sight unseen but critical to daily operations. He wrote up a new job description that I could backup and that also nobody within reason could match the description in a 60 day trial period. We have a process called Bumping where someone being laid off could challenge someone else for their job (yes you can bet it gets ugly). Anyways my point is I worked even harder so that I was visible and known for my work which I believe truly helped with me transitioning. So I agree with many things you mention and by all means read into your post a very intelligent person.

Dear Lisa, Welcome back! We've missed you. I like what you wrote here but I am always on edge when someone says they need to be "perfect." I can tell from how you write that you know this but please be careful... Perfect is aiming for something that is not only unattainable it's also undefined, and leads to list of stress and worry and fretting. Just be careful, be Lisa (at least inside) and I'm confident you'll be fine. Better than fine, in fact. Hugs, Emma

Emma, Great post. Very helpful. One thing that someone told me is that it is not just our transition is our spouse's. They may see themselves as now being with someone who is a woman, and thus a lesbian. The other point your therapist made about gender concerns being identical between men and women, really makes sense. Thank you so much for sharing so much detail. That is such deeply personal information, I know that everyone here appreciates it. And I hope that anyone thinking of going to therapy with someone who specializes in gender issues, reads this post and does it. I've only been going since November, approximately once a month. But it has helped me tremendously. --Lisa

Emma, I'm so happy for you! At some point, I hope to get my wife to go to therapy with me or one on one as well. It's good to hear that it helped you and your relationship with your wife. --Lisa

Good for you, Karen! I'm having a good day, too. Heading over to a friend's this evening for a monthly dinner.

I truly believe that both of you would greatly benefit from reading the following book. Enter the title into Amazon True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals I purchased a copy for work and during a meeting where I announced my transition I said that this book will be on my desk if anyone wanted answers and of course said feel free to chat with me too. Both have happened and from feedback the book helped many come to terms with my transition that were unsure.

Lisa, Yes, sharing your plans with your wife is very important, especially depending on how you want/hope your relationship to evolve. I don't remember the specifics of what you've already discussed but from your most recent writing it sounds like your plans won't be a huge surprise. A piece of advice I heard sounds wise, though: we need to realize that it took us quite a number of years (or decades) to come to terms with our gender; it's understandable that we need to allow our SOs sufficient/significant time to also determine their feelings and needs. I hope you know that we all wish you the very best. Emma

Karen, I am seeing a therapist and talked with her about hormones. She said that she would recommend me for them. I'm thinking that I may need to do it soon. I am not happy, feel like my life is on hold. Plus, I know that it will take time for the hormones and electrolysis / laser so I'd be better off starting now. I don't feel panic'd to transition though. It's more about progress. Am I nearing a goal. Anyways, there are four endocrinologists that I need to research / contact to get the initial blood work. Plus, I still need to talk with my wife. I haven't talked with her about anything tg related in a week and I'm thinking that this just needs to happen. ---Lisa

I agree with Karen completely. I would you think it would be very helpful to review your roadmap with him/her, too. Perhaps post your roadmap here too? I would think that Karen and others would have some very helpful suggestions for you.

Have you talked to a therapist at all? That should be the first step when considering hormones.