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Christie, I am so proud of you! You are doing great!

I am fairly early on in the process, but it takes some people a long time to process things, or they just don't know what to say! We can can be intimidating!! Lol! That being said, sounds like an awesome conversation.

Oh goodness, such wonderful feedback. I'm afraid this is going to be a rather long post so grab a cup of tea or coffee, turn on some tunes, and fasten your seat belts, please! Yes, she definitely had, and has, some misconceptions about crossdressers in general as well as about me. Last night in the therapist's office I learned about some of her own demons that she's endured since childhood. She doesn't know exactly what ties them to me but at least we're talking about it. In an ideal world, definitely, we'd just overwrite the bad sectors and move on! At our age it's hard to jettison those old preconceptions that we've lived with for so long. But it's definitely something to shoot for, and is what I need and want. Here again, Mike, that's exactly what I dream of. If I can be satisfied with dressing in private (or rarely, say, to support group meetings and the like) I am afraid that I must insist on being allowed and accepted to dress as I wish in the privacy of our home. That said, I don't want to simply be "tolerated." I don't know if that's a realistic goal but it's what I'm aiming for. She says that she has complete support of me so maybe as you have experienced with your brother I will find that my wife will also learn to accept me no matter what. Kaylee: thanks so much for your comment too! Yes, but... for me, I think if I had the choice I'd choose female. I agree that it's not a simple decision, but I'd like to have been able to have that option! I love and envy your photo. You're beautiful, really pretty. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I was talking privately with my therapist this morning and told him that a few months ago I was so daunted by the enormity of assembling a "complete" feminine persona, the clothes, accessories, make-up, wig, and on and on. I didn't do it. Instead, I've added a little bit at each support group meeting. I wore ballet flats and stockings to one meeting. At the last meeting I wore those along with a women's cotton top. And for the next meeting on May 7? I have a new skirt that I just received from Amazon. And I plan on adding a wig and breast forms. One small step for Emma, a giant leap too! Update from the last couple of days I'll try to be brief. It didn't work out as well as I'd hoped but I think we're still making positive progress: As mentioned above, we're learning more about some automatic concerns my wife has. This is so important to understand. Without this we will always have this gap between us, preventing her from achieving any "satisfactory" level of acceptance. Our therapist is teaching us a way of opening up those dark recesses in our minds that ensures that we each feel we've been heard and the other one has internalized what is going on. I think this is incredibly important to build trust and love. I'm planning on a new blog post on this pretty soon. I've decided to tell my wife that now's not the right time for me to return to our master bedroom. I know I will one day (probably within a month or two) but we have some more important ground to cover (such as those feelings I mentioned above). It's a wild ride of an emotional roller coaster. I'm really blessed to have such a wonderful wife, fantastic therapist(s), and to be part of our community here. It's all coming together perfectly. Tomorrow we're heading to Napa to join another couple for wine tasting at a couple of wineries and dinner at someplace fun. Take care everyone. I love you all, Emma

Dear Lisa, I can't imagine your wife not seeing you dressed after two years, and having started transition no less. I agree that surprising her would likely backfire. I just hope you two can talk about it and set up a place and time for her to get to know the new you. I think that is a higher priority to discuss with your therapist than coming out to your children and pastor, but that's only my opinion and obviously don't walk in your shoes. Emma

Hi Lisa, Thanks very much for your thoughts and advice. I am not contemplating transition at least right now. Trust me, I've really tried to figure out who and where I am. For like fifty years. I finally realized that I needed some space, time, and patience to explore. I can't do it all in my head. Please understand too, that it's a two way street. I have my issues, she has hers. I need to give her patience and understanding too. In the end, I hope, we will meet in the middle somewhere, with a stronger bond than ever before. Thanks again, Lisa, for your thoughtful comments. I hope all is going well with you. Emma

Wow. Quite a long post and comments. Wonderful! The core issue is acceptance and understanding. No logical argument can be applied to this. A person just needs to accept a person who is transgender and then seek understanding. That is where things become difficult. If you don't know who you are or where you are going and leave things open ended, a spouse will feel off-balance such that they do not know what to expect or know who you are as person. They will build walls because of lack of emotional trust. What has helped me, is that I always try to determine something concrete, what I know about myself that I can clearly communicate. And for all of the stuff that I don't know, that we will figure it out together. One thing that I have been very clear about these last six months is the following: either I need to figure out ways to cope or I will have to transition. Now, I consider myself, generally a very self-aware person. What I did not realize, but do now is that the anxiety which envelopes you when you can no longer cope is overwhelming. I just went through 3 weeks of hell. It is like getting thrown into the fire. I always thought that my decision to transition would come after careful evaluation and contemplation. It can happen that way, but ultimately the alternative happened in my case. At that point, you just give in. You have no choice. For many of us here who are contemplating transition, just be aware that this can happen. And let your spouses or SO's know that as well. So, that they can face this with you, with their eyes wide open knowing the worst possible outcome. They need to know how serious this really is! I've been through the ringer my entire life, but I had no idea that I would essentially have high anxiety and high blood pressure for 3 weeks. It could have killed me. I almost blacked out driving my car, etc. Bad stuff. Anyways, Emma be brave. I didn't mean to scare you and I hope I helped. It scared me, so I feel scared for everyone else.

Great to hear : )

That's so nice! It really does just take some people time, but I guess the silver lining in that is that you get additional moments like this.

Christie, thank you very much for your kind words. No matter what, I think we are all afraid of being alone. But at any age being transgender and learning what you individually want to do about it is darned hard. Thank goodness we have TG Guide to hang out in! Hey Veronica, back atcha girlfriend. To me the concept of passing is so weird. When I'm home, maybe just wearing a dress and doing the dishes (or writing here), all I know is that I feel good, I feel right. My hair is short, I have a 5 o'clock shadow, but what do I care? I only see myself when I walk past a mirror, and I try to avoid those... :-) Thanks a lot for your best wishes. I'm looking forward to it! Emma