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I don't know if this is the same for other parts of the world, but here in parochial England there is a definate tendency for separate cliques within the Trans community. The individual cliques seem to me to be hierarchical too, I'm not sure if this intentional or not, I suspect that it isn't and it's just people with similar interests and similar issues in their lives gathering together. Let me explain, when I first took my faltering high heeled steps outside of my front door in the Birmingham suburbs, and drove into the city centre to go for the first time to Outskirts I'd identified myself as Transvestite, and within 2 or 3 visits I'd found a group of freinds that I coud relate to, I soon found that most of those who'd progressed further with their journey or were much more experienced seemed to be in another separate group. It seemed so hierarchical to me at the time, and I found it somewhat off-putting, it seemed to almost be a system of rank at that time. I'd also add that I was quite shy and no good at all with small-talk, hell, that was me all through my male life. I thought that most of these "advanced" (for want of a better term) trans, probably started in a similar fashion to myself as a part-time Transvestite (or cross dresser if you prefer), and that they thought that I was playing at being trans, and so looked down their noses at me. I recall on my very first visit one of the two organisers took me outside around the block and then talked to me giving advice, after which on subsequent visits she never spoke a word to me or even acknowledged my existance. Well it didn't stop me, and when my breasts started to develop soon after starting on oestrogen, things within Outskirts started to slowly change socially for me, and my circle of friends expanded into other groups without losing contact with my first group of friends, however by and large the groups were distinct from one and another. Well, one of the gradual things caused by hormones that happened to me ,was that I started to lose my shyness and my small talk started to improve, albeit very gradually. I suppose some would say that I was more self confident than was previously the case. There have been entries on UK Trans sites that reflect this phenomena, with full-time pre-op trans feeling and acting, quite different socially to part-timers. Whilst I think I can now see their point of view, I don't agree with it at all. So what do I think their point of view is? Ok, I think that they see their own first faltering attempts to express their true identity, and are embarrassed by the memory and want to forget it, also that they are trying so hard to pass off as females full-time in their life, that they perhaps think that unconvincing (as I was at first) cross-dressers get noticed by the population at large, as men dressed as women and cause disparaging remarks and comments, which then by association sticks to them ( getting tarred with the same brush), the population at large is uneducated and doesn't see or understand the difference between someone who might be part-time has no intention of becoming transgendered, and full-time Transgendering wanting to be accepted by the population as a woman. I suppose it's rather like not wanting to walk down the street next to an unconvincing drag queen, knowing that you're going to be sharing the remarks of the public....... Well, look at it from the unconvincing drag queens, transvestites or cross dressers point of view, they need to feel that they belong, have support and encouragement, and are not alone, it's a lot more likely that they'll look up to you, and eventually become who they want to be, and you know what?, the best part of it all is that you get a sense of pride having having helped someone to have lost their self inhibitions, and gain the self confidence to express themselves as they truly feel. Cheers, Eve x

As my SRS date draws ever closer I can't help but be nervous about the last of the hoops that I have to jump through. My biggest fear is that I'll miss some small detail and end up sitting in a Montreal doctor's office with them telling me, "sorry miss but you forgot to fill out form 6.x14 and that means you'll have to come back in two years after another two assessments." That's not going to happen. I won't let that happen. One of the added bonuses to this whole experience is that I've started to become responsible in taking control of my own life. Started - that's the key word, still a beginner. Yesterday was frustrating but rewarding. I had an appointment set for blood work, I recently read through some emails from the office in Montreal and they had said to get my tests done in June. Good thing I caught that! I brought my papers in yesterday to the lab but without a requisition I was unable to have the tests done. Luckily this was something that I could go to a walk in clinic to have done for me. There was even one down the road from the lab! I stumbled there through my fasting haze (no food for 10 hours) only to find that they weren't accepting any more patients that day. Curses. I gave up and grabbed food, but that wasn't going to stop me from getting the requisition that day, even if I had the tests done tomorrow! That was the first part of the day that was rewarding, actually. I went to a little donut shop nearby that I knew from long ago but frequented when I lived in the neighborhood. I must have gone often because the cashiers recognized me and asked me cheerily where I had been. After telling them I moved they proceeded to remind me that the bus stopped right outside their door and I should come more often. I don't take the bus, but that was adorable. So I grabbed my first coffee of the day at 2:30 in the afternoon (sweet nectar of life!) and headed to the next walk-in I knew of. This one was all the way across town but I figured it was the place to go. That was the walk-in that I first went to in bad female drag and demanded of the doctor who saw me to, "just give me the hormones!" Of course, he had no idea what to do but was so kind that he researched it there on the spot and gave me the number that eventually did lead to my diagnosis and prescription. Of course what I didn't realize was that as of the beginning of this month they are no longer a walk-in clinic except for Saturdays. Frakk! At this point it was about 3 pm and I was running out of time before I needed to meet my friends for dinner - friends who had just arrived in the country from Finland for their annual visit of Canada. Last resort, I went to a walk-in clinic at a mall under heavy renovations that I knew would be very busy. The receptionist told me it would be a 45 minute wait but she could call me when the doctor would see me. Bonus! I went shopping. At first I was just going to look without buying as my bank account has been a little dry as of late and my hormones are almost in need of refill but I remembered as I found a really cute dress that was just my size that I had a prepaid Visa that had been given to me as a gift. After spending some time in the change room debating between the cute dress and another dress that was very pretty but just didn't sit the same way on me but was much cheaper I finally just bit the bullet and bought the cute dress. I'm going to wear it dancing, it is the cutest! Now that I am a lot more used to showing off the miles of leg that I have my wardrobe options have increased exponentially and summer doesn't seem so intimidating anymore. The doctor's hadn't called yet but I went back there anyways. I sat in the waiting room and doodled in my notebook until they called for "Michael Sharkey". Embarrassed I got up hoping that no one was looking at me but deciding that I was proud of being trans I just strutted into the doctor's office. Once there the receptionist asked, "do you still go by Michael?" I found this even more surprising than them calling me that in the first place. I told her, "no, it's been legally changed to Mikah". She replied, "oh, okay - I'll change that in our system, we just want you to be comfortable." I was not expecting that to be so easy! The doctor was also pretty quick to clue in to what was going on. After seeing the list of tests he asked, "is this for SRS?" and has offered to have the tests sent to Montreal for me, apparently he used to work over there and is somewhat familiar with the whole transition process. Our meeting was brief, he had a lot else to do but after the incredibly long journey to get those papers I welcomed the change of pace. As I left I could hear him talking to his receptionist, "please set an appointment with her for 10 days from now". Female pronouns, I don't know if I will ever really get used to not having to correct people with that. I blasted back home and almost got changed into my new dress - I wish I had, but the trip home later in the evening was so cold that I'm a little glad I didn't. Rushed out the door to the restaurant and met my friends just 10 minutes late. It was so nice to see them and get caught up after a year! They have been some of my best friends since long before my transition and have been wonderful allies during the process. Drinks and dinner was a wonderful way to end an interesting day.

So I figured I'd stop in with yet another update, on two things. First off, the dog I were helping care for down the road (Weezie) is doing much better! Her owner/mother took her to an emergency veterinary clinic because she were still very worried about her. I were supposed to go with her but overslept and never got her messages, so I missed it. BUT, The vets decided to keep her overnight because of her age so they could examine her and run a few tests. They found that she were severely dehydrated, so she was put on an IV overnight, and much to her delight, spoonfed food. I were correct on the gas, afterall, and they found that she had a gastro-intestinal blockage. Given another week or so, she probably would have passed away. Also the severe shedding were simply because she is an older dog, and we did have a really hard winter, So this is what they refer to as a "hard shed" due to excess oils in her hair and its just a LOT more than normal. I'm pleased to report that she is doing MUCH better and is roaming around very happily, freshly groomed and bathed, her nails clipped and ears cleaned. She got very pampered and she loved it! She's now walking and roaming back to normal, and is fully able to get herself up and around without assistance. Also, It's wednesday!! Which means another youtube video It were certainly a bit longer than I had planned, but I were half awake this morning so it's sort of slapped together >.< Enjoy, and feel free to give me ideas and whatnot Lots of love and not much to report otherwise, Warren

Good afternoon everyone! I mentioned in a post last week that I had started using Christie at work, in addition to everywhere else in my life. This week, with the approval of the Dean and Associate Dean, I asked our IT Dept. to change my email address, which they did without question and quite quickly (within an hour of my request - and they NEVER do anything that fast). An email is being put together to send to the students I work directly with, and then another for the full school which won't mention me directly. But all of them are becoming rapidly moot as people see my name on the email address - a number of students have already started calling me Christie in email to me. I was getting a little anxious and hoping that they would finalize the emails quickly, but now I'm just accepting that word is spreading anyway, so the email can go when it goes. More important though is an email I rec'd from an outsider who was directed to me by one of our faculty members - I could see in the earlier emails between them that our faculty member referred to me as "she," and so when that person wrote to me I realized she is the first person to communicate with me who never knew me other than as Christie xoxo Christie

Today, I came across a moving and beautiful article by a reader of Lesbian Connection . . . "I am 64; I was born female and I have been Lesbian identified since I was 19 (soft butch). I was active in the Gay Rights and the Women's Rights movements. It is now 2015, and many things have changed." "I am weary of the ANTI-TRANSWOMEN words I keep reading here, and I'm having a hard time with some of the more caustic comments! I have not heard anybody say whether or not these women are actually transgender or transsexual; I am assuming transgender. If they are transgender, do they identify as Lesbian? Many do. I am also disappointed by women who insist on calling transwomen "men." I don't care what chromosomes they had at birth; I care about who they are. Are you still referring to Chaz Bono as 'she'?" "As Lesbians, we fought so hard for acceptance, and it is just inconceivable that we could be so unaccepting of another subculture whose journey is more difficult than many of ours. When I was younger, I was involved for nearly two years with a transgender woman (her physical and legal transition was complete when I met her). Because of this I had the enlightening opportunity to meet many other trans folks of both genders, and the chance to learn about and try to understand their world. I met many wonderful and sincere people, some of whom had suffered terrible abuse as transpersons. It does not matter what gender a person is born; if they do not identify with that gender, then life is a nightmare. I applaud those who have the strength and resources to make a very difficult change. Once they make it, they have every right to be seen as that gender, be it male to female, or female to male! I also happen to think that those in between have the right to be called whatever they feel identifies them." "I feel strongly that it is time to acknowledge that the world has changed considerably since the '70s. Lesbians have NOT been erased; we have been mainstreamed! Isn't that what most of us wanted - to be treated the same as Straight folks, with the same rights and opportunities?" "During my thirties, I pretty much lived in a Lesbian-dominated world, and I loved it. Then things started to change. I found myself with more Straight friends and working mostly with Straight people. Although I did not like the changes at first, I now realize I live in a much larger world. While I miss some things about the old days, I believe that living in this larger world is a good thing, and for my part, I am determined that it will be open to diversity, including transgender women. And I want to give my thumbs up to the readers who had the courage to give supportive comments about transwomen!" - Margaret P. Margaret P. writes a beautiful article about the importance of Lesbians to deal with their fear of losing their identity as they become mainstreamed rather than lashing out at another minority culture. Couldn't agree more!

It seems to me, that trans masculine representation is vastly lacking, in the media, in activism, in resources, and I am sure other areas. I guess what this rant is, is about one person. I used to follow a prominent trans woman feminist activist, but for my sanity, needed to distance myself. Since she gets a lot of media coverage, she's hard to avoid. As a whole, I don't really have a problem with her views, but there are things that piss me off. The main one is that she claims she's "one of the biggest trans activists" yet she fails to mention trans men for the most part. She'll quip that trans men receive little attention from time to time, but doesn't mention them in the media. Yesterday I asked her if she was going to mention trans men in a piece about poverty. Her reply was that an inter-sectional lens is space for trans women to discuss trans women issues. I'm sorry, but no. Trans men face poverty, housing issues, voice problems, discrimination, lack of dignity, harassment, violence, surgery, hormones, fear of using public bathrooms and many other issues as well. As an example, you know what trans men do not face - health issues such as prostate problems. The next point in my head was "facial feminization" but that negates pre-t trans men. By no means am I saying I believe this world provides equal treatment, and these issues are systematically to the same extreme for trans women, trans women of colour, trans men and trans men of colour. I am just saying that all trans people, have hurdles that need to be navigated and using the guise of an inter-sectional lens to silence trans masculine experiences is unacceptable. Especially for a trans activist. Just my opinion though. What are your thoughts?

I've had a few random thoughts in the past couple of days, so i thought I'd share them whilst my nails are drying. A lot has been said recently about making decisions about going full-time and starting HRT, all of it was perfectly sensible and also correct about giving a lot of thought before taking a step that is largely irreversible, i have reflected on my own experience and reasoning and realised that an important (to me anyway) factor had been omitted thus far. I found it increasingly difficult leading a double life, male part-time and female part-time. Male wardrobe and shoes and female wardrobe and shoes, ensure no-one can see both, in front of some people I had to be Femme and others male, what a difficult juggling act it became for me, so along with the deep thought and long held desire to be identified as Femme I also had little choice at the end..................maybe this will be controversial to some , but it was my experience. Cheers, Eve x

Hey guys, girls and uniques So someone asked me to update everyone on the new look for my gofundme account, and I'll include that below. Not much has happened really, not much to blog about anyway. Aside from my neighbor calling in tears because her elderly doberman-mutt dog, Wheezie, was told to be put down by an emergency Vet. The poor 13 yr old pup was laying on the floor in her own feces, whining and unable to stand, her hind legs stretched out towards her front awkwardly. My neighbor, who is like a mother to me, was reasonably very upset. So I got some home remedies (cats claw and tumeric) to bring down and help little Wheezie with the pain. I was able to get the old girl up onto her feet after feeling her stomach, and realizing she were very gassy. Almost like Colic. Only intending on getting her up and moving around to help with the pain, I were relieved that she were more than willing to relieve herself OUTSIDE. Thats why she was whining! The poor baby knows she's not allowed to make messes in the house, but she simply couldnt stand up to go out. So after some help and walking around, I were very impressed to see her start walking around without my assistance with holding up her waist with a towel wrapped around her. She moved better as time went on, and I came to the conclusion that her Vet....is an idiot. She's not dying, she has a hip problem, and cannot get up on her own. She's old. He judged her inability to live simply because her hair is falling out in clumps (duh, its spring. she's shedding!) and didnt even feel her hips or digestion to give her a proper exam. I grew up around animals from bears, hawks, deer, a dozen pet raccoons and even a pet skunk. Horses, cows, ducks, you name it! I'm not animal-stupid, that's for sure. And even a low-tech Vet Tech like me could tell this animal isnt ready to die. After giving her Cats Claw and Tumeric with dinner, I told my neighbor (Anne Marie) that I would be down later tonight with a dog halter/harness (like a vest) to help her outside to use the bathroom. I were extremely pleased and surprised, however, not only to find her laying on the blankets I had laid down for her---but she got up, on her own! No assistance needed, and she went down the stairs (though a bit wobbly) without my help. Drastic Improvement! Hoping for the best for the old girl! Warren http://www.gofundme.com/giveWarrenaHand <<<<<<<updated version