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Hey Jackson, I agree, dysphoria really does suck. Thank goodness we have TG Guide and its members to talk to and learn from. Come back often, interact with people here. Over time maybe (hopefully) your dysphoria will wane, if only a little. Let me make a couple of points for clarity: - I'm not saying that your being transgender will wane, only the negative feelings you may have. Here again, with time, experience, introspection and yes, perhaps therapy, you'll learn and become more comfortable in your own TG skin. - The "change" of dysphoria waning isn't black and white, or binary. It doesn't just go away. For me, at least, it was so gradual and subtle, and slow, I could hardly trust that it was happening. But indeed it did. I do feel much better in my skin. I'm beautiful in my own way. You are and we all are too. Hugs, Emma

Hello Alex, and welcome to TG Guide. Of course, please post and write. We would love to hear from you. Emma

Dear SteamBelle, Thank you for writing, you came to the right place. If it helps, I know these feelings all too well. Twice in the last year I've called both the Transgender Suicide Hotline (http://www.translifeline.org) and my therapist. You're right, they won't fix everything, but they do provide a safe place to vent out loud, which is a heck of wonderful benefit. I don't want to come off all preachy and know-it-all, I don't want to push you away. So I am not sure what to write. All I can say is keep trying, keep talking, keep getting to know and accept yourself. It's a long road and it's unfair how much it can suck at times. I've had these TG feelings and envies since I was maybe three or four, and carried the shame of it from about that same time when I realized how "wrong" it seemed to be. I lived a lie, hiding my feelings, terrified that they would come out, went through one marriage and almost a second. Lots of therapists and so forth, but even there my shame was so deep I had trouble sharing with them (man or woman, I've tried both) my deepest and truest feelings. The good news is that in the past two years I have, for the first time, completely come out to my therapist and later, to my wife. God, that was tough. The therapist is terrific - we connected and he's utterly supportive and considerate. My wife: also supportive, but also very conflicted about what I told her. Thankfully, she gave me the space to really dive in and explore myself, which I did, and which was hard enough in itself. I sit here today feeling a lot better in my skin, and thoughts of suicide do sometimes return, although fleetingly, as having carried such crap for so long it's like an automatic go-to thinking pattern. I just wanted to share with you that I, like most others here at TGG, have and are going through similar stuff. You're among friends and I hope you will take advantage of the wonderful people here, and most important, reach out to others. If you can afford it, find a therapist and talk it out. It's hard and takes a long time and investment to find the one that works for you, but you're worth it. Hugs, Emma