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?? I've never met up with anyone from any site, some of those who I know on Facebook I knew previously, however I have wanted to, but other things just seem to get in the way, I think it's called life ! but I should make more of an effort......... Cheers, Eve

*hugs* I can't really offer any advice, only you can decide what is truly best for you, but I'm so sorry life has been that hard for you, and I can offer friendship, thoughts, hugs, and support. Have you had the conversations with your wife? If so, how did they go? Nikki hid all this from me for 17 years of marriage, and while there was a shock and give me a period to sort out my feelings of a few days when I stumbled into it, I really surprised him and started learning and talking it out with him. It's why I came here, I was looking for an environment to learn what it all means and how to better meet his needs. Is it possible your wife would benefit? Or do you need her not to be here for your peace of mind? I won't pretend I am on board with every potential end result, I was really honest with Nikki that he needs to do what he needs to do for himself, or herself if his gender fluidity changes, but I can't follow into hrt/surgery territory because I don't function that way emotionally or sexually. It's not an ultimatum, and I'll always be part of his life, I'd never want to never see him or her again, but reality sucks sometimes and I can no more 'cure' my sexual and romantic orientations than Nikki can 'cure' who he is inside (and since we don't know each other yet I'd like to state for the record I use the male pronouns for Nikki because he indicated I do so at this point to me), but we are doing the research and making choices together. And I was very clear that he needs to make the best choices for him, even if they aren't what is best for me. Right now transition isn't something he actually wants to persue, and being included in both his self-discovery and the physical realitiies of crossdressing has meant all the world to me even when it was scary sometimes, and our marriage has fully engaged now that there are no secrets. And being able to actually talk to me and ask questions has changed Nikki's understanding of himself, not to please me, but in answering my questions he had to really explore what it all meant to him to explain it to me, and I inadvertently helped him figure out his needs and feelings better. Maybe talking to her honestly and knowing where it all stands will help you make your choices from a place of knowledge vs. fear of loss? Even if it's bad? What I do understand from my position as a cisgender spouse, which limits my personal understanding to the academics, is that this is going to intensify for you as you go. And this is JUST my personal opinion feeling, but understanding that, is it possibly better to face the potential end of the marriage sooner so that you have more time to build the new life that you need, vs. forcing yourself into a crisis point? And only you know your spouse, but perhaps they may surprise you? The emotional intimacy gains are huge, even though I freely admit I fear sometimes for our future. I'm working on that fear. Take all these thoughts with a grain of salt, I'm new at this and only have a limited working knowledge of others react in these situations, and I can only offer thoughts based on my academic learning and personal experiences with Nikki. However this goes for you, I wish you the best possible outcome and a life of joy and laughter.

We haven't been around long enough, and no one else has yet mentioned being in our area, but we would love the opportunity! I'm glad you had a great time!

Great to hear you are making progress

Veronica, I had no idea about your ancestry, how fabulous to have that extra wisdom passed on to you, added to your knowledge of the "western world" - for want of a better term. So, similar to my posting, very few people will have that extra knowledge, I guess the trick is to use it in a modern day setting, with modern language so that all the "ignorant" (I use the term ignorant without any malice) people out there can start to understand it? Karen, thanks for your comment, nice of you to say so, as you've probably guessed my post was an extension of thought from your recent posting & my earlier posts. We learn in small steps at a time, but we don't individually have to climb every step, others can climb some of the steps for us, I think this is called teamwork or collaboration or something similar........... Cheers both, Eve

This is by far one of the best entries I have read on this site, thank you for sharing and vindicating what I believe to be true.

Veronica, Where I was coming from was from well done specials, two in particular that followed (two in each) four people going from their born gender to their inner gender. Spouses were very supportive until either surgery or soon after surgery. Also from a series on Life time channel where two men were transitioning and their spouses left way before surgery. Don't get me wrong, I think it would be fantastic if the tables were turned and only a small percent left but seeing these specials and having discussion with people it surely seems the opposite.

Down another 9LB.