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Michele, much of what you wrote is very similar to my situation. I have avoided this issue for long time and lived reckless at times. Fate seem to intervene and put me on new path after accident at work. Now that I can see who I am, it seem like I am coming back stronger. There was many times I wish for death because how I look. I was very confused with men in general. Because I know I am not like them and they don't want to understand. I think it cruel of fate to attract things to me I can't have. I think it cruel to have to disclose this information to male or female because it borders on triggering aggression. I want to just get this done so I don't have to have anymore talks and I can leave this transgender title behind because to me it seem like nasty title. Especially when I read all the nasty things people say and have said to me over the years. It has strong effect on me. Thanks for the update.

Dear Michele, Wonderful post, thank you. Here's a quick excerpt that I agree with so much: "So the first step to being happy about the person you have become, is thinking about if everything is as you would have done it, or are you at least at a spot in life where you can be happy to continue." I think it's all too easy for us to get morbid, to think of alternatives that ease the feelings. The feelings run so deep, don't they? We are a loose community of like-minded people, and we are here for each other. You are a good and valued person, Michele. I feel fortunate to at least know you here on TG Guide. Sincerely, Emma