Leaderboard

To everyone that has commented on my post.... thank you. I am trying to get as much information as possible to help my child. She is very upset about starting to grow breasts. I got her KT tape and learned how to use it. My wife and her did the actual taping but I directed as I know the most about it. We are also going to get her a binder to see if she likes that in addition or instead. I am really trying to help my child and the pain is awful. Watching videos of a transgender man with a beard putting on trans tape having long sagging boobs is very disconcerting. It doesn't seem right at all. I see both of my daughter's friends in little dresses and hair and nails done and want that sooooo badly for my daughter. I do not want her to be in this world. Almost everyone who is transgender seems to have attempted suicide at least once or thinks about it very often. Some of you have even mentioned this in your posts. While I understand that you believe you are transgender, has this decision to live this way really made your lives better? If I am coming across as callous or unfeeling I don't mean to. I am asking serious questions.

Sorry, I have to add something here. "This world" is actually so much much better for trans people than it ever has been. The fact that shows like Megyn Kelly's and so many others are highlighting and celebrating our existence. Yes, there is prejudice, confusion, and lack of awareness. Those are things we can work on. I am 62 and well remember surreptitiously reading articles about Christine Jorgensen and others, growing up in extreme shame and secrecy, constantly aware of how I was being perceived and trying to adapt to be what didn't feel natural for me, often hating myself for my feelings that I simply couldn't suppress. I tried so hard, I really did. Perhaps you can elaborate on what this sentence means for you? And here's an issue from National Geographic that might help: GENDER REVOLUTION "Read the historic January 2017 Special Issue of National Geographic magazine on the shifting landscape of gender and download our discussion guide for teachers and parents" Just now I downloaded the Nat Geo discussion guide. Really, it's excellent. I suggest also sharing it with your child. She/he may find it very helpful in understanding themself and provide concepts and words that facilitate talking with you and professionals. It's that good.

Jeff, These words say a lot, I think. The first step in helping your child is to come to an understanding that to be transgender is real. Regardless of what therapists told me I needed to believe it myself. I did a heck of a lot of research to the point where it was undeniable to me. The next step is to try to determine if your child really is trans. Unfortunately there is no objective test. So what to do then? Listen to your daughter, take her to see qualified therapists and professionals. (Be careful, there are quacks out there too.) I know you are and I hope you'll continue to ask more. Through all this you'll gain a better understanding and thus confidence in helping your child. I'm not sure if this (below) will help but just in case, it's an email I received from my ex-wife a little over a year ago, a month after I drove away from the home we had shared. We were married for 20 years and divorced because we determined together that for me to become myself we had to be apart. We remain very close to this day, often on the phone together, and are making plans to get together this Thanksgiving at her place or mine. "Happy birthday my sweet __________, Wish I could be there to celebrate your day. And what a wonderful day it was 61 years ago when you arrived on this earth. This is your year to celebrate yourself and become who you really are. Be brave, be strong, be true, be honest in this journey. Remember that I will aIways love you. You are the finest person I have ever known and I thank God that you are in my life. Have the best day ever. Love, _______"

Jeff, please understand I attempt suicide cause I was under emotional distress and mostly no support from my family. I don’t have any friends so there is no support. You and your wife are helping your child. You are his support. Please understand when I refer your daughter as a boy cause it’s correct and he is a transgender. You can reach out to professional who are more qualified therapist. You can even do Video Chat and check if your insurance is accept by that therapist. There are qualified therapist who do sessions by video chat if you are unable to find one close to you or you want to be in safe environment. When I share my experience and said I attempted suicide is become I was lost, alone, and don’t have any support from family so my depression, anxiety, bipolar and every thought rushing through my mind was overwhelming. Now , I see my therapist every week, psychiatrist every month and my primary doctor for anything I need. These are my support system. If my family was supporting my decision and is there for me I would be happier I think. If my family don’t want to understand it or accept it but do still talk to me, show me love and I’m part of family function. I am fine with anyone don’t want to talk about my transgender transitioning process but all I want is to be accepted as a female, be treated as a female, and the respect and love. I would be less or even not depressed. I know I can’t make everyone understand what I’m going through or like me but I think if I give respect then I want respect back too. I won’t interact with anyone knowing they are against LGBTQ community or is a bigot person. If a person like me for me then cool. If they use the correct pronouns cool. So far in my transition I come to terms if nobody want to be part or associated with me I’m fine with that. I see like this..” I was put on this Earth to be happy not miserable”. I want to say you and your wife are an awesome parents.

Dear Jeff, No, you're not coming across as callous at all. All I hear is a very concerned and worried father trying to do his loving best for his child. I have several thoughts I'd like to share: 1. Helping your daughter bind her breasts. On the one hand that's so kind and thoughtful of you. On the other it reminds me of the boy sticking his finger in the dyke. The waters are going to rise, her puberty is going to continue. I dearly hope that in parallel with this you are working with a qualified gender therapist and considering puberty blocker. 2. "I do not want her to be in this world." Are you more worried about her not becoming and rejoicing in being a young woman? Or, are you worried about how society may treat her? 3. Suicide: yes, 41% of trans adults in the US have attempted it at least once. I have, 2-3 times. The last one (about 3 years ago as I recall) was very close. Why do we do this? Because we are so torn up inside, losing the fight against our gender dysphoria and feeling helpless in the battle to become our authentic selves. For teens it's even harder because they have no resources and are so desperate for their parents' love and support. Without that they are stuck, not knowing what to do. They also know lots about how teens are committing suicide. 4. "While I understand that you believe you are transgender, has this decision to live this way really made your lives better?" Yes, I am 100% better off than before. I have no doubt in my mind that I am living authentically as the real me. Do I wish I was born female? Of course, and it saddens me that I wasn't. But there's nothing I can do about that and my life is so much richer and happy than I've ever been before. I believe your question comes from an understandable lack of understanding. I'm sure you've heard that people whose internal sense of gender matches their birth sex are called cisgender or "cis," and those whose gender doesn't match are transgender or "trans." Clearly, you are a cis male: great! I'm happy for you, I really am. But because of that it's so hard to wrap your mind around what it is to be trans. It just seems odd, foreign, unreal. But real it is. I'll share a story about me. I am very binary in that I have no doubt that my gender is female. But the label "transgender" is an umbrella term that includes many other gender feelings including "non-binary." My therapist is non-binary and I have a couple of friends who are also. Now that is something I can't wrap my brain around! I don't get it. I believe that they experience it but no matter how hard I try I just don't understand what it feels like to be them. But I accept their reality to be as real and valid as mine. Perhaps these videos will help you, I hope. They are quite recent and show Megyn Kelly with parents and teens of the GenderCool Project: Five Transgender Teens On The GenderCool Project And How Important Support Is | Megyn Kelly TODAY Siblings Of Transgender Girl: It Profoundly Affected Me In Such A Positive Way | Megyn Kelly TODAY Hear The Inspiring Message One Transgender Girl And Her Parents Want To Share | Megyn Kelly TODAY GenderCool Project Founders On Myths Of Transgender Kids & Rollback Of Rights | Megyn Kelly TODAY Be well, and please, stay in touch. We only wish to help you and your child.