BA, I’m sorry to read this from you, I really am. I wonder if you’ve seen a psychiatrist and/or are taking meds. I am (Celexa and Wellbutrin). I literally couldn’t live without them.
Of course, if you don’t know why you’re so depressed I certainly can’t tell you. Sometimes it helps to just forget “chasing the whys” and accept that yes, at this moment, you’re feeling depressed. Note that there is a difference between feeling depressed and being depressed. The latter adds weight to the problem and the former acknowledges that the feeling while likely ebb and flow like most feelings.
So, what to do? One thing that I and others have found helpful is to consider what you would do if you didn’t have this issue, you free of the pain. Consider brainstorming with yourself, write down your ideas, and as time passes you’ll think of more. Write those down too.
Then consider what you can do now. Do it or at least get started. Hopefully that will reduce some of your stress and depression.