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Starting before puberty, I had this drive, this need, that I did not understand. Many times I would try on my mother's bra and panties (think she knew but these are things that were not talked about) and wish I could wear them all the time. When the Sears catalog arrived, I went directly to the women's "Foundation" section and not only wished I could wear them but had breasts to fill the bra and no penis or testicles so I would be smooth in the crotch. Before the internet, had no idea that I was trans. Many times when I was out of town, I would by women's underwear and wear it under my suit while conducting business. My first wife never knew and coming out would have been a quicker divorce than we had. Now I know what I am and know why I can't do anything about it. This will be my journey in this blog! -30-

I've had a love hate relationship with my penis. Sure it felt good while masterbating or having intercourse, but it always was the cause of problems. Relationships to me were always penis centric and the women came (no pun) last. Then when I was in my middle 60s I discovered male chastity devices. I was able to lock my penis up and this gave me a great sense of relief. And, I was able to come out to a friend who is a lesbian and understood exactly what I was feeling. By this time, my second wife and I were not having relations and slept in separate bedrooms. Then, I was operated on for prostate cancer and later had radiation treatments for the remaining cancer. The outcome was my penis is now just 2 inches long and I cannot ejaculate, which is a blessing. I can push both my penis and testacles into me and with tight underwear, have that smooth area between my legs that I always wanted. Part of my dream is to have a Orchiectomy leaving me with just a tiny penis. -30-