Bonnie

Do not give up what you have until you are absolutely sure you are bettering your present situation. Date but stay living separately. I am sure you can have sleepovers at each others places. That way you will get to know whether or not you can deal with the other persons idiosyncrasies. I can't see the pet thing being worked around so make sure that is in your Profile if you are using a dating site. I am not looking for a partner nor am I a so called moral person. I am looking for sex and am having a lot of fun. A few of my men have been long term and the others are occasional. One man did ask me if we could be exclusive and I said no and why. He accepted my reasons and comes to see me at least once a week. It is working well for me. I am going out more often now because I found a club where I could meet other transwomen so my translife is expanding even at my age. I am being complimented by men, women and other transwomen for my appearance and my openness. My sexual needs are being met and my social needs are also being met. If by some chance I do meet the man for me then so be it but I am not looking for him nor do I actually think I will meet him. I am living one day at a time. I have two other outlets that keep me going too. I play a lot of hockey, as a guy, and afterwards there is beer and food so I am having a social life. I did come out to about 8 players of one group I play with so we do talk about it at times but not often. The other outlet is a cyber world called Second Life (SL). I go there most evenings and I started out as a pre-op transwoman but am now a woman for all intents and purposes. I live a very happy life there and especially since I bought a better computer over a year ago. It is a great place for those who live alone and can't get out much and you can create a beautiful young looking avatar. Because of my lack of finances because I was married before I have worked as a stripper for most of my time in SL. The money I made, in their currency, allowed me to buy clothes and a rent a place to live. I am now a DJ at the club I was a stripper at. Drama still occurs there because people are still people. I state all this just to tell you how I have been coping with living alone. It is not for most but maybe you can find something I do or think helpful. Bonnie PS When I say I am not a moral person it is because many of the men are married. To me that is not my issue it is the men's. I did not go looking for them they found me.

The only thing I can see Gold Star status means is beauty on the outside and everyone is envious of it no matter your gender. However, what is most important is how one feels on the inside and how one treats those around them. Yes, I am envious of those gorgeous transsexuals and I had an opportunity to observe some of them for an evening not too long ago. I was at a club and was the only "crossdresser" there amongst quite a few TS sex workers and many men. One man came to sit with me and we talked. He wondered why I wasn't going around talking to the men and I said that if anyone wanted to talk to me they were free to come over I won't bite. He laughed. He told me that the last time he was at the club he had lightly touched one of the T-Girls on the shoulder and she got quite upset. He said because the music was loud he had just wanted to say something to her and didn't mean anything by the touch. I said I am not bothered by people touching me and everything is all about the intentions and where one is. I then turned to see one of the girls lifting up her t-shirt to show off your beautiful breasts and commented that it would be expensive for anyone to touch them. It was all about money. Not the way I would like to live. The guy who was talking to me flirted with me throughout the evening and we both were having a nice time so I took him back with me to my room. My point being, I most likely had a better time that evening than any of those Gold Star girls and I am sure the guy did too because of how I treated him. It doesn't matter where on the cube or spectrum or whatever you want to call it you are it is about how you feel and what are your circumstances and a lot of factors. Do what you can to be happy at that particular time and don't lament too much on what others have or what you don't have. Bonnie

I have always questioned the gender of God. She makes more sense but then hermaphodite makes even more sense. Something to think about. Pacifism is an ideal that is good but not practical. I will do whatever I can to resolve disputes without aggression but there comes a point when you must fight to defend yourself and those you care for. "The Magic"; "The Force"; "The Universe"; etc., yes, there is something out there that we can draw from. That is where prayer or whatever you want to call it has some effect and in large numbers it has even more of an effect, thus the creation of religions. Bonnie