KarenM

Hi everyone!

I am a 49 year old Transsexual Woman transitioning later in life. I decided that it was not the right thing to do to abandon my children and wife. I chose to marry as a man denying myself existence, and I chose to father children. I could not walk away on that responsibility. I went home and became Daddy and husband for 30 years.

Yes I tried unsuccessfully to suppress Karen for years and I came back every time with a vengeance. Each time feeling worse that I kept waiting and putting off the inevitable. I needed to be me. Several times I began to transition and felt guilty and went back. Now my children are older, have moved out and lead productive happy lives. My wife supports me 100% and continues to love and care for me. So I am not looking for dating or anything like that just friendships, companionship, compassion, caring and sharing.

First some required house keeping:

NO REAL PHOTO AND/OR NO DETAILED BIO NO FRIENDSHIP!

I have a VERY DETAILED profile. I am not afraid to provide information nor will I hide. If your profile is bare and lacking useful information about you and missing a REAL profile picture of you I will NOT accept a friend request period.

I want to know something real and exciting about you, I want to know if you are transsexual, gay, lesbian or other. This is called SOCIAL MEDIA so PLEASE be social and give as much information about you as possible.

I do not prejudge anyone! I love and respect everyone until they give me a reason not too. Sending game items and apps or offers of sex or any other related activity knowing I am HAPPILY married will quickly get you un-friended. I am willing to help others as well as learn from others. We are all on a journey so lets make it a fun one!

OK, now that I have gotten that out of the way I have had some questions recently so I thought I should update my BIO again...

I am currently 49. I am currently a Male to Female transsexual and plan for surgery in 18 months to become a complete WOMAN and will no longer be TRANS anything. But I will NOT turn my back on my sisters and brothers coming up behind me. I plan to be a better advocate and fighter for our rights. I have already begun that journey by joining our Church Social Justice team.

I have known since about the age of 4 and began dressing in womens clothes to be NORMAL around age 6. I was wearing my niece's clothes because we are about the same age.

During my early school years I could not make friends with the boys because they knew I was different. The girls didn't like me either because I was different so I never really had many friends growing up.

I was constantly bullied and remember running home every day from school to avoid being beaten up again. I hated school and could never learn there because I was always looking over my shoulder. I knew those boys from the high school would be out before me and waiting outside when I was let out. They would stand outside on the playground in plain site just outside my classroom so I could see them. I had a terrifying childhood. I could not tell my father because HE would beat me, I could not tell my mother because she would scold me and say I must have done something to provoke it. Be a man and stand on your own two feet. That was exactly the problem! I WAS NOT A MAN! I WAS A WOMAN!!!!

By age 12 I had a complete womans wardrobe collected from the laundry basket or my nieces drawers one piece at a time over the years. I wore them proudly when I was home alone which was a lot of the time. I felt so peaceful and right. I knew it was true! I AM A WOMAN!

At age 13 I met my wife to be, fell in love and thought but this cannot be right! I must have something wrong with me! How can I be a woman and love another woman?? My parents HATE gays and lesbians so I could not be! I thought maybe I made a mistake, maybe if I was more like the person my parents wanted I could get their love and be a welcome member. NOT. Even after changing my ways and courting my future wife my parents still resented their queer son.

I had purged MOST of the clothing and began courting my future wife. But I could NOT keep my womanhood hidden away. I had to dress once in awhile to feel NORMAL and never told my girlfriend. We were not sexually active for several years so she never knew I was wearing women's under clothes and stockings. When we became active I purged AGAIN and tried to be a MAN for her. I was successful for a little while. We married at age 19 and started a family.

Secretly I began collecting clothes again from catalog stores like JC Penny and Sears. We had 4 children together and all the while she never knew I was so much wanting to be the woman I knew I was supposed to be. But I made a promise to god and to her to keep her forever so I struggled to be the MAN, But by age 27 couldn't take it anymore and told her. We were so in love it upset her but all she said then and continues to say to me today is 'I just want YOU to be happy". She said that because I NEVER was truly happy. Today she sees the pain of living this way is gone from my eyes and replaced with a sparkle for life again, a smile on my face that never ceases and a love that we can share like no other.

I tried to leave to transition the first time shortly after telling her at age 27. We had agreed we would divorce when it was clear I wouldn't be coming back as HIM and could no longer be seen by the 4 children. I lasted about 3 months, each week when I called home to talk to the children my youngest would ALWAYS ask, "When are you coming home daddy?". That hurt my heart so bad. I could not take that pain and emptiness and PURGED again and went back home to raise my family. I tried several more times over the years to leave and become the REAL me but circumstances and life had other plans for me.

At age 49 with all of our children grown and living happy productive lives I decided NOW was the right time. I began hormone treatments and therapy and began my transition September 2009. My wife found out about 4 months later after the breast started to get a little tender and larger. I had to tell her it was time. Again we agreed I would move out as soon as financially I was able.

My wife was raised Christian Methodist and did not believe in two women being married. That has since changed after finding a Church that preaches the RIGHT message of un-relenting love and forgiveness for ALL people through Christ! No where in the bible does the word homosexual exist prior to its translation! MAN put that word in there NOT GOD! Nowhere in the bible does it say we are condemned! In fact it is the very opposite! It says we are loved and it is the persecuted and lovers of ALL mankind through Christ that shall inherit the earth!

Believe me I am not nor have I even been a Bible thumping Christian. I attended Church because of my wife. I did NOT believe in what I was being taught and I would not accept that I was doomed to condemnation! I DID believe in God but I did not understand how a God that teaches Love could hate me. Something was wrong. But I went along for years praying I would get an answer. I did when I discovered United Church of Christ. They are an open and AFFIRMING Church who accepts every one of Gods children. The love and appreciation I receive when attending Church and fellowship hour is incredible!

But life was not immediately grand when I told my wife at age 49 it was time for me to become myself and that I paid my dues, raised our children and did the best I could for them. She agreed wholly and said she would support me but initially would not consider our living in the same household and would not be married when I did transition.

My youngest child (my daughter) and I began riding bikes together for fun and exercise. We have ridden for several years and were reasonably close. She knew what was going to happen. My wife told her I was becoming Karen for good now. While riding one day I told her EVERYTHING from the time I was very young until that very day all about my life, my experiences and why this was right for me.

She said NOW I UNDERSTAND and offered her full support to me. She told me she would even come to visit me in my new place and go shopping with me! YEA! But today we go shopping together for shoes, clothes and share sale fliers and emails! Now we are talking about an outlet mall shopping spree for Coach purses! LOL My daughter is amazing just like her mother!

She and I became VERY close and it was SHE that told my wife, "Mom, please keep an open mind about this." "it's really like you and dad grew old and wrinkly on the OUTSIDE but the person you each love is STILL on the INSIDE!" She even coined a new name for me with her brothers help. I am called Damom which is short for Dad and Mom. LOL. As they say, out of the mouths of babes...

That was a turning point for my wife and I. Now WE are closer than we have EVER been and moving out on my own is no longer on the table. She had also initially after learning of my daughters acceptance said she will stay WITH me, move with me, live with me and MIGHT even stay married to me but marriage remained to be seen. Well today I can happily say that after finding the right Church and having the right messages taught my wife and I plan to remain married as two women!

Oh I love my daughter so much! My wife and I spend so much time together now we hate being separated, rush home from work to see one another and text love notes back and forth all day! Life is so GRAND!

I try to rush home BEFORE she does so that I can prepare dinner, clean up the house and just wait for her to walk in the door! I have written her poems and left little notes all around the house and we have pretty much become lovers and best friends all over again! NO, not as man and woman loves but as woman and woman! Winky does not work anymore and she doesn't really care!!! We just hug, hold, caress, kiss and it is HEAVEN!

I love to travel with my wife, enjoy swimming and bicycling. We spend every possible moment together happily in love even more than like we first met 38 years ago. We enjoy going out on the weekends and plan to cruise and other travel in the near future. Right now its the SRS and lots of other surgery taking care of that limited income. LOL.

*Recent update*: 12-25-2010 ALL of my children have been told Karen is home forever now and are TOTALLY accepting! My last child (my oldest) was told just before Christmas. My fear was then that if he told his wife who knew nothing about my past because my son never told her would not allow me to see the grand children again. My son told his wife Christmas eve. I was dressed more androgynous and more male appearing for their Christmas visit although it is diffcult to hide the obvious female features now. His wife came to me in my room on Christmas day and said Jason and I talked last night and I would NEVER keep the children from you! I love you for who you are and I think it is terrible that you have had to hide all of these years! She then took my hand and said come and sit with the family you should not be sitting in your room by yourself on Christmas! The next day I got myslef back in Karen mode and introduced then all to the REAL Karen. My Grand Daughter looked at me puzzled for a few moments and then said my name is Shelby, whats your name? Her mother yelled from the Kitchen That is your grand mom Karen! I was SO excited! I confirmed what her mother said to her and said to her for the first time that I am your grand mom Karen. My entire year has been one amazing journey!

*Update end:*

I am a licensed Commercial Pilot but that is not my chosen career path. I am more of an computer IT person. I love working on computers and computer networks and have two minor certifications due mainly to the lack of income.

I am learning to relax, have fun and to enjoy others company. I have made so many new friends and have learned to love life again. It is incredible. Recently we have Kayaked on a local river fed by beautiful clear fresh water springs and it was AMAZING! So I may have a NEW past time!

The rowing does absolute WONDERS for tightening up the breast area! I am anxious to get out there again! ;-)

I am NOT looking for any relationship other than with my wife, I am NOT interested in online games or causes, growing farms or chatting so please do not ask to friend me if that is what I can expect from you. I am frequeently on face book so if you wish to REALLT get to know me that is where to reach me the easiest and most often.

I am a relatively easy going person and love everyone and willing to friend anyone who will treat me with respect and who can follow these few simple requests.

I will answer questions if I am able and offer my support to anyone who needs it.

Love, Hugs

Karen