MsBeth

Heya Girly, Things are going well it would seem … I share those thoughts, of the future and that life is somehow much more exciting, more precious. It isn’t the same for us all but surgery indeed was a flick of the preverbal switch for me, a surge in confidence thinking less and less about my origins. My old pictures barely look like “he” could be my brother … I do still feel like I see the “man” face staring back at me some days however it effects much less, we all have our ugly days, part of being a woman Beth

Oh Caroline, I'd have thought the same thing, "they only call when there is a problem". Well I'm happy for you that everythings fine ... just the estrogen adjustment period. Beth

Well my pre-surgery consult is tomorrow, I'm excited. Also, it's kinda cool I found out that my legal name change went through, I was tired waiting and called to check on the status today. The very nice lady told me that my certificate was mailed to me last week and should arrive any day now. So now I can get my name changed on my Driver’s license, my endocrinologist has already written my letter for the gender marker to be changed on my D.L. at the same time. It’s close enough to my surgery that I can wait to change my name on my Health Card and Birth Certificate so that with my legal name change certificate and my (post-op) letter to confirm GRS, I can get the gender markers changed on those too. These things have all been up in the air. I started on my name change 6months ago when I started having trouble with my I.D. During a routine stop, the cop suggested that I update my license photo, it had been 2yrs before even therapy that it had been updated, lol, I looked quite different indeed. Back to the point, I decided it was time to change my name legally. So it’s like a feeling of many thing coming to a close … finally. Kinda like Domino effect, one piece causes many to move.

I should be working but can’t seem to focus, my mind is elsewhere. There’s some 70 + sleeps left till’ my GRS. I can think of nothing else this morning. I wonder to myself; Will my new vagina look nice?(lil' vain I know), I’ve seen many turn out very natural looking n’ pretty while others not so much … will mine work properly n’ orgasms be achievable?, I’ve read several accounts were much of the sensation was lost by 6months post-op (that’s a bit scary) … I am happily married to a woman so is depth even important to me?, I think I’d at least like to be average compared to other transwomen. I hope surgery goes well, as with any surgery there’s always a possibility of complications. My Doctor has an astounding reputation so I pray it’s a good day for him. My surgery is on a Tuesday so that’s good (no one wants a ride built on a Friday, lol, sorry, I sometimes make jokes when I’m nervous ). I knew as a lil’ child that one day I’d grow up to be a woman, as an adolescent I came to believe it to be impossible. I read about "Caroline Cossey - bond girl" in my 20s and discovered that there were others like me. Thanks to the internet I found there were many girls like me ... now I can’t believe my surgery’s so close. It’s not that I think surgery will be the determining factor that officially makes me a woman, I’m a woman now, I just don’t want a penis.