jacquelinekitten

I honestly never know what to write on here. About me, hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Well I am going to be 40 years old this July and I am still trying to figure out where I fit in within this world. I guess I am caught somewhere between being considered a crossdresser and a true trangendered. If I were a true tg I know I would not let the obsticles I face stand in my way of becomming whom I have always felt I am. But, I do. I'll start my story and hopefully finish it, but if I don't for sure I'll add onto it at a later date.

I have always known I was different. Growing up I also wanted to be a girl. I would play house with my sister, play with her dolls, it all seemed so natural. Then my father found out, as did my older brothers and things changed. I stopped doing anything girly until I was well into my teens. When ever I had time alone I would raid my mother's and sister's closets. I loved dressing as a female and while there was a sexual thrill, I just felt calmer and more at peace with myself while dressed in traditional female attire.

I went to college and trying to fit in i date girls. I enjoyed them, but I was always torn sexually. I was attracted to them for their beauty and grace and how they carried themselves. I loved their smells and movements and styles. My problem was that when I was with a girl, and especially when sex entered the picture, I was so confused, I could never decide if I wanted to make love to them or actually be them.

For some reason I married. I guess it goes with the thought that I just wanted to fit in. I was never femmy acting in my "normal" life but I also was not the most masculine of the group by any means. I knew people had thoughts about my sexuality. I should have just did my own thing, but being young and still very confused, I married thinking that my feelings would go away.

Well they never did. In fact they grew. My wife developed medical problems. The stress and hardships that came with that, along with the stress from surpressing my true feelings finally were too much to over come and I started dressing whenever I had free time. My wife has always worked (thank heavens) and I have had periods where I was laid off. During those times I would increase my waredrobe and dress all the time around the house.

With the invent and popularity of the internet I started to find that there were many others like me. I discovered my feelings, thoughts and ideas were not freakish. Dressing alone soon became tiring. I finally realized that I was dressing and being female and I wanted to share that with someone. I started chatting with men and was surprised to find that some of them (ok a lot of them) liked "gurls" and actually found me attractive. It took many times to get my courage up, but I finally stepped out and went and met one gent. From there it was non-stop for awhile. It was like being a teenager all over again. I leanred so much about myself.

I will add to this and modify it in the future, thank you for reading and hope we can chat sometime.