pinkkoala

I am a customer service representative and have been for the last 4 years. I am very good at my job.

I am friendly. I am kind and considerate. I am not as loving and nurturing as I would like, but this is improving.

I have suffered from gender dystopia for over 12 years. I have never been able to afford to do much about it. I have reached a point in my finances where addressing this is becoming a possibility, although actual SRS could still be quite a long ways off.

In some ways I am new to the transition thing and in some ways I have been at it a long time. I have never full timed and do not intend on doing so soon. The shock at work would be crazy, though maybe if I changed departments it could work. I would like to, but then again.

I am still stuck. I have dark moments when I consider doing crazy and stupid things to rid myself of the male part of me. In fact, a dark mood of this type led me back to the site today. Just reading and typing really got my mind off myself. Or maybe on myself?

My current plan includes crossdressing three quarters of the time. What I mean by this is neutral to slightly fem at work and completely fem at home. I actually get a lot of voice practice at work and can often pull it off effortlessly and flawlessly, but I am horrible in face to face conversation. I am planning on actual counseling soon.

As for hormones, I've probably been doing something fairly worthless as far as actual development, but it makes me feel better. Herbals. Yes I know they don't work. But wether it's the placebo or the vitamins I take with them or just me, I feel better on them. I believe a therapist is only going to proscribe hormones if I convince him I am full time.