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KarenPayne

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  1. KarenPayne
    "True Trans Laura Jane Grace"

    http://on.aol.com/show/true-trans-518250660.288/518451031

    I found this woman’s story well worth sharing. Below are some pieces I thought say volumes without explanation for this audience.  Laura Jane Grace has a large fan base in regards to her music.

    Amazing, simply amazing stories told here. I was so touched by these stories, my emotions overwhelmed me.

    Misalignment, Struggles, Turns into shame. Parents would disown me, Try to lock me away, Turn to alcohol and drugs, Devastating, there are others who feel this way?, Depressed, Hated life, Suicide, Disassociate, Punk rock, smashing gender roles, No internet, no Google, no resources, information is key, did not talk to therapist in sessions for two months, 41 percent of trans attempt suicide, push it away, not want to be me, push it down…avoid it, nothing is more important than be comfortable in your own skin, someone save me, my soul is lost, hard to get across to people who have no clue what trans is, alone, “it’s like someone was holding my head underwater, transitioning was my head popping up out of the water”, my therapist saved my life, there is no road map, you have to do your own pace, genitals make you who you are ‘bullshit’, trans-women give up privilege, trans-man gain privilege, lots has changed in the past two years, we need to educate people, there is only a seven percent chance a spouse will stay,


     


     
  2. KarenPayne
    Several entries back I wrote about helping a male to female, surgery went wrong and ended up being hospitalized for many weeks because of rectovaginal fistula. Last week I saw her, she had a colostomy bag and indicated they would revisit what can be done in February.
    This week she said there is a possibility of using a colostomy bag either internal or external for the rest of her life.
    I can't even begin to imagine having the wear a colostomy bag forever because of a botched surgery.
    My advice for anyone having surgery not out of pocket is to research the surgeons carefully. Her surgeon did 12 assist and four solo, Personally that is not enough for me to undergo the knife and you should think about this too.
    How often?
    The main risk of SRS is rectal wall tear resulting in rectovaginal fistula, which is estimated to occur in 1 of 400 vaginoplasties. Taken from  
     
  3. KarenPayne
    I had several free hosting of web sites on Comcast for many years that worked great but two weeks ago was told someone could not access the site. So I contacted their customer support via phone and got nowhere. Called again, no luck, visited the local office, no luck. Went to their forums and posted a question, how can I get to my files as some were not backed up locally.
    A member contacted me who seems to know a great deal about this and said you may be out of luck but said to try another member which I did. The other member got me in contact with a level 1 tech (they are nearly impossible to get a hold of and she sent me an email indicting to link in links provided and download the files.
    My point in writing this here is sometimes one needs to not give up even when a call to customer services tells you that those file servers are long gone. This is not the first time I had to keep going and persist with issue with Comcast but 99 percent of the time this is not the case.
     
    NOTE it is going to take time for me to edit blog post I have here that had pictures from the Comcast site to make them display again but will be doing so once I have a new host.
    TESTING: The image below was posted to Microsoft OneDrive then embedded here.
     
     

  4. KarenPayne
    Since my mother and brother who live 3,500 miles from me have not seen Karen I went and got some photos done. Before are a few of the photos. For my mother and brother (both live in the same house) I had three pictures framed together.
    I elected to have the pictures taken with zero makeup so any and all flaws do show up and that is how I like it, natural.



  5. KarenPayne
    I was just reading Christie's recent blog post which brings me to the following (it was a jog to my short term memory).
    My girl friend was watching the season finally of Survivor while I was napping on my recliner. I woke up, she looks at me and says "even with you sitting there with no makeup (she is use to me with mascara as I don't wear makeup) and in pajamas I can't begin to imagine you as a dude and I have known you since 2007." I turn to her, give her a thumbs up and smile. She says No, there is no way you were ever a dude even when I dated you.
    She had told me about a year ago that one night when we were sleeping together that she had to go sleep on the couch because sleeping with me was felt like she was sleeping with a female and she is not a lesbian or bi-sexual. She only told me this as a Revelation after learning I was trans.
    On another note (really to small for another blog entry) I have been receiving text messages from a female whom I have known for 20 years the past two days and can see that she is indeed into me which is great because I was hoping we could hook up. I am a proud lesbian but also seem recently been curious only about sex with a male, no relationship with men, only interested in a relationship with females.
    Okay off to dilate
        
  6. KarenPayne
    For years I wondered why do I need approval from two therapist for gender reassignment surgery and at times really aggravated me to no end but once I started it all became clear. You see, feeling trapped in the wrong physical body can taunt and consume a person to various states of mind that can lead to a dark place thus never seeing the reasoning behind the "why" behind the requirement for therapy coupled with living in the opposite gender for at least one year.
    Here is the deal, feeling trapped in the wrong physical body there can be relief by wearing clothing of the opposite gender but that is usually hindered as many don't have a safe haven to wear clothing for an extended period of time and eventually as one grows older the feelings of being in the wrong physical body become more intense and can destroy marriages and cause one to become secluded to the point they are alone and now in their free time can become the female they should be to a limited degree by dressing in the role of a female for longer periods.
    The danger here is we think that by setting an appointment for reassignment surgery with an informed consent is all one should need. There lays the problem, it's a completely different world living as a female 24/7 in each and every aspect of your life. It quickly becomes real when you are paying for something in a store and need to use your credit card that says John Smith when you are dressed female. You might get lucky as I did, sales lady looks at the name on my credit card and says, John Smith is your husband? I will need to see your identification. Me, no that is my name, sales lady, your parents have a strange way of naming their daughter. But not everyone will be fortunate for this to happen. Next up (which should had been firsts).
    The female voice, a dead give away if not practiced. You are paying for groceries at the store, cashier engages you in conversation and although nobody would every guess that you were not female because you have taken the time to dress properly, age appropriate clothing and not to much makeup you say something and out slips the male voice, oooops, you get the idea.
    In the real live experience you are under pressure either all the time or some of the time and for many will truly challenge their original thoughts of transitioning. Geez, can I really pull this off? What I mean is, once you have a vagina and breast it's a completely new world and you have no choice but to either blend in as part of the scenery, become part of the scenery or become ostracized for being a freak and with that comes depression, self-doubt or more leading to dark places OR you rise to the task of merging your inner female self with a new physical self from the affects of hormones.
    Trust me when I say, you have no idea, no clue what one year of living in the opposite gender is like until you have been doing it for say three months and then look back 12 months later and can't hardly remember what it was like as a male and if you can more likely than not remember it differently how the full time female experience would be.
    I challenge those taking this journey to write down their thoughts before starting HRT and therapy then say 10 months down the road read what you wrote and see how you think about the journey now. If comfortable, keep a daily journal of your ups and downs, like anybody living we have ups and downs and in the 12 month role they are magnified. When seeing a therapist there are gaps of time between visits and having these notes can help you engage with the therapist.
    BOTTOM LINE: The real life experience as I see it now is that it's good for you while looking back I thought "what the heck".   
    Hopefully those traveling down the road for gender reassignment surgery will be fortunate to have a good support system in place to assist them with the 12 month real life test and it will go better this way. Personally I had (and still have) a wonderful female friend who not only supported me but traveled to California to be with me for GRS and then with breast augmentation was there for me too in my home taking care of me. You can not do this on your own, I repeat, you can not do this on your own so get use to the fact you will need a good support system which should be done before starting your journey, find out who are really friends and who are not and don't be surprised that many may be repulsed at the thought of you wanting to be female. 
    EDIT
    I was just scanning over the following page and saw that some people are asked to wait up to two years before being given HRT, that is outrageous. I think that HRT and real life test should be allowed together. 
  7. KarenPayne
    Every once in a while I get tired around lunch time at work and luck that I park my car in the underground garage in my building. So I went down to take a nap and as I am falling asleep I am thinking it's been four months since gender reassignment surgery and started going back in time thinking, self-evaluating how life has been treating me. My conclusion was that there is nothing negative at all about me changing gender and little to no complaints in other aspects of my life.
    I believe one reason for me taking this journey back to January is because I made a commitment to my therapist that I would continue seeing her at least until my surgery anniversary date. This Friday will be my second visit with her since surgery, the first was right after returning home. Besides informing her that all is well I am going to indicate that I want to wait six months until another visit simply because how life is rolling along nicely now. I know full well that I can contact her in between visits so I always can reach out if for some odd reason things change.
    Knowing what I know it's important no matter how well life is going to have a life line to a therapist as life can take a down turn in a blink of an eye and wanted to stress this to others as we all deal with what life tosses us differently. What you thought was truth before hormone treatment therapy will be different say 12 to 24 months later. Heck this weekend I cried my eye's out while watching a movie, heck before hormones I will not had any emotional response at all. For someone else this could very well throw them into a depressive state of mind which may be difficult to pull out of so please keep a life line open to a therapist along your journey.  
    Lastly, keep in mind you are not alone, when there are feelings (dark feelings) of depression do not hold it within, find someone who will listen and by all means vent your feelings here in a blog entry. And don't watch depressing things on television and avoid drugs and drinking, they are temporary solutions that only cause less than great emotional and mental well-being. 
  8. KarenPayne
    Background, I was fortunate to have a lot of support with my transition, friends and acquaintance where there for me. As many here know not everyone is lucky enough to have support before and after gender reassignment surgery and believe that if possible nobody should go through this alone.
    With that said, this week cumulates several months of assisting a male to female person to their surgery this Thursday. When I first started off with them they had a good deal of dysphoria and not happy about going through the past few months and surgery itself by themselves. They would stay home a lot which I felt was not good for their mental health and got her to get out and do things. Over the past few weeks purchased needed items for them needed for post-op life the week after returning home e.g. K-Y products and many misc. items that some people don't think about or might be told they will need (Marci Bowers was my surgeon and had pretty much everything laid out for what I would need in detail).
    So at 4:30 AM on Thursday I am driving her up from Salem Oregon to Portland Oregon for surgery which is estimated to be roughly four hours and be there for her afterwards along with stopping by on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
    During preparations for her surgery I also had her prepare for aftercare once leaving the hospital which lead to her talking to the few friends she has to bring her meals and check up on her from time to time (I will be checking in on her often as I work ten minutes away).
    This will be my third time assisting someone and know that it makes a difference when I walk into their room to find them without anyone to be with them their eyes light up when I walk in the room.
  9. KarenPayne
    My suspicions prior to my acquaintance undergoing the knife were right on point which I will get into here.
    We headed off to the hospital at 4:30 AM, arrived at 5:30 AM, admitted and shortly afterwards she was taken back for pre-surgery. About one hour later she was off to the OP, they had given her a sedative already (I was not given one at this point). There is a leaderboard that updates through the stages e.g. prep, in room, closing, out of OR. 
    She told me ahead of time the surgery was scheduled for 4-5 hours, I said it's more likely to be seven or eight hours. Well they told her right before going in, 8 to 10 hours and her friends who came to support her thought 5 hours and were not really prepared for that.
    She went into the OR at 7 AM, came out at just before 7 PM, surgeon talked to us and said there were complications but would not tell us which I can understand but surmise a few things.
    After the surgeon talked to us he picked up his backpack and seemed to be heading out, I was surprised that he was not staying to check up on her.
    I had some reservations about the surgeon as he only had done six of these surgeries before, told her this but she was head strong about pushing forward. One of the issues is she is on social security, lives on just over one thousand dollars a month. I can understand this but if it were me would be concerned that the surgeon did not have more than six surgeries prior.
    I am sure the complication reasons will be told today, one thought is they had issues with blood supply (long story), another a skin graph was needed and couple this with his original estimate which extended past 8 hours.
       
  10. KarenPayne
    The following is scary to say the least. 
    Ten days ago I was there for a male to female having reassignment surgery. The surgery lasted too long in my opinion and that the reason was the surgeon caused a rectovaginal fistula. A friend of hers was told (but not me) that she had gas coming out the vagina on Friday and the friend got her to call the hospital who said they would get back to her but never did.  I did not hear about this until this morning, she text’ d me and said she was concerned. I went over and got her to take pictures and send them to the surgeon. Now this is 10 AM this morning, he said to come in a 5 PM. seriously, this is one bad thing after another.

    I learned that while she was in the hospital the care provided was unprofessional from assisting her keeping clean (they would not clean her breast or bottom) to providing sedatives for pain (I had sedatives pushed into me non-stop). Just the other day I learned that OSU, the hospital here in Oregon had a bad reputation for how transgender people were treated and that they were in a transition period to overcome the bad reputation.

    Any ways, just received a text from her, they are keeping her tonight. I did not inquire why but a decent guess is because of the rectovaginal fistula.

    Now with all this mentioned, she had no real choice being on social security, out of work, never being able to afford surgery. Couple this with extreme dysphoria and a surgeon who has done six reassignment surgeries prior is a recipe for what happened. It really is a catch 22 per-say, boxed in with a one way pass to live with the dysphoria or roll the dice with a surgeon with little experience.

    One last thing, when I arrived at her house she was drinking some dark drink. I said, it’s close to 100 degrees outside, you are just out of surgery and need to stay properly hydrated so I went out and purchase a 24 pack of bottled water and insisted she drink this rather than chocolate milk. One must realize that after a major surgery such as this the body is in recovery mode for many weeks to follow and must treat your body well.

    Lesson to take away, if you don't have the funds to obtain reassignment surgery you may very well be in the hands of people who may perform a bad procedure and as with this person have poor aftercare. If this is you, pay attention to your body after surgery, don't dismiss even the little things, call them out to those who are taking care of you and this might simply save your life.

     

     
  11. KarenPayne

    At the movies

    By KarenPayne,

    I went to see Lone Survivor at one of the local movie theaters this afternoon dressed appropriate for the weather in a black skirt, white top and ankle boots. While waiting in line at the ticket counter to retrieve my debt card from my handbag I noticed two American Express cards and no debt card. Up to that point I was fully composed but then waves of hot flashes started, where my debt card was, do not want to use my AMEX card. So I stepped out of line to search my handbag and the debt card is nowhere in sight yeek. While doing this out of the corner of my eye I notice a man staring at me, took a quick glance and he smiled at me. Got back in line and reluctantly used my American Express card. The cashier told me I had a free small popcorn today woohoo. I waited in line for about five minutes, got my popcorn then went and sat down. Not a minute later the man who was watching me sat down two seats from me which seemed odd as the theater had plenty of seats. So throughout the movie which was suppose to be enjoyable all I can think about is the man and my debt card, both put a dammer on watching the movie. Once the movie was over I raced home and low and behold my debt card was on my kitchen counter. If it was not the only place it could had been was at the nail salon I was at yesterday and would had gone back in need be.

    Any ways my reason for mentioning this is that I did not allow any of the bad things to cause a breakdown of my female persona, only the idea that my debt card was missing and the man reviewing me. If not for the movie, I may have been okay with the man watching me but not today. I truly believe he saw me as a female and was not seen as a male in female clothes <_<
  12. KarenPayne

    Awareness

    By KarenPayne,

    Yesterday while standing outside on break at work I hear someone say “hey you”, turned, looked around and here is a trans person whom I’ve known but have not seen in ages standing there. I said hi, she comes over and we hug. She is around 30 years old and when she (from what I remember) doing well (on her meds) very passable other than her voice. Well I could tell she was not well shaven facial wise and was very loud when chatting with her.

    There was a couple about 50 feet away that could not take their eyes off her and know full well that it was from her appearance, partly female, partly male.  It was not one or two glances over in our direction but many over say (I was not keeping time) ten minutes. I felt like saying something but decided not too as it could very well have gone in a direction that I did not care for and was on break at work while if not at work would had said something.

    The take-a-way from this is if you are looking to present as one gender than make an effort while if your are fluid it doesn’t matter yet this person is looking to be totally female and have surgery. Also, people say in general they are accepting of trans but we all know there are some who are not and need to be cognitive to this as some do mean us harm.  

    From the day I first presented myself (after surgery) as female clothing, mannerism and voice needed to be there and made sure it was. This is not to say it’s wrong to go against the grain but if so be prepared for blowback be it people staring, saying nasty things or physical, be aware is the bottom line
  13. KarenPayne
    For years, I dated a woman, which I felt a strong attraction too beginning in 2007, but never told her about my female identity. Well in 2009 I gave her a call (she lives 40 minutes from me and I needed to do it right now) thinking that there was roughly a 70 percent chance you would accept me and was scared for the remaining 30 percent.

    I came right to the point for my call and told her that I was transgender and made my mind up to have SRS in the coming years. I was happy to learn she was fine with my decision and joked about her thoughts of marrying me but now would not but if she did get married she wanted me to be part of her wedding. I went to her house that weekend and found that she had a conversation with her three children (ages 12, 14 and 21). When I arrived two of her children where there and told me that they supported me. Terri told me that her daughter although accepted me did not understand the reasons. Several weeks later her daughter sat down with me in their kitchen while Terri was making dinner and started off by saying she supported me but wanted to ask some questions. We chatted for about an hour on the topic of me transitioning. When finished she hugged me and went off to do her thing.

    As weeks went by Terri would do things like take me shopping, go out to dinner, visit her family her knew me as a man and now reintroduced me as Karen. I am so fortunate to have her full support and that she has agreed to go with me next year when I go for SRS. Recently she started dating a man and she told me one of the first things she told him was, if we click you need to know that my best friend is transgender and that is part of the package for accepting me (Terri).

    I know others are not so fortunate with coming out but you know what? This shows how are true friends and lovers.

    Any ways I see Terri several times a month, usually we will spend the day together doing girl stuff and sometimes she will critique me in things like mannerism i.e. last time she was chatting with me and her girlfriend and looked me straight in the eyes and said “you are such a girl” which I asked “what do you mean” and she told me that the way I was playing with my hair without thinking was a female thing.

    I remember when she first introduced me to her best female friend, never said I was male. We sat in her living room for about an hour and then her friend left. About 15 minutes alter Terri gets a text message from her friend asking Terri if I was male or female? I later found out that it was not that I did not pass but Terri had told her friend about Kevin (my male name) and that Karen seemed to have similar interest and traits that Kevin had. In the end she said to Terri, don’t tell Karen I asked in case I am wrong. I told Terri to tell her friend that I was Kevin. The next weekend the three of us spent time together chit-chatting girl talk and never did her friend let on that I was not female. I later discussed this with Terri and she said that her friend only sees me as female which put a huge smile on my face.
  14. KarenPayne

    Be safe today

    By KarenPayne,

    This weekend, for those who are celebrating the Fourth of July please be safe if you have to drive consider that others will not. Yesterday I went to visit a friend for the day and on the way home so a horrific accident on one of the major highways which actually is not that uncommon but have to wonder on weekends such as this one if poor judgement was used and or any of them drinking.
    If you plan on drinking make sure you keep it moderate if you must drive afterwards.
    Happy Fourth!!!
     
  15. KarenPayne

    Be vigilent tonight

    By KarenPayne,

    We all know all to well that there are people that do not understand gay, lesbian and transgender people. With that said I consider New Year's Eve a time when you just might come in contact with them and if so there is always the chance of what I call "Gang/Group Mentality" where one person may start something and others will join in that would not normally join in if not in a group.

    Even though I am highly trained things can still go sideways, my guess is most people here are not highly train which puts you in harms way so please be careful.
  16. KarenPayne
    I leave for California tomorrow early morning, arrive around noon, get picked up by a limo which takes me to my hotel (luggage arrived yesterday). See what I can explore, have dinner, watch some television than Monday morning at 9AM is my pre-surgery appointment, explore again during the day, dinner, crappy tasting poop all night meds. Tuesday get to the surgery center at 6AM for check-in, surgery at 7:30AM.

    Doubt very much I will be blogging on Tuesday but surely the next day.

    For anyone interested http://karenpayneblog.com

    Will be taking pictures of my new vagina every couple of days then once a week but not posting them here but will post them on a private FTP site for those who would care to see the progress over say the next six months. The address will be given out by anyone here sending me a private message.

    Oh, I will do a video via webcam this coming Friday for giving updates on my condition.
  17. KarenPayne
    My best female friend pointed out to me recently that even when I was male that she perceived me as female because to her, my body structure/shape was that of a female which she kept to herself for a long time. She went on to say that I did not need makeup because of this fact. Note, one does not have to be gorgeous to come off as female, heck I see myself as average no matter what I am told.

    Over the past year we would go out clothes shopping, the first thing that stuck in my head was how she could look at a piece of clothing and comment how well it would look on me or how badly it would look on me.

    With that said combining born body structure/shape (which encompasses the face too) I think many overlook the fact that not everyone can pull off say a strip top because if we are overweight it will draw attention to us. Another example, the majority of male to female have no hips so one might look for tops that accent the hips with a flared top but again use caution as your body structure may exasperate the waist and take away what was done with the flaring of the top. We all have seen cisgender females out of shape wearing Spanx leggings and know they look great on an average figure but not so much for slightly overweight or excessively overweight. I bet if you asked them they would deny this and in their mind wear them because they are easy and are comfortable.

    Back in the day I purchased female clothing void of the above and pulled it off, and still do. The catalytic for this entry comes in two parts, first from talking with my friends and just today the following.

    I work in a company of 1000 plus employees where some I know from an elevator ride or waiting in line for lunch and chatting while my team mates are close friends and acquaintances. Coming down from the fifth floor to the first floor one of the employees (known only from the elevator and cafeteria), a female turned to me and asked how I was doing? Then say that, you nailed it last week. I said what do you mean? She said that outfit you wore last Monday, well you nailed it. Heck I can’t remember what I wore so I asked her. She said a grey skirt in particular as it complimented my long legs. I don’t have long legs but I know for a fact because so many people told me so that I have great legs. What I see happened was I wore a skirt that complimented me for the age I am at. Interesting enough the skirt was kind of see through so I wore a while skirt beneath the grey skirt and let the white skirt be a tad lower than the grey skirt. In short it works for me because of my body structure. Now if I were to wear tight jeans and tight top it would work against me because of my age and also would show that I don’t have great hips so back to the flared top.

    So in closing focused to two things, body shape and appropriate clothing to compliment or enhance said body structure but also keeping in mind how old you are.

  18. KarenPayne

    Boot shopping

    By KarenPayne,

    On Thursday I noticed the heel on one of my best boots the bottom part was coming off. I managed to fit it back together yet realized it would eventually be unrepairable. So yesterday morning I headed off to Macy's knowing there was a decent sale on shoes/boots and this is where I purchased the current pair.
    I believe my choice in an outfit was great, nice pair of leggings which is what I would wear with boots, snakeskin mid height heels, tank top and a cardigan. In less than two minutes a gorgeous late twenty female sale person asked if I needed help. Told her my intent and she said that if I needed any help to wave to her. 
    After about ten minutes she came back over and mentioned that the two pairs of boots I was looking at she had last year and proceeded to tell me about them. The thing that really got me was how she was looking at me like she could eat me up in bed and felt great. We chatted for about five minutes and then asked if I could try both pairs on. Since I know how shoe sizes go I asked to try a 9 and 9.5. 
    She comes back with one pair in 9, one pair in 9.5, get the same look of I could eat you up. 
    So I try both pairs at once and of course can't decide which pair and that one size feels slightly tight and the other slightly too large.
    She comes back and in short recommends I get the 9.5 giving a few reasons why. I said sold.
    At the counter after completing the transaction she gives me her personal number and said don't hesitate to call me with a coy smile. I leave feeling good with options going through me head.
    On the way out an older couple are at the door, the man waits for me holding the door and when I get there he takes his hat off and says good day too you, how is your day going. I said thank you and that my day was great. I mention this because it's not everyday a man takes his hat off for me or for that matter never seen this outside of a movie
    Returned home and compared the new boots with the old boots and noticed they were the same brand which is good as the old pair served me well, pretty much wore them three or four times a week over the past year.
    Now thinking about calling the woman who helped me and see what happens but still not sure if I will or not.
     
     
  19. KarenPayne
    My best female friend planned this morning to visit Macy's and Nordstrom's for me having a bra fitting. The first stop ended up at Nordstrom's where she knew one of the people there which has been fitting bras for almost ten year. As luck was on our side she was just finishing up with another customer so I was introduced to her and told her what I was looking for, an everyday bra with no underwire. She brought me back into a fitting room, had me take off my top and then measured me up. She then says I will be right back which was about five minutes. She came back with two nude color bras, tried the first one on which she had highly recommended made by Wacoal and it fit like a glove. I said no need to try the other one as they both look very similar. It was a very pleasant experience having this bra fitting and was grateful that total time spent from walking in to walking about was roughly thirty minutes.
    We then had lunch at Nordstrom's restaurant, excellent food and great service. We when spent another two hours shopping at Macy's and a few other stores then we hit my kryptonite, Victoria's Secrets where I just had to got in and ended up with five new thongs.
    Before we went shopping I hung out at her house with her two teenage children too. Her daughter was at odds with me transitioning for about a month and now even closer with her. Her son never had any issues so no problem there.

     
  20. KarenPayne
    I am scheduled for breast augmentation on May 20, 2015. Had my pre-operation appointment today where they went over the highlights from my initial consultation several weeks ago along with what they want me to do the week of surgery and the weeks following surgery. After the appointment I handed over my prescriptions to the pharmacy so they are ready for me well in advance.
    Specifics, I was interested in a B cup but with their measuring system looks like I will have C cup. Guess I will need to get over not having a smaller size as I am leaving my fate to the surgeon as when I question him about the size he said that he has used this measuring system on thousands of people and only had two people saying they thought that the size was slightly too large.
    Eating prior to surgery, I told the surgeon that since surgery was at noon and that they did not want me to eat after midnight that beings I have a different schedule that most people could I have coffee first thing in the morning. He said if I asked the anesthesiologist would say no coffee but he said if it’s only black coffee he is fine and if they asked if I had anything to say no LOL.
    I have my best female friend coming to the hospital with me then staying with me for three days, maybe four. Since she does not drive her son is driving her down to my place and back as I will be in no shape to drive 40 minutes each way. I have another friend who lives close by will be bringing me lattes from my favorite coffee place, he is a firearms instructor who teaches with me.
  21. KarenPayne

    Breast implants

    By KarenPayne,

    For the past week or so have been doing research on surgeons in my area for performing breast implants and finally found one but they are booked until May for consultations.

    Went to there office, made the appointment and took home several pages for them like anytime one sees a new doctor.

    I thought it was interesting but not surprised that surgeons and doctors have a list of people who had surgery recently as after giving the receptionist my name she pulled up my address and phone number.

    If all goes well hopefully I will have a surgery date before the end of this year which will complete my physical transformation.
  22. KarenPayne
    I went to a surgeon this morning. I was directed to a examination room, five minutes later the surgeon (male) and his assistant (female) walked in, did an introduction then proceeded to review the forms I filled out. While going through the forms I said "I just had gender reassignment surgery two months ago" and both of their jaws dropped. I could tell it was genuine from their facial expressi&#111;ns. Both of them were shocked indicating they thought I was a cisgender female (they did not use cisgender term) and said they would had never guess this was the case. I responded with "thank you".

    After getting past this he asked me what exactly I was looking for. I indicated my desire was to have a breast size appropriate for my structure. He then had me sit a specific way and did a whole lot of measurements. Once finished with the measurements explained three different styles and shapes and made a recommendation on a size and shape. Then the assistant was curious how close was the recommendation to my breast forms, the size was the same but the shape was different. We then went into a discussion on how the implant shape would work on me.

    He did indicate I had a fair amount of growth from hormones.

    Size-wise looks like the low side of a C cup for me.

    The entire visit with them was about 30 minutes followed by getting an estimate which is pretty much what I expected, $7925.00 total. Everyone I have seen is in the same ballpark.

    I asked about doing this in May and was given May 21st as an open date. Will check with work to see if this works which I am sure it will then confirm the surgery date on Monday.

    So in two months I will have boobs :-)

    UPDATE: See the following thread for a chance on free breast forms

  23. KarenPayne
    For many years, I experimented with tucking my privates with many failures and success. Once I found a great gaff the company decided to change it and did not work for me anymore so I used the few I had until they fell apart and just as the last one was done for I found a replacement that I stumbled upon and have been using for the past 15 years.

    My requirements were simple using the following situation. Be able to go use the toilet, stand up and tuck in less than a minute and remained firmly in place so not be reveal privates even with leggings.

    The method was rather simple, purchase a normal gaff and boy shorts from Spanx. Tuck, pull up the gaff into position then pull up the boy shorts, done.

    Now the reason for writing about this is because I was looking for my car title which I need to update within 30 days of my name change and have not seen it since 2009 when I paid the car off. So while looking for the title I found a forgotten supply of old gaffs (God only knows why I kept them) in a footlocker on the bottom and low and behold the title was on the top woohoo.

    So I now have a trash can filled with gaffs ready to be toss soon as I am finished here.

    Any ways I am happy that in just under 6 weeks NO MORE tucking.
  24. KarenPayne

    Can I help

    By KarenPayne,

    Over the years I (and you most likely have too) have read countless stories of people transitioning with little or no support which is sad. With that said I would like to extend to those here if there is anything I can do shout out. If by chance you are having surgery with Marci Bowers in California with no support let me know, I will fly down for the day of surgery and the day after at the very least to provide support. I don’t want to see anyone take this path alone which is why I will do this and I pay my way entirely.

    Perhaps in areas such as the East Coast other will assist if possible and if not I will consider making that trip too, after all I have been away from the East Coast way too long as my family keeps reminding me.

    Now I am going to shut up :)
  25. KarenPayne

    Can not stand it...

    By KarenPayne,

    I am getting my armpits waxed on Friday and was told to not shave to two weeks. I look under the arm and see a small forest and can not wait until it's gone, screw saving the forest, I want smooth and silky. Nuff said.

    BTW This is my first waxing.
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