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WarrenG

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  1. WarrenG
    So I figured I'd stop in with yet another update, on two things.
    First off, the dog I were helping care for down the road (Weezie) is doing much better! Her owner/mother took her to an emergency veterinary clinic because she were still very worried about her. I were supposed to go with her but overslept and never got her messages, so I missed it. BUT, The vets decided to keep her overnight because of her age so they could examine her and run a few tests. They found that she were severely dehydrated, so she was put on an IV overnight, and much to her delight, spoonfed food. I were correct on the gas, afterall, and they found that she had a gastro-intestinal blockage. Given another week or so, she probably would have passed away. Also the severe shedding were simply because she is an older dog, and we did have a really hard winter, So this is what they refer to as a "hard shed" due to excess oils in her hair and its just a LOT more than normal.
    I'm pleased to report that she is doing MUCH better and is roaming around very happily, freshly groomed and bathed, her nails clipped and ears cleaned. She got very pampered and she loved it! She's now walking and roaming back to normal, and is fully able to get herself up and around without assistance.
     
    Also, It's wednesday!! Which means another youtube video
    It were certainly a bit longer than I had planned, but I were half awake this morning so it's sort of slapped together >.< Enjoy, and feel free to give me ideas and whatnot
    Lots of love and not much to report otherwise,
    Warren
     
     
  2. WarrenG

    Brief Update

    By WarrenG,

    Not much to update until my consultation aside from someone accusing me of having HIV for being trans and refusing to allow me to serve them a drink because they "werent sure of transgenderism is contagious as it seems to be spreading like HIV and filth". 
    Yay me.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RK_jvDoBll0 my new video
     
     
     
    Warren 
     
    Also, going to dye my hair. Not sure what color. Past colors in below photos:
     

     
    Open to suggestions
  3. WarrenG

    "Stay Frosty"

    By WarrenG,

    So I wanted to dye my hair and so something I've never done. I was curious what colors to do and etc, then I saw a message from a good friend
     you know who you are!
    But you said something that caught my attention. "Stay Frosty". I love jack frost!!!!!!!!! Even the old legends
    So blue it is!!!
    This required some bleaching which I've never done. But, here's how it went! Opinions welcome lol
    before:
    after bleach:
    after:

     
    Not sure how I feel about it yet lol
    If I'm still not 100% thrilled with it, I had planned ahead and bought my usual black dye to fix it at a later time. I think next time I'll just stick to my black hairdye, much less hassle and OMG THE STAINS IN MY BATHTUB!!! Took another 2 hrs of scrubbing to get internet privileges back.....
     
    Your bud,
    Warren
  4. WarrenG

    Rejected.

    By WarrenG,

    So, I got the response for my surgery.....After getting my letters in order and lining things up and rushing to get it finished for them before my insurance cuts out ((The government is apparently changing branches and cutting off my insurance before referring me to a new one)), I sent out my request for help with my surgery. Just a reduction, not a removal, and it came with nearly two pages of symptoms and sufferings in detail and with dates. Including: Neck pain, back pain, shoulder pain, headaches, rashes, moving ribs, limited mobility, shortened walking distances, difficulty with stairs, muscle relaxants because of difficulty sleeping, open sores, and more.
    I got my letter in the mail just before Halloween began.
    The response?
    No.
    Just plain and simple, no. Unless I have tumors or cancer of some sort of abnormality that cannot be altered with medicine, basically...they wont touch it. They gave the option of Estrogen treatment which might do I have no idea what to help, which sounds honestly stupid to begin with. In honesty, I'd rather off myself than take estrogen.
    Wtf is the point in even trying....Every time I turn around, I get shot down and stomped on. I cant keep taking this stress and dealing with being lifted up only so they can drop me from a higher height.
    Maybe I should just go back to being Kristy and make everyone else happy...Life would be easier I guess. Not better, or happier, certainly not any more comfortable. But it seems like that's the only thing I'm allowed to do......So tired of having my heart broke....
    Tired of my family hating me. Tired of the drama where I live for being who I am. Getting a lecture for a haircut. Or them trying to convince me to wear feminine things....
    Figures, I was just starting to be happy too. First time I've been properly gendered on the first try with a stranger, earlier in the day with my neighbor.
    "Hi, who are you?" she asked. "Nice to meet you, I'm Ren" I reply. And without hesitation, she asked my neighbor (mama)'s mother "Is this your grandson?". I grinned and nodded a little "Something like that. Technically Anne Marie is my neighbor but I consider her my Mama".
    Grandson......yeah, I kinda like that.
    But then......then this happens....
    I'm just....
    So done.
     
     
     
     
    I posted this on a transregulars Facebook group I'm in (love these guys, super supportive and most are my age)
    So, recent events have prompted me to start sharing this around again....As some of you have seen already, my insurance has turned me down in my request for a top surgery. I have since talked to my doctor and surgeon, and they said that an appeal will not get far because they will simply give me the same reasons for the first rejection since nothing has changed. If two pages of agonizing symptoms didnt change their minds in the first place, it wont in a second try. Besides that fact, my insurance is cutting out in Janurary due to company changes in government, so an appeal would take too long before it would be too late. Unless I find other means of assistance with this, I'll have to pay out of pocket. The surgeon has been wonderfully helpful and understanding, but he cannot change how the fees work and cannot offer a payment plan for understandable reasons. Nevertheless, I need to somehow come up with the funds to pay for it myself. Even if you guys cannot spare a few (which I totally understand, we're all struggling and money is tight as it is.) Please feel free to pass this around. I HATE doing this and I feel like I'm begging, but in a way I guess I'm not too far from the willingness of begging on my knees. The pain I'm dealing with is beyond what I can express. My ribs are shifting, my already-damaged back is getting worse from the weight, my shoulder is being offset, I cannot sleep at night because theyre limiting my breathing and hurting my back in every position, and even binding is becoming something I dread for its ineffectiveness and unbarable agony. I'm running out of options....I'm not sure what else to do....
    -War
    https://www.gofundme.com/givewarrenahand
     
    We'll see if it goes anywhere......Halloween post in next blog.
    Seemingly slipping again,
    Warren
  5. WarrenG

    Update on Shinanigans

    By WarrenG,

    Ah howdy dewdy do berrysnoggles. I'm slightly bored atm so I decided I would ramble while watching my bf play 'Dont Starve' on tv.
    I got my lil bro Kai here and he's on IMVU spacing out so I got bored. First off, I want to mention that you never realize how hard it is to switch pronouns for someone unless you also have to do it. I used to think "Omg, how hard is it to just call me SIR?! OR HE?! WTH PEOPLE". Well now I would like to humbling apologize. It sucks and it does take a lot of practice. Surprisingly, Justin is doing a better job at keeping Kai's pronouns than me. I think part of it is because Kai was so on the fence about his gender identity on wether he was/is transgender or not, that I wasnt sure what he preferred and he wasnt even sure yet. But now I guess it is official and I need to kick my own toots into gear on remembering. Him, he, his, etc.....Just keep repeating it, right? lol
    Anyway, my mother made it abundantly clear that if I do not deliver Kai home by the 22nd of december, he will not be coming back ever again. SO Kai and I agreed that, at least for this year, we will do as she wants and follow her rules. We did have xmas together last year so I suppose it's only fair. I'll ask my mom later how she feels about me taking Kai next year since she's getting this year. Hopefully she says yes. She seems to have come to a little more reasonable terms with me being transgender now that Kai has come out as transgender as well, though she's still in denial about it. Perhaps she's in denial and in the mindset of "well you didnt show signs of it through childhood like Kai has" because she feels guilty to have not paid attention at all in those times. Kai's teen years and my teen years are vastly different. I was trying to go to chef's school, balancing sneaking out to discover my sexuality, being arrested for trespassing and vandelism, joining covens and basically doing things I shouldnt have been doing. I was rebelling, discovering myself. So I werent home very much unless I were forced to play mom while my mother was busy with her numerous boyfriends or getting new jobs (that she quit after a few weeks and blamed us kids for.). I was so often referred to as the mother of the house that I had to teach my (at the time) 3 year old brother to call me his sibling and not his mom. 
     
    Anyhow, I'm falling off track. In terms of Alexandru, we've gotten a long a little bit better though we're hitting roadblocks here and there. Like, for instance, Alcohol. Alex rather enjoys drinking at random and I've picked up my iced tea to drink and found vodka in it  not helpful. We talked about it a little and we DID agree that we wouldnt drink on work nights, and he had obeyed that because it wasnt on a work night. But I wasnt in the mood to drink, so it still annoyed me. Another issue we've had is that he wants to date. I know he's fine with me dating justin and he is tollerable of the whole....sexual thing.....But I know he's not into him. Justin just isnt Alex's type. He wants a girlfriend, but I honestly do not see this working out. Justin is still in the mindset that 'alex' is simply a different personality in terms of moods or emotions, and not a seperate person entirely. We havent really talked about it because I'm not sure how to. I told Alex that he can date on IMVU and we just wont tell justin, but I think he wants a more physical relationship. I feel bad but there's not much we can do about it.
    I've decided that once my insurance is settled, I'm going to try and find a therapist that covers both Gender Identity and MPD to help us figure out what steps to take next. We have been keeping up a journal to talk either back and forth or just get things off our minds (seems weird to use that word in plural), and it seems to help both of us settle a little and not feel so aggitated. Though we've agreed not to read eachother's pages without asking in case there is something personal. Mostly we're keeping the journal as a reference for whatever therapist we might get, so they can see that this is an ongoing thing and not just on a whim of "oh, yeah, btw....". I guess that's mostly just my fear, is people thinking I'm doing this for attention or something. But one simple note comes to mind that reminds me that this might not be the case. He reminds me of it occasionally. 
    "If this was for attention, than why do we talk to eachother both mentally and verbally while at work? When no one is around and clearly no one can hear us. If it was for attention, why would we bother to upkeep that habit when no attention could be taken from it?"
    He's kinda got a point.....Lately he's figured out how to stay awake at night during work and I..."rest", I guess you could say. So during the day when I'm awake (after we both physically sleep), he's mentally very quiet as if in his 'own room'. I've realized, by talking with another person with MPD (more alts than I have though) that they each can have their own rooms or realities that they can retreat to whenever they feel like it. Alex has told me about his room and I'm kind of jealous that I dont have one lol but it's whatever.
     
    Mostly I (we, apparently, since it irritates him too) am very pissed off that it's December 15th and we've seen nothing but Rain, rain, rain, and more rain. We're due for 60F weather for the next week or two, and this is TOTALLY NOT NEW ENGLAND!!!!!!! Last year we were in three feet of snow by now! This is not only annoying, but unsettling....This weather is the complete opposite of what we should have right now. It's creepy and concerning....I dont like it. At this point, IF we even GET snow---we'll have snowbanks clear through til July  Not impressed. This is REALLY going to mess up crops and whatnot. We already had a bad year growing crops, and this def' is not going to help.I'm not huge into the global warming theory but jeez.....It's kind of freaking me out.
    Plus Alex really wants to play in the snow >.<
    So we're having a short Xmas on saturday for Kai before he goes home, which'll be interesting lol I was accused of being a student at the private academy I work at AGAIN because people think I'm underage (WHY?!!?!?), And I got my hair cut. Pics will come soon xoxo
     
    Think that's all for now lol This is seriously just a ramble post.
    -Ren
  6. WarrenG

    Gender Equality Rant

    By WarrenG,

    Gender Equality is such an issue here in the USA. frown emoticon
     I hadnt realized how bad it was until I stopped and thought about it, especially knowing that I've been a victim to it first hand. For example: I worked FULL TIME as a chef doing over 46hrs a week at 10.50$ an hr when I was legally registered as FEMALE. After changing my gender to MALE, I also changed my job. I now work as security, part time, doing about 30ish hrs a week at 11.80$ an hr squint emoticon
     like, wtf?
    On top of that, I got the job as a chef WITH credentials. My Servesafe certification, past experience, AND Culinary Schooling. I were hired at a base of 10$ an hr. They changed my job titles 8 times to worse and worse parts of the kitchen because I didnt flirt with my boss, show off my chest like the other girls, or suck up to the boys. I stood up for myself, stood my ground, and demanded not to be treated "Like a girl" when it came to tasks. This obviously annoyed managment that I didnt simmer down and do what they wanted.
    Other people had been hired AFTER myself with NO experience, NO training, and I started to notice a pattern. PRETTY (flamboyant, flirtatious, make up wearing, prissy girls) girls got about 11.50$ an hr, men got 12.50-14.00$ an hr.
    A shy, reserved, transgender guy? 2-4$ less than anyone else >.>squint emoticon
    I am SOOOO GLAD I changed jobs and told them to shove it!!! It happened after I was being severely bullied by management and mocked and written up for doing things wrong when I hadnt. When I complained, I was told to stop pointing fingers because "The problem isnt the job or the people. The problem is YOU". Legit quote there from the head manager squint emoticon  Now I work night shift, AWAY from most people, with an AMAZING work crew who knows I'm transgender and respects that! They use my correct name, use the correct pronouns, and correct themselves if they mess up accidentally. My boss is beyond amazing and is extremely patient with me
    (Because of my dyslexia, ADHD, Bipolar and other issues, it's hard for me to learn things quickly or to take verbal instructions. I ask the same questions repeatidly but she never faulters to answer me anyway, no matter how much I ask. If I mess up on something, she'll walk me through it herself to make sure I've got it and am doing it the right way. Instead of jumping up and going "no, you do it this way", she'll stop and give me an amused smile until I realize I messed something up, wait for me to figure it out and fix it, THEN says something)
    I couldnt possibly ask for a better place to work. I even mentioned to her that I'm trying to get my surgery approved and that I'll need 2 weeks off work, and she immediately agreed and said we'll find a way to make it work.
    There ARE jobs out there for people like me and my siblings.
    We just have to find them.
    Sadly that means shifting through the shit jobs to get to them  
     
    As a side note, despite Justin and I agreeing that we do not want to have biological children of our own, I cant help but think we already have a child. A late night of breakdowns from stress and surgery hopes was soon soothed by my amazing fur baby Gabriel <3 He's always there when I need him.
     
    frown emoticon
     
    Ren
  7. WarrenG
    I'm honestly not sure why I'm even blogging. I hardly see a point in whining about my ___ anymore. It doesnt really get me anywhere and I just end up looking like a whiner.
    I've fought with insurance. I've tried jumping through loopholes and even my doctor stood up to try and talk to them. But the answer is no, no matter what I try. My gender says Male on it, so my surgery is no longer a breast reduction. It's transgender surgery. But no, you have to use a code for gynocomastia for my claims because I'm male legally. But I dont have gynocomastia? Oh but that doesnt matter because that surgery is elective and cosmetic. I explained that it's only cosmetic because they say it is. According to me and my doctor and the surgeon, it is necessary due to health problems which apparently dont mean squat when it comes to insurance. Because of my stupid ID...
    Their solution? "Then maybe just change your ID back to FEMALE".
    Which I can only do every 3 years I was told...So wait 2 years to change my ID for an insurance company I might not even have by then? No thanks.
    So it's back to square one (until I can switch insurances. Good riddance Blue Cross Blue Shield Anthem!!!! You dont cover squat! ((Only office visits, no labs, no eye, no dental, no ER)) so why keep them!?) Fundraising. Sort of. Saving up money on the side when I can, plus my gofundme.
    HUGE HUGE HUGE THANK YOU to Artemis and Lori R. for donating 50$ to the cause. So much love your way!
     
    On another note, I'm trying something else to try and earn money for surgery. So far I only have about 500$ saved up (8,500$ to go.....). Fairy Jars. Some of you MIGHT have seen them on my facebook if I've added you, but here's a very minimal example of what I'll be doing.
    While Lit inside: 
    Outside without lighting: 
     
    I'd made this particular one to try it out and it was for someone in California, but she hasnt been able to pay for shipping yet so it hasnt gone anywhere. I'm attempting to find lighter jars so shipping will be cheaper plus I want to focus on recycled jars and materials so there is less waste and plus I wont be spending a ton of $ on supplies.
    These are only for decoration and should NOT be used with a real candle (battery operated only) else it will catch the foam inserts and tissue paper on fire!
    I'll be doing different themes once I get more supplies (wolves, dragons, more fairies, etc) with a different variety of jars in size and shape. Different colors as well. Some may not have as many decorations added onto the outside like this particular one (it was custom, mostly done by Alex) but I'll update and add photos as I get there.
    Like I said, payments for the jars will go directly to my GoFundMe account as this seems to be the best solution for everyone when it comes to payments and where the money will be going (towards surgery).
    I'll let you know how that goes...
    Havent sold any yet (because I have yet to get supplies) but I have a few people interested.
    We'll see....
    In other news, there isnt much going on. Alex joined a few groups on facebook that he could relate to and seems to have found his own little world to be in, which is good I guess. It gives him more independence and a sense of his own life or something like that. He's a little annoyed right now because our cellphone completely kicked the bucket (I kind of figured it would. It was slowly getting really annoying kinks such as the screen messing up and the buttons not working) So now he cant text people while we're at work or something. I have to get a new one ASAP for work and whatnot but the people I share my verizon plan with are being a pain in my ____ about if I should upgrade through the account or just buy a prepaid. I have no idea what I'm looking at and theyre all just brushing it off like it's nothing but I NEED a phone for work. I'm giving them another day to figure it out before I do it on my own, to hell with their advice or preferences.
    My job is more important than their preferences on MY phone.
    Yes, I'm in a slightly cranky mood....I blame shark week. Dyphoria is totally kicking my butt tonight and it's made me severely annoyed. Plus getting to work and climbing into the work jeep---oh look, it's out of gas. Climb into the work van instead---oh look, two flat tires. Try to fill the tires back up and end up ripping off the stupid hub caps because they were preventing the damn nozzle from putting air in the tire---oh great, I cant get one back on. Try kicking and oh nice, I split one of my toenails because I forgot I had sneakers on and not my steeltoe boots....
    Ugh, it's been a lovely night.
    Plus I dont remember if I said this but I apparently have a damaged Trapezius muscle which is preventing me from exercising so I've gained weight and feel horrible plus it keeps siezing up every few days. Oh yeah and my 225mg of thyroid medication (highest dose I'm allowed) isnt working and I might have three tumors in my thyroid glands. YAY ME!
    -__-
    I'm going to bed now.....>.>
    Ren
  8. WarrenG
    As some of you might know, I had my sixteen year old sister down at my place for about a week. The reason I did this was simple. She needed out.
    I look at my little sister and see a perfect replica of me at her age. Shy, outcasted, punk, stylish, misunderstood, and above all...depressed. She'd decided that eating is not something she HAS to do, and has resorted to eating about once a day, or even less on occasion. She hides in her room, away from the world. Not that I can blame her....my mother is...well...my mother. She doesnt understand these things, is rather demanding and controlling, and does not understand people like me or my sister AT ALL.
    So, for a week with me she went.
    I spoiled her ROTTEN. She deserved it! Though she fought it at first, telling me to stop buying things for her, I knew she liked it. Shirts and necklaces of her favorite band, a poster, new jewelry, new clothes, etc. I took her out to dinner a few times, we (including my bf who adores her) went out to the movies together...We had fun!
    By the time it was time to bring her home, she had emerged from her shell, been eating regular meals, and was getting a full night's sleep.
    But as we climbed into the truck to make the three hour drive to bring her home...she switched back again.
    She became reserved, fearful, shy...depressed. I literally cried as we drove away, and she cried in my arms because she didnt want me to leave her. We've never had that sort of relationship before, where she were comfortable enough to do that with me. I promised her to be back in a few weeks...I'm taking her for a whole MONTH. I did NOT give my mother an option on this.

    But in this situation, other situations arose. First of all....my support from my family..is false.
    It had been revealed to me that though, to my face, my mother and siblings are supportive of my transgender lifestyle and seem happy that I'm happy....theyre talking bad behind my back. Apparently, they have been saying rude comments about me to people, saying I'm doing this "just for the attention" and that it's not a phase indeed...but a desperate cry for mental help and attention. The news hurt...a lot.
    The support I thought I had, the understanding I were sure they possessed....was all false. None of it were sincere. They're laughing at me....

    During the visit while bringing my sister home...I noticed their behaviour towards it. The little comments here and there, the mentions and giggles about my changes in appearance...my older sister is now dressing up even more and hanging all over my boyfriend. As if to say "Your girlfriend turned into a guy, but I'm still a girl so look at me instead". It hurts...so bad...
    On top of that, not once did they ask my little sister "did you have fun?" or "what did you do down there?" or even an innocent "hey, we missed you!" It broke my heart to see her cast in the shadows.
    Just like I was.

    But again, another situation has been a plague in my mind.
    Sisterhood vs. Brotherly love.
    My little sister knows that I am transgendered, and she is TOTALLY cool with it. She supports it 150%, and even got excited for me when someone called me Sir at the store.
    But the things I used to do that were deemed "Sisterly love" might no longer be appropriate?
    For instance, the hugs all the time I assume are alright. But now people think we're a couple...
    We've always smacked eachother and pinched and fooled around..but now that I look like a teen guy, it just looks like a dude hitting on her or being a bully. And people look at us funny instead of the classic eyeroll of "oh theyre sisters being sisters, no biggy"
    And now one of the bigger ones. Laying together. When we were younger, we used to share a bed. Which was no problem, and we still occasionally will share a bed (both clothed of course) while shes on the computer or we're looking stuff up or something.
    Well in this instance, I'd fallen asleep, and cuddled up behind her, and my arm draped over her waist. I didnt think anything of it, she didnt seem to mind, etc.
    But it were mentioned to me later by someone else that me being male, that might no longer be appropriate. I'd love some advice on this, if anyone has any. I love reading the comments and such!
    What things might a sister be okay to do, that is no longer "okay" for a brother?
    I'd look to my brother for this advice but he's less than enjoyable to talk to, and doesnt fully approve of my gender transition.
    Love to hear your thoughts,
    Warren

    P.S.
    I now have the date to see my therapist for the first time ever. The 18th o.o I'm nervous!
    (Photo is on top of one of the Twin Mountains near where my old hometown is)
  9. WarrenG
    Today I had another doctors appointment, which is my regular monthly thing.
    I assume she were happy with what was going on, since she said she doesnt need to see me for another two months
    I've officially gone from 225-230 pounds, all the way down to 214 She wants to see me down at 210 or lower by the end of Janurary. GAME ON!
    So I kicked off my challange....with a bowl of ice cream. Darn it, I'm so bad at this >.<
    We talked for a while about the gender thing, and she got me seriously thinking about the name change process, so I did some looking into it tonight.
    Did you know it costs over 110.00$ to do a legal name change, and you have to have a court date?! Plus they legally HAVE to post it in the paper ( yay.) and the judge can just up and decide NOT to grant it, but you still have to pay.
    What the flippernuts?!
    But....I guess it would be worth it, afterall. But I dont want to even try and change my name until I at least have top surgery. There's no point having a male name when you have breasts. Seriously.

    Today I had an interesting development.
    A girl kept watching me from a table as I was working, and kept acting like she wanted to ask me something. But she kept hesitating, and changing her mind. When she finally came over to talk to me, I were surprised by her question.
    "No offense but...are you a guy or a girl?"
    How do you answer a question like that? When you're still legally and technically one gender, but desperate to identify as the opposite, yet dont want too many people to know about it yet.....what the heck do you say to that?
    I was kind of nervous about it and stuttered out a quick "Technically girl...why?"
    To which she responded "Bummer. You would have been a cute guy. I'm not into girls though." and walked away.
    Uh, what? Wait, what!
    In one aspect, I found it somewhat flattering and rather amusing, and it made me laugh a bit. I thought it was hilarious, and loved it.
    But then I told my boyfriend.
    You know that look on someones face when you say you have bad news and that curling of the nose as they listen to something they need to do? That was his response.
    Kind of like "Ugh....this again....Dont like it."
    It was rather disheartening to be excited that someone had to actually ask if I was a girl or not, and have that hope that I look like a guy a bit for them to ask me to clarify; only for him not to share my enthusiasm and kind of shrug it off.

    Feels like I'm the only person who showed up to a birthday party, and its my own birthday.
    Kind of sucked.
    I guess I'll just to deal with it...
    Otherwise it was a pretty good night, I suppose.
    Hey, at least its friday
    Tomorrow I got to change the oil in my car, check the battery power, get a light checked, return my broken ipod, and work for a friend of mine around her house.
    I think I work 7 days a week and no one told me.
    Warren
  10. WarrenG
    Hey guys, girls and uniques
    So someone asked me to update everyone on the new look for my gofundme account, and I'll include that below.
    Not much has happened really, not much to blog about anyway. Aside from my neighbor calling in tears because her elderly doberman-mutt dog, Wheezie, was told to be put down by an emergency Vet. The poor 13 yr old pup was laying on the floor in her own feces, whining and unable to stand, her hind legs stretched out towards her front awkwardly. My neighbor, who is like a mother to me, was reasonably very upset.
    So I got some home remedies (cats claw and tumeric) to bring down and help little Wheezie with the pain. I was able to get the old girl up onto her feet after feeling her stomach, and realizing she were very gassy. Almost like Colic. Only intending on getting her up and moving around to help with the pain, I were relieved that she were more than willing to relieve herself OUTSIDE. Thats why she was whining! The poor baby knows she's not allowed to make messes in the house, but she simply couldnt stand up to go out. So after some help and walking around, I were very impressed to see her start walking around without my assistance with holding up her waist with a towel wrapped around her. She moved better as time went on, and I came to the conclusion that her Vet....is an idiot. She's not dying, she has a hip problem, and cannot get up on her own. She's old.
    He judged her inability to live simply because her hair is falling out in clumps (duh, its spring. she's shedding!) and didnt even feel her hips or digestion to give her a proper exam. I grew up around animals from bears, hawks, deer, a dozen pet raccoons and even a pet skunk. Horses, cows, ducks, you name it! I'm not animal-stupid, that's for sure. And even a low-tech Vet Tech like me could tell this animal isnt ready to die. After giving her Cats Claw and Tumeric with dinner, I told my neighbor (Anne Marie) that I would be down later tonight with a dog halter/harness (like a vest) to help her outside to use the bathroom. I were extremely pleased and surprised, however, not only to find her laying on the blankets I had laid down for her---but she got up, on her own! No assistance needed, and she went down the stairs (though a bit wobbly) without my help. Drastic Improvement! Hoping for the best for the old girl!
    Warren
    http://www.gofundme.com/giveWarrenaHand <<<<<<<updated version
  11. WarrenG

    Tattoo is Finished!

    By WarrenG,

    So, after three weeks of healing, I went back for another session of what I thought would be torture. It turned out to be torture/torment/agony x10. Oh my lard I hurt soooooo soo bad, I went into shock twice and almost passed out a few times. It was probably the worst pain I'd ever felt, surpassing my several bones I've broken and even when I sliced open my palm on a hubcap. The guy (Tim) gave me two options. 1)suck it up, grin and bare it and let him finish it 100% and he'll try to be quick and save me some pain. 2) puss out and do half, come back in another 3 weeks, and pay another 300$ for the session.
    I dont have another 300$ so I took a pain pill and told him to just do it. By the end of it, I was shaking from head to toe, almost throwing up, dizzy and in such agony that I felt my throat closing up from wanting to cry. Me being a manly man (lol) I refused myself the tears and just dealt with it. Even him touching the surface to wipe it clean of loose ink made me flinch away and cringe, and at some points I would have my opposite shoulder pressed against the wall as if trying to escape while he was working, because I just could not stay leaned towards him anymore. My body was begging for him to stop, and that little voice in my head went 'no, please stop! stop it, I cant take any more!' every time he leaned down to start tattooing.
    Anyway, the pictures: (better ones soon. These ones suck because it's slimy with ointment, blood, oozing ink and swollen to hell)

     
    In the end----totally worth the pain. As soon as he was done, I felt so much better and proud of the work that I forgot the pain. Sort of like childbirth I suppose. After the pain is gone and you hold your child, you forget that you're torn up and bleeding. (so glad that children are not for me lol)
     
    Tattoo Aside, I had other situations. Firstly, I saw my family before going to the tattoo shop. My mother has decided to marry a guy I never met (cant remember if I told you guys that. She dated him in highschool until my grandmother slept with him and broke them up, and they just got back together then 3 weeks later got married.) so I figured it'd be good to make an appearance since I didnt go to the wedding. (faked that I had to work. I really wanted no part of it.) Any my impressions of my new 'stepfather'? He's a douche. I cant stand him, he's so full of himself and makes my younger siblings work and clean house and cook meals while they dont do shit. I only wanted a handshake, he made me hug him. >:( Dont like.
    Aside from all that and being misgendered and deadnamed by my 19 yr old brother the whole time (because he's a dick and I sort of expected it from him), my mother (who I thought had turned a new leaf) continued to do the same thing. She not once said my chosen name. And when someone stopped by and she was talking to them from their truck, she pointed at me and said "yeah that's my daughter'. F*** my life....Seriously left in a horrid mood. So much for my family changing for the better......
     
    Here's the f***ed up part.
    At the tattoo shop, I couldnt wear my binder and t-shirt because of where he was doing the tattoo. So I'm sitting there in my bra and undershirt, boobs very noticable and unavoidable. Yet NOT ONCE did Tim misgender me. Well, okay, one time. But it doesnt count because he IMMEDIATLY corrected himself and apologized. He's so amazing and always has been with me, and has another FTM friend so he's not trans-retarded and treats me with the utmost respect. Here's the other part. One of his friends came in, who doesnt know me. He walked in as we were talking about my trans issues. One of the topics in the subject came up about showering. Tim mentioned that I must get annoyed in the shower due to my feminine parts, but I admited that I not only get annoyed, I'm disgusted, furious, sick to my stomach---I dont even look down. I avoid all visuals of my chest as possible. His friend caught on to how much my transgender issues hurt me, and Tim went quiet because he felt really bad. And then a miracle happened. His buddy started to talk between the two of us, totally casual and friendly and whatnot (though I caught him staring at my boobs XD I cant complain, they ARE kinda huge) and he only misgendered me one time, and like Tim did, he quickly corrected himself immediatly once he realized he did it. NO PROBLEMS. NO QUESTIONS ASKED, NO JUDGEMENT, NO CONFUSION. Just point blank "This is warren, HE is getting a tat done" then "oh, cool, nice to meet you dude. HIS tat looks awesome".
    WHY THE HELL CAN STRANGERS GET IT, BUT MY FAMILY CANT?! I understand that theyve known me longer and its hard to get out of habits, but THEYRE NOT EVEN TRYING. This total stranger who I met for a mass of 5 minutes had MORE RESPECT for me than my family, and he connected to the pain I had with the transgender issues more than my own family. Like they literally dont give a shit how bad it makes me feel, or the depression I deal with from it. I seriously dont know what to do....
     
     
    ON ANOTHER, HAPPIER NOTE:
    My doctor is writing me a 'letter of nessesity' to give to my surgeon who will send it to insurance, and then I'll find out if they'll approve my top surgery. They agreed that both surgeon and doctor would LEAVE OUT the transgender part, and place it down as simply a 'medically beneficial breast reduction', noting my daily pain, limits to daily life, rashes, bruising, sores, headaches, back pain, neck pain, shoulder pain, back popping, rib pain, etc. So maybe the insurance will look at it and go 'wow, ouch, this chick needs this done' instead of 'pffft, she thinks shes a dude. Rule this as cosmetic and deny."
     
    So.....here's hoping. Pray for me, wish me luck, light a candle, whatever it is you guys do. 
     
    In a long healing process and sober from self harm for about 2 months,
    Warren
  12. WarrenG
    So after some prompting from the boyfriend (Really wasnt in the mood due to the news in the previous blog) I decided to get off my butt and dress up for halloween. I had to work this halloween which is fine because I love to see all the costumes and knew it would cheer me up somehow. He let me use him as my first victim before getting myself ready.
    Here's the Results:
    Justin as a skeleton thingie (first time Ive ever face painted someone)

     
    And me, A zombie Police officer, intended in reference to Walking Dead style. Though someone accused me of making a joke for Police Brutality, in which case I was wishing to demonstrate Police Brutality on his dumbass.
    Zombie Ren


     
    So, yeah. Halloween.
    Plus I think I got flirted with.
    The (obviously gay) gas station attendant that I see all the time (its where I have to refuel the company Jeep) complimented me on my costume and even did a whole lean-back-smile-and-nod with a "mmmmmhmmmm, damn" comment. Said it was the best costume he'd seen all night and gave me pieces of his personal stash of candy 0.o Well, okay lol thank you?
    Anyways, yeah.
    If it's not bloody, its not fun.
    Warren
  13. WarrenG

    Random Thoughts

    By WarrenG,

    I have a mental dilemma that has been plaguing my mind a little bit. Okay, a lot. It's sort of frustrating. It may be wrong of me and it may be slightly weird, but first of all, I'm Pansexual. No surprise there, I know. But if I can have a favorite 'type' of relationship, it would be guyXguy relationships. It's so cute! Something about it just really comforts me and its something I've always wanted, being that I'm, you know, Transmale. Some people associate me being Transgender with simply my want for a yaoi or gay relationship, but that's hardly the problem. Those people seriously need to research what transgender means >..>
    I'm not sure why, but something about two guys in love really just hits a string in my heart and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy I always wanted to feel what it was like to be in that situation and to be happy. It's all I thought about. And finding a boyfriend was no big deal for me because, at the time, I was presenting as female. The funny part was, as a woman, I never felt attractive. I never felt pretty or anything of the sort, and I disbelieved everyone who claimed that I was a beautiful girl. But now that I can be me, a man, and have full confidence in the fact that I'm not a bad looking guy either I'll admit, I kind of like me. Male me is sort of sexy sometimes.....Never said that before about myself, but now I feel like I can. Even more so if I ever get rid of these disgusting bulges on my chest. But looking back at old pictures of myself, I can now look at them and finally realize.....I was pretty. I was really pretty, actually. I mean, if I'd met someone who looked the way I did back then, shy and adorable yet really mysteriously attractive--I would have asked her out. Which sort of confuses me too because no one ever did lol But I can say now-----I see it now. I see what they were all complimenting....I was pretty. But I like me for me now lol so we're good.
    So now that I'm finally presenting male, part of my brain is like YES! FINALLY! I CAN HAVE A REAL GAY RELATIONSHIP! But on the other hand....my boyfriend doesnt see us as a gay couple. He refuses to, I think, because he does not like being considered gay because he knows whats truely in my jeans. Which saddens me a little....I know I cant blame him for it though. He will always see me as the girl he started dating 5 years ago, who slowly came into her own and became Warren. He cannot be blamed....he's always known me as a girl. That and before we started to date, he was very homophobic. I blame his mother, who is even more so. You cannot blame the student for how the teacher taught.
    But in our relationship, I rarely get that fuzzy feeling I got when watching gay couples out and about doing things like shopping or talking or cuddling. It's a different kind of comfortable, but not the same because----I dont know. Maybe it's my chest that ruins the thought. Or maybe it's his resistance? Maybe its just the knowledge that I'm not a 'real man'. It sort of bugs me sometimes....He wants to read some of my books but in a lot of the books that involve romance, it's a gay couple. So I'm nervous on letting him even peek at them because I fear his rejection and that typical curled nose expression he gives when approached with the topic of homosexuality.
    I dont know, just wanted to get my thoughts out a little bit. Gonna go back to my Sims game and have my total 'dawwwwwww' moments in my little dreamworlds.
    Mostly I just like building houses 0.o
     
    Your ever-confusing Friend,
    War
     
    BTW: Old pics of me

  14. WarrenG
    I was super excited for this time of year at one point, but now I'm realizing more and more that I'm dreading it deep down inside. Nothing I recieve will be for 'Ren' or 'Warren', but all for 'Kristy'. It hurts and it makes me want to avoid christmas altogether. I've been fighting constantly with my mother just to get visitation with my lil sibling Kai for christmas, as was promised. It has turned into chaos to get her to let her come over, and to be honest shes pissing me off. Finally, after Kai crying and basically begging my mom to let them come over, it's been settled and I'm picking Kai up on friday the 11th. I have plans for christmas with her but do not want to say here on the off chance that my mother might have access, though I have no freaking clue how she would. But she's evil and manipulative so I wouldnt doubt it if she did. Just to 'keep tabs' on me. Yes, I'm slightly paranoid right now.
    Otherwise, work has been great and whatnot. I have 90% of my xmas shopping done and (shockingly) wrapped which is nice. My xmas cards are 80% done aside from mailing them out or handing them out as most dont need to be put in the mail. Which is kind of nice. And I'm still not entirely pleased with the extra blog on my tgg account (alex ) but I guess I should just let it go, since he didnt really have anywhere else to post and isnt very tech savvy. It still seems really really weird to consider myself one of multiple. Just months ago, he were simply a figment of my imagination. A constant and obnoxious voice in the back of my head that I would argue with until it reduced me to frustrated tears. But he's certainly real...no matter how I wish it wasnt true, and I could just be some normal transgender dope. But I guess it could be worse....some people with MPD have destructive alts or child or "littles" alts. Thankfully, as far as I know, its just Alex and he's both mature and non-destructive. Though I wasnt pleased to wake up from a hangover  Thanks a lot. >:( 
    I'm still trying to process the whole thing....I half wonder sometimes if its just a secret side of myself attempting for attention but if it was, then why do we have full conversations and talk back and forth constantly when I'm at work, where no one else is around? If it was for attention, then who would I be doing it for if we're alone? We.....such a weird feeling to say 'we' instead of 'me'. But somehow, it feels more suiting. I just sucks that I have to keep quiet about it around everyone offline. Granted, my boyfriend knows but from what I told him, he assumes that is just a switch of personality, not a switch of person. He sees it as my mind blocking out something and forcing an emotion instead, kind of like being bipolar. He's never met Alex. Not officially. Alex is very very good at surpressing his accent and emotions enough and pretend to be me that no one notices. Aside from downing a drink that I normally would never be able to finish. >.> Again, thanks for that....
     
    Basically life is really confusing right now. I'm not sure what is me and what is him or what is imagination and just...It's hard when I do not have a full validation that it's real or not. I've considered seeing a therapist but there arent any in my area who will take my insurance. I cant afford another bill  Thankfully we've met another person who has MPD (a MUCH bigger system than alex and I. They have over 12 alts 0.0 holy sh--) and it's nice because it gives him someone to talk to that I trust him doing that with. And it gives me someone to ask advice from. Right now, I still am very very very VERY hesitant on talking to anyone offline about this. Only you guys and a few who have paid attention in my transregulars group on FB actually know about him. I can probably count them all on one hand (aside from you guys on TGGuide). Still is very weird to me......
     
    As a sidenote, I told him he could pick my next haircut. And he hasnt let me forget >.< So, pics upcoming when I get it cut next week. Wish me luck....
     
    -Ren
     
    P.S. PROJECTS:
    Front Lawn: (no snow yet, poo!)
     
    CREAM CHEESE/CHOCOLATE CHIP FILLED MONKEY BREAD (IN EACH BITE)

     
    XMAS SNOWMEN I MADE FOR KAIRI & MACKENZIE (NIECES) AND JORDAN (BABY BROTHER)

  15. WarrenG
    Hello again, my Lords, Ladies and Majesties.
    Up front I want to apologize for my outburst and dramatic exit. Stress has been neck deep over here and I unfortunately dove head first into the fritz so bad that Ms. Frizzle would surely kick my not-so-royal behind. I took a break and tried to collect myself again, but I cant promise that I'm back up to par. I still have a LOT going on over here but I'll do my best. Please forgive me if I mess up on my swearing and stuff again, but yes, I did read the rules and whatnot. Thanks for letting me know about those, I hadnt seen it posted and totally missed out on it. I'm trying to think of new, inventive ways to get out my annoyance with words much more innocent (and maybe amusing). I have a bad habit of swearing, I'll admit it fully. I put full blame on that with how I grew up  Vermonters swear WAY more than we need to  
    Anyway, I guess everyone wants an update (sorry if I start sounding like alex, he's on the edge of consciousness to let me know when I'm swearing again and sometimes his influence tips into my writing >.< )
    So my little brother has been dragged to the depths of Georgia and every day he messages me it still irks me to no end. Not because he's messaging me! No way, I love him messaging me. It lets me know that he's okay at least. No he messages about all the shinanigans my older (and much less intelligent) sister is up to, normally barraging poor Kai with insults and criticism about being transgender and having his absolute own fashion sense (he seriously does lol kids today ) It annoys me so bad that she treats him like that  and there's nothing I can do about it. I legit cannot even explain how much it annoys me without going back into my swearing fest (which I'm avoiding )
    Otherwise he's alright. I plan to send him a phone card for his no-contract phone, some t-shirts (since my dead beat mother doesnt buy the poor kid clothes ) and some other random stuff so he doesnt get too sad down there. My mom is beyond ridiculous. Poor Kai, when he was visiting, came into my room all pouty and said he had to wear his boots when we were going out to lunch. When I asked why, he said it was because his shoes had finally broke. His converses, over two years old, full of holes and tears had finally decided to quit on the poor kid. You'd think, being a mom, that the darned woman would have bought her kid new shoes when they first started to break! No, she'd rather buy herself new shirts and new cowgirl boots.....UGH!!! It took me 20 minutes of convincing Kai to let me buy him shoes, giving him the end choice of buying guy shoes with me or dealing with mom buying him girl shoes later. I think it was the only reason he said yes, and it made me feel better knowing that he was being sent to Georgia with new shoes at least.
    With all that aside (for now  more drama is sure to come), this sunday is the 13th. My Surgery Consultation.
    I'm supposed to meet up with Dr. Robert Feins in Manchester NH, and a lot of people have said he's amazing. I've gone in for a consultation with him before and he is, I'll fully admit, awesome. He's super friendly and if you guys remember my blog about my first consultation with him, he's extremely thoughtful when it comes to pronouns and whatever. So I'm kind of glad to go back to him in particular, but I'm also really nervous. I have a new insurance this time, and one that someone else said had approved them for top surgery. I know that I cannot do a full removal (bummer, believe me, but I totally understand the reasons) because of my weight. Reason being that if they went totally flat chested when I have kind of a belly on me, it just would not look natural. My plan is to have them go as small as they will let me, and then I'll be able to work out easier and work it off. If I have to go back in a few years to finish it, so be it. But I'm nervous because what if my new insurance is like the last one and says no? What if they tell me I cant do the surgery without hormones, which will surely end my relationship with my boyfriend? I kind of want hormones, but I want to keep my boyfriend even more. I can totally understand HIS side of everything in not wanting me to go on hormones. I mean, come on, give the guy a applause will you?
    Justin's 10000000000% straight (was homophobic when we first met until I whipped it outta him! ) and he's dating a transguy. He let me change my name, my pronouns, my gender marker---cut my hair, change my style, etc. For a straight guy, that's a lot of leverage! We've been together 6 years this september. I cant just throw that away for a deeper voice, some muscles and facial hair (which I already fight with).
    So, yeah....Maybe nervous wasnt the right word.
    Okay, confession. I'm terrified. I dont know how I'll be able to deal with being denied surgery again. I only have 233(?)$ out of 9,000$ needed for surgery if I pay for it myself, on top of us trying to safe $ for an apartment so we can have our own place and so I can rescue Kai out of my mom's abusive household. I'm broke guys, like....legit broke. I have 20$ in my wallet right now and that's for gas money. Spring Break is here which stinks for us people who work in the education section, meaning my 30hr work week is down to 12hrs a week. My paycheck is going to be absolute bologna ((Really hope my substitutes for swears is okay so far. Let me know!!!)).
    I think in the bank, I have a maximum of 300$, which will be gone by the end of the week because of car payments. I swear, not only can I not keep up, but I cant seem to stay afloat lately either. Granted I got my taxes back, but I didnt even break 1k$!!!!!! It's almost not even worth filing taxes  So frustrating!!! I want to get a second job but I cant because then I'd lose my insurance.
    (I'm the one face first on the ground.)

    Anyway, That's basically life right now. Chaotic, annoying, frustrating, the works.

    Oh yeah, then someone told me I need to drink a cabbage/carrot/turnip drink. 0.o Like, what!? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!?

     
    Oh yeah, and I've been going to the gym whenever I think of it and working out more on the treadmill and stuffles. 5pnds down! Which.....I'd gained from junkfood.....my bad.

    -Ren
     
     
    P.S.
    It was a rare 65F here in New England today ((IN MARCH!? WHAT!? WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?! REVEAL YOURSELF, TINY WIZARD!))
    So here's some pics of me and my Massive Moose and Fuzzy Friend, (Black Lab/Great Dane) Angel and (Collie?) Ziggy; Both rescues.



     
  16. WarrenG
    "Neverland is home to lost boys like me, And lost boys like me are free"
    "Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, Wendy Darling, even Captain Hook--You are my perfect story book. Neverland, I love you so. You are now my home sweet home. Forever a Lost Boy, at last."
    Lost Boy by Ruth B
     
    Jeez, can this week drag on any longer? I keep checking my messages and the mail for a response from the insurance company, but no luck. I'm seriously one of the most impatient people on the planet earth.  
    Justin's finger's all healed (for the most part) and we got his stitches out yesterday. ((Cant remember if I told you guys! He was washing a cup in the sink and the dummy put his hand in a glass that was too small for his hands and it broke, slicing open his pinkie. Four stitches and a week of bandage and braces))

    He's so happy to have his hand mostly back XD the dope! We obviously got a cup scrubbie on a stick, like, ASAP. lol
     
    On a more sad note, one of our dogs is coming down sick  My favorite Babe, Ziggy. He's a rather old dog to start with, but the fleas and sensitive skin on our dogs has been relentless and ridiculous. And since Justin's mom is very VERY careful about what we put on the animals in terms of flea treatment, we havent gotten rid of the fleas yet  Mostly because she hasnt been interested in trying anything strong, which I can SORT of understand but jeez....poor animals. Anyway, Ziggy chews on his fur a lot and he has really long fur, so it was getting matted in his teeth. We hadnt really noticed because it was very subtle. We started noticing he had a really bad smell on his breath, so we gave him a bath, thinking the smell was just him chewing on himself. Nope, it was the fur stuck to his teeth. But now my poor baby has sore gums, and his mouth bleeds with almost everything he puts in his mouth (food, toys, himself >.<). He hasnt been feeling very well lately and it might just be an upset stomach, but I worry about him. He's not a young pup (Probably around 12-14yrs old, we're not 100% sure since he was a rescue). Hopefully he feels better soon. I couldnt bare to lose him right now  

     
    I'll let you guys know ASAP when I get a response from the insurance company.
    A huge part of me is dreading that they'll say no again...I was super confident that they'd say yes at first, but now all I can think of is them saying no....Ugh, I hate this.
     
    Ren
     
     
     
     
  17. WarrenG

    Winchesters and Colts

    By WarrenG,

    How's it going, everyone? I got bored so I figured I'd jump onto here since I havent blogged in a long time. Things have been...'ok' I guess. I'm still waiting for a response form the insurance company. They'd sent back a paper saying they needed a bunch of more papers to prove that I've been this way for a few years at least.
    Thankfully I remembered that I had papers copied and sent to me from when I went to therapy in 2014, so I dragged them out and looked them over. Thankfully for me, the therapist had mentioned a lot about my dysphoria and other problems I was having while being transgender; on top of having three diagnosis' on the back. Guess she wasnt useless after all lol
    Gender Identity Disorder (Transsexualism), Dissociative Disorder and Manic Depression. I made a point to x out some of the depression and self harm stuff and write in 'resolved' so they wouldnt think I'm still suicidal. Last thing I need for the reason of them saying no is because of them thinking I'm suicidal or something because I'm not. Otherwise, I think I sent all the papers that they need. My surgeon's insurance adviser said she's call me when she heard anything, but then I remembered that she said that on Friday. So she might not hear anything for another week since nothing's being done over the weekend, of course.
    As most, if not all of you know---I'm totally not a patient person. So waiting for a response is killin' me lol
    So I've been keeping myself busy with a marathon of 'Supernatural' and drooling over the Winchester brothers. Omagerd I love those two...Sam and Dean Winchester. You know 'Dean' was one of the names I considered for myself?

    Justin really didnt like it lol I mentioned it to him today and he stared at me and said 'eh.....Warren's better'. Not gonna lie, I've been really questioning my choice on name. If Warren was a right choice or not :/ Sometimes I wish I'd gone with something else, but part of that might be because I'm sick of being called Lauren by misgendering dinkle dorks. I'm SOOOOOOOOOO SICK of being called ma'am and miss and her and she. I've asked people to be 10000% honest with me when I ask what it is that makes me look like a girl so I can fix it, and they all say 'you dont look like a girl, idk why they keep doing that'. A big part of me assumes theyre lying to try and make me feel better, but it's not helping if they're lying. I need to know these things so I can do something about it.
    Granted, my chest is probably a big problem since my binder doesnt do squat to help, but that's a work in progress. My boyfriend said it's only because I dont really have a boyish shape, I'm shaped feminine. I know I could fix that with more working out with my arms and shoulders---but its hard. My chest is heavy and makes breathing hard, plus the sweat is causing rashes  And with all the cases popping up of people showing up with cancer from using Johnson&Johnson's baby powder, I'm afraid to use it. I just want them gone...THEN I can get my chest and shoulders more masculine. I really wanna get back into boxing because I know I've got a great punch and it makes me feel good, but I dont know where to even get started. 
    On another note, I'm thinking of getting my concealed to carry permit. Not just because I'm an ace shot and love the idea of having protection when I need it....but because of the sad state of this world right now. Especially with all the violence against trans people. Thankfully my state has been fairly violent-free against the LGBT+ but that's always what you want to think when something actually does happen. I'd rather have it and be prepared. It's something to consider.
    That aside, I also am attempting to convince my boyfriend to sign up for Motorcycle classes with me. I've wanted to get on a bike since I was a kid, jealous of everyone on a harley and kawasaki. For my 24th birthday, I want my biker's license. I want my Kawasaki.....It's expensive and non-refundable if I fail, but I have to at least try. ESPECIALLY  if I get approved for my top surgery. Put me in a t-shirt and leather jacket on the back of a Kawasaki on bike week---you'll have an extremely happy and humble man. Of course, I couldnt enjoy this dream completely unless I had my man on his harley by my side. I know bikes are dangerous and there's nothing but air between me and the pavement, but the heart wants what it wants right? lol
    And OMAGERD I CANNOT WAIT until I can get back to my favorite spot on the chilly Plum Island Sands...I need ocean time so badly XD
    Anyway, not much else going on. Here's a pic of me for the week, waiting impatiently. I'll let you guys/girls/uniques know when I hear back from them, either it's life changing good news or horrible horrible devastating news. 
    Off to work again,
    Ren

  18. WarrenG
    So apparently the horrible pain I've been in the past two weeks has a simple answer.
    Breasts.
    I have damaged my Trapezius muscle in my shoulder (middle and lower fibers) from a heavy chest and damaged spine.
    Yet my problems are still "Cosmetic" and they dont want to lift a damn finger or spare a dime to help me.
    Thanks....
    I'm just so done...
    Oh yeah, and my plans for the ocean for my birthday, the ONLY thing I've been looking forward to for WEEKS....cancelled. Due to massive rain. I think God/Goddess seriously just hates me and likes to watch me suffer.
    Plus the fact that I disappear from facebook for a few weeks and no one even notices. TOTALLY makes me feel loved.
    Just done.
    Ren
  19. WarrenG

    I'm still here

    By WarrenG,

    I'm still with you guys/gals/people
    I havent left you, despite my almost complete disappearance. Things got so hectic and depressing that I had set aside all of my extra things (youtube, blogging, etc) and abandoned all of my activities in the trans community. I didnt want to be a part of any of it anymore and I didnt want to deal with any of the dysphoria that came with watching the progress of everyone else. It was too much.
    I met friends through the many groups but they kind of drifted away to do their own things, and in my own opinion, seem to be forgetting the little guys that looked up to them in the first place. It just became too much. I was struggling with SH and the rejection my family was putting on me plus just about every other nasty thought that ran through my head on my own doing. So I left, and I apologize for that.
    I'm still struggling with the SH. I thought certain things around cure that problem for me but apparently it will still be a struggle. Not sure why I thought otherwise. But I wanted to update you all--No, I NEEDED to update you all on this. A struggle you all knew I was having.
    TW: Possibly graphic to some people
    .
    .
    .
     

     
    As of April 30th, I've officially had top surgery done. The procedure was done by Dr.Robert Feins in Manchester NH and done at the Nashua Surgical Center in Nashua NH.
    I'm still a few weeks into healing but so far I love the results. I've had a few issues with the incision line as you can see in the front, but it is expected to smooth itself out on its own. They removed a total of TWELVE AND A HALF POUNDS off my chest and will remove more after I heal when they do the revisions on the sides and possibly the front. Aside from about 2500$ out of pocket (deductable, tissue sample tests, anesthesia and etc), my insurance through Harvard Pilgrim covered my surgery.
    It's so nice to be able to breathe and move around properly, though now I've come to realize how big my belly is (now that I can SEE it). But in due time, I plan to fix that. Work right now has been chaotic and we've had one person quit so a lot of the job falls onto me.
    Sadly, I've also considered quitting my job. But I feel awful for considering it so soon after getting my surgery covered by insurance through my job. I feel like pitching out now will be like "thanks for the surgery, bye!" but I'm seriously at my wits end with this job. I'm exhausted, nothing is consistent, there is zero communication and its just so frustrating. It's not what I want to do. I planned to go into the police academy. Which brings me to our next topic.
     
    Education: I was homeschooled by my mother, who I am no longer on speaking terms with. I've come to realize that me being homeschooled was just a byproduct of her doting on my older sister, like always. She struggled in school so we ALL got taken out. As an aftermath, my education lacked horribly. I was handed my text books and left to essentially figure it out on my own, lying on tests to make it more believable as I was given the answer keys just so I could pass and she wouldnt get in trouble. As a result, I've taken the time to make a resume to apply for Dispatch 911 operator. I cannot be a police officer right now so I'm starting small. However, when I found my highschool diploma...I realized that its FAKE. My mother never actually got me a diploma and using said diploma (which she didnt even bother to fill out) would be fraud. So, I need to get a GED apparently. I'm beyond furious that she lied to me and I dont actually have a highschool diploma but I cannot say that I am surprised either.
    Job: As said before, I'm still working security but want to change my job.
    Life: MY BROTHER IS LIVING WITH ME. I cant remember if I told you all that, but my brother (19 and trans) was being verbally and mentally abused by my mother but I had no way to get him to safety. UNTIL my partner and I were able to get an apartment with 2 bedrooms and I took him to live with me! He's been here about 5 or so months and it's been rocky here and there but we're happy and he's safe so that makes me happy! My SH is somewhat under control right now. I'm about 3 months SH free but I dont suspect that'll last with the stress I'm under right now.
    Youtube: I have quit youtube for now with the sad realization that I had no place in it to begin with. I had nothing to talk about, not much of anyone watching, and no idea what I was talking about half the time anyway. I had removed all of my videos and washed my hands of it until I feel comfortable enough to start it up again. My first video will probably be about my next topic.
    Transness---Am I really trans?: Due to a series of events that I'm not sure how it started but it all sort of fell into my lap regardless, I've had some sneaking suspitions on my gender. No, scratch that. My Sex. I know my gender. I know I'm a guy and I am totally cool with that. It was the sex I was not certain of. Now most people can look down and go "yup, my sex is _____" and call it a day. I've never really had that. I've been with several cis women and I never really felt as if I was on that same level that they were. Something was just...off. Looking back at my childhood, I realized little things here and there that greatly supported my suspicions. It was not until meeting a friend of mine who is a counciler for LGBTQ+ teens and talking to her a bit that I stumbled on my own reality. It all fit, like one of those puzzles you forgot you had but never finished. The I in LGBTQI+. 
    Several medical abnormalities, a few extra doses of T that I normally shouldnt have, some things in my sexual adventures that were a little off and not to mention the adam's apple, abundance of hair and my overall structure made me stop and poke her brain into the world of Intersex. It took me only ten minutes to realize that it all sounded a little too familiar. I didnt call my doctor because...let's face it. I had to teach HER about transgender things. You really think she'll know anything about intersex? And I cant just go get a new doctor, a complete stranger, and go "hey, I think I'm intersex. Let's chat."
    No, I stuck with my own "professional" and we dove into it through texts and chats and me doing my own exams with her guidance. Then the big leap. That huge jump that I've never actually thought I'd ever take but I was so desperate to know the truth that I did it anyway. Pictures. I showed her my concerns and she took all of five minutes to confirm everything without even needing to consult her books. I'm not male, I'm not female, I'm intersex. And from her own expertise and what she can see without me physically being there--The doctors who delivered me took that extra step to keep me labeled female; most likely without my mother's consent. However, little things my mother had said to me in the past that seemed irrelevent back then are now horribly relevent and now make perfect sense. She had to have known at least a little bit. But why did she fight it so hard when I came out as trans? Why does she constantly throw that in my face that I'm born a girl? I have a feeling that even if I asked her, she'd lie to my face. So I'm content with not bothering to quiz her on the details of my birth, if she even knew about that aspect of my sex. But now I know, and honestly---I feel more at peace with my sex than I did before. Like that hole in my identity has been filled and it finally all makes sense. I'm Pseudomale Intersex and you know what? I'm okay with that. And this is the first time I've said it somewhat publicly. Some have asked me "Can you even be trans then if you were never technically cis?" and the answer would be "yes" to that. I've had to do some thinking on that myself, actually. But because I still ended up with some altering I had to do and the fact that some of my 'gear' is not cis male, that still makes me trans. And I'm cool with that. And even better, my partner shrugged it off and said "nothing's changed. I've been with you for 8 years, I'm cool with it."
    Which brings us to:
    Partners: I'm still with my amazing bf Justin. He's been insanely supportive of me and he and my brother were my saving graces during my surgery recovery time. They were so careful to help me and be the most help they could possibly be. I dont know where I'd be without them.
     
    So I think that pretty much catches you all up on my life right now. I do plan to add more blog posts now that I have my account again and I look forward to catching up with everyone again. I hope you're all well and I hope to see your lovely faces again.
    Lots of love,
    Warren
  20. WarrenG

    Second Try

    By WarrenG,

    Well, this is my second blog on here.
    It's been a long while since I were on here, mostly due to password issues. XD
    ANYWAY: the trip up to see my family went much better than I had expected, to be honest. My family had always been the judgemental type. You know the kind....all cops are pigs, governments out to get us, gays are weird, etc etc etc. So NATURALLY I were petrified to talk to my mother about my transgender issues. Of course I had already informed my older sister of what was going on, and she was totally cool with it. Really, she was. I almost died of shock.
    BUT due to a court battle between my sister and her abusive Ex in order to keep her two ADORABLE daughters, all of her messages became public to....DUN DUN DUUUUUN. My mother.
    So, of course, my mom found out. And my mom being...well, my mom....she has a loud mouth.
    So after driving three hours north, getting lost and backtracking another hour, I finally arrived at my mom's new home up on the mountainside. And was pleasantly and anxiously surprised to find not just my mom and siblings and two nieces, but also my uncle I havent seen in six years, my grandfather I havent seen in five, and my aunt that I havent seen in probably ten years. All were sitting at the table waiting for me. Just me.
    To get right to the point, they had all travelled to my moms house with knowing that I was coming for a visit, Just to tell me that it's okay. And they'll accept me how ever I am.

    I literally cried with relief. I was driving up there expecting my mom to throw me out on the lawn in horror. I dont think me and my mom have ever been closer, actually. It was so much more comfortable to walk around at night in a tshirt and my boxers without worrying about them judging me for it. True they were a little awkwarded out by it, but they got used to it.
    The visit ended a few days later with plans for me to kidnap my youngest sister who is suffering a lot of the same issues I did at her age, a syndrom we all know as 'black sheep'. My family is into horses, outdoors, simple things. My sister, like me, loves Black Veil Brides, rock music, punk hairstyles, dark clothes, etc. So naturally, I'm proud to have another 'black sheep' in the family and I plan to have her down at my place for a few days of 'outcast hangout'. Should be a blast.

    Also, I BOUGHT MY FIRST BINDER
    I was super excited and my boyfriend agreed to let me buy a binder. I got it from Manshape, and its not so much of a binder I guess, but a compression tank? Not sure what it was called. I cried when I put it on, soooooo relieved to see a difference. But, naturally, after a while I just wanted to see even less. I've been working out for half hour before I go to work every day, focusing on shoulder and chest exercises. I've gone from 226 pounds down to 213! So excited. I was angry that my binder didnt seem to do jackshiz until I realized that it was because, DUH, I'm losing weight. So it's not as tight. This saturday I plan to buy a compression shirt from UNDERARMOR to try and help with it until I can buy another binder. A better one, hopefully.

    DOCTOR UPDATE:
    I went back to see my doctor for a check up on my new meds and whatnot. We talked about the gender thing, and she has said she found me a doctor, but his waiting list is a little long, so she's getting ahold of one more local. Impatient, I've been looking on my own as well. The area I live in is sort of vague on doctors who cover that sort of thing, going between two to five hours away from where I live, which I financially cannot afford. BUT, my silver lining: There is a therapist office in the town that I work, where I know my insurance should be accepted, because I were told there are at least 6 of my coworkers who go to that office for other issues. So, here's hoping I can get in.

    I've started a box called my 'boy box' where I have been saving some of my paychecks here and there, and its funds to go towards either binders, surgery, or therapy. Whatever is needed for my transformation, that money is for that purpose only. And it's racking up, much to my delight

    All in all, things have gotten a bit better. My relationship with my boyfriend is still a bit strained, though the tension is lessening a bit and is more focused on my own peace of mind with the situation and things that I want to do that either he doesnt, or I cant. It's a working progress.
    More update later, now that I'm done babbling and spilling my beans.
    Now if I could only stop accidently writing 'Ren' as my name at work instead of my legal name, I can keep this secret a tad bit longer at work!
    -Warren
  21. WarrenG

    The pride and the shame

    By WarrenG,

    These past two days have both been wonderful, and difficult.
    Prideful, and shameful.

    It started out with a simple errand. My boyfriend had to work, so I went into town on my own, something I rarely get the opportunity to do. So I threw on my binder and a lose black sweater and my jeans, and wandered half an hour from home to do my errands. Grab some groceries, refill on meds, things of that nature. One thing that I needed to pick up, was an auto paint pen. For those of you who arent sure what that is, it's just the paint to fix scratches on your vehicle in the accessability of a marker. So I gathered the barcode and color code, and wandered in to find it.
    I knew where I was going, because I rather enjoy being at the autopart store, and knew where things were. But out of no where I heard "How can I help you, sir?"
    I paused, looking over my shoulder. Surely that werent for me....was it? It was.
    I couldnt help but stare at the man and do all I could to resist smiling from ear to ear. He didnt say miss, or ma'am, or lady....he said sir. SIR. I wanted to hug him, I was so happy.
    Finally!
    Expecially since I've seen this man before plenty of times while with my boyfriend, but that was back when I dressed like a girl and had the unbearable waist-long hair. Now....I was sir.
    Unfortunatly they didnt have the paint that I needed, so I left empty handed, but with a smile on my face. They didnt understand why I looked so happy after being turned down of products, but that was just fine with me.

    My next stop was over to UnderArmor, to find a compression shirt. I was nervous, not sure what I was looking for at all, and wandered aimlessly in confusion. Eventually I decided to ask for help, and actually had to stop and think when they asked if I was looking for mens or womens clothing. I nearly gagged when I said womens...I wanted to say mens, but if it was a matter of how it would work, I guessed it was better to be honest. She wandered around to try and help me out, but came up empty handed. So she called upon the manager, Adam. Who, by the way, threw off all the hints that perhaps he were less than straight. Which was just fine with me.
    He smiled and helped me out, but then he stopped and stared at me. His gaze told of nothing but concern and sympathy, before he got really close and lowered his voice to a whisper.
    "Darling I love you just the way you are, and please do not be offended...but is this going under a binder?" he asked.
    I wanted to hide. I wanted to shove him out of my way and run from that store like a lunatic. But instead I stood dumbfounded, ashamed, and nodded. He smiled though, touched my shoulder, and gave me a wink. "Perfect. Now I know what you need" he grinned.
    He was so helpful! One look and he guessed my size, showed me what would work best for what I needed, and I left with two shirts (which were PERFECT by the way, this man was a GENIUS!) and another grin.

    THOSE were my PRIDEFUL moments.....then came my shame.
    The next night, my boyfriend and I decided to go watch Dracula in the theater, being that I am HUGE into the vampiric mythology and Dracula could practically be my uncle
    I grabbed his button up black shirt, because I love how it fits, and even took the time to throw some junk in my hair to keep it looking decent. Something I dont normally even bother with because I sort of like my messy look XD
    I had no problems until we got to the theater, and I decided to use the restroom before the movie started. Something told me this werent going to go well for some reason, but I went anyway.
    I went in the women's restroom, because that's what I'm used to, and I havent gotten to the point yet that said it's alright to go in the mens. Did my business, etc.
    Everything was fine until I went to wash my hands, and was confronted by a middle aged mom with a toddler on her hip, a look of horror on her face.
    "What the **** are you doing in here?!" was her screams in my face. I were confused at first, til I realized that just like the day before, perhaps I didnt look feminine.
    "There are little girls in here! Get the **** out, you pedophile!" she yelled. Everyone were staring at me now, and I didnt know what to do. I tried to move past her to wash my hands, but she continued to yell at me the whole time I were at the sink. Calling me names, calling me a pervert, and even one of the little girls went to hide in one of the stalls because she thought a boy was in the girls room.
    My face were so red with shame and embarrassment, that I wanted to curl up in a corner. I didnt even bother to dry my hands, I just fled the bathroom with my head down, hearing the door slam behind me and the excited screaming of the woman on the other side of it.

    I hate the way I am. I always have. But this....this just made me feel so much worse.
    I dont belong in the men's room..not yet. But....now I dont even belong in the women's bathroom either? I dont like germs...I'm slightly germaphobic. But now....**** public bathrooms. I'll hold it.

    So in one way, it was a good experience, because it goes to show that I'm slowly molding into the man I want to be. But in another way, it's pushing me further into that void where I dont belong with them, I dont belong with the guys....I dont belong anywhere. I'm in limbo, and there's no where to go except forwards or back.
    I really hope I'm not messing things up,
    -Warren
  22. WarrenG

    Taking a step back Sucks

    By WarrenG,

    Today I did the unthinkable. I did something I desperatly have been avoiding for sooooo long.
    I put on a bra.
    My "binders" smelled like old deodorant, were gross with sweat from work, and I had no time to hand wash and dry them by the time I needed to go to work. So I had to resort to digging through my clothes and finding that dreaded contraption. Instantly I hated it. The straps felt like they were digging into my shoulders, the very hug of it felt forgien and misguided. The whole way to work, I wished I could turn that car around and go home and put my smelly gear back on.
    I avoided stopping at the store for this reason, so no calming Arizona Tea. Which meant stress.
    For some reason, when I'm at work and after my boyfriend leaves his shift..having a tea helps my nerves. It's not helping the diet, but I feel that if it is my only 'out' to the b.s. of work, so be it.
    But today I didnt have one.
    I kept knocking things over with my dreaded "tumors", getting my chef's coat all filthy (which was a HUGE 'no no' in the kitchen I learned at. My old Head Chef Woodward's very french tainted speech about clean jackets and spotless sleeves pestered me all night). It was extremely frustrating.

    On any normal nights, when wearing my gear, I feel fine. Yes, I have to go into the bathroom now and again and retuck it back down my work pants because it rides up, or readjust "them" because one is off set from the other and it looks funny; but I like it! I feel comfortable, finally!
    Not today.
    I just wanted to cross my arms over my chest, stick out my tongue and tell everyone to **** off.
    Thankfully my nightly meds were increased a bit so my anxiety didnt kick my royally unforgiving butt, but nevertheless it was irritating.
    When I dont have my gear on, it simply feels like theyre the center of attention. Even if no one is looking at them! It feels like they are.
    The only things I kept in mind to keep me busy all day were two things. 1)Justin (my bf) bought me a tea and it was waiting for me at home and 2) I had a set of custom fangs from Scarecrow Vampfangs waiting to be customized all for me. Life. Complete.

    I noticed something though. When I'm not wearing what I want, I'm severely uncomfortable. When I'm uncomfortable, I eat. When I eat from being uncomfortable, I eat BAD things. I normally avoid desserts at work, at all costs. Diet, darn it! Diet!.......I had a mint brownie with a scoop of vanila ice cream. Granted it was a small scoop and the brownie was the smallest one on the tray, but Still!! I should have said no! I shouldnt have fallen that far!
    I'm still kicking myself in the butt for it, and that was way back at lunch time. It's 11:15pm right now.
    We bought candy bars for at home but...I feel too guilty to eat one. I'm barely making it through the fruit juices I bought because theyre super sugary.
    I was so guilt ridden that I actually vollunteered to work an extra day this week.
    Yikes, what was I thinking?! Too late to back out now, they need me to come in.

    Well, tomorrow I'm off to Gamestop to get a new (newish. refurbished, 4th Gen) ipod because I've dropped my old one so many times that the glass is all falling off, and I keep cutting myself on it.
    Sort of excited about that, as long as I'm actually able to pick one up. Maybe then I can start that photography a little, eh? Eh? lol
    I'll maybe post a few if I start doing it. God knows with all the fall leaves in my area, I could leave for work a few minutes earlier so I can stop and take a few snapshots. That'd be nice. Plenty of nice views around here.
    Well, I think that's it for now. I think. If I think of anything else, it'll be in the next blog XD
    Tootles for now,
    -Warren
  23. WarrenG
    Yup. That's right ladies and gents and dogs and cats, its a second post in one day.
    The reasons: Because I can.
    Well, that and the post I did previously was actually for yesterday that I was too tired and lazy to do last night. THIS ONE is for TODAY.
    Now, as some of you might or might not know, Halloween is coming. Like...in two days.
    And if anyone knows me personally, they know that Halloween is practically my birthday.
    Not really, I was born in May. But it's THAT important to me
    I LOVE HALLOWEEN!! It's been my favorite holiday since the beginning of my miserably misguided life. Every year since I were twelve, I've been a vampire.
    Vampires are everything to me I love the lore, the stories, the guidelines...So much in fact, I had joined a vampiric coven when I were sixteen. Shortlived, sadly, as I had to move AGAIN. But it was still epic.
    The only year I deviated from being one of the undead was when I was Wednesday Adamms for my boyfriends grandmother, who hated vampire lore. But this year.....IM DEVIATING AGAIN!
    Vampire? Too mainstream this year. What else is equally as fabulous that has been left in the shadows since Twilight, True Blood, Vampire Diaries and The Originals?
    Lycans.
    Werewolves!
    So, I'm a werewolf this year.

    So excited!! I have to go grab some shinanigans to throw on my face and make myself look epic for friday, because its WOOT WOOT!! DRESS DOWN DAY AT WORK!
    Halloween night, all the chefs can wear WHATEVER THEY WANT (as long as it wont get in the food. Hairnets or hats still manditory, just ANY hat)
    I'm so excited ROFL
    I got my fangs as you can see in the pic
    ILL SHOW YOU HOW IT LOOKS ON FRIDAY!
    -Warren the Werewolf (has sort of a ring to it )
  24. WarrenG
    After several days of torment, several attempts not to harm myself, and several agonizing hours of enduring the silent remarks of those around me.....I finally had a tollerable night.
    Nothing too chaotic happened, really.
    My binders actually behaved today. I got up on time, did my exercise, and got to work on time.
    One of my co-workers actually has caught herself and is trying hard to make it a habit not to call me by any nickname feminine. She's really trying, though she messes up now and then, I forgive her.
    I just have to be patient with her, I know its not easy for her to cap that habit.

    Though I broke my new ipod yesterday, I thankfully still had my hands on my old ipod. Though the screen is cracked and its not in the best of shape, it still works, and I were still able to have my music and such with me all day.
    I took my meds on time, which is a rare triumph for me. I'm not on any form of medication for my transition, yet. But if/when I start them, I would like to have my other medications under control, so I NEED to get into the habit of doing things ON TIME. It's taking some time to actually get in the habit of it.
    I expressed to one of my online/texting friends (who is an MTF) that my shoulders/back were sooooooo sore from working out and lifting things at work, so she gave me some advice, and good golly do I owe her!
    She calls it "Shower Yoga"
    It's not as bad as it sounds XD I promise!

    Shower Yoga:
    You do your normal showering routine, such as scrubbing and washing your hair and whatnot. I do my normal "Stand here and let the world wash off me" in the hot water for a while. It helps relax my troubled mind, just to stand under the water and let myself relax and breathe. It's helped A LOT in my self harm recovery, and I highly recommend it.
    After cleaning up and doing your thing, you start your yoga
    First stretch you do is grab your knee and lift it as high as you can, pulling it against your chest. Do this with each knee. You can totally feel it stretch out the muscles on the front of your thighs!
    After that, you bend yourself completely in half and grab your ankles, relax your back and just pull, and let your shoulders and spine stretch out.
    Then grab your ankle and pull it upward like you're sitting indian style, one leg at a time, as high as you can and hold it there for a minute at waist level (if you can)
    After you do both legs, set yourself down on your knees in the shower and lay forward over them, stretching your arms out over your head and towards the faucet. Stay there a moment before arching your back backwards and reaching behind yourself with both arms, stretching your shoulders.

    Next one is to stay seated in the tub/shower, but turn your waist-and-up around and twist to set your hands on the shower area behind you. This will let your spine twist gently and pop it if needed.
    Then you stand up, arching each arm over your head and tipping like a teapot, each arm done.
    Then my favorite:
    Arch your arms up like you're showing off your muscles, but bend both arms (while still in the L position) backwards like you're squishing your shoulder blades together. Hold for a moment, then fold them in front of your chest and bend from the waist up downwards and let the hot water go over your back and waist. Relax, shake it off, and repeat at random if you'd like.
    Throw in some random stretches you're familiar with or feel the need to try!

    My back popped, shoulders, neck, arms, knees, hips, and ankles all popped and the muscles relaxed like crazy.
    You finish off by rinsing off in much cooler water (not ice cold) but do not start from your head. Start at your feet and work your way up, cooling off your body from the stretching and closing your pores.
    I feel soooooo much more relaxed and my muscles love me so much right now XD
    Try it out!
    Huge stress reliever!
    Warren
  25. WarrenG

    Another day...

    By WarrenG,

    So....been another hurtful, stressful, discouraging day. Yesterday's bulls*** has dragged on my mind all night, limiting my sleep, and bringing me down today.
    She purposefully calls me her "daughter kristy" just to piss me off....I dont get it...
    14 hours ago
    Me:Please dont call me your daughter kristy because I am neither of those things. I dont appreciate the post you put up. It's really disrespectful.
    I sent her that^^^^^message and she has since blocked me...
    So, yeah. I'm a little down. But here's my youtube vid for this week....I ranted a little
     
    (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6rUxRUs8t4)
     
    Warren
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