danitgirl1

Apologies, I have just realised you can link to your external blog. I have now done this I will therefore not be updating THIS blog anymore. Please refer to https://daniellaargento.wordpress.com/ Thanks

Star date August 2014 So, I had my second trip out and about this weekend. We reprised our trip to the same trans friendly gay club/bar we went to last time as we both felt comfortable there and really enjoyed the vibe, the crowd and the venue. The weather has been a bit iffy so instead of the sleeveless cocktail dress I was going to wear I went with floral jeggings, a nude shoulder blouse and my closed high heels (first time I have worn closed heels for any length of time). I accessorized with some floral jewellery and a flower hair clip (it WAS a spring party and I felt the need to make an effort). We forgot to draw cash on Saturday morning, so on the way to the club we stopped at our local service station and I drew some cash from the ATM. Stepping out of the car in full sight of people who may or may not be sympathetic was a bit of a thing, but I felt I had to do it. It was all very new and a little nerve wracking. Especially when a car pulled up right behind me and the two guys didn’t get out but watched me going about my business. I got my cash, stuffed it into my bag and made a beeline for the car. We went to the club and danced, chatted, caught up and met some new people, had a drink, all the usual stuff. I was in a very festive mood and danced more than usual. It was a lot of fun and I was far more relaxed than the first time out. I realised that sandals are far easier to dance in than closed shoes but I didn’t let that minor detail get in my way. What a lot of fun! Then a very unexpected (well for naive little me anyway) thing happened. My wife said that she had overheard some of the men at the bar discussing me. I said she must have been mistaken. Anyway some time later one of the men wandered over from the bar and put a drink down in front of me and then put his hand on my back, asking if I wanted it. He rubbed my back in a friendly sort of way. I was so surprised! I mean intellectually I knew this could happen but I didn’t expect it to happen to me. Anyway I was literally speechless (which is rare for me). Fortunately one of the other girls came to my rescue and engaged him in conversation while I did my deer in the headlights impersonation (please note this is not the most effective way of dealing with these situations). He lost interest and left. I feel bad but it was just so unexpected (and ever so slightly flattering and disquieting all at the same time). So I have resolved to practice some polite, humorous but firm put downs just in case I need these in future. I kind of thought having my wife around as ‘bouncer’ would be sufficient deterrent but it seems I was wrong. Fortunately my wife was ok with it all and found it somewhat amusing. We met some lovely new people, had a nice conversation about shopping and stuff and then and then we left a little later. I was on a natural high and therefore asked my wife to drive us a round for a bit whilst we chatted. Sadly it seems the South African Police Services ‘Tranny Intelligence Division’ seem to be getting more on the ball as we saw a police roadblock in the distance. My wife diverted down some side roads and we got home without incident. I am still not ready to face a police officer and explain the situation to him or her. What a lovely night out.

So, ‘tranny’ creates a lot of tension in the community. Many see it as an offensive word used to insult members of the transgender community. I sympathise with this view and I am sure many people have been on the receiving end of this insult. However I think we need to reclaim this word. It is a word like any other and before automatically taking offense, let’s consider first the intention of the user. Did the person using the word intend to insult, hurt harm or cause offense? Or did they intend to use the word ironically. humorously, provocatively or even affectionately? If they were being offensive, then by all means take offense, but rather take offense at their intent and deal with that than at the word itself. If the person was being ironic, humorous or whatever then consider their good faith and respond accordingly. Let’s educate the people who seek to bully us and let us not be bullied. Language can be a powerful tool and ally. Let’s use language and rather than cower away from using powerful words, let’s embrace them.

Hi Emma Thanks for the feedback. Yes I am being deliberately provocative with my title and yes, the word "tranny" can be offensive, but I am happy to 'reclaim' it and use it ironically and (I hope) humorously). For me, I look at what is intended by the use of the word. If the user is intending to be offensive then it is offensive, otherwise not. I am sorry if I offended, it was certainly not my intent but at least I got noticed :-) I have a few more ramblings itching to get out there. Looking forward to looking around and participating. Daniella

So we (my wife and I) did it. We finally inflicted Daniella on an unsuspecting public for the first time. Wow, what fun! The evening was a crossdresser/transvestite/trans person/drag queen etc (all protocols observed I hope) friendly party held at a local (gay) club/bar. It was therefore a friendly place to go to for a first time, shy and nervous girl. The evening was a real clandestine affair; there may be a future for us in military intelligence after all. After attending a family oriented afternoon social, we got home at 7 pm. I showered, did a final hair removal and face shave. We then waited for the babysitter to arrive. We said our goodbyes etc and went to the (unoccupied) guest flat on our property where I had stashed my kit and got dressed, painted nails, and did make-up and hair. My wife went to get the car and I locked up and waited outside. At that point disaster struck! The babysitter came out to see why the car was moving (she had expected us to be gone by then and was afraid someone was stealing the cars). I don't know if she saw me or not as I beat a hasty and slightly wobbly retreat, into the shadows, in my stilettos. Oh well, no point crying over spilled milk. We drove to the venue which took about 10 minutes. I was expecting police roadblock with full body searches at every corner (police road blocks are a feature of life in South Africa), but it seems the South African Police intelligence gathering regarding first time crossdressers inflicting themselves on the innocent public is woefully (and thankfully) inadequate. We arrived at the club and parked the car we could see a few other trans people, crossdressers, drag queens etc standing outside the club and that made me feel better; I was very keen to get in. I got out the car as elegantly as I could (hopefully I didn't flash the security guard: Paris Hilton has my sympathies) and in we went. I had made contact with a few of the attendees on Facebook beforehand and they recognized us right off. They were welcoming, friendly and supportive of both me and my wife. I have seldom been made to feel so much a part of a new group of people so quickly. We got drinks and chatted (I probably bored them all with my story of the babysitter, but I suspect they all remember their first time and appreciate the stress involved). We danced, we talked, we walked around a bit and danced some more. It was great. There was another crossdresser's wife there so my wife had company too which was very nice. There was a self-confessed 'tranny chaser' at the club who looked me up and down but kept his hands to himself, not sure if I should be insulted or not? At around 11-30 my wife had developed a headache and was not feeling too good (loud music is not really her thing), so we left. I could have stayed as I did not want the night to end but we are in this together so we walked through the parking lot greeted the security guard and got in the car as elegantly as I could. My wife drove us home and once again the police's intelligence gathering proved to be far from adequate as we arrived home unmolested. Once we pulled in to the drive way I reluctantly pulled my jeans and jersey on over my dress, took off my wig and earrings and replaced my stilettos with street shoes. I walked into the house and made a beeline for my bathroom while my wife relieved the babysitter. My wife and I spoke lots about this on Sunday night (first chance we had) and we both had so much fun! We are up for it again and are looking forward to more adventures. It was so good being out dressed and being accepted for who and what we are. I do have to work on my presentation skills and especially the behaviours; it is easy to 'lapse' into male behaviours. I appreciate going to a (gay) night club hosting an evening for crossdressers/drag queens etc isn't quite the same thing as shopping, eating etc in 'general public' but it was still a big step for me. There will be more such adventures to follow I am sure.