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eveannessant

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  1. eveannessant

    2 Weeks in Luxembourg

    By eveannessant,

    I've been sooo busy just recently, preparing for hols and also cramming in work, then going on Holiday to Luxembourg via the Channel Tunnel with our Land Rover and Caravan, stopping overnight in Northern France then driving through Belgium to Esch sur Sure where we spent just under two weeks. When we got back I had to attend a Charing Cross GIC appointment yesterday after catching up with two weeks worth of work e-mails, and then today again busy all day at work...............it's a hard life !
    So Esch sur Sure, we pitched up the caravan and went out most days to other parts of the Ardennes including Germany and Southern Belgium which I think I'll cover with subsequent entries. The little village of Esch is situated on the River Sure which is a tributary of the Mosel (or Moselle en Francais), it also forms a large part of the border betweeen Germany and Luxembourg a bit further downstream. It's a in a lovely setting inside a loop of the river at the bottom (well aren't all rivers??) of a deep and steep gorge like valley, see the photo's and I hope videos if they can be attached?
    It rained a hell of a lot but it didn't spoil the holiday, we went out walking along the river and through the woods on the valley sides on days when we didn't go out farther afield via the Land Rover. 
    Cheers for now,
    Eve
    IMG_1400.m4v
    IMG_1399.m4v


  2. eveannessant

    A bump in the road

    By eveannessant,

    It's been 3 weeks since I last consumed alcohol, I've not really missed it, except for a couple of glasses of red wine with the Sunday roast or Saturday evening fillet steak with roast mediteranean veg. It's surprised me really because I loved drinking proper English cider, especially the Herefordshire varieties, but it's been easier than I thought it'd be to go without.
    Why would I want to apparently give up drinking alcohol? On my last visit to ChX GIC I saw Dr James Barrett (Psychiatrist), who incorrectly thought that I was an alcoholic, and spent almost all the appointment telling me of the evils of drink, & had the audacity to recommend to go to Alcoholics Anonymous! Well I'm strong enough to do what I want and not drink or drink as I want to. He's gotten this opinion from a lower than average oestrogen count in my blood test results, this after being diagnosed with having a fatty liver by a liver specialist, who told me that some people do have fatty livers, it's nothing to worry about and it shouldn't interefere with transgendering. It was hinted by Dr Barrett that I wouldn't be recommended by him for GRS unless I gave up Alcohol altogether. 
    Well my latest blood test results came through recently, and they showed no signs of any alcohol related problems, my blood was taken only two weeks after stopping alcohol, now I'm sure that two weeks is not long enough to miraculously have near perfect blood test results, if I ever had an alcohol problem in the first place. My female partner (wife) is a medical Doctor and she can't see a problem either.
    However with the threat of no GRS hanging over me, I'll continue to live in an alcoholic desert until Christmas, and see if there's any improvement in my life. I have another appointment at ChX GIC early December with Dr Seal the Endocrinologist, I'll discuss the issues with him, and then follow his advice.
    It just makes me realise how Psychiatrists think that they know everything, and then judge others by their own values. What the hell has Transgendering got to do with Psychiatrists anyway, how can they come to such verdicts 3-4 mins into a consultation, only having my read my case notes, and not ever having seen me before.
    I don't need any "well done for giving up drink" comments please, it's easy I just don't do it, it's easy because I have never been an alcoholic, It's easy because I choose whether or not to drink alcohol.  
    Now food and eating is another story, especially if I'm bored, and it has everything to do with transitioning..................
    Cheers,
    Eve
     
  3. eveannessant

    A bump in the road,

    By eveannessant,

    It's been 3 weeks since I last consumed alcohol, I've not really missed it, except for a couple of glasses of red wine with the Sunday roast or Saturday evening fillet steak with roast mediteranean veg. It's surprised me really because I loved drinking proper English cider, especially the Herefordshire varieties, but it's been easier than I thought it'd be to go without.
    Why would I want to apparently give up drinking alcohol? On my last visit to ChX GIC I saw Dr James Barrett (Psychiatrist), who incorrectly thought that I was an alcoholic, and spent almost all the appointment telling me of the evils of drink, & had the audacity to recommend to go to Alcoholics Anonymous! Well I'm strong enough to do what I want and not drink or drink as I want to. He's gotten this opinion from a lower than average oestrogen count in my blood test results, this after being diagnosed with having a fatty liver by a liver specialist, who told me that some people do have fatty livers, it's nothing to worry about and it shouldn't interefere with transgendering. It was hinted by Dr Barrett that I wouldn't be recommended by him for GRS unless I gave up Alcohol altogether. 
    Well my latest blood test results came through recently, and they showed no signs of any alcohol related problems, my blood was taken only two weeks after stopping alcohol, now I'm sure that two weeks is not long enough to miraculously have near perfect blood test results, if I ever had an alcohol problem in the first place. My female partner (wife) is a medical Doctor and she can't see a problem either.
    However with the threat of no GRS hanging over me, I'll continue to live in an alcoholic desert until Christmas, and see if there's any improvement in my life. I have another appointment at ChX GIC early December with Dr Seal the Endocrinologist, I'll discuss the issues with him, and then follow his advice.
    It just makes me realise how Psychiatrists think that they know everything, and then judge others by their own values. What the hell has Transgendering got to do with Psychiatrists anyway, how can they come to such verdicts 3-4 mins in a consultation, only having read my case notes, and not ever having seen me before.
    I don't need any "well done for giving up drink" comments please, it's easy I just don't do it, it's easy because I have never been an alcoholic, It's easy because I choose whether or not to drink alcohol.  
    Now food and eating is another story, especially if I'm bored, and it has everything to do with transitioning..................
    Cheers,
    Eve
     
  4. eveannessant

    A good week

    By eveannessant,

    I had a good day on Wednesday at work, had a long chat with a female manager who I had a Health & Safety Inspection appointment with, she was very complimentary and understanding of my transition, and we found out that we both had similar political views, whilst walking around her section, I found that they were selling jewellery which were displayed in glass cases. I actually bought a pewter broach,
    And the manager and her staff were also saying "Oh I like this and that one too" it was almost like shopping! It made me feel so happy, later on I had another inspection to do in the same building, and the assistant manager who accompanied me said that the perfume I was wearing was lovely and enquired what it was, saying it was so fragrant and subtley flowerey, how nice it was to recieve those comments.........

    My wife and I went to the supermarkets in Redditch with our female friend, and I had a great time with them around the clothing section, bought my wife a new top, and our friend found a purple wrist watch, which really went with my purple gelled nails, purple cross over top, and purple agate jewellery, we then bought three fillet steaks, and various veg and wines to accompany, and had a great evening, but my diet has suffered :-( . never mind I'll try to abstain for the next 2 weeks to make up for it.

    I hope that this week coming will be as good as the last............

    Cheers,

    Eve
  5. eveannessant

    A Moving Video

    By eveannessant,

    I found this on You Tube, the poem at the end really blew me away..............



    I can't really think of what more to say after that, other than I have troubesome neighbours who want to stare.........they make my heart heavy.........

    Eve x
  6. eveannessant

    A poem

    By eveannessant,

    In my previous entry, I told of my Dutch/ NZ friends, I found a lovely poem written by them in the wrapping of one of their presents, it's just occurred to me to share it.

    Transition
     

    Testosterone Steve

    Has taken his leave

    (Except when driving)

    Or possibly diving

     

    Shakespeare said; To thine own self be true

    Wise words that rang a bell for you

    We know it took courage, faith and “front”

    (A bit like Kenny Everett’s Cupid Stunt)

     

    What we see is a big hearted lady

    Who dares to be so, before she gets fadey

    Look at your Mum, an example for all

    Bursting with life, still having a ball

     

    You talk about Sam with such great affection

    And clearly love Maybelle to utter distraction

    60’s a bitch, I remember it well……

    We salute you, lovely Eve, be sure to live well

     

    Maggy & Peter Van Krimpen,  27th December 2015


     
    You might be wondering about Kenny Everett and Cupid Stunt. Kenny Everett was a gifted radio DJ turned TV comedian in the UK during the 1980's, he had a drag character called Cupid Stunt who did everything in the "best possible taste"....................
    Cheers,
    Eve

  7. eveannessant

    A testing day out

    By eveannessant,

    I have recently purchased some new outdoors / country boots, because they are so much more stylish than my old walking boots which although are pretty unisex looking were none-the-less bloke boots - ughh. So these new boots are Dublin River Boots, they're almost knee length to within an inch (25mm aprx), they were advertised as waterproof and breathable with other desireable qualities too, I think they were originally for horse riding but are also advertised as leisure / country boots. So Sunday's forecast was for heavy downpours of rain, what an ideal day to test out my new boots!
    So with my friend Sharon, we set off for the small and picturesque town of Bewdley on the River Severn which is about 25 miles west of where I live. I parked my car in the station carpark and walked off north along the East bank of the river which parallels the preserved steam railway. the begining of the walk is along a delightful country lanewhich after a mile and a half or so finishes and becomes a narrow footpath. Now one of the reasons for buying the new boots was because they'd be so much better than ankle boots in tall wet grass, so i soon had an opportunity to try them out in such grass near a couple of reservoirs, they were great and totally waterproof. Continuing our walk under the railway / river bridge we were in very muddy conditions and brown puddles - no worries for my boots. We reached Arley which is the next riverside village north from Bewdley soaked through, our outdoors coats were found very wanting! so we looked like a couple of drowned rats. We had decided to cross the pedestrian only bridge & pop into the pub on the opposite bank for a pint or so of cider, it was truly delicious (Thatchers Gold from Somerset), I gave up trying to dry my hair with the hand dryer in the toilets, and sat with hair dripping whilst drinking my pint. We had decided to catch the train back to Bewdley so we set off for Arley Station a hundred yards or so uphill from the pub. If the walk took nearly 2 hours, the train journey seemed ro take only 5-6 minutes. 
    Before transitioning I used to go to this railway a lot, because Steam engines have been an interest to me since childhood, and I don't see why my transitioning should alter that, I'm highly unlikely to start liking dolls houses etc. Anyway I always used to visit the 2nd hand bookstall on the station that specialises with railway books, and the old guy that runs it used to recognise me. I was always sort of wary about marching in as Eve, but I thought that I'd had such a bvrilliant day so far, this was really the last test for me to go in search for a suitable book, and pay the old guy for it. He had seen me at a local pub in December when I first became full-time Eve and had stared at me making me feel very uncomfortable, so this was a last test of my self confidence, I just had to do it or otherwise I'd never be truly Eve. Well I did it just marched in nonchalently found a book, walked up to the counter stared him straight in the face and he served me politely, charging only £2 for a book marked at £4, I didn't really give him a chance to make me fell anything other than a customer. When we got to the car sharon said that he did look at me with a puzzled face when I walked past the counter, you know what I couldn't care less whatever or whoever he thinks I am, & yes I will return to buy more books in the future, I know now that there isn't anywhere much that I wouldn't go to.
    We both felt pleased with our walk along the picturesque river and beautiful countryside, the poor weather just added to a sense of adventure, I was in awe of my boots and the bookshop was like the cherry on top of the cake.........Eve can do whatever Steve used to do!
    Cheers,
    Eve



  8. eveannessant
    Went out for another long walk in the Severn Valley countryside on Sunday with my friend Sharon, we'd done walks along the valley a couple of times previously, but this time we parked my car two thirds of the way from Bewdley to Arley at a place Called Trimpley just above the reservoirs. we walked down the valley side to cross the preserved steam railway and then walked alongside the reservoirs, under the historic Victorai rail bridge along the river side to Arley where we crossed the river and walked on the west river bank all the way to Hampton Loade railway station to wait for a train to return us to Arley. Total distance walked as worked out with dividers, rulers and OS map is 8.155 miles or 13.125 Kms, it seemed nearly twice that distance walking over uneven grass, mud, and gravel surfaces. My bad left knee (bone necrosis - scuba diving, motorcycling et al) is still suffering the following day.
    Anyway we had an enjoyable time and saw some really fine preserved locomotives and carriages pass us as we walked along the riverside, including a couple of famous Locomotives  ex LMSR  no 46100 Royal Scot, and Ex LNER Replica 60163 Tornado, built in 2008 at Darlington, it's that last steam locomotive built in the UK after a 48 year gap.
    Enough of my anorak mentality. All through the walk I spoke to other walkers and and passengers and staff at the railway station and no one treated Sharon or myself any differently than other passengers or walkers. So I either passed as female, or people are very tolerant of Transgender people, either way I'm happy with that.


  9. eveannessant

    Birthday

    By eveannessant,

    Well, it's exactly a year to the day since I changed my name and became a full - time Eve begining my RLE. It's hard to believe that I haven't appeared as male in all that time, and all the things I've done and places I've been as Eve. Physical development too, especially facial features, I look in the mirror now and know that I don't look like a bloke anymore - hurray that was one of my greatest fears. I don't worry about passing anymore, I don't worry if someone realises that I'm trans either, I'm just me and I'm happy with myself. I find myself thinking about outfits and how I'd feel wearing them, I can't stop buying clothes, I just love being me.........And to steal someone elses phrase, it's my Birthgirlday, and I'm one.
    Last month I attended a trial trans / gender neutral only swimming session, but couldn't swim due to a deeply gashed palm, but on Sunday I will wear a swimsuit for the first time and go swimming, I also have a swimming cap in pink! Can't wait, but I hope one day to be able to go to any swimming pool but it'll have to wait until after GRS. So in the meantime this looks as if it's the only activity when I am still in an artificial environment (closet ), well I really look forward to seeing what the next year brings when I'll be two.
    Hugs,
    Eve xx
  10. eveannessant
    Well ok you have, Caitlin Jenner in the US, and doesn't she look great on the cover of Vanity?. Here in the UK we have Kellie Maloney, formerly Frank Maloney, boxing promoter, managed Lennox Lewis amongst others, who has transitioned at the age of 60, that's what I call a really brave thing to do, of course it wasn't a choice, like most trans she could only resist being herself for so long, she has appeared on TV in rubbish dross shows such as Big Brother (reality show), but these are shows that the masses watch, and so it helps to normalise being trans in the minds of those who find it difficult to think for themselves. Kellie has freely admitted that her life was better after appearing in the show, than was previously the case.
    These Celebrity Trans actually do a huge favour for the rest of us, in helping to develop a "so you're trans - so what?" attitude to us, amongst the sheep-like masses out there. Of course there will be some who would already have had a "oh really? wow, when did you.......etc" questioning and interest attitude to us, I hope that more will behave in such a manner.
    Personally I don't agree with Kellie and her politics (UKIP), but from what I have seen, I admire her achievement, and determination to be who she wants be, she is a lady who believes in herself & that's good enough for me.
    Thanks Kellie, bless you,
     
    Eve x
  11. eveannessant
    This is really tiring, the temperature is above 30o celsius and there's hardly any wind not even a gentle breeze, that may be a walk in the park to those of you who live in hot countries, but here in the UK it's pretty stifling. Can't wait for cooler fresher Atlantic weather. 
    Anyway, it makes me realise how difficult it can be being a 'full time' trans woman, it's pretty near impossible to hide my broad shoulders, my scalp is soaking with sweat, make-up is pointless as sweat runs down my face, I have headaches, I can still hide my hips by wearing long floaty dresses, but without hiding my shoulders I wonder if the effort is worthwhile. However I'd point out that I never liked very hot temps even before transitioning, but I now feel at a disadvantage in this weather compared with my former identity. The only respite is in my car with the A/C turned fully on. Even if I could appear as male in this weather, which would be difficult, I wouldn't, it wouldn't be me, and I just have to accept that this is one of the few disadvantages that I have come across so far........................
    It's not as if I didn't see it coming, I just told myself that I'd have to try and cope with it when the time comes. Hell, I had to stop prevaricating, making excuses for inaction and naval gazing, and bite the bullet and get on with MY LIFE, as Eve ! Anyway my guess is that one acclimatises to different temperatures, trouble is that we don't generally have such high temps as this in the UK, 3-4 days worth is the norm folloewed by thunder storms and cooler weather, so there's not much of a chance to acclimatise.
    But having gone out this morning for electrolysis, I found that few people were out and about, traffic was very light, so it reminded me of a sleepy French village where nothing much stirs in the mid-day sun, which beats down relentlessly, only the noise of the starlings was missing.................if only I could go swimming in a river - no chance of that until post GRS at the soonest.
    Life with both female and male bits of anatomy was never going to as straightforward as might have been imagined, hot weather will bear testimony to this, wearing clothes that disguise anatomy most other times of the year might not be possible during hot weather, I hope that when my trans journey comes to a conclusion, some of these difficulties will have been resolved.
    But the point is please be aware of unusual climatic conditions, if you are contemplating transition.
    Week-end July 11th & 12th is Sparkle week-end. Sparkle is a huge 'Trans event' (rather than an LGBT pride event) held in Manchester, I'm off to see it for the first time with my wife who has organised the hotel and train tickets. Whilst I don't go to these sort of 'trans safe events' regularly anymore, never having been before I feel the need to have experienced it, before I submerge fully into 'normal society'. No doubt I'll put out a blog entry about the event after the 12th July.
    Cheers,
    Eve
     
     
     
  12. eveannessant
    I just thought that my previous entry wasn't quite complete, and I needed to add a second entry supplemental to it. When I first came out of the closet (Trans Wardrobe?) to my wife, the mist was just starting to thin, I didn't think it would ever be possible for me to become a full-time trans woman, even though my innermost self wanted it with all my heart. I had thought about it many times before and told myself it's not possible based on my physical build. Anyway I started dressing around the house for nights in and started experimenting with make-up. After another 4 months or so I found out about a close friend who was similarly afflicted. This eventually led to part-time dressing in trans-friendly places, so it was an enlarged closet really. Can you see the mist starting to thin some more?  I had a great deal of tranxiety at first getting from my front door into a car and being tranxious about the car stopping at traffic lights and people looking at me, and going from the carpark to the bar, I've never walked so fast in high heels in my life! It then started becoming apparent to me that the Genie was well and truly getting out of the bottle......... and the mist is clearing a little more. 
    I've already mentioned in previous entries that I had fooled around with phyto-estrogen pills and cream, I didn't expect them to work, however around the same time I was diagnosed with gynecomastia, this in retrospect still seems to me to be the foundation of my going on further, than purely cross-dressing. So the mist is clearing quite quickly now. The weather had also started to change for Trans people too, it was becoming less and less unusual to be trans.
    I gradually became satisfied as being an inbetweenie (non gender specific) then moved on ever further to becoming femme, the remnants of the mist had disappeared during this 2 year period and now that I am fulltime undergoing hormone treatment, very occasionally during a red wine induced period of insomnia, I think about my choice to desert being male, it brings the occasional tranxieties that soon disappear. After sleeping later in the early morning I seem stronger in my belief of being femme. So the mist occasionally returns, and then the sun shines through and the mist disappears..............
    So it takes time to transition, it took me longer than many others that I know. It's also hard work and expensive, even in the UK where most medical issues are treated free, there remians the cost of maintaining a female wardrobe, the cost of many pairs of shoes, I sometimes think that I might have some centipede in me!, and the cost of make-up and beauty treatments, electrolysis, nails being gelled, and so on. Then there's the cost of name change and documents being changed.
    So you have to realise that these changes are going to be you for the rest of your life, when you have accepted that and you accept yourself for who you really are, I think the mist will have finally cleared away.
    Profoundly,
    Eve
     
     
  13. eveannessant
    I like many others, some not even in the UK, face changes of responsibility, although in my case not of demotion. Public sector employment in the UK is being decimated by the Conservative (tory) government, they are giving public service jobs to their private contractor mates, so far my job hasn't been privatised, but the implication of privatisation is that I have less to look after, due to whole sections leaving local government employment, thus making the Council that I work for smaller.  I'm  just hanging on for my pension, which when it's large enough I'll retire. My partner also has very similar problems being a consultant paediatrician in the NHS, which isn't really National anymore, it's been so fragmented that the left hand doesn't know what the right hand's doing.  The media is mostly anti EU and wants the UK to leave, the media is mostly pro tory, not much that is derogatory to right wing views and ideals gets published in the majority of the press or aired on the BBC. I have said before that the public are mostly sheep the press are the wolves who feed on the sheep and the tory politicians are the perverted shepherds who should be looking after the sheep. It's a really cosy relationship, a very subtle sort of corruption really. But there's a new dimension now with corporatism creeping - uh?, no, leaping in with Corporations pulling the strings of the idiot politician puppets, and it seems aided by the media.
    It's funny but I don't feel very free anymore, we used to pity the communist countries in Eastern Europe a few decades ago, thinking that they didn't have any freedom. To think that we have much freedom of speech, is quite laughable with a media so biased toward the new regime, who will take much notice of whatever I say whether or not it's on social media or printed in the fringe press?
    Don't think that I'm anti free-enterprise though, I'm all for it, but I'm very much against giving public services on a plate to private contractors.
    I want to leave the UK and live in Europe somewhere, and not be bothered with the antics of right wing idiots.
    Depressed,
    Eve
     
     
  14. eveannessant
    I had a great day yesterday, I went to London (even the traffic was good!) to Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic (ChX GIC) for an appointment with Dr Leighton Seal, he's their Endocrinologist. He really is one of the most helpful Doctors I've ever met, he seemed willing to arrange the best available treatments within medical guidlines, we talked about which oestrogen traetments were more efficient, epidermal patches or tablets, I was on patches due to previous liver concerns, which are now allayed. So I was given the choice and I elected for tablets after he said that they were the more efficient regime (like many women I also want my boobs to be larger LoL), he also doubled up my Finasteride dosage, so that I now don't have to halve the tablets anymore. The Decapeptyl injection regime that I'm on also, has really boosted the previous half tablet regime, my hair regrowth has dramatically increased since January, so I'm really hoping that the extra Finasteride will speed the re-growth further.
    I have found, contrary to some other girls and boys, that ChX GIC is a most helpful and friendly institution that really cares about it's patients (for want of a better term). I can only hope that it will always continue to exist, in a quite destructive right wing governmental environment where more and more public services are privatised.
    So I came away as a very happy girl.........................
    Cheers,
    Eve
  15. eveannessant
    I had weird dreams recently, but a theme from one of them has stuck in my head. It seems to me to be appropriate for most, it's "I will use my individual freedoms to my desired extent, without impinging on the freedoms of others", I think that this used to be called "good manners", but it's much more than just saying please and thank-you, and have a nice day too. It's more about how can I do what I want, and aid others too where I can.
    How much smoother the world would be if everyone adopted these thoughts. 
    Imagine you're on a busy motorway, would it not be easier to pull over to the nearside lane to allow others to pass at a greater speed, would it also be better if those travelling at a higher speed asked themselves if it was safe to travel faster in a given scenario, or how they might achieve a faster speed whilst not endangering others?
    I guess a more appropriate example here would be something like, how can I help others with what I have gone through, whilst recording my experience for my own sake, and at the same time doing what I want to do ( Transitioning, cross dressing, androgenuity? is that a word lol), or how do I transition and help others to understand me, or help them to adjust to me?
    I wonder if the Foriegn Departments of Governments have such thoughts before acting, or if they just think it's good for our country, don't worry about others?
    Cheers,
    Eve
  16. eveannessant
    I'm still having problems with UK financial organisations, Tesco especially, I have decided as soon as I have my new card in my new name I'll trnsfer my balance to a different card provider, yes, this is termed as voting with my feet, and sticking a finger up in Tesco's direction.

    Paypal UK are another pain in the ass, they wouldn't accept my Deed Poll which I uploaded to them, they also wanted UK Driving Licence or Passport......Driving Licence is presently in the process of being changed, and I'm waiting for it to be returned in the post. My passport is waiting to be sent off as soon as my Deed Poll certificate is returned from Tesco Bank. ARRRGGGHHHH.

    If you going to transition fulltime in the UK expect Frustration...............the process is unnecessarily long, and awkward.

    Anyway yesterday I went to our local supermarket with my wife, and I either passed as female or if not nobody said anything or stared, you never can be sure, other UK girls have termed this as "Schrodingers Pass". I am getting more and more used to it with increased exposure.

    I took my wonderful wife out last night for a meal, to a bar / restaurant on the edge of Birminghams gay quarter ( I wonder if we'll ever have Trans quarters in the future?) this bar is used by straight people as well as LGB and last night one 1 T (me), anyway we had a great time with excellent food, in fact some of the best I've had anywhere in Europe.

    So apart from pain in the ass finacial people I had a good day.
  17. eveannessant

    Female Intuition?

    By eveannessant,

    Following on immediately from my previous entry regarding paint, which I should have posted  3-4 days ago.
    I think I might have developed a sixth sense, this is completely contrary to what some of my friends inform me, that they didn't think I had any sense at all! However I've digressed, apologies, over the last 8 months or so I have had feelings predicting things happening, starting with the thoughts that I needed to buy National Lottery tickets because I'd win, I did and yes I have won small amounts several times since, I am still left with the feeling that I will (not might) win a sizeable amount in the near future. That as a one-off feeling didn't really make me consider the female intuition thing on it's own, but this intuitiveness seems to have now grown to predicting where the traffic will either turn off, of carry on the same road in front of me when I'm driving. Of course I don't rely on this "intuition" other than not bothering to overtake the vehicle in front if I percieve that it will shortly change direction.
    Yes I drive too fast, compared to most others, it's an ex-biker thing, and also an ex-male thing too I suppose, but other vehicles do get in my way!!
    However back to this weird intuition, when I look back at my life I can see (and I discovered this in my teens which strangely is when cross dressing started) that if I desired something badly enough, It would happen eventually by one means or another, either by luck or eventually by my own efforts. An example would be in my early biker years wanting a decent motorcycle (in those days decent meant non-Japenese!), I had to do this by my own efforts with a small amount of luck thrown in. I started off with cheap junk and through repairs , renovations, and trading up ended up with a superb Norton Commando with engine modifications including increased capacity to 920cc, I just wanted that bike so much that it happened, but luck played it's part on the way with opportunities to sell high and buy low.
    The same can said of my transition from male to female, although at the start I just thought that I had a kinky fetish, I wanted to be able to wear certain provocative clothing and footwear that females wore, hell that was a real desire seeing girls dressed that way day in and day out, and eventually here I am, I've done that, and passed on to dressing comfortably as a female. I also had desires for boobs, well don't most males!, but no I mean my own, I always wondered what it'd feel like to have my nipples sticking out 4-5 inches in front of my ribs, and wobbling when walking etc., OMG this is sounding more and more like a fetish to me! LoL, however I desired them and they happened.
    So are desires and intuition linked or did the intuition happen because of hormonal changes, I'm not totally sure yet but I surely hope that the intuition thing increases, I love it! in fact I desire it.
    Cheers,
    Eve
  18. eveannessant

    Female talk

    By eveannessant,

    Had a great day at work yesterday, which finished off with a 45 min long chat with a female colleague who used to do the admin for our H&S Training Courses. This is really the first social chat I've had with a cis female who isn't a close friend, since transition. Well it was extremely frank and surprisingly different to any conversation that I've had with a male either before or after my transition. I think that the thing I felt most surprised about was the fact that talking felt so good deep inside of me, I don't know (becauase I'm not Catholic), but I imagine it was like a confessional. No wonder why women seem to like talking so much, it's taken two and half years of oestrogen for me to realise it mind you!

    It sort of confirms my thoughts that I'm thinking differently to how I used to think as a male or before I started presenting full time en femme. Of course I have realised that I'm generally happier now, but I had thought that it was because I no longer have to guard a secret any more. The changes that hormones have brought about me, other than the obvious physical changes, have amazed me, and I really hope that they will continue to do so.

    Hmmm, mind you, I'm not sure that I could classify myself as a woman yet anyway, but I think at least I have the right to wear "L" plates!

    Having been a man in my past life, I can see why the sexes get so frustrated with other, there is no way that I could have imagined what it's like to be a woman when I was a man. Yes it is a mans world, for all the equality acts and similar around the world, but I don't think that men meant it to be so, they just can't understand how or what is needed to make it more equal.

    I'd love to know if the reverse is similar for Trans men, perhaps someone can let me know?

    Anyway I'm off on a pub crawl in Birminghams South Side, with my wife and some LGBT Friends this afternoon, we've been looking forward to it for the past two weeks.............I don't think I'll be in a very fit state to write anything for a day or so afterwards........

    As we say in the UK,

    Cheers,

    Eve
  19. eveannessant
    I'd always wanted a pair of nice boobs for as long as I could remember, I used to imagine what it'd be like to have boobs, what it'd feel like with my nipples placed out much further from my ribs than they used to be. Then when I came out as transvestite, dressing part-time, I used to long to be more feminine, and that really started me off with hormones, way before any sane person would have advised anybody to, so yes I self medded.
    I wanted as much feminisation as possible, to enable me to "pass" and act as a female, so that I could convincingly wear tight skirts, leggings, make-up, tight tops, and wait a minute isn't this sounding what a man's idea of what a woman is? It was mine. 
    Point is that I knew that HRT would feminise me, that I'd grow boobs if I was lucky, that I'd loose upper body strength (I didn't realise just how much I'd lose though!), my facial features would soften, and that weight re-distribution would happen. This has happened, and over the last 14 months or so my tastes in female clothing have also changed, they started to become much more what a real woman would wear, same is true for make-up too.
    It's gradually started to dawn on me after all this time, that I'm becoming a woman, not just a more feminine version of the previous me, as I had previously been thinking of. HRT for trans women is not just about Hormone Replacement Therapy, I'd been taking oestrogen for 18 months or so before I became a patient of Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic, and during that time I had developed as a more feminine male - the more feminine version of the previous me. HRT for trans women is as much about Hormone Removal Therapy, taking away testosterone has in my opinion, been responsible for my becoming a woman - not sure if there's still a way to go yet, I can only hope so.
    So it was a bit of a revelation to realise that I'm becoming a woman, but one that I wouldn't want to miss for the world. Maybe those in our community who have known from birth that they were born in the wrong body may already know that they are a woman, but there are many like me who did not posess those feelings or have that knowledge. So to those who are treading, or contemplating treading a similar HRT path, beware that you'll become a woman not just a feminine version of yourself.
    Cheers,
    Eve
  20. eveannessant

    Going Dutch

    By eveannessant,

    Hi Girls and Boys,

    In my last entry I told of my excitement of going on holiday to Holland for a week driving with our caravan in tow from Dover to Dunkirk via a ferry. My excitement was fully justified, however dissapointingly no one on the outward journey checked my passport other than the ferry company, but no worry once on the ferry I settled down to reading a new e-book that I recently purchased (Becoming Drusilla - more about this later). No-one stared, no-one said any rude remarks as my innermost self had feared, and why should they, have no-one has in in the UK to date, we disembarked at Dunkirk with myself feeling very happy and drove through northern France, Belgium and into Holland. As we neared the camp-site we saw the magnificent bulb fields with mainly tulips and hyacinths in full bloom, they gave a wonderful striped colourful view of the flat landscape.

    We shared our section of the campsite with 2 Canadian women (amongst others)who were touring in a German registered motor home, They told my wife that liked to see 2 women camping together! My wife then told them that I am transgender, and they absolutely accepted me as myself as a trans woman, I told them I still needed 'L' plates!

    When our freinds visited the next day for a BBQ the two Canadian women also came over for dinks, our freinds are a (cis) couple, she's a "Kiwi", and he's a "Cloggie", they're an absolutely fantastic couple, who invited us over to their house in The Hague for an overnight stop. The next day we visited a museum in Harlem in the morning and then drove to The Hague. My wife went out cycling with the the male half and I went shopping with the female half.........great fun, quite unexpectedly she said that getting the foundations right was so important to looking good...........so she bullied me into going for a bra fitting, the net result hasn't produced anything that I didn't know already, but the experience was fun, the Dutch shop assistant was sooo open minded! Bless her.

    That evening we drank in the beautiful bar that they created in their loft space, it was truly amazing. The next day we visited the Japenese garden, followed by lunch and a visit to the amazing model world exhibition. In the evening we went to an Italian restaurant, where I was always referred to as madam, this was really good! Food was also good too.

    All too soon it was time to pack up the caravan where I ruined my nails on the caravan awning , oh well camping and long nails don't really mix! After an overnight stop on a Truly awful campsite next door to Dunkirk, we made our way to the ferry port, where my passport was checked more times than I can remember, success at last I thought!

    It was nice all the same, to be back home in the UK except for the M25 around west London, we got home and eventually had drinks and a roast chicken dinner (UK style of course with lots of gravy!).

    I'm now back at work and looking forward to our next trip in the South of England in a couple of weeks time.

    Ok I mentioned the book that I couldn't put down "Becoming Drusilla" by Richard Beard. It's a biography of a MTF transition from the eyes of a close friend who is the author. I was fascinated by the similarities between Drusilla and myself, hands on engineering backgounds etc. At the conclusion of the book I actually cried properly for the first time since transitioning, I felt that I had found some answers to my own questions, and at the same time to find that I am not at all alone in being different to many other "T" girls that I know, both mentally and physically. Drusilla also has a website called Being Drusilla.

    Well at least I haven't bored you to death with the holiday snaps taken on my new i phone!

    Cheers,

    Eve
  21. eveannessant

    Goodbye

    By eveannessant,

    I've made the decision to stop blogging on this site, there are two reasons for this the first is I have run out of things to say that have any real trans relevance, because living life as a trans woman has become so normal after my transition 8 months ago and taking oestrogen for over two and a half years. The second reason is, I suspect that many UK trans issues are different from within the US where most of the site membership seems to belong to. This is evidenced by the lack of comments and likes from some quarters to my comments and blog entries, this lends a rather parochial appearance in my eyes. To those of you who who do not fit that description, I am sorry to be leaving, and I'll miss you.
    Eve
  23. eveannessant
    Saturday 27th June was a nice day, after getting in the weekly supermarket shopping in the morning, I asked my wife what she wanted to do, as usual she said things that she thought I wanted to do, so I said no what do YOU want to do? She wanted to go to see the rose garden at Coughton Court, this about 10 miles or so from where we live in a little village called Kings Coughton. The Court is a National Trust site (sort of stately home and gardens open to the public and owned by the Trust), and it's main reason for fame is that co-conspirators of Guy Fawkes lived there centuries ago when they hatched the gunpowder plot to overthrow parliament.  
    It was quite a sunny and warm day so I dressed accordingly and took lots of photo's with my i-phone, my wife took one of my with my phone too, see below, anyway the place was very busy and at times children were told to move out of the ladies way, this made me feel good inside, it really lets me know that I do pass as female when out and about, however I have to be careful about what I wear to hide masculine shoulders and lack of hips, but the very lightweight coat is almost a cardigan, and so thankfully I didn't get too hot, and didn't get strange looks from people thinking why is she wearing a coat! Any way we finished the visit off with an ice cream (strawberry for me and salted caramel for my wife). we then returned home and rested before we had friends around for the evening.
    My friends are all trans, two of them (a couple) are post op and the other pre-op as am I, well we all had a great evening, I had cooked coq au vin which seemed to be enjoyed by all, I also introduced them to Aperol Sprtitzers (3 parts Prosecco, 2 parts Aperol, 1 part soda water with lots of Ice and a slice of orange), these were definately enjoyed along with all the rest of the drinks consumed into the small hours of the morning.
    Down side is that I am now feeling a little "empty headed" as I type this blog entry, but I look back at the week just passed and reflect on how happy I am with it, Monday at ChX GIC with the changes in my hormone treatments and Finasteride, Wednesday with my once every 12 weeks Decapeptyl injection, and yesterday's day out and an evening in with great friends.
    The photo's are me being dwarfed by a massive potted flower display outside the rear doors to Coughton Court, and me with one of my friends Louise in our kitchen.
    I hope that you all have happy times too, it'd be nice to hear of them.
    Cheers,
    Eve


  24. eveannessant
    I watched I am Cait series 2 epsiode 1 last night, it's the first one that I've watched, it was shown on a TV channel called E, which I think is new to the UK. Anyway I had wanted to watch Caitlyn Jenner shows for quite a while but they were not shown in the UK until recently.
    The episode that I watched was some sort of road trip and seemed to centre around the grand canyon, she had a group of around 10 transgendered friends with her, but I just could not believe her attitude to hearing any political views other than her own. The debate seemed to spring up after one of the group read out news about transgendered people being stopped from using the correct toilets by republican politicians and religious people. Caitlyn seemed to think it was the correct thing to do !!!! She also slagged off democrat politicians too. Please keep her in the US, I really don't want her over here, even if she has placed trans issues in the public eye, not supporting going to the correct toilet is bad for all of us, and sends out a totally wrong message. 
    US political party's seem to bear great similarities to ours, although admittedly not identical. In a similar fashion over here it's easy for those rich people (born with a silver spoon in their mouths or just good at ripping people off? - few have gotten rich by being hard working and fair at the same time) to vote for issues that benefit themselves, they've never been anything other than rich or lived on easy street's gravy train. It was our Labour party over here who gave UK LGBT people most all of our present rights, the conservative party have done very little for us other than same sex marriage in some churches where the vicar (or whatever equivalent devil dodger in some other branches of the church) isn't anti-everything other straight heterosexual  partnerships.
    Anyway, I won't be watching Caitlyn Jenner again...............
    Cheers,
    Eve
     
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