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Michele800226

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  1. Michele800226
    Hi there everyone
     
    Its not about being optimistic or pessimistic, it about the way my smile and looks are putting me in hot water at times.
     
    I've come to realize that some of my male friends are now also hitting on me, because I've got a perky happy face 90% of the time if not more.  Now they are becoming like horny dogs after my ass too.  Is this a culmination of my smile, facial expression, ass and boobs or just men being like a pack of horny dogs in heat season???
     
    With the unknown factor, the unknown men...  That will offer me gifts at an intersection I had to stop.  Start talking to me and saying how much they love me, while just seeing me walking down the street and smiling at them.
     
    Should my smile or body freak me out, because I'm not opening myself up to all these horny bugger's.  Or should I embrace the power it gives over men and women in the open field of life.
     
    I've decided that flirtation with a beautiful soul, okay sometimes a gorgeous hunk is all that I need to continue with my perfect smile.but therein lies the fault, not all hunks have beautiful souls.
     
    So do I smile and get all the beauty that comes with it, or do I think of all horny screwed up persons that bring along flustered situations???
     
    Now let me say this, I won't give up smiling and letting my soul trickle through for everyone to see, buy I'm also not incapable of switching to my dragon face that bites off unwanted attention in a flash.
     
    Remember, be safe out there.  Walk in pairs and tell a friend where you are gong if you are going alone.  Oh and I should learn to practice what I preach.
     
    Hugs
    Michele





  2. Michele800226
    Everyone will ask why you asking about chocolates, right.  Actually wrong.
     
    I've never been bound by race or religion, when it came and still comes to men intriguing me.  But I've always had a thing for someone taller and bigger body structured then my 1.74m (5ft8) structure and around 140Lbs.  The top criterion above all else, is he needs to have respect, love and adoration for me.
     
    Okay, I grew up in a time when interracial relationships were a no no, but I am grateful my dad crossed all boundaries of interracial friendships.  Say something inappropriate in front of me, and I'll put you on your place.
     
    That's probably why, all I need a man to be, is himself and respectful towards others.  If I like you, it's because of qualities you have, and loving you means our qualities are strengthened by our relationship with each other and I wNt to around you every second I can, with me time for friends.
     
    So leave me alone if the guy I choose is darker then me, because he might have been lighter, then you'd be worried over me dating him.
  3. Michele800226
    Hi there everyone
     
    Know that this have been a while.  But I can promise that I have more then enough to tell.
     
    Where to start, is a good question, and like I tell everyone go to the beginning.  But in this instance, I will take different headings for different starts.  So LONG STORY  I THINK...
     
    DATING
    Well since I last was on I got in a relationship and ended it a few days ago.  But here goes the experience.
     
    Well as I never go looking for things like this, I can't say that I was on the hunt.  But this is how the hunted story starts.
     
    Went to a friends place, I haven't seen in a while and one of the children I knew has finally grown up.  Darnit, I even forgot about him because he was really all grown up, and no, it wasn't him.  I continued going in as I only realized that my friend is a qualified hairdresser and went to check out her skills.  Didn't take notice of the guys in a way to actually say I'm available and the one just continually messed with me.  Made it his point to walk in on me and scare the living daylight out of me while singing.  Oh, I actually know how to use my vocals and just tried to ignore that I knew this.  Pushed him away after a month of constant harassment and me stating I don't do children.  He asked what is a child on him, he is old enough.  Okay, in the push he fell over and was lying on his back and I ended up sitting on top of him to tell him why it wouldn't work with him.  And I get told I'm not that strong, but lean in he wants to say something and started kissing me.  Pushed him down and away from my mouth, even though his kissed intrigued me.  Still held my grounds that he is too young, and for a week or two he continuously kissed me and told me that it will happen that I will allow him in.  Well lets forget the pelvis grinding he did and later pinning me down, before I stopped fighting him.
     
    I looked at him and found his Identity Document and noticed that he is legal aged and basically 17 years younger than me.  How I'm hearing the ladies shout, cougar, cradle snatcher, you could've changed his nappies while he was a baby.  Well, I eventually let my guard down and accepted that a younger guy was interested in me.  Let him kiss and go on with me.  Even let him take me to a club, me at a club.  I'm way to old for that crap, I don't do clubs unless I truly need to unwind and there is no open punching bag.  But then I also have grown up to the degree where I won't drink and drive.  I know the practice was bad, but in my prior few years I would keep my blood alcohol level within the legal limit.
     
    The things I enjoyed most about the dating scene were the following.  The greeting when I make my appearance or he made his appearance.  That I didn't have to hide anything about me.  I made it clear I identify as transgender and that I wasn't going to have a sex relationship before I am ready to.  I liked the way he touched my skin, the kisses, yes even the pinning down, and me in turn pinning him down.  The trust he had in me, or is it has, because we still friends and not with benefits.  Being treated like the young lady I was viewed as.
     
    Does me ending the relationship because I couldn't see any growth or positive path after a while, and that sex was becoming a topic that I didn't want to cross over too.  Having the full surgery is my goal and that is the only way that I want to be intimate with a someone, as I still don't agree with my full body experience.  Does it mean that I'm not flirting with men because of this extra boost of confidence, well apparently I have become a prime target on the dating scene and have connected communicatively, but then again none of my electronic profiles I created doesn't misrepresent me as a whole.  And I notice that most people don't even read that part I left open to make them decide if they want to befriend me or not.  I have no qualms telling people I'm transgender either, as it is an essential part of me.  I say I identify as transgender, though born intersex and if I'm not in the mood to educate, I will also ask not to ask me about it go do research and come back later to me.  I even get new friends that are new to being trans and using the derogatory slang as they don't know better and will do my lecturer stance and correct them on the spot.
     
    But yes, I currently have a few conversations going, and I know that some guys are only looking for experimenting and I end up asking questions that makes some guys squirm and just delete themselves from my life.
     
    So that is the dating front.  Oh, did I mention that I got a few marriage proposal in this time frame that I have been missing.
     
     
    SERGEANT RANK
    The list came out and my name was one of the first for the promotions from Constable to Sergeant and then the effective date was a while back, but the confirmation that the last list is the correct list needs to come, because we had to fill in paperwork's and I don't think that the national office realized that we are so many people that need to be promoted.
     
    I just hope that everything is right by the time that I get back to work from leave and can wear Sergeant ranks.  Well if my plans had gone as I originally wanted in the police, I would've been a Captain by now, and would've been a Sergeant by 2010, Warrant Officer by 2012, and Captain by 2014.  But then changes happened and the waiting period to Sergeant was drastically increased.
     
    HAIR GROWTH AND COLORS
    My hair has grown by about 2 inches (5cms), I got some streaks in and then changed my color to red and naturally got some blond streak highlights, because my hair was bleached before coloring it.  I have stayed with my friend the hairdresser from the end of August till now, and for basically 2 months the growth is substantial, and my hair hasn't looked healthier in ages.
     
    Do I have anything else to gossip about of myself???  I don't think so.  But, seeing as things are going in all directions with me, some bad, some good.  I am just enjoying the rest of the life and expecting anything to happen when it must happen.
     
    I have made peace with my maker decades ago, so if I must die, it is a good day to die.  And if I continue to live, it is the best days to live and be prosper.
     
    Be safe ladies, I will be safe on leave and will be tempting fate to see if I am actually going to step into a relationship with a guy that is a year younger then me, just saying.  I'm enjoying this dating game...
     
    Cheers ladies.
     
    Have a splendid time and stay gorgeously perfect.

    Michele
  4. Michele800226
    Hello all
     
    This question is now running through my mind, when does validation turn into the continuous fight for acceptance?
     
    Well, validation comes when you original start accepting yourself and other acknowledges this by using the correct pronoun's for you, and also accepts you for being yourself.  Or at least that is how I look at it.
     
    The continuous fight for acceptance happens when resistance is felt by you that others can't accept you, and won't without a fight.  Almost when you know you have to poop, but know its going to be a painful hard fight to get the relief that you so dearly need.
     
    Yes, me using poop has it's significance.  IBS, Incontinence, Diarrhea and other poopie things, like the smell, texture and how it makes you feel.  Well, that is how you feel each time you won a victory, and a new fight has come to the front line.  And yes, to you they smell bad and the thought of having to fight to expell them from your sight to silence or acceptance for the changes you have gone through.
     
    Well research is my forte, so I'll just be that urethral infection that burns like a fire because I am getting exhausted from repeating the same fight.
     
    Cheers for beautiful ladies and gentlemen
    Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    Michele
  5. Michele800226

    Warned

    By Michele800226,

    Hi the all
     
    As most of you all know, I'm a police officer since January 2005, and that I can fight.
     
    Well yesterday, one of my colleagues came to the station, and he is currently working at a unit.  We started talking as normal, and then out of the blue, no I was the only one in blue uniform.  He warned me that I've become a topic at the unit and it isn't clear what the guys intentions are.
     
    He further informed me that they are having issues with me being trans and discussing amongst themselves and contemplating if I'll be going through the surgery.
     
    Well not like the surgery discussions are news to me,nor the fact that most of the men indicated that they'll take sex from me, but backed off once I was shooting next to them.  And I know some fear me, not just because they saw me shooting but also had the opportunity to witness me fight.
     
    Now, I'm not fearing what they might be planning, as I have proved myself with a lot of the men, so we either have mutual respect or just hate each others guts.  Yes, doesn't mean I'm a peace officer that I can't hate someone, I'm human after all.
     
    I know I don't have legal recourses as I will never be told who was the initiator / instigators are, and if he started it as a means to make the crew comfortable with me.  And then his good intentions turned into warnings coming my way.  Well either way, I didn't think it would be easy to transition in the police.  I knew that I would get hurdles, security fences, hills and snake infested mountains that I must face and cross.  And before he came, I've already made up my mind on how to deal with the gender issues in the police.
     
    So is this warning something I should take serious.  As I don't think it will substantiate or manifest itself into a murder threat or warning.  Other shit for them is, some of them have to work with me to get a part of their work done, so sexually devouring me without permission will not happen, unless I desire that man to treat me like a piece of apple pie.
     
    I should get done, and the book Always Anastacia by Anastacia Tomson is giving me insight into how different like minded women can be, and I'm definitely enjoying how she came out at work as transgender.  It's her autobiography from her dead name to how she came to understand and live her life...  So I'm being inspired by strong women too.
     
    Okay, the last part of the warning.  I'm taking it as a gossip story that reached my ears after much deliberation from a friend to think of how it will hurt me if I had to know.  But, it's not as if it is a secret, and I'm open about my gender and was expecting death threats, not rape threats.  Now that is indicative to me that I'm sexy and they know and want me but are scared of what people around them might say.
     
    Therefore I will take it as a validation of my beauty, or should I be scared???  Before anyone answers, I've had the same training in the police of all the minimum advance training they must go through.  And then some.
     
    Now I can say.
     
    Have a good weekend.  Cramps are killing me and it feels like those hospitalization pains I had, after all I found some blood on my clothes and after wiping my .....cat.
     
    Safety first, and leave the heroics for me.  Now I just need to make contact with someone I know.
     
    Cheers for now
    Michele
  6. Michele800226
    Generally Speaking
     
    No matter if you CIS, Trans, Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Queer.  All of us went through the phase of exploration.  Be it to discover your gender or sexuality or which careers we wanted to follow, because you don't look, behave or think like everyone else you talk to.  Sometimes, not even your parents have an answer for you, make that most of the times.  And when you finally got an answer from somewhere, it takes us all different timeframes to accept or initiate the change we so desired from a young age, but we just didn't understand.
     
    NOW WE HAVE ME, A TOTAL 180 DEGREES FROM MOST PERSONS
     
    I knew who and what I was, even if I didn't have a name for it as a child.
     
    If you looked at the major age gap between my father and I, but I can definitely say 54 years age difference wasn't big at all.  We understood each other, although at times some of the questions asked were formulated for a different era.  I wasn't judged or ridiculed by him.  He rather taught me, a human being never mind being female or male should be capable of respecting each other and being respected by others, and his children should be capable of taking care of themselves as we should be independent.  But not afraid to ask for assistance when we don't know.  And that's why we have each other.  We perfectly paired off as sibling, each with their own strengths and weaknesses in our individual groups, or unified.
     
    So as a child of four years old, I already had the discussion of me having the big surgery to align my body with my brains and feelings.  Yes I was advanced in certain areas and others I just refused to act my age.  I remember wishing and praying that I would be changed before I go to school or become a grown up.  I remember begging to be changed before high school. But nothing happened, where my dad was my rock, my mom always seemed to be blocking my every move, she is more reluctant to understand, but she is 17 years younger then my dad.  And if it was due to pain, it's mine not hers and I have decided to pursue my happiness not someone else's.
     
    Not like I've ever asked her permission to be myself.  Because I knew whatever would happen to me, my mother would tell me it's because I'm refusing to abide by her rulesrules and that of society.  Screw that, I was taught to live my life for me as long as I have respect, but never bow down or out.  That's why I've always been closest with my father and oldest sister.  I think he understood because of his Native American heritage.  My dad would defend me by saying that I knew a lot more then other children, that I'm not confused or indoctrinated, and that a child can't want the same thing for decades and be confused.
     
    My goals were kept from me the day my father left his corporeal being for the spiritual world to watch over us.  Yes, I do believe in different plains of existence.  But I re-iniated when I was old enough, softening the blow of my completeness.
     
    I've always been allowed to be myself, free from the binding of normal life.  Free to explore if my heart so desires.  Free to be the women I have always been.  I've almost been a closet case, but my teachings and integrity which my dad taught me was important to me always came out.
     
    Now, I hear the question coming from all corners.  If he lived, why didn't he allow the change early?  Well, answer is easy, his  five foot tall wife was the one that always stood in the way of my happiness to change.  Another question looming, must be...  If she was the one to prolong everything in your life, do you love her as your mother?  Obviously yes, but because of her and some of my siblings, I grew colder at times.  None responsive and well primarily more of a loner, knowing that I don't need anyone to be happy, but I would still love to have a child.  But I fear the irreparable damage some parent have on their children, and would I be that closed minded as my mother.
     
    She knows, but do I care about approval, not in a million years.  I have always been loved for being me, the girl I am inside and presenting to the world.  Would I change for anyone, YOU MUST BE CRAZY NOW!!!
     
    Now who know me better then me.
  7. Michele800226
    Hi there all
     
    I know I haven't been on in the resent weeks and I am to blame.  Well you'll see what is to blame as I continue this entry....
     
    So, I have been chatting to this guy and thought that he is cool and everything.  Till the awkward part came of him asking me to meet him.  We continued our cheerful banter and I didn't let that phase me.  As luck would have it, I was busy chatting to a girlfriend about my gender and she being understanding and him at the same time.  Yes,  I did the blooper.  A message of how to explain gender, which was meant for her ended up going to him and he replies by asking if I am serious that I am transgender.  When I confirmed what I by mistake told him, as I had a softer approach planned for him on the same evening.  He shocked me with his answer, "Well does this change you?  Because if you can show me how this changes your personality and everything about you that I like.  I will except that it wasn't meant to be to meet you."
     
    We continued chatting and he didn't become abrasive or mean towards me in the weeks that followed, just more understanding and still sending me my kisses and hugs over the messaging system that we use.  He asked if we could meet.  Just before we met, I was thinking is this a good idea.  What if he just played me and wanted to assault or kill.  Or what if he lied about how he looked.  This and a million other question ran through my head.
     
    ETA to meet, crap is here.  Not even me approach him, but he approaches me and gives me the hugs that I said he owed and which he said I owed him.  Looked him up and down and saw that he actually looks like the person that he said he is.  The conversation continues and he sounds like the person I was chatting to.  Okay, I never heard his voice and language that he used just sounded like him.  Yes, he also looked me up and down.  And he looks at me funny, "I'm not what you expected was I.  Did I lie to you.  But damn girl you are even sexier in real life that what your pictures made you out to be."  I had to convince him that it was only that he didn't lie to me that was making me awe struck by him and that he is actually just refreshing to chat too.
     
    We spent that evening together and chatted the whole night.  He leaned in and I was all, what the hell in my head to allowing my body to play along.  He kissed me full on mouth and..... Yes, I liked it.  I really like the kiss I received from him.  Before the sun even came out a question was posed to me, "Would you be my girlfriend?"  I looked like I could probably faint and he just looked at me and said something like, am I that ugly, and can you only see us as friends or more.  As he turned his head away, I pulled him closer and kiss him.  All I could say was, YES!!!  He looked at me as if to say, you just saying so not to hurt me.  I kissed him again to show that our kisses are passionate and that I actually meant what I said.
     
    Hey, we were getting to know each other over multimedia and it turned out to be the same persons.  Just me talking slightly less, okay more like 50% of the time I spoke and speak on multimedia.  I explained that this is for him to actually get in some words before I take over my part of talking in real life too.
     
    So far, he has introduced me to one of his grandmother's, uncle, and aunts of his father's side.  Yes, nieces and cousins were home too.  He even left me alone with his gran to see how we would communicate.  Ooooh he got, it after that, because he didn't even prepare me that he was doing this.
     
    What I thought of him asking me was.  It will be a week or so of dating according to him and then just leave me to my own defenses again.  Not introduce me to his family as I am now a fixture in his life.  Shocker, I would say.
     
    What he made clear was that he is stubborn and I would have to be submissive to him.  What I made clear is, I am also stubborn and me being submissive will never work for me.  So we should decide on which topics I am going to win and on which topics he is going to win.
     
    I know his favorite foods, colors and why he is into red and black.  International soccer team is Manchester United, and international rugby team is All Blacks.  His local rugby team for sevens as he said are the Crusaders.  Don't ask me about sports as I told him, because I am only going to be watching the asses that are running past me on the field and nothing else.  I was also told that I will watch sports with him.  I told him, only if I get something out of the deal.  He said that I got him and I should appreciate the man that decided I am the only one for him.
     
    Well let me see.  I man that is almost 10 years younger, and lucky for him I'm born early in the year and he late in the year, because if he refused to be born in December, he would've been 10 years younger.  He also says, I should be so paranoid about me being 9 years older then him.  If the age bothered him, he would've not asked me to be his girlfriend.
     
    In this weeks he has made me realize that he is making me accept the world more.  And that me being older is nothing, because I wouldn't even have thought of it if he was 9 years older then me.  He is making me also see that I am the only person that make him happy.  Funny enough, he gave me the password on his cellphone and I said, but it's not my place to scratch on his phone just as it isn't his place to scratch on mine.  But still everything that I he most probably would've wanted to see if he was possessive over me, I showed him and he showed me.
     
    The one thing I don't tell him, is that I sometimes have altercations with suspects and as a female (and a person with no testosterone in my body) I find it difficult to fight men and not get injured.
     
    But I'm digressing.  I am currently happy in a relationship.
     
    Yours sparkling
    Michele
  8. Michele800226
    Having never been in hiding, I cant say how it feels to have come out to the world. It's in your face obvious that I'm special and unique. And this package is a police official too. So lete go through a decade of trials and tribulations in an organization that is male orientated with almost no ability to change.My decade started off with bam, because not only was I attacked and attempted to convince me that I'm wrong in who I am and portray. Gloating to everyone that she has put me in my place. Her actions were inappropriate as she didnt even bother to send out the complainant before attacking me. In any country with a constitution, the police doesnt govern that constitution, the constitution governs the state and all the sectors beneath it. So taking me on because of my gender and your perceived sexuality doesnt work. For once I couldn't open my mouth, but hey I was emotionally in the dumps as a friend was lying in ICU because of heart failure. My brain wasnt on this woman acting liking an amateur biatch.Subsequently because she dared to go against the constitutional laws of the country, I threw a hissy fit and had a case opened against her. Okay a normal biatch fit consist of me, kicking and punching my way through someone's face or body.DID ANYBODY JUST SAY THAT I HOPE ITS NOT A GIRL WE DEALING WITH. WELL, GIRLS CAN FIGHT TOO, WE NOT JUST CREATURES THAT OOZES SEX APPEAL, INNOCENSE, AND IN MY CASE LOOK LIKE A MODEL AT THE AGE OF 34 AND ALMOST 35 YEARS OLD.I never thought that any person could hate any gender or sexuality. Or what is it about me, because some are interested in me and others are totally against me.So my year ended off with a legal battle and started off with a legal battle. It can either shoot me in my foot with promotions. But hey, I'll akways know that I'm overlooked not because capabilities, but because I was cancelled because someone on the panel doesnt like me. As I can truly say that in my decade as a peace officer, I have made certain I studied and I knew my work to 3 or 4 levels higher than what I'm currently obtain, and have been for the last 8years, the 1st 2years were being a student here in RSA.So doesnt mean you in a country that is accepting, you still get those trying to fight and change you to what they want. All I can say is, I AM AN INDIVIDUAL, AND WILL NEVER BE WHO YOU WANT ME TO BE, AND I'LL ALWAYS FIGHT FOR MY RIGHTS, BECAUSE MY PARENTS TEACHING WERE CLEAR. DONT CHANGE SOMEONE, IF THEY WANT TO CHANGE BE SUPPORTIVE AND NOT A ROYAL ASS DICK.My next entry will be more focused, just needes everything off my chest that was bothering me. So kiss my toosh if you are one of those persons trying to tell me, Girl should not like cars, firearms and fighting styles. To those that understood my rambling, good for you.
  9. Michele800226

    What next

    By Michele800226,

    Good day all
     
    I know that I am sometimes just questioning what is happening, but hey, seeing that I am still a young 36 years old that looks younger apparently then my 18 year old self, then how can I say no to being a questioning fiend.
     
    I went in for the operation on Tuesday and to my perk, I wasn't treated as though I was a weird specimen of human trying to infiltrate an alien race.  Operation was done with the highest of professionalism and only afterwards I was asked about being transgender seeing that they only get to see trans persons in medical journals and not in the flesh.  Okay, as I said it's easier identifying as transgender seeing that I am intersex and that in itself is more confusing to explain to people including myself, who thought that it would make my life a little bit easier or more understanding to myself.  So transgender still goes on all forms, not for the fact that I can't explain both, but because of gender identity, and if there isn't an area where I need to explain, I just write female, or what do you girls right.  It always will end as female.
     
    I don't know if it's actually going to be a bad visit tomorrow at the surgeon because I know how it feels to be the new kid on the block, and all I know is he isn't a bad surgeon neither does he use a bad stitch at all.  Got banged up the other night by the 2 year old, who decided to slam directly on the wound and down I went for a few minutes and all was well, just lucky, I decided that I needed to wear a sanitary towel just in case I was to bleed, and yeah the blood got caught by this awful piece of material that made my cunt (for lack of better wording) and wound area feel like this massive and fat area.
     
    Okay, tomorrow I go for my check up and I hope that everything is better because I feel kind of different at the spot that I was cut into.
     
    Ooooh, the weirdest thing I can say is, who comes out of a medically induced coma and check their hair, make it perfect before going down to recovery and asking for food.  That was me and hilarious as always.
     
    Tomorrow is results day and check up, so let me go and say.
     
    Cheers ladies and gentlemen.
    Please keep your hands, mouth, feet and all valuables inside the brains, as we will have liftoff soon and meaning that nothing is safe to the rest as it will be said.
    I bit thee fairwell only because I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I also grant the world permission to accept each other for who they are, because this fight for equality is gender old already, and I'm to sexy to have this fight continuously.
     
    Love, lust and hugs
    Michele
  10. Michele800226

    Whoop whoop

    By Michele800226,

    Hi everyone, hope you guys have been well with me not here and that some soul who needed it was helped.
     
    Let me see how the story format go and here is the last few weeks with the biopsy and how I was doing for the time till now.
     
    Ooooh, my sister got her car back today, so I should probably have my car serviced
     
    Biopsy Done & Dusted
     
    Feelings While Unknown
    Date: 2016-08-16
     
    I was taken in and first weight, making me feel uncomfortable at the thought that someone else is seeing my weight and if I gained weight and I didn’t know about it, what can I say.  Also feeling more like I should eat, but yes fasting doesn’t work that much for me the foodie.
     
    Nurses at this hospital which is open less than a year or around that time, are professional and full of smiles.  The one sees my lip gloss on and thinks it’s a lipstick.  Not at all and here they all start doing their faces, because apparently I can’t be the only person that is looking good at the hospital.
     
    Fear strikes me more as hunger makes me think of all the crap that can go wrong.  First thing first, what if this is positive and I am told chemo, well we found something else.  Or the weirdest one of all, what the..................................................  and total silence.
     
    I went with thought into my gown and thought that if I don’t calm down as in now, my stats might make me wait longer to have the operation done to remove this lump.  So I calmed down by watching tv, chatting to everyone around me and then the inevitable happened my surgery schedule was announced as changed.  Thinking what is wrong, as I was told, I realize that they were discussing that the child had eaten and needed to wait a few more minutes which made me think that I am closer to food if and when this happen so don’t look nervous or anything.
     
    Went into the surgery theatre and was told the painful part was over and I asked what the doc was talking about only to find that he already had the drip on my arm.  Hahahahahahaaaaa, I don’t feel needles unless the idiot that does the drip line isn’t good at it, I will feel the needle as I look at them.  And asleep I am....
     
    Woke up a while later, the first thing I do is take of the hair net, and make my hair right, second thing I do that was astounding was with a smile I asked if I can eat now, I’ve been waiting on food for the whole day already.  The medical staff just laughed and started chatting to me as they told me that I am still on the surgery floor, not back on the ward floor.  Somehow it was weird that I woke up with a smile and was perky.
     
    Relief
    Feeling relief that you know the thing is out that was making you sick and now the stressful part starts waiting on biopsies and getting in the doctor’s office for the follow up.  But relieved that the operation was a success and I would only be in pain from the surgery wound and nothing else.  Hoping for the blue moon and the sparkling oceans to stay calm too.
     
    Date: 2016-08-22
     
    Enter the doc’s office and I know what is going to happen, take off your clothes and let me examine you.  Therefore I dressed accordingly to make it easier to strip, yes like a strip dancer.
     
    Does his examination as we do the pleasantries as to make me feel less uncomfortable to having a man next to me while naked.   And in the conversation he says, wound looks good and results negative.
     
    What did you just say???  No Chemotherapy for me, and no hair loss, and no losing weight and explaining that I am sick and treating cancer.
     
    Go home with a smile on my face and finding a doc I can trust in the mean time, okay so not all men are pigs as doctors.
     
    Lots of love and hugs to boot from me.  Because little old confused me was kissed and I think I forgot how to kiss back, but after the initial shock I just let it happen and this was as in last night.  I’m getting to old for this crap, but I should probably allow a younger guy to show me what he got or not.  I can almost call myself A-sexual or anti sexual to the world.
     
    Michele
     
    Ps:  I was told on Wednesday 2016-08-24 that I am a model standing outside with a friend and this cute guy walks by.  Ooooh validating isn’t it, if his eyes is only fixed on me and not my friend.  And Thursday 2016-08-25 that another guy stopped me to chat with me and just blurted out for which modelling agency you working because you belong in the high fashion magazines and cat walks of fashion shows. I just laughed and said that I love the work that I do, but thank you for the complement.

  11. Michele800226
    Hi there all
     
    I always stressed about the most insignificant things in the world...  My looks?   Will I be loved for who I am?  Does my life matter at all?  Am I making a difference on how people view me and others like me?  Can I change the perspective of people who think less of me for not identifying with my given gender on my birth certificate?  What does my family think of me?  Are my friends just friends to find out if I will fail in life and my dreams?  How successful will I be before and after I start medically transitioning?  Could life be easier if I just take life as other think I should live it?  Does my happiness count?  Will I ever find a doctor who supports my decision in transitioning?  Will I pass successfully?  Would I get at least a 34B cup size when transitioning?  Will my vagina, my purse, my sweet spot, my numph, my cookie, my vee jay jay, my oooh la laaaah ever look perfect like a naturally born cis gender female?
     
    Well, as the years passed, I became less obsessed with all of this, because my boobies, certainly decided to stop at only ???  Important only, if they appreciate my honesty in who I am and what I do.
     
    Thanks all.  This wasnt long, because it was just the what if I don't then.what now, to oh screw what they think.  People will.only be honestly happy for me if I'm honestly happy for myself.
     
    Hugs
    Michele
     
     
  12. Michele800226
    Got asked about documentation my mom couldn't find, so I handed her what I stored away in the safe.  After finding the documents, I reiterated that it might be difficult to do what she wants as my gender marker and first name are being changed slightly.  And all I got was, it's your life and your problem when I'm dead.
     
    I've always known my support came from my father, so with the lack of support from the one we call Hammie (what my siblings and I call our mother).  But I also know, that out of guilt I am mentioned in a will I want nothing to do with.  I also know as the last born, my responsibilities to listen to my immediate elders input, I should listen and react as desired, but as with all families you need to walk your own path towards your happiness and fulfillment.
     
    In this short piece I'm just trying to say, don't let negative or cold shoulders or emotionally detached family dictate what makes you happy and whole.  If you do follow what they want of you or let their attitudes dictate you feeling depressed because they seem like the only people in your life that should care for you.  DONT LET YOUR FAMILY FORCE YOU INTO SOMETHING THAT IS MAKING YOU UNHAPPY, AS THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE CORNER STONES IN YOUR LIFE THAT SUPPORTS YOU IN ALL PARTS OF YOUR LIFE.  And if you have that support, be grateful, you were granted a support structure you can call at any time.
     
    Much love...
    Michele
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