Michele800226

Hi there Monica, Stephanie, and Emma Funny enough, my breast size is somewhere in between my sisters sizes. Bigger then my oldest that has my body structure (not height but size wise in comparison to height), and smaller then my sister slightly older (the frumpier one). Hey, they two fatties at birth are the two skinnies in adult. The relative skinnies at birth are the fat children now, how I love not being their sizes, because my brother is slightly taller then me and around 50% heavier. Wouldn't look right on me. But then again I'm in my stronger phases of saying. Sexy, super sexy model looks. Have a wonderful and awe inspiring day ladies. As nothing compares to who you were as a dead shell and now. Hugs Michele

Hi there all I always stressed about the most insignificant things in the world... My looks? Will I be loved for who I am? Does my life matter at all? Am I making a difference on how people view me and others like me? Can I change the perspective of people who think less of me for not identifying with my given gender on my birth certificate? What does my family think of me? Are my friends just friends to find out if I will fail in life and my dreams? How successful will I be before and after I start medically transitioning? Could life be easier if I just take life as other think I should live it? Does my happiness count? Will I ever find a doctor who supports my decision in transitioning? Will I pass successfully? Would I get at least a 34B cup size when transitioning? Will my vagina, my purse, my sweet spot, my numph, my cookie, my vee jay jay, my oooh la laaaah ever look perfect like a naturally born cis gender female? Well, as the years passed, I became less obsessed with all of this, because my boobies, certainly decided to stop at only ??? Important only, if they appreciate my honesty in who I am and what I do. Thanks all. This wasnt long, because it was just the what if I don't then.what now, to oh screw what they think. People will.only be honestly happy for me if I'm honestly happy for myself. Hugs Michele

Hi there Warren I know this is more then a year later. But hey the promotion is an upside. The feeling of dissociation and lack of sensation is the thing that worries me too. Don't feel so glum, my medical aid as we call it in South Africa, also doesn't cover my surgeries. They only covered one when it was linked to cancer. The fools, dont they know even with healthy parts they still feel like growths that should be removed. I do hope that in this 16 months it took me to respond that you were relieved and can feel your manly chest and see how the pecks firm up as you lift the weight and you show off your muscles. Because not even I would want my boobs to suffocate me, they fine being small A cups, I can run, do speed bumps fast and fight with relatively ease, as they perfectly sized for being a police officer. And yes, if they were bigger, my bulletproof would be so much more uncomfortable. But this isn't about me. Your vocabulary says male, your ID does too. You definitely male, and therefore sir, why be so glum. The other nuances of you shout male, just hope the last sections are or have fallen into place for you to feel complete. Like an older sister would say, okay I'm unique. Lets go spar and hit the crap out of the feelings you are feeling. And in the ring say, bro git slightly softer, girl here. Wait and check my level of fighting and counter, not just try and knock me out cold as if I was nothing to start with. But then again, I would also be throwing punches and kicks to either throw you off balance or knock you out cold. Be safe man. Don't think you don't have people in your corner. We are here for you, even if we can only listen to you venting your frustrations. Hugs Michele

Hi Monica Thank you for the compliment. If only my twin could've survived this ordeal. But hey, there can only be one. And sister dearest is the victor. Hugs Michele

Good day all I do miss those days when I could unassumingly just blend into an ocean of faces without even a second glans. What has changed???? Well that rock on top of me, it's not even a chip anymore. Yes had the burden of not being any person in particular, because showing my feelings or true self would end in my world imploding. Confidence. Well check the pics in my last few updates. The more relaxed, confident persona I exude now then back then. Well going from cute, to ooh mama your hot also helps. And the weight I've gained, positively radiant. Talking about the weight, for my 5'8 (1,74m) tall structure. Before and early transitioning, left me with this constant urge, to stay under 110Lbs (53kgs), as I couldn't come to believe that a bit more weight on me would look good. But it also helped me blend in more, with my unassumingly process of non-existence. Now at 135Lbs (62kgs), I feel so much better about myself, bit more roundings, and yes flaunting it all in your face attitude. Oooh dont get me on body fat, that was below 7% and now so close to 20% if not sort of over that. Well I miss blending in, but why would I want to hide my existence from anyone now. I am a strong woman, that doesn't find strength in others, but within myself. Positives are. I look good, and even if you dont want to say it, you know it. I'm confident to the level of making people around me comfortable allowing their trust to come out. I'm strong. And no physically I'm just capable of controlling a guy in a fight, not stronger then a man. But mentally I'm unbreakable. Unwavering in my beliefs. Proud of who and what I've become. How many people can say they in the career they dreamed of as a child. Loyal to my family and friends. Pretty hazelnut eyes. Perky tits, even if they only a 32A, they mine and fit me perfectly. And I don't care what anyone says. You want them bigger, pay for it and give yourself the boobjob. Struggling with normal human thing. Yes this is a positive, because if I thought that I'm to good for humanity (finances, day to day running), well you know what I mean. With this all, there are still days, I need to blend in with the crowd, albeit being I need to be between models to look like a normal blend of person. I do appreciate being called a flower between my male counterparts at work who are the thorns. Hugs Michele

Hi Karen That's good to hear. The total opposite at the station I work, almost everyone knows, but won't dare to take me on, because they know my B complex is harsh. Where each time a new person came and I had to prove myself because of their misconception that I was gay (nothing wrong with that, but I'm female through and through and hetero by that). Now that they perceive me as female, they more protective of more overall, but to another degree feel scared I might vanquish them with my abilities, which if I let it shine through they say I'm an Asian chick with deadly moves. So currently looking at either applying to another post, as a promotion to another station and cluster. Or what we call a lateral or cross transfer, because closing in on my 13th year anniversary at this station seems ridiculous out of an almost 14 year service in the police. I sometimes miss being capable of blending into the background without a trace. Now, I'm still petite, but noticed where I move without any difficulty. Sp glad, you have found a workspace of peace. Hugs Michele

Coming out is hard, but then I never hid my plans of transitioning to anyone. Met a friend after being absent from each others lives for basically a decade. When she saw me she said, "You finally did what you told us as a teenager when I met you, good on you for grabbing life by the balls. It must've been difficult seeing that you in the police and the environment isn't the safest to do so." We started chatting again, and the decade of absence in our 24 years of knowing each other hasn't changed. I found one of my rocks returning and supporting me all over again. Just as she got the support from a friend she needed. If the people in your life views you as important to them, they will support your decision full heartedly, and actually ask you why you never started earlier or had the courage to ask them for help when you were at your most confused and vulnerable. Be strong, my mom, one brother and sister still can't manage to get the pronouns right, but I know if push comes to shove, they'll be in my corner. Even if I sometimes have to emotionally blackmail them. Hugs Michele

This twin of mine died so I could live and was last seen 2008/9. You decide, that look like me a decade younger or not. The first and last I'll ever compare tit with tat. Hugs Michele

Good evening all As the title says I'm confused... The confusion comes in when people try to assimilate being transgender or intersex into a WTF area and make those people feel like they nothing and don't deserve to breath the same air as them. Well, let me see. I'm intersex identifying as transgender, but more specifically identifying as female and always have. Trying to nullify my existence only gets the dragons fire breathe that much hotter, as I clearly look like a 10 (boasting some what cause I can in a transgender and cisgender world). Okay, I also understand the hatred I'm getting from the cisgender females. But, "Baby I'm sorry, I'm not sorry!!!" Yes, I got looks with a package of personality too, and I'm not a fake ass person. As the song also say, "If you talk that talk baby. Better walk that walk baby." I do it, not because I talk the talk, but I talk the talk because I walk the blooming walk. And I can't help that you trying to make me feel like I'm nothing. Cause I'll never be nothing. I'm proud, strong, sexy, vivacious, older then you think cause I look younger then your wannabe all I am in all my stunning personality, and not to mention unstoppable force of nature. The confusion is how people want to be you, but dont want to go through the struggles you faced, that made you the strong, independent woman you are. What they think that, perfection just happened by mistake, it took year to polish the attitude, well the looks were there I guess, just enhanced now. This is probably the only time I'll comment with a picture from my past. But these were taken a few hours ago. Well, the message that I'm trying to convey is... The only time people will notice you is, when you have the confidence to take life by the balls of the proverbial bull, because taking him on by the horns well girl, you know he going to fight you so much harder as he thinks you'll just go down easier, but grabbing his ball and twisting your vices grips that but harder each time he tries to squirm or fight you to attack you that much harder. Life will learn, no matter how petite its opponent is, don't underestimate the capabilities of them, because even the smallest person can have a big heart that will cause them to win where you thought it was impossible. Now ladies, lets take life by the bulls balls, and twist just that little bit harder each time life tries to sucker punch us to the ground, trying to make us uncertain about ourselves. We are only human and also need to be loved, respected, and adored by onlookers, just like anybody else. I hope, you all are well and will not let life knock you down for too long, as the fight for equality has only begun. Love, hugs and respect Michele

I wasn't using bad as in the literal meaning bad. Was using it to show the contrast of what people think is bad and actually that their exterior can show off some kind of light that shines from the inside. External beauty is nothing, if the interior doesn't match that. Thanks. Michele Ps Steph, I legally also had my name spelling changed from mother's version of Michel Jerrard Heynes to more appropriately Michele Jerree Heynes, and I only use my names on legal documents, but my signature is so simple and messed up that you can't figure out what I scribbled. Yes, I kept my names or at least the meanings of my names, because they resonate with me. And because the ambiguous Michel left people calling me Michael or Mitchell most of the times when calling me, and so infuriating me and abusing my names pronunciation of Michelle, also felt the double L is way to commonly used and still wanted a dash of uniqueness or rarity with my name.

Congrats Elsa This is usually the point of must return, or well you end up in the oblivion that you and none of us could exist, just be a mere spec in the world that needs to be lived. Once you've got control of the psyche that wants to claim control and drag you down into that dark abis where not even light sheds any clear path to a return. Now keep growing the light, as the confidence in who you are will grow. Hugs Michele

Well who thought that 38 could look this bad. I didn't, cause I know when I'm bad, I'm at my best. So who wants to disagree. And yes I've been absent for some time.

What I looked like at 37, the very end of 37.

Good day Let me start off with saying, I know that I haven't been active in a long time, and I might not get to say this... Merry Christmas to all of you celebrating the festive season. May this bring you everything you thought it would and more. I had an eventful few months and that is so going to get me disowned if I'm not already disowned... But that is another story for another day, when I probably need to vent. I got engaged in the last few months and only my niece, also the one I call my child, and she agrees that I'm being disowned and flung out like last years fashion that will never become a craze again. So yes, engaged and I do love him, flaws and all. Then, I started working on shifts again, and my time is so occupied with work and love life that I barely have time to think about what to tell you. Ooooh, did I mention that my one doctor finally gave me the letter that is required to change my gender marker on my ID, and that only took something like 4 years to get. And now the other doctors that said they would assist me are the problems in doing what I need to do. How can this be so difficult to get the letter required for the change. I also said that I will only marry once these changes have been executed on my ID. But I also might subconsciously want to wait a while for making certain that I made the right choice in giving my heart to someone. So yes, my medical check ups for script renewal has changed to once a year, but I need my script rewritten every 6 months. I tore some ligaments in my right hand and could use it properly for 9 weeks, okay it's 12 weeks already, and it is still painful to do some moves, and to fight properly with my hand. Okay, it happened because I was in a fight with a guy who's face was harder then the back of a pickup or brick wall. Okay, it was also justifiable that I knocked the guys teeth out, after all he was beating a teenage girl with a golf club and he was a grown ass man. What else did I not mention that I think you should know about??? Really can't think now, but my operation was a success, seeing that I got through the complications that I faced for a time frame afterwards. Developed blood clots that just didn't want to go away, and bled like a leaking bottle for a bit more then 6 weeks, and it freaked me out the few times I woke up covered in blood, and that my precautions didn't even help me. Did I mention that my hair is now slightly over shoulder length. I settled down to around 135-140Lbs no longer 145Lbs. Doesn't help my breast development, but I also thought of having a discussion with the endocrinologist on the possibility to change me to another estrogen form, cause I can't figure out what is making me nauseous. Might be the medication, or something else, like stressing. Yes, you would also be stressing if you knew the man that you love is kinda, sort of, disliked by your family, because I can't figure out how to convince them that he is right for me. Having my legs licked and probably telling me to stop having a discussion with myself, I will be doing the following. Merry Christmas my sweets, stay as kind as you are. I've not forgotten you, so have constantly thought of what to tell you, but when I had the words, I definitely didn't have the time to write anything. Keep safe please, as I don't want to hear of another death of someone I knew. Okay, two so called family members, wait was three if recall properly. Father's brother (no he wrote each other off one Xmas, after he decided to attack me for being trans, so not family), cousins husband (didn't know him, and I think I stopped at the accident without knowing about it, and was working), aunt's brother (she married in so does that make him family), and the same aunt's boyfriend (yes she turn 70 this week, in the last 2 months we had to deal with him that got a stroke, and I was the last person around him as his last 2nd and last stroke took his life. He was so looking forward to her birthday and Christmas, but just made it to December). So be safe and enjoy the festive season. I will be watching over those of you close to me. Kind loving hearts blossom Friends, family and loves We gather in a time of giving Not the giving of presents But the giving of hearts We are all here Not just waiting, but Fighting for what we were taught The teachings of what is right and wrong And I guess, that we have finally started believing Believing in our dreams and what our hearts are telling us So go forth and be who you were meant to be. Cheers Michele

Morning Emma and Monica It is lighter since my Testosterone levels are basically on zero, mine isnt just on one side. It tales the sight out of both eyes when it reaches it peak, and lucky it always happen at a place I know, so I can move around in that specific place and find my quiet dark place and lay myself down. Doing better and almost back at work, and but so not looking forward to going to work next week. Love and respect Michele

Hi there all I thought that my migraines would be a thing of the past seeing that it is testosterone related, but hey it the first I had in a few months. The sensation of getting nauseous and disliking the way light makes my eyes and head feel is one thing I dont like. It aggravates me to a degree that I would just want to punch a hole through a wall just to focus the pain on something else. I know when my estrogen levels are higher with my intake it deminishes. So I will definitely be talking to my endo about lifting the dose so that I can actually demish this sensation, seeing that after this operation it was dropped to 0.625mg to maintain my body. Not mentioning what I am taking as I am not prescribing medication for anyone and this is lower then what the international doses are, and yes I also know that I shouldn't be comparing South Africa with any other country, but when it comes to administering certain medication, we are following a totally different set of rules. Majority of the time I'm feeling better. But the hematoma has gotten me down a few more times this week too. Did I mention, that the surgeon told me initially after the first week after the surgery that the hematoma would disappear after about 6 weeks, and 9 days later when I went for a followup again, that it looks as though my recovery will take about 2 to 3 months. What a bummer, right. I was thinking that I would be good and running about by now. Okay, seeing that I'm giving an update, here goes. I can walk short distances and then I'm sore, which a long distances (endurance) walker doesnt want to hear right, precisely. I gained 2Lbs in the first week, lost 6Lbs a week later, and then gained a pound the week after that only to go down and he pound I gained. I know that this is due to the hormonal fluctuations caused by the operation, but now I'm wondering if this fluctuations aren't only effecting my weight, capabilities to eat and also possibly this onset of the migraine. The reason I started the blog was to check how my mood and everything would change. Talking about my mood changing, I've come to find a difference in the way I handle stressful situations. Normally where I go through the sensation of wanting to smash, meaning punch things when I'm angry, I release it through tears. Yes, I've become a cry baby of sorts. But I still tackle things head on first. But if I didn't mentally change throughout this hormonal fluctuations in my body, as the chemistry in my brains are normalizing I wouldnt be human to start with right. So be prepared for changes and keep holding on. We are all strong individuals, and we should all learn how to be vulnerable as well as the heroes we might be to others. Because being strong doesn't mean we dont have weaknesses, it just means we have learnt how to deal with those weaknesses that were flung unto us. Stay strong, be beautiful. And above all, what does aphrodisiac beauty mean, as I've been told I am that, any good explanation please, as I dont see myself as a knockout beauty queen. Cheers for now Michele

Hi there Emma and Monica I'm definitely not just looks, but I'm more brains. Luckily not the nerd, just smart enough to make a nerd wonder if I'm one of them or not. I would definitely recommend that for surgery you get enough sanitary pads for a month in advance, as you likely not to be moving around that much in that timeframe. After the second week are supposed to have control of your pain, bit if you are super sensitive to pain it might last longer. In the last 3 weeks I gained 2 pounds, but from my normal 145Lbs I moved down to 140Lbs. Discussed the weight loss with my endocrinologist yesterday at my visit to her after she wanted to see me directly after the operation, so had an appointment date for 3 weeks afterwards. She was dumbstruck that I started eating less, and I wrote it down to losing Testosterone. Afterwards she said, has to be, because a guy normally eats more then females and burns more calories so that can explain why I'm sticking to a healthy body weight with half the amount of food I normally consumed. Another thing that was good was that my Testosterone levels have dropped to almost zero after the operation. What she didn't expect me to do was drop the meds levels on my own. I informed her that I dropped it by a third and then took only a quarter of the other next level, and I gave my body a week chance to adjust to the new levels before starting on no Testosterone blocker for basically a week before taking the blood test, that should show if there is any form of Testosterone levels left in my body. We both happy with the levels. And in doing so, dropped the dose of my estrogen as well to a lowish level where I feel comfortable with the levels in my body. She commended me for thinking of the changes in a medical method, as not to shock my body from the start and suffering withdrawal symptoms. She finally gave me a new letter for the gender maker changes as per section 49 of 2003 Alteration of Sex Description and Sex Status Act. Yes South Africa has a whole act with a big mouth full to describe the act. So another letter and I'm set to go for the changes, after more then 5 years on HRT. Thanks with the congratulations as well ladies. And I'm certain to look after myself. Loving Hugs Michele. PS. Super excited that I can finally have my ID and drivers finally be changed to the female I represent.

Good Evening Operation day was 7 March 2017. Well, no more Estrogen and no more Testosterone development for me, as no more testicles or ovaries for me. Which was brought on 11 months prior when I developed, make that discovered growth, got admitted to hospital for chemotherapy which made me so sick that I lost 12kgs (+-26Lbs), and the 7 months ago removing the growths as the original doctor decided to be a hostile transphobic fool, and the younger surgeon with a newer practice was trans-friendly. Because I know the likelihood of growths return every few years. Well, today I am feeling better then what I felt in the first week where I developed a hematoma, and the 2nd Saturday I woke up early and thought I needed the bathroom, but when I got there it was to find that I was bleeding. Preemptively I bought sanitary towels for the bleeding. And it saved me from having bloody underwear, clothes or bedding. I just had that Saturday where the bleeding overflowed the pads. And with the first overflow I uttered profanity and a friend that slept over jumped up and ran to me to check on me. Told him, everything is fine, and seeing that it was 02:00am as I got back into bed told him that I'm bleeding excessively, but not enough for me to warrant me to go to hospital. For the rest of that day I was cursing as the blood kept on overflowing and smudging and staining my underwear with blood. I was so drugged on pain medication most of the first 2 weeks that I the 2 nights I went to bed unprepared with a lack of pain meds in my system I woke up crying in pain, and that was all duing the first week. I learnt that my hot water bottle was my best friend as it helped subdue the pain as it was mostly abdominal pain. Currently I'm doing better and had a doctors appointment on Thursday where I was told the hematoma looks like it will take another 2 months to recover and I requested a medical letter putting me on light duties when returning to work the duration the hematoma for recovery. The statement made at the last doctors appointment for the checkup. Michele you know you can't have any biological children anymore, the procedure was irreversible. I looked at him asking. What would you have done. A growth once means I'll be plagued with growth every few years, and I dont want to go through that again. And the Testosterone blocker Spiranolactine that I was using and at the dosage required by my body to stop the development of Testosterone in my body would put my kidneys and liver at risk of failure in the next year to three, by which time I would love to have done te GRS but in the unlikely event that I will struggle to get the GRS done then I safe myself the heartache of my organs failing. He looked at me saying, you one of the few patients a doctor gets that know the pros and the cons of the procedures done. And I wsh you all the luck. We ended our discussion and I gave him te statistics of the quality of medical expertise versus the cost in South Africa versus Thailand. 3 to 5 times less experience and the quality but the expenses are 3 almost 4 times more expensive. So have the best intentions of doctors that I personally selected. I like their service with a smile and knowing that each patient is an individual. Love life. Respect all. Hugs. Kisses Cheers Michele

Hi all Went for my bi annual endocrinology check at the end of January 2017, and all went well. Then for a urology check up, more like an appointment date for my bilateral orchidectomy on 2 March 2017. And got an appointment date for 7 March 2017, which was yesterday. I had 4 days to prepare for surgery so went and stocked up on pads (sanitary towels) for the possible bleeding, paid the doctors fees of basically R4000.00 and the requested the bill from the hospital which the doctor estimated at another R4000.00+. Chose my shoes, as the last time wearing heeled boots was a bad idea, I took my slip ins, and an easy to get in pants. Get to hospital at 06:40 as I needed to get booked in by 07:00 and find the doors still locked. But at 06:50 a nurse pulls up and says, hello Michele, follow me. You can go book in so long, I will be with you shortly. So far so good friendly staff. Everyone enquires if I'm Afrikaans or English speaking, I say they choice is yours. Just dont ask me to write in Afrikaans, I write very poorly in that language, just speak it predominantly. And the forms I left open on title, I see Werner the receptionist at the helpdesk for surgery admission made it Mej the Afrikaans abbreviation for Miss of Ms. So glad even though I hadn't put anything he put the right abbreviation on as my title. Pre operation theater, doc comes and says this is going to hurt and injects me 3 different places and the last one just above a crack was the most painful. Ouch... 10 minutes later gets asked to walk to the theater as I'm number 1 on the list. Now the uncomfortable section, lying there exposed for the world to see. The nurses start using female pronouns to make me feel at ease and when the doctor who is uncertain about the pronouns to use, just falls in with continuing the female pronouns the whole way. They tell me that it might burn me, and I smell flesh burn. I just say, can't feel anything so do your thing. They have this green sheet up between us so we can't see each other and we chatting the whole way through. Somewhere near the end as they move to the left, I start feeling what they do and say. Now I'm feeling, but continue and get it over and done with. Here as promised I started giggling in my Mortisha Adams sleeping pose. We talk about my nursing days and weird scenes I've attended to as a police official. Now he starts taping me up and explaining that I must only wear tight underwear. I ask him if he remembers the shape of the underwear I use, and all of them are tight doctor, so no worries. They say I can move to the recovery room where coffee is offered to me, and I drink it because my head was spinning, yes a dizzy baby. The nurse fetched my bag with 2 steamed beef dumpling in it. I ate them and drank my coffee. Well in the morning one of my friends were supposed to drive me there and take me home, but in this case I felt like I was late and drove myself home again. Pain levels as I left the hospital before getting behind the wheel of my car was a 3/10, but as soon as I started driving the pain went up to a 5/10. Get home and everything draws out of my body and I walk like an old woman with a walking stick. I ended up for today and yesterday with pain levels around 7/10 maybe an 8/10. I know, closest pain I've ever felt was a full blown migraine. Talking a migraines, apparently my migraines are Testosterone related, the more present the stronger the migraine. The last I managed to number 2 was yesterday morning before leaving for hospital. I'm micturating with ease. My pain starts just below my diaphragm and ends just below my pelvis area, with only my ass spared from the pain. Well tomorrow is checkup day, precisely a week later. I've been bleeding everyday, but small amounts. So nothing to write home about. The pain is sometimes unbearable, but I'm a big girl. Some sswelling to my right side, just hope its not an infection, because then more pain... On the bright side, started having a guy over, and had the transgender discussion, but I wanted him to read my fb profile which explains it, but his friends saw it first, and now he has this attitude saying it doesnt change me, and they should be concerned about their lives, and then he said I should read a message from his mom who is also not approving of me being transgender and getting to know her oldest boy better. So I am enjoying his company and my oldest sister has met him, we officially met on 3 March 2017. Love life. Live your life accordingly. And dont be forced to take the road you dont want too. Cheers Michele

Sometimes I wonder if facing the bull head on is smart, but then I remember Chuck Norris spin kicked the bull unconscious, so who am I to fear that bull if a man can beat him, this lady can also do it. Doesn't mean I dont fear the results till I read them. But as soon as they read, give me a day or a week to mope about it if its bad news, and I will tackle it head on, as I dont know how to go down without a fight. Michele

Tuesday came, and it was the last day of January by that. Left work early, and got to the endocrinologist. Marli had her normal checks and we spoke. But what made me zone out was, here is a referral, you need to go for a mammogram. Lucky we already went through the blood works that I took on the previous Friday. I got to work the next day, as the blood works is showing signs of cholesterol and that my testosterone levels are higher. Normal male ranges but still half of what I started out on before HRT. Some other readings also messed about. But I should say, 6 months earlier we dropped my blocker dosage to half what I was using because of the potassium resistance my body was experiencing. Thursday on Feb 2, I went for the mammogram. Yes, I was anxious, nervous, scared, all the crying emotions were all collected in my body. Even the with drawn little girl. My friend had my car and forgot that I had an appointment so I was taken by a colleague who lives in the area of the hospital. Told him to meet me there or all hell will be directed at him. Came out of hospital and to in my car, looking as if some dog has taken my good and ran away. Just teary eyed, unresponsive and clutching my results. Normally by this point my results would be opened and checked by myself, but because this wasn't a Michele request it was scaring the living daylights out of meArarat. Friday came and went and still I'm refusing to read the results. Saturday also comes and goes, and as I arrived home around 00:00 this morning. I decided to sit myself down and force myself to read it as this moping around for a forced test is just bull. Read it so slow, and once done, realize but the results says everything is normal, I just have a dense pair. Thus relieved I decide I can go sleep. So my last week ended in me stressing for sweet nothing.

Hi there Emma Tolerance isnt the right word to be used. But with tolerance someone can learn more, unless they close minded and doesn't want anything to do with what they say they are tolerant about. Give your friend some time to mull it over, as he might not have realized that it's because you value your friendship that you told him. Everyone can't be like one of my nappy staged friends, that I haven't seen for a few years and starts talking to me telling me I look good and when are we hanging out like we used to. In my case I thought separation of years would make him just turn a cold shoulder. He reminded me, that with each interactive roleplay we did as children, I always took the role of the female characters and nothing is wrong, I'm just older and prettier and finally accepted myself. Wouldn't we liked everyone to be that way, but reality is... There will always be those that think its a choice and not a biological programming before birth, and not fulfilling the programming leads to our downfall. Love Michele XXXXX

If I had to fear the world, what kind of example would I be. Hugs and kisses Michele

Good day all Okay, don't be all flustered and think that it changed my attitude to the world, it didn't, I'm just pointing out what I did, and somehow I am still getting people following me and hitting on me. What I did I don't actually know. But this is the steps that I took. Maybe it was a form of liberation, but it was definitely a way to say, look at me and be certain that I am human and not going anywhere. In a recent Facebook entry I made I wrote: My bio * 36 years old * police official with sergeant rank * from South Africa, born and raised as a Capetonian, and lived for a while in Johannesburg before moving back * 1.74m (5'8&1/4") tall * 64kg (145Lbs) * naturally dark brown hair, but currently dyed * love; cars, sushi, pizza, salads, firearms (actually weapons), sleep, fighting styles (martial arts, boxing, kick boxing) * no children, but also not planning on any in my near future * Gender: transgender female (even if I'm intersex, just my gender identity still) * Sexuality: Multiple classification (A-sexual and to a degree hetero sexual) * marital : not married, and never planning to take that step.;= * friends: usually close knit, and mixture between male and female life goals : career and gender equality and understanding (transgender rights - activism), writing This is but a small part of me and the rest I normally open up with as time goes by. I hate dishonesty, but I know a white lie has its place and time. Whomever has a problem with me being so frank about myself, they can up and delete themselves. Oh, if I don't request to see you naked, it is clear I don't want to see you naked. And my facebook is for the facilitation of platonic relationships, and that does mean that other things can come, but platonic it will be unless mutually agreed upon for something else. I don't say, fear me, as I am human. But I also don't say try to take me for a fool, because I will know and when I let the steam out to warn you enough is enough you definitely won't like me. As nails, teeth, fangs (I've been asked if I had them put in to look like a vampire at times), fist, open hand, feet, knees, elbows, thighs, oh just my whole body will be used to throw that train off its tracks into a raging ocean. My love for cars, doesn't mean I need to drive a V8 Ford Mustang, V10 Audi R8, Mercedes AMG (so many to choose C63 AMG would do). So I drive what fits my personality and pocket, even if it doesn't look like a vehicle someone else would buy, don't try and influence me, you not my father who knew my likes and dislikes more, and also knew that I'm more of a head then heart purchaser. Wheat I don in life I do to make me proud and that of what my father instilled in me. To be true to myself, as I know he is watching his baby's every move. This will upset some that I'm open about myself, but that clearly doesn't put others in my shoes, as mine is a unique size 6 just for me. Ps. I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT PEOPLE READ BIO's BEFORE SENDING REQUEST. NOW THIS IS A POST INTRODUCTION, SEEING THAT SOME NEGLECTED TO ACTUALLY READ IT IF THEY HAVEN'T KNOWN THIS ABOUT ME. In one I got 66 likes, and 42 positive answers, the other 30 likes and 3 comments that were positive. I'm definitely not saying that any of you should be as blunt as me, because, I know that I am unique with similar experiences at different times, or just totally different experiences emphasizing my uniqueness. But seeing that I'm not looking for a relationship that is more then platonic, I thought this was a way to let the people around me understand that this is me, and gave them enough time to think about what I said and delete themselves from my profile. I definitely don't have a problem facing the war head on, because that means the understanding of who we are, are just that much easier. And coming from a person that isn't a high profile it amounts to a lot. With that said, my profile increased with over 2000 people in the last 3 weeks, making me feel like it is the best time to start taking on the world on my profile to make them understand the truth. I just haven't figured out how to properly introduce it to them, but I went to a 16 days of activism, which was directed more to the women and children, somehow the bullying part came in and they noticed that I'm not absentminded or even afraid, and I mentioned that I was bullied by my commander for being transgender, but they also knew that I am in the police as I was introduced on my rank. I showed that I had to overcome adversity by striking back in the best way I knew how and the only way that the bully would stop, and they looked at me asking how someone that's in the police can be bullied is just wrong. I had to say, bullies are everywhere, but I knew that my bully whom was much shorter and skinnier then myself was my bully. And you would see that they take on strong people that doesn't like to react, because in this case she was trying to get me to physically assault her to work me out of the police. Which I didn't fall for, so I hit her where it hurts the most, her pocket. I wish you all a splendid week and yes, I am back at work and loving some of the time. Others I just want to stink bomb some offices. If I don't write something closer to Christmas, I wish you all a happy festive season, and love yourself, because that is the biggest gift you can give yourself, because not even GRS, HRT or any of the other surgeries are going to make you appreciate and love you, if you don't do it for yourself. I might make you feel closer to human then what you are feeling, but it will never make you feel complete. Love and Hugs Michele