Michele800226

Hello all Got a weird question albeit normal question the other day. I was asked out of the blue by one of the officers at work, "Will you be capable of answering a question when the new station commander asks you about your dress code? And have you changed it at work?" The it is, my gender specifics and the dress code for male and female police members are slightly different at work. Answering this officer, I clearly stated that the workplace were informed and some of my medical certificates are on record at work, that's why I obtained a female bulletproof or why would I have gotten that and be placed in the female side of a barracks when going on a course. I said some part in my head, then vocalized that I was born intersexed and that make me capable of deciding if I'm female or male as I got both genders, what now... I got a weird look, and commented further that a friend whom is Maj General and the head of legal services in the police was approached and informed of my steps that I was going to take and for her to start looking at the laws of South Africa to safeguard herself, otherwise this will have repercussions and reach her office too. Suddenly he walked away, because now his rank isn't just inferior, but somewhere in the middle of myself and a friend. 2 days passed and I got asked if I saw the page on his table. It didn't bother me as it wasn't my desk. She read out loud a section he wrote about me. (See attachments) Come after me as much as you want, because this will only strengthen me as I grow and safeguard all others to follow. Meaning I do their fighting for them preemptively. I was far from done when it came to fighting for LGBTIQ&Others. Have about 20 odd years to go before it's time for me to go on retirement as it is frowned upon to work more then 30 years in the police here.​ Thinking that people still want to crucify people for being different to them is awful. If this is his point of view, ooooh I got some sins he has done. By his own account, and that doesn't scare me to take him on. I'm not livingin th stone ages, and he'll js have to get over it, or dron in his own sins and leave me alone. One more person to beat the crap out of. And in the endi am gong to g for gold, hit him wher it will hurt the most, his wallet. What that is the only way to make a bigot learn to stay on the right side of the law. Hope you all are havig a good time, and are safe. After all a pest like me never goes down without a fight.. Hus and kisses Michele

H Veronica This freebird is sometimes confusedbird. But my sentiment exactly, I wouldn't seem changed to me, but in reality with any change there is a ripple effect of change. Wait, let me stop this oldish wisdom and say cheers for now. As I'm thinking of a topic again, but everything I write about represents me. Hugs Michele

Hi Lady Congrats on physically having arranged your physical alteration to represent the lady you've always been. Yes, life have steps for everyone to climb, but without these steps we wouldn't be learning. Go out, show the world the lady you are. Can't be held back and ready for action. Remember safety first, and lots of hugs Michele

Heya Jay Hope that your headaches are getting better and it's good having a few guys between the gals. Well, I know I'm not your typical lady's but I see me getting a few petrol heads, and weapons friends. Enjoy the changes. Mentally then physically. Enjoy the colder seasons, as I also love them more. All the best Michele

Hi there Blessed be to all. As I start off thinking about myself, I know if I could change anything about myself, it would be: My gender by protecting myself from having to experience gender specific issues the world have,Keep my height and weightBe fit and limber, a perfectionist when it comes to kungfu, tai chi, tae kwan do, and numerous other martial arts formformsSpeak language I stil understand and more, German, Dutch, Italian, French, Spanish, Mandarin, Japanese, Korean, Taiwanese, Hindi, Urdu. Okay just be a linguist that catches languages in mere minutes, but be as fluent in Afrikaans and English ooh and make that Xhosa, Zulu, Pedi, Tswana. Not that I'm not fluent in Afrikaans (kinda suck at it, but still have a better understanding then most people), and more so in English. (Okay my first language was Afrikaans, but as the business language changed in South Africa, so I began speaking, reading, and writing much less and in some cases I just stopped.)Okay, my list is much longer but I don't want to keep typing in 5 or 6 hours just to be busy with what I would change, but in te end if I changed anything in my past I wouldn't be the same Michele Heynes that I am today. I am Tall (5'8¼) 1.74mSlender enough (140Lbs) 63kgs, yes fattish if you talk about a modelSpeak, read and write in Afrikaans and English more then proficiently. Speak mixed up in German and Dutch, and understand on a basic level, speaker screwed up in Mandarin and Xhosa, more so Mandarin then Xhosa, mixing Xhosa and English and I'm proficient on a basic understanding levelevelHazelnut colored eyesKnow I'm originally intersexed, but will rather just be meKnow my weapons and carsNot afraid to die, death becomes us all, but not before I used my punani.The point I'm trying to make is this easy... We all are unique individuals, our own strengths and weaknesses, desires and fears. By accepting the struggles we had to endure even if it almost took a lifetime for some to maintain or gain the confidence to soldier in and be true to ourselves. Like Jazz who was fortunate enough to present as female from a young age. Kaitlyn on the other side of the spectrum that waited to be true to herself very late in life. Or life me that would verbalize what I was feeling and have always been true to myself but knew for he kind of work I wanted to do, I knew the struggles would inadvertently only allowing me to start transition in my early 30s and keeping a fight I never thought I would have to endure. Oh well, the fight was as I expected unpredictable and unnerving. My humanity was questioned as selfpreservation kicked in and an analytical bitch with fighting and research capabilities. So even if you wished you could've change the past, leave it as is, because we never will be the same for the actions we changed in our past. Lots of love, hugs and kisses. Be who you need to be and forget about the past you wishing to change, as it would inevitably leave a person in your wake that no one can think off or would want to be at any hotel or between people of interest Cheers Michele​

Hiya all I think by letting my animosity go into writing, the realization that I was hampered in a way becomes acceptable. Because if I didn't have to overcome any of this, I might not have had the urge as a child to understand the differences in genders and so doing might have been a total jerk or bigot when it came to gender or equality. I also believe because of this I sculpted the way my father looked at gender and sexuality, because I know he would've looked at it differently if it didn't happen to his baby. So changing an older generation into accepting what is as old as time but was never talked about is an achievement in itself. Knowing that I do have support and I do acknowledge all in the struggles of gender and sexuality not because I'm part of the struggle but have a greater understanding of it in the same time. I appreciate that I was allowed to broaden my knowledge as I pleased by my father, and that he took the stand to say till here and no further for my mother. So yes, a dictator was in my family and that role was filled by the member you would think of as masculine or the father figure, and turned out to be the mother, supposedly nurturer, supposedly supporter of offspring. Total reversal of roles, but I got my emotional and physical support even if it wasn't from your atypical gender form, and I am grateful he was in my life for 19 years of my life. I'm glad I got to work with his tender side, to have the nurturing love of a strong man that in the end even taught his granddaughter that the love she experienced, and she was worthy to know the meaning not just the word love. Love all Hugs and kisses Michele

Hi there all. How do I start this... I grew up asking questions and I mean this question has been asked even before I was 4 years old. The question in question is, "What did you let the doctors do to me as a baby?" Well the answer back then was, circumcision, and distended testicles. And another answer was, circumcision (which I never doubted for a second) and intertwined testicles. Okay the reason I asked as a child was because I felt like I wasn't in the right body, and I could notice that something was done on me even though the scars weren't visible anymore. The same question was asked when I was 9 years old, because I started my periods, and everything was normal except for the fact that I didn't bleed or it was believed. This periods never stopped and I just had to deal with monthly cramps till that faithful day I was hospitalized for the infection I blogged about in a previous session. So pushing made and knowledge let me discover that I was born intersexed. Yes, having two genders in one body. How furious I was when I discovered that my mom authorized the surgery to correct it and my dad had to endure the pain of witnessing the operation performed on his baby. This also made me understand why my dad didn't push hard when I said no to things, as your typical girl would answer request that were male related. I never identified as male, and only as female so this became apparent that my dad didn't want to go against my mother's decisions, but would do whatever it takes to make his baby happy. So in this, I am smiling that he is the person and was the person I turned to when I was in need of answers, even in his death I still turn the same way because I know what he would say, spending all that time with him. Would I have been married if I grew up typically female with everything to match and just a medical condition where my estrogen was too low, and need that filled??? I don't know, but I know that I wouldn't have waited so long to interact with men on a sexual level. Yes I have a great deal of animosity towards my mother for not allowing me to choose or that she didn't want to wait to see which direction my mood and behavior I was attached to more. Why decide and hope for the best while you know there is a 50% change that the gender you decided on could backfire because the child you envision doesn't exist, because the individual got sculpted and formed their own opinions. Yes this is a short piece about me, and I don't need pity, because my anger at this point in time will melt the best of intentions. I hope that no one has to go through this and that we as a community of trans persons, let me include intersex seeing that I actually crossed the boarders with the realization that my suspicions were right all along. In that little piece of fact that I knew from the start, makes me calmer and not so angry. I do love my mother, but can't stand that her good intentions turned out the worst for me. And yes, that is what most parents do. Make decisions for their children and hope for the best when they grow up into hopefully a well balanced grown-up. Cheers. Lots of love and kisses Michele

Hi all Yesterday Monday 2016-06-13 at between 02:45 and 03:00 another police officer friend of mine was gunned down. I know that some of you will be telling me to look after myself and be safe outside, but then I can think of this to say, if it is my time to die, no matter what I do and where I go, I will die. So I prefer to face everything head on so I know, I went out the way I lived and believed in, my way. Yesterday's guy was on police college with me and at the interim police station before college. So we grew close and hugged as a greeting and made as if we kissed to freak the hell out of people sometimes. He was a soft soul, that I respected, adored, would protect with my life, and could trust with my life. He was one of those police members that almost never lost his temper, and would do what it takes and usually went above and beyond the call of duty. What saddened me was that I went to take keys to the scene 6 almost 7 hours later and unbeknown to me he was still lying on the ground where they gunned him down. Something in me told me not to go closer and just leave the key with one of the seniors and went back to the station. When I drove by another 6 to 7 hours later they were still busy with the scene and only 2 and half three hours prior to that removed his body from the scene and he laid there for 10-11 hours before they were allowed to move him. As I'm typing this to commemorate the life of a friend Mthetho Sandla, my tears are welling up, as I will never get to hold him in my arms, smell him, see him in front of me, or laugh with him. Okay in all the good he did, I should probably say this, mention one thing where you could see how much I cared for him. Last year while I was still on the shift, I was called in by the ladies on my shift, because Mthetho was in a predicament and being arrested for drunken driving with a traffic officer. I got to the station, asked if I may speak to him, and asked how he was doing? He just laughed and said he is alright. I asked why and how he was arrested? He had some drinks and his fiance instructed him to fetch her, even after he told her that he had something to drink and don't want to drive. She became insistent and forced him to fetch her, where he was pulled off in the area and got arrested. I went inside to ask the Warrant Officer whom was writing the books to sort him out, because he can't go in the sells where he has arrested so many people before. The Captain of my shift was out and when he heard about it he also came in and heard me begging for Mthetho's safety. When the Warrant insisted he could do nothing, I told him to if he can't do something, I will and I won't go out until this is sorted out. (In South Africa if a government official was locked up for drunken driving we are allowed to give them a free bail and warn them to appear in court the first court date that comes after that, but certain police, traffic, metro will let that person lie in the sells because they aren't nice. I'm not saying that police will be released when they committed murder, rape or anything like that. But had a glass or two too many.) I processed him like any other criminal and he was laughing all the way, telling me that as a student I was always the suspect and always got inked up, it only seems fair that he feels how it feels to be inked up. The charging was done and I wrote out the police bail for him and my Captain signed because no one else wanted to, and my rank wasn't high enough at the time, but I was willing to take the punch for a person I knew wouldn't ever be locked up for committing a robbery, murder or rape. He was looking for his car keys and told me to give to him as he sobered up enough to be under limit. I told him, I charged you, I released you, and I love and respect you to much to let you drive home, because I can tell him with all honesty that the traffic were informed where you living and are covering all routes there. I will either go home after my shift ends unless he promises to stay home on our friendship, and for the first time in his life he allowed me to drive the vehicle home, where I parked it and he went inside. Yes, I kept the key in case his fiance called again, as I knew he needed to sleep and handed the keys over to her during the day. I know this sounds like I got the back of my friends, but if I know they don't drive like that and it was because they were forced, I will help them. And I believe that no peace officer (traffic, metro, correctional, police, ens) should be placed in a sell where they might just end up with the person they arrested or could be killed in there, so I have a soft spot for all people. And when I know that they aren't a threat or I know where and how to find them. So I didn't just do this for a friend, but a guy that was nice when he didn't notice he knew me, and the previous times he saw me he was reprimanding me for nothing. After that he said he will never be that way again... I haven't checked if he remembered me, but should. When someone at work said but they can't release him because they can't verify anything of him. I came forth and said, he works there, he asked me how I knew, and I told him he was shouting at me when he saw me the first time and subsequently seemed to dislike. He said, he never actually looked who it was, when I described my car to him, he remembered the incident well and that was that. Mthetho, in all the years I've known you (beginning of January 2005, 10th of Jan we went to college), you never disrespected me, showed me the caring and loving side of you. I can't forget you, and I love how you were a part of my life and made it that much richer. Don't worry about the tears in my eyes babez, it isn't just tears of sadness, but tears sent into the universe to spread the news that an angel has been set free to grace the world of his mercy as God would want it to be. And don't think that it will get easier, I will just learn how to deal with the sorrow and the pain. Mthetho say hello to Luntu, and my father from me. Even though I know they are reading this message with you as I am saying. Lots of LOVE, RESPECT AND ADORATION FOR A FRIEND I CAN'T AND WON'T REPLACE, BOTH YOU AND LUNTU ARE ON MY MIND.' Daddy I still speak of you to people, miss you too. Love you so much. I think I typed more the enough to remember Mthetho. Luntu, I will never forget us sharing smileys, we had a lot a food we shared. You told me I'm black on the inside and white on the outside. I remember how I got beaten in a fight and you also couldn't handle the guy, but the blows you guys gave made me fly, and in the end it took both of us to get the suspect under control, and it was the first time you saw that I am human and capable of being beaten. Lots of Love, Hugs and Kisses Michele

Hiya Steph Me, myself and I are doing well at home. Yes I live alone. But I see my oldest sister almost everyday, as she lives in the street behind me and has an adjacent house to mine. My mother had surgery and is doing better, but we'll see her somewhere next month for the first time in month. I'm use to me looking out for myself with a small amount of people looking out for me, as we either trained together or worked together outside while on the road, and I don't even trust all the guys I worked with outside. Yes, the trauma of the rape took my five (5) years to face and another year to get control of. But I once saw the guy whom is unknown to me, and he came to use the treadmill next to me in the gym and tried to talk to me. I told him to buzz off or I would hurt him. That was that and I proved my strength as I continued harder and faster then I ever did. The difference between me being raped and others are, I'm in the small percentage that could fight their attacker from the word go and would've succeeded in protecting myself, if he didn't go to another means to taking me down and out. I can remember his hands around my throat and being inside, and shortly after that I started fighting back as I regained consciousness. I appreciate the looking out for me, but I will be the looking forward to blogging on a regular basis or when time permits. Cheers Hugs and kisses Michele

Hi there I know the different rapes that occurs with victims and perpetrators. I also know I made it seem as an insignificant occurrence, but if you went through previous blogs, you would see that I'm a rape survivor, and the majority of the times I face adversity head on. I can't and won't back down, for any person attacking my gender, person, or that of a loved one. I also refuse to back down while on duty, unless the odds is so stacked against me, that I'll end up endangering everyone around me. Reasons I can't back down: 1. Human right, to live and let live; 2. Freedom of speech and expression; 3. With ignorance come the ability to be taught, only once that person accepts defeat and acknowledges the multi-complex world we live in; 4. Putting myself in the firing line, means the fight for equality stops sooner then later, and as I said bring it on; 5. What can they do to me to make me suffer, been there done that wrote the book and I'm wearing the scars, and death becomes us all. It's the legacy we leave behind that makes us immortal; 6. I would rather have myself in danger, antagonizing my attacker. Then my attacker taking on someone who is unprepared and soft to the point they might not recover from the attack; 7. As you said, rape is about power, and a rapist loses his power when he can't evoke an emotional meltdown of fear. So, do I have to fear an allegation that I'm in danger, or make that person or persons feel as insignificant as a fart that ripped through the silent air as if a thunderstorm was on it's way. Facing an attacker usually has the effect where upon they turn around and run for protection from their parents. Now how can I fear that? I'll keep a watch on my surroundings, but I already do that, so my life goes on as usual, no changes, no higher alerts for safety, no crawling under a rock to hide from the big bad wolf for me. And don't let my appearance as timid draw you in to relax that I'm easy. Cheers for now. Be safe and look after yourself. Hugs and kisses Michele

Hi the all As most of you all know, I'm a police officer since January 2005, and that I can fight. Well yesterday, one of my colleagues came to the station, and he is currently working at a unit. We started talking as normal, and then out of the blue, no I was the only one in blue uniform. He warned me that I've become a topic at the unit and it isn't clear what the guys intentions are. He further informed me that they are having issues with me being trans and discussing amongst themselves and contemplating if I'll be going through the surgery. Well not like the surgery discussions are news to me,nor the fact that most of the men indicated that they'll take sex from me, but backed off once I was shooting next to them. And I know some fear me, not just because they saw me shooting but also had the opportunity to witness me fight. Now, I'm not fearing what they might be planning, as I have proved myself with a lot of the men, so we either have mutual respect or just hate each others guts. Yes, doesn't mean I'm a peace officer that I can't hate someone, I'm human after all. I know I don't have legal recourses as I will never be told who was the initiator / instigators are, and if he started it as a means to make the crew comfortable with me. And then his good intentions turned into warnings coming my way. Well either way, I didn't think it would be easy to transition in the police. I knew that I would get hurdles, security fences, hills and snake infested mountains that I must face and cross. And before he came, I've already made up my mind on how to deal with the gender issues in the police. So is this warning something I should take serious. As I don't think it will substantiate or manifest itself into a murder threat or warning. Other shit for them is, some of them have to work with me to get a part of their work done, so sexually devouring me without permission will not happen, unless I desire that man to treat me like a piece of apple pie. I should get done, and the book Always Anastacia by Anastacia Tomson is giving me insight into how different like minded women can be, and I'm definitely enjoying how she came out at work as transgender. It's her autobiography from her dead name to how she came to understand and live her life... So I'm being inspired by strong women too. Okay, the last part of the warning. I'm taking it as a gossip story that reached my ears after much deliberation from a friend to think of how it will hurt me if I had to know. But, it's not as if it is a secret, and I'm open about my gender and was expecting death threats, not rape threats. Now that is indicative to me that I'm sexy and they know and want me but are scared of what people around them might say. Therefore I will take it as a validation of my beauty, or should I be scared??? Before anyone answers, I've had the same training in the police of all the minimum advance training they must go through. And then some. Now I can say. Have a good weekend. Cramps are killing me and it feels like those hospitalization pains I had, after all I found some blood on my clothes and after wiping my .....cat. Safety first, and leave the heroics for me. Now I just need to make contact with someone I know. Cheers for now Michele

Hi all Reason I say there I go again, I had to play car fixer again for my sister. Do you girls and guys realize that a car is heavy to push on your own. But this time round, I reversed the car into the garage, because there is no way in hell that I am pushing that heavy () car again to have to start. I hope that my sister doesn't stuck tomorrow with the car as she goes to work. I don't know where it is draining the battery from and I didn't have enough time to trace the fault as I was working. Ooooooh, some guy asked to see a picture of me and I just handed my phone over and I was looked at and asked a few questions, as he figured out from my instagram (@michelintrans) that I changed, but thought that I was transgender ftm. I was laughing and said, no. But yes, this was because I am just as naughty as the guy that asked to see some pics of me. Yes, he saw my ass, and it's perky as heel, so I am not ashamed of artistically taken pics. And it wasn't like I was naked, I was dressed in underwear and only kept the artistic not sleazy pics, the rest were deleted. I even prove that underwear can be used to fight in and showed that I can be a sword wielding biatch, although it was with a WW2 relic, bayonette sword. That doesn't mean that I don't know how to use a sword, remember is was the only size I could handle as a child to not injure myself when I started my sword works, and I love it as it reminds me of how brave my dad was in real life, and that he is proud of me where he is. Need to run, my baby is running low on nappies and I have to drive to a shop with his brand as he soaks the bed if you buy inferior nappies. Love, Respect, Hugs, Adoration, and Understanding Michele Ps. No one can see my pics on instagram without me accepting them. I locked it for my own privacy.

Hi there Staphanie I am not feeling kinds of pain at the moment, and that is excellent for me. I dealt with the doctor in the way I would do in any other way, if you transphobic, I will explain what trans is and if you still can't deal with it, and you the best in your field, I will deal with you, but also know that your treatment wouldn't be that of what you would normally do, but I also know that a medical practitioner wouldn't do anything that is wrong as long as they know that you are a stubborn and knowledgeable person in the field that they are working. Probably counts in my favor that I know what they are talking about when I walk in a surgery or hospital. The nursing staff and other persons in the hospital made up for the doctor, by being super nice and if they didn't know what transgender / transsexual was, I would explain and so give them training and what not to ask, even though I would answer some of the NO NO question. I am also an emotional person, but usually vent in a different way then crying. And I am easily annoyed when I skipped a dose or am on my PMS. I do also think that it was experience in my field, but I've always been defensive of other people. I remember some gangster wanting to rob my friends in school, and I took control of that situation as well by stepping into the line of fire. I used myself as the primary defense and the sexy twins as the secondary means of defense, even though I knew that they were 5 times better at fighting then me. But I used my what I knew as an advantage. I also knew the one gangster and where he lived, knew that he was in the gang one of my uncles created and that he knew my family was off limits from them, but he had some new guy him that came for an initiation. Got home and told my dad who was the oldest, and grew up in a family where the eldest is the one you should listen to, and lucky for me his siblings all feared and respected him as well as most of the gangsters. I still have that in me, but I know that my gangsters are from different groupings and that I now am thinking of the community and not my friends or family alone. I am thus prepared to handle any doctor or gangster to protect myself and that of the community, just because I was raised to make people understand that everybody is equal and need that respect and understanding from any person. I am glad that the medication is done and that the poison they were pumping into my body made me so sick that I lost 6kgs (about 14Lbs) in under a week. Would I entrust the same doctor to treat me, yes. The only things he did that made me angry was the fact that he didn't consult the treatment with me, and that he is transphobic. I also know that he attempted to be kinder by the time I was discharged from hospital. Thank you for the complements on my looks, and I am thankful that my hair wasn't effected by the medication. I am one of those girl / ladies that will get admitted to a psych ward for the loss of my hair. Stay kind and sweet. Michele

Hi there everybody Can't say that it's been a long time, but I've been busy and attempting to get this done for a while now. So I recently got my medical aid bill, and low and behold i underwent radiology for the week I was in hospital without me knowing. I know precisely which drip it was in after thought, but still I like my doctors to be open to me because that is what I do. If I wasn't open, I would've let them put me with the guys, and never have told the medical staff I was transgender in the first place. And in retro spec, I assume I would've gone under the knife. Idiot and I would've been capable of going on lower doses of medication. But then again I believe the best medical treatment can only be given if your doctor have all the necessary information, of which I could determine that he was transphobic and still a good doctor, that at least put his prejudice aside to treat me. Got back to work 2 weeks later still feeling under the weather and in so much pain, seeing that the infection was from my abdomen to my crotch area, and effected my balance and core strength. Being tender and weak for literally and figuratively 6 weeks. Yes, I finally felt how everyone else felt, vulnerable. But I faked it through that timeframe to look strong. Went though a week of crying at work, because pressure I normally could handle, but hey it seemed like all the strong women were vulnerable that week, so I was not alone. An instruction came that we must only wear uniform from now on, and it came before I was ready to wear a firearm. So to my dismay, I had to fake being stronger even more to keep people at bay. Yeah, no incidents, or so I thought. Got asked to drop something and there I drive into a fight with knives wearing uniform and in a marked vehicle, so couldn't even attempt to keep myself safe by leaving it alone. I did the only thing I could think of to safeguard me and the passenger (a clerk), use my weapon only to stop the fight and make those men drop their knives before they reach us as a way to get the upper hand. Situation defused, and I carried on. And yes, the though went through my head, what if I had to shoot one or both of the men. And the other thought that was spinning in my head wasn't just our safe or taking them out fast when the situation asks for it, but I can't look weak in the face of danger. The one thing I appreciated was the clerk with me had reservist training, so also knew how to deal with the situation, although she hasn't been in the field for a long time, and it seems where firearms are drawn or I need to act she is almost always with me. And it always happens in a ganster ridden area, I am only driving with her in calm areas from now on. Then I had a make-upless day two weeks ago and the wet hair picture attached was that day. The others were taken basically a week later while I was waiting on someone to return. I also found out the woman I thought was quiet, is actually rude, and brings out my defenses and I had to put her on her place once in a shouting match. But now, I get the evil eye from her and I just pretend she is a bad demon that is trying to get back into this realm to wreak havoc on earth, as she was vanquished previously. And my answer to her questions will always be negative for her, because I can't help evil in any way or form. I'm also laughing at my kids, not biological at all. But last night the 14 year old runs up to me asking how his other mother is doing. Shame, he definitely have too many mother. Two extra this side, one where he lived the most of his life, and a multitude of grandparents. I was told I have to many fathers for my children, and I said, "No way, I only have one man with two children, not a different daddy for each child." So we have caught up from where I last said I was admitted to hospital to now. Ps. I needs to release from frustrations and almost threw the one guy off the back of a bakkies (South African term for a pick-up truck) while flinging tyres at him. But he was understanding and told me, I should've warned him that my body was still sore on the inside and he would've moved the 24 tyres on his own. I bid you farewell for now. Have a peaceful time, and remember, safety in number. Be safe, secure, and love yourself because if you can't appreciate yourself, others will find it hard to find you worthy, even though you are all perfectly imperfect just like me. Who wants to be perfectly perfect, not me!!! Lots of love and hugs Michele​

Hi Veronica You might think that it's only men, but my inbox is filled with all genders. And I truly hope I'm not that frosty, because it seems to me I'm heating up some libidos there. Hugs Michele

Hope your circumstances change so you can do what your heart is telling your head.

Hi there Stephanie and Briannah Before I usually take or give advice, I would think what I would tell others to do. I think I get some of my wisdom from being the youngest cousin on my mom's side of the family and one of the youngest from my dad's side. And I have almost 40 years of experience to delve into with either responses I loved or loathed so much, that I vowed to follow the good and keep the bad as a reference of what not to do. And I knew from my beginning I am transgender and that gives me different struggles, which I have to deal with as a whole or go down without ever understanding or accepting life as it is. Cheers Michele

Hi there I'm smiling at the thought of me saying, let there be... First thing that comes to mind is ,"Light". But which light will I be referring too? Light as in truth, or the perfect way forward. But the more I think about it, the answer slips me... What I've come to find is, my week was filled with conversation with either men I personally know or have just met on Facebook. Yes, I sometimes accept request from total strangers. In the hope that not all men are dogs or think a pair of tits makes you an idiot and a gullable girl. The one wants to get back together and I know it's the worst idea in the world. Because the man he is, isn't all bad or all good. He is a manipulative man, that thinks he is never wrong and only wants his way. And when he does something wrong, all the blame for him doing it comes directed towards you, because you called him out on it. Thinking that emotional manipulation makes everything right. And no, I don't like or want to be emotionally blackmailed. Therefore I am lucky in a sense that even while sick, I can think in my feet and let him no, I don't want to see him, it is a bad idea and that we are bad together as a couple. We work much better to just chat with each other as our worlds doesn't attract meteors to crash into us causing disaster above disaster. And after I told him his final NO on Saturday, all radio silence was initiated again. And this from a man that was trying to get into my bed. Idiotic antidote number 2. Yes, this unknown man starts off chatting to me and telling me how beautiful I am and how I am God sent for him after losing his wife in a car accident and having a daughter that is 18years old. The more we chatted the more disillusioned and detached he seems from reality. According to him, he is this successful engineer that is working on an oil rig in South Africa, and would love to marry me as we are soulmates, destined to get married, and would move to California where we would live happily ever after in a house that he build for his wife and himself. And the beginning of this week, of which I'm sceptic already. Did I say I have difficulty in trusting men! And then he says we one and his bank account is overdrawn and needs finances to continue with his project and it would mean so much to him that he can finish on time. Bull twang!!! Told him, I don't know him and my finances is mine, of which I don't know if I can trust him or not. He continued with his messaging to attempt and convince me into parting with my money and possibly even my life. Yes, I know of serial killers that used the friends cards with how much they love you to draw you in and because of your gender, sexuality, or perceived looks can trigger their psycho side. Well out of some of the conversations I am having, there are guys that looks at me as a sexual objectobject (or do they think I'm a prostitute for quick sex), and others that finds me intellectually stimulating as well as a looker. The only question I would have is, "Do these men actually go through my profile that says I'm a transgender female, and nothing in the world is going to change that. Because if the fight comes my way or known to me which is discriminatory against gender or sexuality, I will step in and fight in that war." Or are they just looking at my face (profile picture) as those are the only two things visible on my Facebook before I accept any friend request. Well, I am grateful that I am a visible transgender female that stand for human rights and the equality that we all deserve. Hugs, respect, freedom, equality and my looks. Bid you goodnight for now. Michele J Heynes

Hello Christie Sound like you had a good coming out and excited that the majority had a good reception and understanding that you are happier as the true you. So no faking some person that makes you unhappy anymore. Only allowing you to dress up as an alter ego on Halloween. Enjoy the freedom of being yourself Michele

Hi Girls / Ladies I didn't end up in the ER, I was admitted for basically a week. If I had to decide, I'd have said do the operation as the infection would've been removed and my body wouldn't need to fight an infection with high doses of medication that only makes me sick to the stomach (still using it) and allows me to eat less then 50% of what I can normally consume. Ja, I'm still swollen and unable to stand or walk for long periods of times. The infection to not being an infection should have a reading of less the 5 in my blood stream, and last week the reading was 210.7 and on the day I was discharged it dropped to 180.2 over 5 days. So, as a smart enough kid, I hate that some smarter kids don't listen to me when I need to say something. Then again, I've also figured out that the specialist is a good doctor but also transphobic so will look at the OR as a super very last resort as I said why I use medication. Next time I stay quiet, wait then I won't be me and I will be willfully is leading a doctor to give a treatment I know would be one of his first choices if I didn't disclose being transgender. But then I'm denying myself the freedom of being me. Cheers for now Michele

Hi everyone Let me say this. Ouch is literally currently happening to me. I got this sharp pain yesterday in my abdominal region and this morning it extended it's range to my crotch area. So ouch stand for pain and bleeding, that I think I can handle till later, but will definitely go to the doc tomorrow. Okay, I'm also guessing that I'm postponing getting medical attention so I can possibly get the results I desire. What I can say is, don't do what I do, because it can result in a dangerous zone of life. So I'm hoping it doesn't effect me so much that I can't move tomorrow. When I finally learn to be afraid I can most probably learn the vulnerability of the rest of humanity. Have I mentioned that I got a repeated dream during the week where I inadvertently got kidnapped, not because I couldn't fight the men, but them pointing the kids with firearms and I couldn't stand for them being injured all because of me. On the better side, in the dreams just before waking up I always got my GRS and the last 2 got saved by a man I respect and yes the kids that were with me before the kidnappings, one of whom was his oldest boy. So this was my week, dreams with a hint of nightmare and this pain-distention-bleeding and I'm truly just me the one you can say is doing it the way I should. Cheers for tonight. Be free and allow the world to love you the way we deserve to be loved Hugs Michele

Hi Warren Hoping for the best new for you. Need to find a South African study to get my medical aid to consider the operation. On the plus side, you've got a sweet innocent boyish face, and that's all good. I'm finding the longer I'm on hormones the more men hit on me (my feminine features are getting enhanced, loving it), and for once I was uncomfortable between them while going to shoot. Lack of females or being the only one they hit on could've been the problem. What kind of concealed weapon are you looking at. I prefer pistols because of the mag capacity, but would live to get myself a revolver, something in the lines of a small caliber. But then I remember that it doesn't have the stopping power I desire, so end up thinking about a 38Sp or 357 magnum, but in snub nose (2") form. I also hate that it when I can't control my hammer (double action is best for me, because of my lack of upper body strength). Well, keep on being safe sir. And enjoy the bike when you get it. The feeling of freedom as you ride is unsurpassed, just wished I could still be riding, but medically I don't want to tempt fate and be preemptively paralyzed. Cheers young man. Michele

Hi everyone Apparently I'm loving these to do or not to do's. But let's just say, they come after experiences I've gone through. This week that passed was no different from others. Seeing that for my last few weeks at work I've been going to the shooting range, with the only difference that I actually got to shoot. So 1 less day of actually working for me, because I'd normally return to work after a long drive. Friday, as per usual. I got up earlier to be at work before 06:00 and get weapons I don't take home, and get a state vehicle to drive. Because of strikes, roadworks, and traffic light that were out and on going, I drove 2 hours to the shooting range that about 40miles away. So pissed off at driving and idiots trying to push me off the road. I passed my shooting on all the weapons I had on me, and needed to pass. No, I was perfectly made up before leaving the house and yes. The shooting range is on an open space looking like a dessert. No shade and sand blowing everywhere. 6 almost 7 hours later and I was full of sand, from my face to my tits and stomach. I left and went to the nearest garage where there is a bathroom to wash my face and remove as much sand as possible. Removed all my make-up and went back to work to drop my none issue firearms. Walked into the office of one of the officers as she was looking for the vehicle I was driving. First she tell me my make-up is still perfect after a long day, and when I revealed I had nothing on, she asked me why I'm wearing make-up if my face is so perfect. Well its to enhance my looks obviously isn't it. At least that is what I was thinking. So now the question comes, if others view your face as perfect without make-up does that mean you should not use any, or that you can use it to enhance your looks??? Well I feel so much more comfortable with make-up on then without it in public. It doesnt mean my confidence is so low I can't do without make-up. It just feels that much more in tune with my body and brain I think, and I'm still comfy as can be. Would I walk without make-up on? Yes, I sometimes do, even though I don't have a twelve o clock shadow. But I wear it at work because that is my norm. Then my question to everyone would be. If you could go a day without make-up, would you??? Okay, you can still wear gloss. But would you? That is the question. Reason I can pull of days without make-up are, I do my face as natural as possible the most of the time, my lower eye lids permanently looks like I have eye liner on, my eye lashes always look like I used mascara, and my cheeks are rosier without make-up. Yes I got natural make-up the day I was born. Ending off. All I have to say is. Make-up doesn't define us as human beings. Being trans we try to blend in as much as possible to cis persons. But why should we as a collective try to blend in with the world's inadequacies, who says we are not the norm, but just because we the minority in today's age, we are the odd one's out. Who says we aren't part of evolutionary development and enhancement to show the world, change is good. Then why should make-up be all that important for us to blend in. Yes I know, the fear of being told you don't belong is great. The fear of being outed that you aren't naturally born as the gender you identify as. I can't guarantee that I will be around to protect you from the hatred, but I am trying to be as visible as I can without endangering my family, friends and acquaintances. As I don't fear what can be done to me. There is also a reason for my twitter, Facebook and Instagram acciunts being set on private, but that is only for promotional purposes as certain of my stances can be interpreted as not in line with being in the police, even though I don't mention political stances, just the human rights side of my stances mentioned at times. I love and leave you, with this to ponder. Why do we have to conform to cisgender rules? Okay, I've always wanted bombs and a vagina, but what if you didn't want to go through all that as I do??? Should you conform to make others comfortable? Should you make yourself uncomfortable so that the rest of the world can accept you unconditionally? Well if the world wants you to change, then nothing you do, say, or go through will ever be enough to be accepted by others. Big hugs Michele