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Michele800226

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  1. Michele800226
    Hi there all
     
    So I'm the middle of my leave currently and PMS striked again which is an enemy that is supposed to only strike me the last week of the month.  But hey, it decided that it was a good time for me to get punched while the thinking is I am supposed to be down and for the count before of my revelation or make that truth finding.  And on the same day, my blooming sinuses are also packing up and not in a mild way but a heavy attack.  So yes, first few days I was sick, and called into work for 5 days as my sub-component was in trouble for something we couldn't sort out while I was there, but there is time until the 21st to complete, when I am still on leave and I said they should just tell me when everything is right and I will sort it out on my time.  But yes that is that, and now this again, the PMS I don't mind, but the sinus attacks that doesn't want to go away, and leaving me sneezing and a nasal drip that is worse then ever.
     
    Okay, I think my body this move so I couldn't go through with the boodie call I had placed to a friend that helped me out with my birthday last year.  Funny I didn't use it again seeing that he is good at what he does.  But then again, I am not fighting fire with fire because the guy that screwed around was left already, and by spiting him, I am planning of playing in his friends pool.  What, the best revenge is the revenge closest to home.  Which I also don't think I should go through, because I am not a vindictive person.  Ps...  by the time I read your responses I would've either not gone through with this or just gave in and do it, but if I do it, it isn't because I am being spiteful, but actually like the person.
     
    I actually drove a few long distances, as in Cape Town if you drive more then 40km you are driving longish distance, lets see that is 25miles.  But I did two trip where the going was 100miles so a round trip was 200miles.  That was actually fun to see my car doing these distances as, I barely do 17 miles round trip per day.  But if I drive a distance to go calm down I do between 30-50miles on a calm down, I will even consider a drive of around 75miles round trip as a good calm down session.
     
    Talking about calm down session, I found out and instead of crying or punching someone, I took a drive to the beach and had a nice night walk on the beach.  And before anyone starts shouting at me for going to the beach on my own.  I went to the beach that has constant traffic till around 04:00.  And the time that I was there was between 19:00 and 22:00.  So clearly the beach was not full but still had a large volume of people either on the beach or on the road not too far away.  Not that I was looking at the amount of traffic on the beach.  So I did my nature thing to bring my spirit into it zen space.
     
    What this dating experience told me is, you never know the person until they show their true colors, and if you notice it don't be afraid to confront it.  But as Trans Females, we should know this, our muscle mass is way less then what it was, and if you know the guy is volatile and might beat you, don't do it as your safety is of more importance.  Then rather just leave the guy and steer clear of all the places you frequented, maybe that was just his way of hiding you from his family and friends.  But if you were introduced to family and friends, then you weren't the sideline, just screwed around on, and I don't know which is worse.  Because we have similar friends from the start, I'm not relinquishing my friends to him, as I've had them longer then him.  He also isn't distancing himself from them, so I keep my smile on my face and not even acting happy, because I am happy this happened while it was still in its infancy and not super serious.  Well three months is long for me to be in a relationship that isn't platonic.
     
    Well, I have said a bit more then what I thought I would say, so have a good evening people, I'm off and out of here.
     
    Cheers my lovelies
    Michele
  2. Michele800226
    Even people.
     
    Clearly this is a clothes issue.  Yes, 137Lbs almost 138Lbs have a problem with certain clothes.
     
    Not a problem buying.  No women can't tell me how a shop or card works.  Todays issue is getting in my clothes.
     
    As I previously informed you, I was on a physical course and seemed like I lost weight.  Not the case.  Weird right.
     
    Today, I grab a jeans, 32inches, and the bugger didnt want to go over my bum.  My lady humps were in the way of my jeans.  I pulled harder, and what I only saw on TV of a woman jumping and bouncing around as she struggled to get that small ass into what obviously is a size to small pants.  Was me this morning.
     
    Funny part is that same pants had breathing space two weeks back.  Why the hell the elves tailor my clothes and forgot to take it out last night so I could get in again.
     
    Do you want to know a secret...   After HRT started, my body has grown in weight and circumference too.  I've always had an ass, and only people that put their hands on me realized my butt was bigger then what my clothes allowed them to see.  My ass are illusionist.
     
     
    So as my breast grow, my ass proportionally grows.  My middle has gained and lost inches, and always returns to what I originally started off with.  I do have a 34 jeans in my cupboard, make that 3, so I'm prepared for my bums growth, but I'll never get use to bouncing to get my pants on.
     
    Reason being, what if I sleep out, and my partners younger brother or sister or mother walks in.  Okay, their father would be gawking at my tits, but a quick get away won't be possible as I can't even get it up, my pants you filthy minded man (give me a call we think alike).
     
    So my qualms aren't about the exercise to get in, but the awkwardness it might give me.
     
     
    I know I've got a sexy body, but do I want the whole world, or the world of the one I like and fell for to see my body too?  I don't think so...
     
    As apparently was proven to me tonight at a friends again.  They walk around as if it's nothing when they come from the bathroom.  Oh freaken hell no.  My naked body is only to be viewed by the one I love in that way and loves me that way back.  Old fashioned, but hey its me.  Okay and occasionally my doctor when examining me, but in that instance my lover is allowed with inside.
     
    Hard to believe I can't do this exhibitionist thing, even with me showing my structure of my body in pictures.
     
    Cheers from South Africa.
  3. Michele800226
    Having never been in hiding, I cant say how it feels to have come out to the world. It's in your face obvious that I'm special and unique. And this package is a police official too. So lete go through a decade of trials and tribulations in an organization that is male orientated with almost no ability to change.My decade started off with bam, because not only was I attacked and attempted to convince me that I'm wrong in who I am and portray. Gloating to everyone that she has put me in my place. Her actions were inappropriate as she didnt even bother to send out the complainant before attacking me. In any country with a constitution, the police doesnt govern that constitution, the constitution governs the state and all the sectors beneath it. So taking me on because of my gender and your perceived sexuality doesnt work. For once I couldn't open my mouth, but hey I was emotionally in the dumps as a friend was lying in ICU because of heart failure. My brain wasnt on this woman acting liking an amateur biatch.Subsequently because she dared to go against the constitutional laws of the country, I threw a hissy fit and had a case opened against her. Okay a normal biatch fit consist of me, kicking and punching my way through someone's face or body.DID ANYBODY JUST SAY THAT I HOPE ITS NOT A GIRL WE DEALING WITH. WELL, GIRLS CAN FIGHT TOO, WE NOT JUST CREATURES THAT OOZES SEX APPEAL, INNOCENSE, AND IN MY CASE LOOK LIKE A MODEL AT THE AGE OF 34 AND ALMOST 35 YEARS OLD.I never thought that any person could hate any gender or sexuality. Or what is it about me, because some are interested in me and others are totally against me.So my year ended off with a legal battle and started off with a legal battle. It can either shoot me in my foot with promotions. But hey, I'll akways know that I'm overlooked not because capabilities, but because I was cancelled because someone on the panel doesnt like me. As I can truly say that in my decade as a peace officer, I have made certain I studied and I knew my work to 3 or 4 levels higher than what I'm currently obtain, and have been for the last 8years, the 1st 2years were being a student here in RSA.So doesnt mean you in a country that is accepting, you still get those trying to fight and change you to what they want. All I can say is, I AM AN INDIVIDUAL, AND WILL NEVER BE WHO YOU WANT ME TO BE, AND I'LL ALWAYS FIGHT FOR MY RIGHTS, BECAUSE MY PARENTS TEACHING WERE CLEAR. DONT CHANGE SOMEONE, IF THEY WANT TO CHANGE BE SUPPORTIVE AND NOT A ROYAL ASS DICK.My next entry will be more focused, just needes everything off my chest that was bothering me. So kiss my toosh if you are one of those persons trying to tell me, Girl should not like cars, firearms and fighting styles. To those that understood my rambling, good for you.
  4. Michele800226

    Looking back

    By Michele800226,

    Hi all
     
    Something I wanted to post last year, 2015-09-11.  Yes September 11th.
     
    Oh and I never got in anything less then shorts.  I called this my short untamed hair phase.  Just saying, and I hope my voice isn't that bad, but hey, I'm all Michele nothing else or less.  And that makes the content of this blog a video recording.  So is this a vlog or a blog?
     
    Cheers for now
    Lots of hugs
    Michele
    VID_20150911 Nothing but female.3gp
  5. Michele800226

    Baby Daddy Blues

    By Michele800226,

    Let met get it clear from the start, my friend is pregnant with twins (boy and girl) and Baby Dady is taking up my time again...
     
    Since she and this guy have been dating she didn't tell me it's serious and therefore I never met him.  Then all of a sudden he is a permanent ficture and messing up our talking crap, dinner dates, movies nights, sleep overs, and baby shopping time.
     
    Okay, doesn't men know or realize that girls need to hang and not be bothered at times.  And doesn't he realize they going to have a lot of sleepless nights coming after November???
     
    He has already asked a friend of his to be godparent and now she must still decide on who the lucky or unlucky person is.  I'm already calling the girl my baby that kicks ass, and the boy the softer one.  But they both apparently kicking and punching mommy left to right and also head budding her bladder.  How I wish I could go through that.  But would I want to be involved in a relationship or take it as a singleton.  It's hard enough to be in a relationship to juggle both.
     
    So actually this isn't about me always wanting to have a child and carry it full term.  It's more that Alistair is taking up so much time that I can't see my friend, which I am missing like crazy.
     
    The same friend that freaked when I said I need a new GP and Endo!  Who made herself vocally heard in her distrust in South African surgeons, and not wanting me to go here for anything remotely close to major surgery in SRS.
     
    The same friend when I started HRT said, bloody finally you started, but are you certain you trust your doctors.  Don't you want someone else to handle your hormones.
     
    The first person to know how much the hormones cost, as she went with a few times.  The most annoying one when it comes to someone wanting me to date a man.  She kinda knows most of the fixed requirements and she has been occupied so much she doesn't know the picture kinda changed in the mean time, after making out with a friend who is considerably shorter then me.  Yes I call anything under 1.7m short, that I'm 1.74m (5'8&1/4), he is like 5'5.
     
    NO THIS ISNT MEANING ANYTHING LIKE THAT I'M DATING THIS GUY!  WE FRIENDS AND WE HAVE A SEXUAL ATTRACTION, BUT WE ALSO DONT WANT TO LOSE OUR FRIENDSHIP WHICH IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEVERMIND WHAT WE SAY, IF WE VENTURE INTO THAT TERRITORY.
     
    So kinda shorter has joined my criteria, but also only if there is respect, attraction and a whole lot of va va boom.
     
    Wonder when I'll be seeing my friend, and when I'll get to see our little one's.
     
    Funny, I started moaning about not seeing her, but realized how much we share, unless we know that it can be sort of flaunting and to much of a visual expression for the other to deal with.  We stay quiet, even though visually we can deal with corpses and being shot on at work.  Lol
     
    All I can reiterate is, I miss my blooming friend.  This guy is making our relationship unreliable as she is now never there for me!  Bloody penis that impregnated her!!!
  6. Michele800226
    Hi all
     
    Reason I say there I go again, I had to play car fixer again for my sister.  Do you girls and guys realize that a car is heavy to push on your own.  But this time round, I reversed the car into the garage, because there is no way in hell that I am pushing that heavy () car again to have to start.
     
    I hope that my sister doesn't stuck tomorrow with the car as she goes to work.  I don't know where it is draining the battery from and I didn't have enough time to trace the fault as I was working.
     
    Ooooooh, some guy asked to see a picture of me and I just handed my phone over and I was looked at and asked a few questions, as he figured out from my instagram (@michelintrans) that I changed, but thought that I was transgender ftm.  I was laughing and said, no.  But yes, this was because I am just as naughty as the guy that asked to see some pics of me.  Yes, he saw my ass, and it's perky as heel, so I am not ashamed of artistically taken pics.  And it wasn't like I was naked, I was dressed in underwear and only kept the artistic not sleazy pics, the rest were deleted.  I even prove that underwear can be used to fight in and showed that I can be a sword wielding biatch, although it was with a WW2 relic, bayonette sword.  That doesn't mean that I don't know how to use a sword, remember is was the only size I could handle as a child to not injure myself when I started my sword works, and I love it as it reminds me of how brave my dad was in real life, and that he is proud of me where he is.
     
    Need to run, my baby is running low on nappies and I have to drive to a shop with his brand as he soaks the bed if you buy inferior nappies.
     
    Love, Respect, Hugs, Adoration, and Understanding
    Michele
     
    Ps.  No one can see my pics on instagram without me accepting them.  I locked it for my own privacy.
  7. Michele800226
    Made a date to massage a friend.  Well that was easy as I owed him, and all the latest people I have met, I haven't as yet disclosed to that I'm trans and pre op.
     
    His options were as I gave were:
    Deep muscle massage;
    Normal massage; or
    Uhm massage.
     
    Without him knowing the uhm is a kinky massage, he chose it as a super deep muscle massage where he would moan, and were we moaning.
     
    Got to his place.  He is a little bit shorter then me, and I like him.  Got my hug, and my usual spot was taken by work waiting to be reviewed by him.  So I sat next to him.  My hair ended up a mess as I rested my head on his stomach.  Got a sort of strip dance and I liked the none muscular body he has.  He is a runner.  I mentioned that we should probably proceed with the massage, and up the stairs to the best spot, his bedroom.
     
    Here is where it gets interesting.
     
    I gave him a deep muscle massage with me fully clothed and him covered with underwear only...  I got him to moan and his uhm, umtondos (Xhosa word for penis) show'd signs of enjoyment.  I just continued with the massage, until I was grabbed and kissed.  Knees were weakened and my resistance were failing after my top and bra were removed.  He voiced concerns of me being oiled in the process.
     
    Now somewhere in between the massage and making out I didn't want him to stop, but I couldn't work out even how to allow my brain and mouth to have the discussion, making me flustered as hell and I was later informed possibly intimidated by a friend whom knows both of us for over a decade each.  But the two of us only met in the year and we never had this discussion, just had wonderful conversations.  With me struggling to talk about my gender, a first for me.  I couldn't stop the make out session, not that I wanted it to stop or his hands all over my body, we had to remind us that he needs to sleep and me in his bed, will cause both of us not to sleep.  Why did I start something I don't want to stop?
     
    And I end off with a question posed to my friend.  How the hell do I have this discussion, about the metamorphosis of my body, seeing that I'm still in the cocoon?  All I know is, this will have to be discussed as I might have entangled myself in his snare.  And he is a yummy snare I can see myself involved with.
  8. Michele800226

    Distance is coming

    By Michele800226,

    Last night I was informed that the one I'm dating is going away for a month or more.  I'm not the dependent type of person, but it's giving me the sensation of sadness and that my boo is way too far to touch.  And me vocalizing this feeling made him stress about it too.
     
    What I know for certain is, his family decided on him to go help out at family and the ones that decided aren't aware of our relationship or at least not aware of how I look.  Make that his whole mom's side of the family, as I've been exposed to his dad's side and the battle of me winning them over or proving that we are a good couple was won on first impressions, one side down, another to go.
     
    What's bothering me is he'll be away and about seven to eight hours worth of drive if not more.  I first need to find out if they are talking about 120km/h (75mph) or at a greater speed then the legal speed limit.  Which is almost giving me a sense of anxiety.  But we grew closer in the last few months of knowing each other and we will just have to see what this family obligation will hold in store for us.
     
    Why are relationships so complicated???  I also know the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder.". But the more we had this discussion the more reluctant he is seeming to go help his family, which I don't want.  Maybe he is fearing me dumping him for being so far away.
     
    The thing I'm worried about, it will be his first birthday together with me and will he truly be back by then.  No I didn't change my leave planning for him as yet, as we still have to gel more according to me, and then we can start planning our life together.  And family does come first especially if they are the supportive kind, and he is supper attached to his family.  Where I am the one only attached to some of my family, especially my oldest sister (even though we have an age gap of 16 years, she was the first to know I never identified as male, but we've been open about most of our feelingsfeelings as we have been open since before I was four years when we discussed me not being a boy), and then my sister in law and her oldest daughter I call my child.  I'm actually closer to my brother's in laws then my own family, weird.
     
    So getting back to my feelings.  I would love to have him to myself, but I know I'm sharing him with his family and he doesn't give any two or even how million F#@ks about anybody disapproving of our relationship.  Still I'm getting a sense his mom was the deciding factor in this matter, because we never met and we don't have a relationship as yet.
     
    Well I worry about the whole thing, or if anything is about to happen, as all relationships need a time apart to see if it will work.
     
    Now that is my 2cents worth of thoughts on this.
     
     
    Live life, love yourself, and be who you've always been.
     
    I'm out
    Michele
  9. Michele800226
    I went for a Tactical Survival Techniques course last week.  Before going I was warned that a specific instructor would be harder on me because I'm from his previous station and had harsh words with him.
     
    Yes, I had harsh words with him, but I helped him with things he couldn't do, so would he truly be a dick to me.  And the answer is kinda.
     
    Kinda, because he made me take the biggest tyre and run with it.  My first request was a smaller tyre, he said no and I'd understand later why he said so.  I almost cried because of the pain and the uncomfortability of where the tyre was hanging from on my shoulder.
     
    I am reminding you that I'm only 62kgs (136.7Lbs) at the end of the course.  I started off on 60kgs (132.3Lbs), and 5ft8.  And yes it looked like I lost weight.
     
    It was me and another flower between 12 thorns.  The thorns were protective of us.  Would I survive these guys I thought.  I did, and most were massive blokes close to 100kgs (220Lbs).
     
    Okay, the first day I didnt utilize the bathrooms as I usually avoid bathrooms altogether.  But on the second day we needed to change.  The other rose I told, I don't use male bathrooms as I'm not male, and she was understanding.  After that, I started finding more and more women in the bathroom when I went to change.  The guys that normally have a problem, was so glad probably that I wasn't sharing their space that they just stayed quiet as the women already spoke and declared me part of their clan.  Multiple courses were run at the same time.
     
    On the second day when I couldn't handle my tyre no more, two guys unknown to me still at that time were very supportive and encouraging and within my age group.  (I made it my point to find out who the oldest was and where I fitted in as my body just doesn't function as usual on a course.  The second oldest and the longest service of all the course goers in my group.)
     
    On the third day I became vocal about my phobias as we had to climb on the rooftop and come down like a spider.  Do I look like a spider, I dont think so.
     
    The safety drills and procedures were fed and repeated into my brains and aching muscles, even me utilizing a firearm with my right hand.  Uncomfortable to draw here people, I use my left hand.  (Subsequently got interrogated as to why I only write with my right hand at work.  I am ambidextrous, but too keep coherency I use it like that at work.)
     
    Well, I passed the theoretical section.  And when it came to the physical section, I was inadvertently the leader.  All because of my BIG MOUTH.  My team performed remarkable, and we covered each others asses.
     
    Now, what impressed me most was.  Whenever someone referred to me in a masculine way, they would correct themselves or that person, and refer to me in a feminine way.  They even wanted to learn, which showed that they are attempting to understand because of me.
     
    Well, the whole group passed the course.  Never mind that it was tough, grenades and an assault rifle going off as we had to learn and perform our duties.  Yes the grenades were thrown between us and we had to be super vigilant.
     
    Does this make me a better performer outside in a dangerous scenario.  Oh yes, and I can't wait for the 3week course.  I'm not sleeping by the guys, as I already use female spaces only.  Male spaces are to be naughty and frisky.
     
    Enough rambling, this course was painful yet exciting.  I sustained bruises that looked like I was on the receiving side of an assault.  Would this girl do or go through pain like this again.  Obviously yes.
  10. Michele800226
    Have I ever said I'm one of the numbskulls that don't understand flirting when it's directed at me...  WELL I AM THE WORST KIND IN HISTORY.
     
    Let me start by saying this wasn't my intentions.  Okay, I thing I had a massive undertone of want you.  But I ever said it directly or even partially or remotely in person...  Am I even remotely upset that he found out. Not in the least' so wanted im to be single and focussed on me, oh well NOT YET.
     
    I am kinda disappointed in the fact that I didn't hide all that well.  Maybe this is the year that I'm fedup  with being single, that I cofidently approached him.  So, don't shoot the heart that was looking at a desireable ora.  Can I actually ad to this, uhm yes.  I'm being hunted by some men I don't take as worthy of me.
     
    LOL' now the quality isn't available.
  12. Michele800226

    Acceptance from above

    By Michele800226,

    What happened at a course.  Yes, I sometimes do sound like my 2nd language is my 1st, and my mother tongue like I'm a fumbling fool, which is Afrikaans.
    VID_20150911_142337_3gp.0473bc1a5be6f027f880473e4184319d
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