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I just thought that my previous entry wasn't quite complete, and I needed to add a second entry supplemental to it. When I first came out of the closet (Trans Wardrobe?) to my wife, the mist was just starting to thin, I didn't think it would ever be possible for me to become a full-time trans woman, even though my innermost self wanted it with all my heart. I had thought about it many times before and told myself it's not possible based on my physical build. Anyway I started dressing around the house for nights in and started experimenting with make-up. After another 4 months or so I found out about a close friend who was similarly afflicted. This eventually led to part-time dressing in trans-friendly places, so it was an enlarged closet really. Can you see the mist starting to thin some more? I had a great deal of tranxiety at first getting from my front door into a car and being tranxious about the car stopping at traffic lights and people looking at me, and going from the carpark to the bar, I've never walked so fast in high heels in my life! It then started becoming apparent to me that the Genie was well and truly getting out of the bottle......... and the mist is clearing a little more. I've already mentioned in previous entries that I had fooled around with phyto-estrogen pills and cream, I didn't expect them to work, however around the same time I was diagnosed with gynecomastia, this in retrospect still seems to me to be the foundation of my going on further, than purely cross-dressing. So the mist is clearing quite quickly now. The weather had also started to change for Trans people too, it was becoming less and less unusual to be trans. I gradually became satisfied as being an inbetweenie (non gender specific) then moved on ever further to becoming femme, the remnants of the mist had disappeared during this 2 year period and now that I am fulltime undergoing hormone treatment, very occasionally during a red wine induced period of insomnia, I think about my choice to desert being male, it brings the occasional tranxieties that soon disappear. After sleeping later in the early morning I seem stronger in my belief of being femme. So the mist occasionally returns, and then the sun shines through and the mist disappears.............. So it takes time to transition, it took me longer than many others that I know. It's also hard work and expensive, even in the UK where most medical issues are treated free, there remians the cost of maintaining a female wardrobe, the cost of many pairs of shoes, I sometimes think that I might have some centipede in me!, and the cost of make-up and beauty treatments, electrolysis, nails being gelled, and so on. Then there's the cost of name change and documents being changed. So you have to realise that these changes are going to be you for the rest of your life, when you have accepted that and you accept yourself for who you really are, I think the mist will have finally cleared away. Profoundly, Eve
