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Before I joined the TG cross-dressers chat group, which was about a week ago, my idea of cross-dressing was somewhat limited. I didn't know or have contact with any other cd's, but I had read enough to know that there were others like me, and it was okay to be the way I am. I just like all things girly and feminine and become a different me when dressed up- a me that I really like. My wife and I (before she died) watched RuPaul's Drag Race and Caitlyn Jenner, but that's not really what cross-dressing is about. So I would wear whatever was handy and sneakliy buy a few pieces of clothing and jewelry (very small and inexpensive), and that was it. I would sleep in nighties, but othewise I was pretty male. So now I'm finding out everything it takes to do it right. It does take a little bit of money to get started and of course there is never an end to what you can buy or spend. But I have wanted to at least make a decent start without breaking the bank. I did find a mentor almost immediately--Andrea--who has taught me a lot about embracing my feminine self and doing what it takes to be more feminine. I had already shaved off my moustache, but now it was time to do the whole body. Andrea told me what to buy and how to do it and the results are amazing. And always wearing panties. And how a bra makes you feel more womanly, and about breast forms. So then, listening to the other girls in the chat room, I realized that I don't have any dresses or skirts or shoes. I do have a pair of tights, but no panty hose or stockings to speak of. How can I purport to be a cross-dresser without those items. Then Penelope revealed that she buys just about everything from the thrift store, and I t hojugt, what a great idea. I had been to consignment shops, but I didn't realize the thrift store would work too--at bargain basement prices. So, feelng a little sorry for myself today after having failed to get another job I interviewed for--that's another story--I tried out Goodwill this morning. What fun! It takes quite a bit of pawing through stuff--kind of like Ross--but I did manage to find three dresses and two skirts. I must say my taste runs from the tacky to the outrageous, but what the hell. I liked the feel and I wasnt' betting the farm. And like Penelope said, the clerk didn't seem to mind that this guy was checking out all this lady stuff. I will be back. I spent almost the entire afternoon trying on what I bought, and for the most part, I am pleased and will definitely be getting some good wear out of them. One of the more formal dresses from David's Bridal--must have been a Mother of the Bride (MOB) dress--took some figuring out. There seemed to have been a lot of engineering that went into constructing it, and it took more than a little effort to get in on right. I can get it to work. The others are a breeze. So I'm all dressed up tonight, and no one was in the cd chat room earlier. I changed my profile picture again. I tried it with the wig, but really prefer it without. i need to find a wig that fits my face a little better.Anyway, I am slowing evolving. It's been a busy week. We'll see how it goes next week.
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My Saturday, August 8th, 2015....Shopping with Isabelle... It seems that every time I go out I get a little more gutsy... The first Friday of every month I attend a group meeting here in Gatineau with fellow MTF's and FTM's. Since I already started buying a new female wardrobe, this Friday was the first time I would attend wearing my new clothes...nothing too obvious. I wore jeans, sneakers, a nice American Eagle tee with pink writing and a long beige cardigan...on the bus! I don't really care what other people think and yes I did get a few strange looks but let's just say it blended well with the Guns N' Roses playing in my headphones lol! These meetings are awesome as they are a tremendous help with my dysphoria which is quite intense these days. I have not yet started hormones but am getting a referral to an Endocrinologist from my GP this Wednesday as he has approved my letter from my psychologist. I want to add I DO see a psychologist every two weeks and highly recommend this along with group meetings as the most important steps in self discovery. If you cannot afford therapy, groups are usually free and the help found there is phenomenal! Now for the shopping... Isabelle and I went the this popular shopping center downtown Ottawa. At first I wasn't sure what to buy but knew I wanted something more feminine than what I have so far which consists mostly of various tops and of course socks and underwear. We went to Nordstrom (yikes! $$), Pink, Victoria's Secret and I still wasn't sure what to get. Isabelle then had a really good suggestion... Since my body is still quite masculine...at 6', I weigh in at 220 (lost 80 lbs since last October and still losing) and have typical male love handles, very little butt, man boobs from teenage gynecomastia, she suggested I buy a maxi dress that fits and take a couple of pictures. We could then see the gradual effects of hormones by taking a picture wearing the same dress about once a month. Then as I drop the weight even more, buy another "goal" dress which is a little more snug and so on.. We went to a store called Sirens and with the fall clothes being out, there were very few XL size summer maxi dresses. We then went to Forever21 and there I found the perfect dress for this little experiment...a long blue pattern summer maxi which fits very well length wise but of course I do not fill it in quite correctly in a couple of areas.. We got home and I immediately put it on!. Wow is it ever comfortable...I know now that dresses will take up a huge part of my future wardrobe and can't wait to start wearing them more and more. My next purchase will be shoes and sandals and for this I will have to go to a tall girl store which we have in downtown Ottawa as I am probably around a size 13 wide in women's shoes. In the meantime, I dress in my feminine clothes all the time when not at work and practice makeup every chance I get...I love that stuff! All the above is far from being a "cure all" for my level of dysphoria as my psychologist rates my transsexualism as pretty extreme and know I will have to undergo all surgeries (the "bottom" surgery is paid for by health insurance here in Canada), but is does help a little with my intense daily anxiety and along with the therapy and groups, keeps me from completely losing it until I start hormones and go further in my "oh so welcomed" transition. Now I'm on holidays for this week and the music is creeping back.... Thanks for reading, Roxanne
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Clothes are a bit of an issue I think, well, for now. Its not like a man can stroll into the womens department and start trying on clothes, it's a lot of guesswork. For instance I want to see what my body might look like as a woman in womens clothes. This is tricky for a few reasons.. I don't own any womens clothes nor do I have access to any.I don't exactly know my size, about a medium I'd say. Whats that? 8? 10?Bras? Naturally if I do ascend into being a real woman one day I'll have breasts. I think I'm roughly a 34 back, cup size is a matter of preference I guess. Start at C and see where that goes.Now shoes. As a man I have relatively big feet, I can get my toes into a size 9 man shoe but are they the same? No idea, again wing it.That being said I love online shopping and eBay so I won't have to awkwardly walk around clothes shops pretending I don't know what I'm looking at because 'their not for me'. So I went on eBay and bought a top, leggings (comfy as hell), nice underwear and a bra that I imagine will fit. They should all be here sometime next week so I will probably document some findings on this here world wide web. Some advice for anyone out there in a similar position to me (if anyone out there reads this) , if you're buying anything like this then go online, you can get really cheap stuff on eBay to test your size then it's all done. After that you can get stuff wherever you want. Thanks for reading.
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Last Wednesday was a good day. In the province of Quebec, even though medical services are covered by our provincial insurance, it is practically impossible to get a family doctor to follow us for any issue, problem or in my case, transition. I have to thank my psychologist... about three months ago when she wrote my letter recommending HRT and eventual GRS, she sent a copy of these to a doctor whom she knew specialized in treating LGBT folks. Well it didn't even take two days and to my surprise, the doctor's receptionist called me and scheduled an appointment for the August 12th and informed me the doctor would be taking me on as a new patient...I was floating with happiness!! So I went to my appointment last week and he proceeded to give me a full physical then proceeded to go over the letter from my psychologist with me. He immediately followed up by sending me for blood work and renewed prescriptions I was previously taking, then again immediately sent a fax to an Endocrinologist in Montreal for HRT recommending he start me on it asap. Two hours later I received a call from Montreal letting me know my appointment is set up for October 21st. It's a little while away but ok since I'm learning we cannot be in a rush during this amazing journey called transition. I have to say just knowing I'm finally going to start HRT has helped tremendously with my anxiety. I'm not shy to dress in public, mind you only casually as I haven't dared to publicly wear skirts or dresses yet but will go out wearing makeup and feminine tops. So before going to the movies with my step daughter Isabelle last Saturday, we stopped at Winners and I ended up trying on 32 different feminine articles of clothing and ended up buying some tops, a nice black dress, maxi skirt, leggings, joggers, sleepwear and a few other things... So now I'm wearing only female clothing when not working while at home and will start going out en femme more and more. I'm shy about wearing the skirts and dresses before HRT effects kick in but will eventually work up the courage to do it... I just wish I had more butt and boobs lol. Thanks for reading! Roxanne xoxo
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My best female friend planned this morning to visit Macy's and Nordstrom's for me having a bra fitting. The first stop ended up at Nordstrom's where she knew one of the people there which has been fitting bras for almost ten year. As luck was on our side she was just finishing up with another customer so I was introduced to her and told her what I was looking for, an everyday bra with no underwire. She brought me back into a fitting room, had me take off my top and then measured me up. She then says I will be right back which was about five minutes. She came back with two nude color bras, tried the first one on which she had highly recommended made by Wacoal and it fit like a glove. I said no need to try the other one as they both look very similar. It was a very pleasant experience having this bra fitting and was grateful that total time spent from walking in to walking about was roughly thirty minutes. We then had lunch at Nordstrom's restaurant, excellent food and great service. We when spent another two hours shopping at Macy's and a few other stores then we hit my kryptonite, Victoria's Secrets where I just had to got in and ended up with five new thongs. Before we went shopping I hung out at her house with her two teenage children too. Her daughter was at odds with me transitioning for about a month and now even closer with her. Her son never had any issues so no problem there.
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