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Cyrsti's Blog

A blog by Cyrsti in General

  • Entries

    23

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    38

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About this blog

Stuck in the middle without you!

Entries in this blog

Transistioning Without Hormones?

As I write this post, I wonder how many different directions it can go. You know I don't often jump into the cat fight between the transsexual and transgendered camps. I don't have time for the bitterness. Speaking of bitterness I surfed across a blog that one of you may have seen. Of course I can't seem to back track to where I saw or read it. The main point of the transgendered woman's post was disagreeing with a "gold star" transsexual view of basically the rest of us poor transgendered "
  • Cyrsti

Halloween 2010

I was looking over some of my posts last year before Halloween. Here is one: Or is it really you in your Halloween costume? Well girl, it is almost Halloween. The time of year for transgender and real sisters alike to strut their stuff. It's our Christmas, New Year and Thanksgiving all rolled up into one glorious weekend. At the least, you can hit more than one party! It's the party where the women are jealous of your legs, hair and makeup, and by the way, where did you learn to walk in thos
  • Cyrsti

Transgendered Mentors A Myth?

Along the way through our gender journey some of us have identified as a transvestite, transgender or a transsexual person. For most of us the trip has been a very lonely one. Many have longed for a friend or a mentor to help along the way. Most of you I communicate with still are looking for a magical transgender mentor. For the most part, I don't think she exists in the traditional sense. I was lucky. I did reach out to a few women who did help me. One actually made me up once but then sold
  • Cyrsti

Keeping the Door Open!

On the way down the hall with my psychologist, she spoke briefly of the strides transgendered vets such as I have started to make in good old "conservative" Ohio. Some of the other professionals at the center it seems are starting to "reach out" to other gender experts in the community for advice. She also mentioned some of the directives within the VA and the military itself concerning gay and transgendered vets as positive changes. Then added she hoped the new thinking would continue. However
  • Cyrsti

The Postman Delivered!

Or I could title this post "You Can't Always Get What You Want...But If You Try Sometimes You Get What You Need!' Today I did. I got my recommendation letter from my psychologist to begin female hormone therapy! I tried, I wanted and I got what I needed. Wow! As recently as a couple of years ago the path I'm taking seemed like an impossible dream. Perhaps a dream I didn't want to pursue. As pieces of paper go this is a very big one in my life. This paper ranks up there with the college diploma
  • Cyrsti

Too Far From Home?

This post is actually a rewrite from a summer time piece. It reflects how life is an ever changing process. The first time I heard "Bob Seger's Hollywood Nights", I knew exactly how he felt. The lyrics: "He knew right then he was too far from home. He was too far from home." burnt a hole right through me. In your life I'm sure you've been on some very slippery slopes. Relationships, family or job issues made you feel you were sliding towards a very steep cliff. I was there, on that cliff
  • Cyrsti

Cat Fight?

Unless you live in a cave, or with me in a box under a bridge-you probably haven't missed the transgender news in several areas. Transgender youth are making headlines as homecoming queens or kings in their chosen gender. The latest story comes out of Texas where transgender student "Andy Moreno" was nominated for homecoming queen by friends. When the school principal said no-Moreno protested. Rightfully so! Transgender political candidates are stepping onto the political stage. One of the

Are you NOT Talking to Me?

Just Say Something? In all my years hanging out in bars with the guys or alone as a guy-there were several times when I felt I wanted to approach a girl that was sitting close to me. I have always been a reasonably shy person,plus my transgender background usually played a role. Would the woman even want me to approach? I really don't like pushy guys and I expect most women don't either. Usually, I took the easy way out. I kept ordering drinks to build my confidence to talk to her...and she

So Much-So Little time!

As fall and October get ready to make their appearance (already has where I live) there are so many things to consider! I already bought a pair of new fall boots that I managed to fall in last night in front of a bunch of people. I know what your thinking! The boots were not the four inch stiletto style. Still had a heel of course but not enough to go down!!!! Just a little sore in the body and very sore in the ego department! But girl friends it's almost the magical time of the year called Ha

CaN You Ever Go Home?

If I can quote "Bob Seger's Hollywood Nights" tune-"he knew right then he was too far from home. He was too far from home." Then relate it to losing your male identity, I would. Wait! I just did! The reason I did quote the song (basically about a beautiful California blond and a Midwestern boy lost in her charms) is that I remember defining moments when I didn't want to go back home to my male self. I know many of you girls have always known you were just that-a girl. Many of us however, did n

A "fault" in the Gender Quake?

The other day, I overheard a conversation from a mother accepting a personal phone call at work. (Against the rules.) She explained it away by saying she was going through a divorce and it was her 10 year old son calling. The boy, it seems was a little nervous being alone after dark. Of course I flashed back to my youth and thought how much hell I could raise in the extra time alone. No way I'm calling them! Did that make me any more of a boy than this kid? Was I more of a male because I cou

The Politics of "Nice".

I recently finished a hour long question and answer session with a graduate student working on a transgendered thesis. As we sorted through the usual questions of when did you feel transgendered first and how much counseling had I gone through, here came the big question- how did I make new friends as a transgendered person. Fortunately, I could fall back on last night's experiences to answer the question. I was having an outstanding time conversing with a cis-girlfriend of mine. At the same

If Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus...

Where are transgendered folks from? Perhaps we are the "earthlings"? Think of the possibilities and the challenges. No matter if you put a dress on once a week or you've fully transitioned, we earthlings are a unique tribe. We suffer the same problems as Venus and Mars, and quarrel about them in similar ways. After all, the gravitational pulls of the other two planets tug on us daily. We are uniquely flamboyant or conservative in our dress and mannerisms as we struggle on our planet. The

Returning to the "scene" of a crime!

No, I'm not a criminal. The "scene" was another sports bar I frequented a year or so ago. It was the only place that I have ever been discriminated against. Most of the abuse started when a group of younger redneck guys read me. I put up with the cheap shots and comments because I do not let people like that run my life. However, when "Dude looks like a lady" was played on the juke box 3 times in a row, it was time to go. The wimpy manager wouldn't intercede (I was a regular) but that was h

What's correct: The mirror, the camera or the public?

Last night I changed my look for the first time in a while. (girl's prerogative, right?) I choose a shoulder length straight black hair style. I used to wear it quite a bit until I became enamored with my red curly fun hair. The public has told me the "Red" does wonders for me and I LOVE the curls and length. I never have had a problem presenting in it. The compliment invariably comes from women. The camera seems to like it also. The pictures are normally my highest rated. The mirror (which

A Night in the Life. Part One.

Here is one of the stories I sent to a friend and she thought I should share so...Here" ya" go! Direct from alternate life style redneck bars , two stellar tales...of me being me. The first establishment basically was a female biker bar, not hardcore outlaw women, but a serious crew none the less. The best way I can describe the place was I got the juke box turned off one night when I played Shania Twane "Lord I feel like a Woman." No sense of humor...kind of like the urinal that was made into

No "Triumph" that night!

I have been frequenting a couple of the casual chain bar/restaurants in the area for over ten years. On my first visit, I was so scared that I took a seat next to a supporting post around the bar and tried to blend with it! I didn't dress as a piece of oak however so that didn't work! I did live through the evening and found out the world wasn't trying to destroy me for being a girl! So I continued to return. In fact, a couple of the bartenders that have waited on me since the beginning are s

Just another trip!

Back to a time of confusion and loneliness and innocence. I was on a simple journey across town when I saw a woman walking down a long drive to her mail box. For some reason my mind flipped back to the days when a trip to the mailbox in what makeup and clothes I could scratch together gave me my first tentative steps out the door as a girl. The driveway became a different dimension. In reality it was probably about 75 yards, but during my walks it magically transformed into a mile or shorten

Questions anyone?

On occasion, I do become tired of people asking me why I dress the way I do. It's getting to the point where I can predict when it's going to happen. Recently, I've gone through a period of no recognition of my gender and no questions. I felt it had to end and tonight it did. I wasn't over dressed as I made my way through the evening with jeans, flip flops and a bunch of curly red hair. All in all, a very uneventful evening until the young blond in knee socks, short flippy skirt and tan

"Just a new girl in the world?"

Following a surprise encounter with a guy in a very straight sports/bar restaurant the other night, I sought advice from a female bartender I know. I was very unsure of how I handled the situation. He caught me with an approach and a comment that most females probably encounter at the age of 14 (or less). I was with a GG friend and she left. He started quickly and aggressively with questions about her and then moved in on me. So quickly, I didn't have much time to make much of a value j

Are you man enough to be a girl?

Let me preface this entry by saying my wife passed away a couple years ago. It was her love and perseverance that glued our 25 year marriage together. This is one of the questions she asked that helped me be the person I am today. She would want me to "pay forward" this experience to any who can use it. Many years ago, my wife indirectly asked me this question. "Are you man enough to be a woman?" This is how it happened. We were living in an area directly above NYC. I was still a nov

I found her!

How many years and tears have passed before she walked out of my head and into the world? Trial and error, starting and stopping and above all else? Observation! How many thousands of times do we read you must dress to blend and dress your age. Blah, blah blah. We must dress to be us and I'm in my 40's. I'm a faithful reader of many of the fashion mags and the excerpts we see on line. The bottom line in most age related fashion tips is you wear what is you. If you can incorporate di

Stuck in the middle without you.

I have been really fortunate over the past two years to really explore life as a dual gendered person. Yes, another tag to add to the others describing our "condition". This is the difference in my opinion. I'm still not "girl" enough for the SRS crew. I can't share the experience of having a baby or having a sex change operation. As with any human being, we tend to seek those out with similar experiences and exclude the rest. Many times it is not malicious just normal. In addition

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