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What I did wrong in my coming out as MTF trans Pt. 1

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Well good evening!! This blog will serve different purposes for me, the main one is that it helps calm me down when I write, and I am able to express myself better thru writing. The transition is happening later in my life, I am 46, almost 47. I have been married for 21 years and have a son who is 15. And let me preface the spouse and son ARE NOT supporters.

I am 13 months into my journey, and it has been anything but smooth. I had just gotten a job as a big time corporate chef and working at a college, finding acceptance would be easy. Well to a point. I worked for a global fortune 100 company that had a pretty good HRC score, but alas we are located in Wyoming. Yep. A beautiful state, but still not to accepting. Now understand that I am not a trans female who wants to stand out, I want to blend in. I don't want to draw attention to myself. I don't wear dresses or skirts, I am a jeans and slacks kinda girl. Some have asked why not wear stuff other that boring jeans and slacks. The answer is simple. Dresses don't fit my personality. But to me it is the outward appearance that caused me to derail. I will explain.

See to me, getting on the hormones and wearing make up and such was so important, and yet that was my biggest problem. The outward look. Not an issue of passing or not passing ( I hate those terms), it was i worried so much about the outward, I didn't deal with the inward struggles. I was so worried about looking the part, i made a mess of the transition. No let me correct that...a huge mess of things. I regret how a lot of things went down, but while i can't change what was, i can sure make sure to fix the mistakes of the past.

Well thats where i will leave it for now. I will write more tomorrow evening. Thanks lovlies!!!


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Posted

Hi Maddysyn,

I can barely imagine how hard this all must be for you. I've never been to Wyoming but in photos it looks so beautiful but also very conservative. I also agree with you completely about just wanting to blend in, but even that is so elusive for you. Last and so important, you wife and son are turning their backs on you.

All I can think of to say is that you came to the right place to air your situation and look for feedback and support. I can tell that you are a sincere and loving woman and deserve the same love and acceptance of anyone. Keep on writing your story. Let's hear it honey and I hope you will feel a little better.

Hugs,

Emma

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Maddysyn,

I second everything that Emma said! And also that it's understandable to regret things, but I hope you keep in mind that this is always new territory for everyone, things are bound to not go smoothly! So learn from it, and move on :) (I know that's much easier said than done!)

xoxo

Christie

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I am with you on dresses and skirts, not my cup of tea. In regards to makeup, I think it's best to do minimal amount that would make you happy, think of say mascara as a token to your womanhood rather than fully fledge do the whole face.

What matters more than makeup in many cases is how you present yourself via smiling and body gestures really make the woman in my mind (thinking lesbian here). I see many females who wear virtually no makeup as the ones that get more eyes on them but everyone is different.

In regards to where you live not the kindest place for a transgender have you considered picking up and moving to a place the is kind and friendly to transgender? I did a similar move that takes guts to pick up and leave but at least for me was more then worth the struggles to start a new life, any ways something to consider.

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Friends,

My mother, may God rest her soul, said, a teenage girl often puts on way too much makeup and a woman in her 30's or more, who could stand a little makeup, goes without! LOL!

Personally, as a cisgender Lesbian, I wear lipstick only for special occasions, as I am allergic to all other types of makeup.

Monica

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