These last few months, I've been in a rut. A real rut. And on occasion this rut is deep, dark and I've had claw myself out of it.
Thankfully, I've had friends who have been pulling me out of it, checking on me even though I have not asked for help. Often there is a great deal of shame in admitting that I need help, pride that I can conquer things on my own and also the feeling like I am troubling others with my problems.
Though there are times where we all must walk alone with only the Lord Jesus holding our hand, it does not have to be that way. There are people there to help, just ask. Unfortunately, those who need the help, are in most cases, the least likely to ask.
This weekend I went to the funeral of my cousin, who took his own life. He was struggling, but most in the family had no idea that this was going on. Several years ago, he lost a child, he lost his mother (my aunt) and recently his daughter has had struggles. I knew about her struggles. I was corresponding with her after reaching out, but had no idea that her dad was having difficulties of his own. They have no knowledge of my struggles and even though my mom knew what was going on with my cousin, she didn't tell me because she knew of my struggles and didn't want to burden me further. Does any of this make sense?
The only conclusion I can draw from this is that we need to reach out and stay in contact with others who we care deeply about, because some day they may be gone. We also need to reach out to those people we don't know, who we suspect are having difficulty.
My cousin did all sorts of things for complete strangers. He once bought new glasses for someone he saw at a restaurant who had duct tape holding together his glasses (even though he barely had enough money of his own). He constantly helped and lended a hand to anyone who was in obvious difficulty.
The guy he bought glasses for, that story stands out because he posted something on Facebook.
Well, I am heartbroken. Everyone is. I've having a difficult time accepting what happened.