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First support meeting

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I had to rush to get dressed and made up in time for the meeting. My wife was kind enough to help out here and there and soon I was in the car on my way to the meeting. 

I got there just in time. One of the girls were quite rude as I greated her. I can never understand why people feel the need to be mean to newbies.

I ignored her obvious attempt at establishing her superiority and joined the rest of the group inside. My overdressed outfit made an impression, and I felt comfortable. 

We spoke about comming out to family members and lovers. The group was diverse with gay men, lesbian lovers and a female to male transgender to full in all the combinations. 

The main problem in relationships are the expectations that change once a transgendered person comes out. Parents will grieve and lovers will need to come to grips with facing the reality of loveing that person in another gender. In the end love will conquer all.

Personally I feel like my home has turned into a war zone. My wife is having a difficult time understanding and with my emotions all over the place thanks to the hormones we fight almost daily. I showed her the definition of gender dysphoria and that seemed to have cleared things up a bit, but I fear we are still drifting apart as I nolonger look, feel and smell like the man she once felt attracted to. 

I can only hope that things will work out as I can't go back to living as a male. My ability to pretend has forever been broken. Even as I think of going back to my old life I see a thick black hole of dred and depression so I have no choice but to move forward.

 


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Posted

Hiya Bianca/Kourtney. Sweetheart, Sadly the fighting, even verbally, is Awful. Honey, I Know. I Am Pre-Op, MtoF Transsexual, and I Came-Out, on 30th. April, 2015. My Wife "Hates Me". The thing is, that She is having Sexual Relationship's, with Several Different Women, but, She does Not see that, as Cheating on Our Marriage. The Verbal, and Physical Abuse, and Violence, that I have Suffered, mean that I will carry the scarring on Both My Lower-Eye-Lid's, and on Both My Arm's, for Life !  Bianca, I Am going for Legal Advice, this coming week, as We also have a violent Special-Needs Child, Who keeps on attacking Me. I no longer feel safe at Home !  Please Bianca, if You are in Anywhere near a similar sort of thing, Please sort it out !  Being Transsexual, and being fully "Out" including being fully "Out" in Public, is something that has made Me really Happy !  With everything that is going on in My Life, it is Not going to dent My Happiness. Bianca, Look After Yourself, Take Care, and, My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xx

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To be blunt, the norm is wives can't bare their husband "in transition" but may tolerate it. Then comes transitioning, it takes a very special connection between a man and woman for a marriage to survive full transition from male to female. You have to place yourself into their shoes knowing nothing about gender dysphoria, answer the question now in how you would respond to this then even when truthful to yourself take it down a notch because even when truthful there will be parts of your brain that still subconsciously relates to being transgender and will undoubtedly will side with "I can at least try".

Sorry to be blunt and to the point but this is how things happen to the average couple.

With that said I hope somehow the both of you can work things out but be realistic going in to the struggle as it is a struggle and in one sense of the word war.

As my doctor said after I went for a visit after GRS, what you (me) have done is one of the most difficult things a human being can do. My doctor is 20 years post op and is very insightful in these matters. Talk to a therapist and more likely than not will either straight forward or beat around the bush what I said is the norm.

So as you indicated you can not go back to a male identity do your best to keep the fighting down, make concessions that may hurt to do but perhaps this might help as you move forward.

Best wishes as you move forward

 

   

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Dear Kourtney,

Home is where peace should reign.  May your home soon find peace, and once found, may you guard it well!

Your friend,

Monica

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