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Dysphoria

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    Honestly, dysphoria sucks so much. Its just like you have this shadow following you and constantly saying. "You're never going to pass as a female/male!" "You have a pair of boobs and a vagina/penis, so you can't be the other gender!" 

    All those awful things. I look at myself in the mirror and it just. . . It sucks. I can barely even look at my body when I'm in the shower. I can't bind, and I can't pack because there's no way my mom or dad would allow me to. And I hate going to stores and having to walk into the girls bathroom. When I am hanging out with my friend Haylee and her mom (who supports me being trans and calls me the appropriate name and pronouns --plus she's bisexual and has a girlfriend--) allow me to go into the men's room if I need to go. Her mom also allowed me to shop in he men's/boys section for clothes. All I got was a jacket. If I had gotten anything else my mom would have flipped.

    But back to dysphoria. Its a pain in my ass, it really is and I just want it to go the hell away! It sucks, and I break down a lot because of it. I have three people to help me through it though, well, four actually. I've got Haylee, her mom, my Long Distance best friend Tyler and my boyfriend Chris. Chris is transgender too but has gotten most of his transitions done and has been on testosterone for about a year I think. Can't remember. . .

    I am trying my best to stay strong through all of this. I have to be strong or else I will get nowhere if I just give up now. And I don't intend on giving up anytime soon.


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Posted

Hey Jackson,

I agree, dysphoria really does suck. Thank goodness we have TG Guide and its members to talk to and learn from. Come back often, interact with people here. Over time maybe (hopefully) your dysphoria will wane, if only a little. Let me make a couple of points for clarity:

- I'm not saying that your being transgender will wane, only the negative feelings you may have. Here again, with time, experience, introspection and yes, perhaps therapy, you'll learn and become more comfortable in your own TG skin.

- The "change" of dysphoria waning isn't black and white, or binary. It doesn't just go away. For me, at least, it was so gradual and subtle, and slow, I could hardly trust that it was happening. But indeed it did. I do feel much better in my skin. I'm beautiful in my own way. You are and we all are too.

Hugs,

Emma

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Posted

Hiya Jackson, and Emma. Gender Dysphoria is Horrid. I Know that from My Own Personal Experience. Every Day, for as Many Year's that I can remember, I have Woken-Up, wishing that I got Female Part's, in place of those part's, which I have always Hated. Since I Came-Out as Transsexual, on 30th. April, 2015, I have felt really Feminine, and I Am so Happy with those feeling's as well. I have learnt to try to control the Dysphoria, but, it never completely goes away, nor will it, until I get on H.R.T.  Take Care, With My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. 

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