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Long time coming



Hi there everybody


Can't say that it's been a long time, but I've been busy and attempting to get this done for a while now.


So I recently got my medical aid bill, and low and behold i underwent radiology for the week I was in hospital without me knowing.  I know precisely which drip it was in after thought, but still I like my doctors to be open to me because that is what I do.  If I wasn't open, I would've let them put me with the guys, and never have told the medical staff I was transgender in the first place.  And in retro spec, I assume I would've gone under the knife.  Idiot and I would've been capable of going on lower doses of medication.  But then again I believe the best medical treatment can only be given if your doctor have all the necessary information, of which I could determine that he was transphobic and still a good doctor, that at least put his prejudice aside to treat me.


Got back to work 2 weeks later still feeling under the weather and in so much pain, seeing that the infection was from my abdomen to my crotch area, and effected my balance and core strength.  Being tender and weak for literally and figuratively 6 weeks.  Yes, I finally felt how everyone else felt, vulnerable.  But I faked it through that timeframe to look strong.  Went though a week of crying at work, because pressure I normally could handle, but hey it seemed like all the strong women were vulnerable that week, so I was not alone.


An instruction came that we must only wear uniform from now on, and it came before I was ready to wear a firearm.  So to my dismay, I had to fake being stronger even more to keep people at bay.  Yeah, no incidents, or so I thought.  Got asked to drop something and there I drive into a fight with knives wearing uniform and in a marked vehicle, so couldn't even attempt to keep myself safe by leaving it alone.  I did the only thing I could think of to safeguard me and the passenger (a clerk), use my weapon only to stop the fight and make those men drop their knives before they reach us as a way to get the upper hand.  Situation defused, and I carried on.  And yes, the though went through my head, what if I had to shoot one or both of the men.  And the other thought that was spinning in my head wasn't just our safe or taking them out fast when the situation asks for it, but I can't look weak in the face of danger.  The one thing I appreciated was the clerk with me had reservist training, so also knew how to deal with the situation, although she hasn't been in the field for a long time, and it seems where firearms are drawn or I need to act she is almost always with me.  And it always happens in a ganster ridden area, I am only driving with her in calm areas from now on.


Then I had a make-upless day two weeks ago and the wet hair picture attached was that day.  The others were taken basically a week later while I was waiting on someone to return.


I also found out the woman I thought was quiet, is actually rude, and brings out my defenses and I had to put her on her place once in a shouting match.  But now, I get the evil eye from her and I just pretend she is a bad demon that is trying to get back into this realm to wreak havoc on earth, as she was vanquished previously.  And my answer to her questions will always be negative for her, because I can't help evil in any way or form.


I'm also laughing at my kids, not biological at all.  But last night the 14 year old runs up to me asking how his other mother is doing.  Shame, he definitely have too many mother.  Two extra this side, one where he lived the most of his life, and a multitude of grandparents.  I was told I have to many fathers for my children, and I said, "No way, I only have one man with two children, not a different daddy for each child."


So we have caught up from where I last said I was admitted to hospital to now.


Ps.  I needs to release from frustrations and almost threw the one guy off the back of a bakkies (South African term for a pick-up truck) while flinging tyres at him.  But he was understanding and told me, I should've warned him that my body was still sore on the inside and he would've moved the 24 tyres on his own.


I bid you farewell for now.  Have a peaceful time, and remember, safety in number.  Be safe, secure, and love yourself because if you can't appreciate yourself, others will find it hard to find you worthy, even though you are all perfectly imperfect just like me.   Who wants to be perfectly perfect, not me!!!


Lots of love and hugs











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Hiya Michele. I hope that You are Much Better SOON. Sweetheart, I Am so Sorry that You have had such a bad time, with Your Health. You said that You have been crying at work. Michele, You are a Human Being, ( A Very Pretty, Beautiful Young Lady ), and You should Never Ever be ashamed of showing Your emotion's.         ( Sweetheart, I have always been an emotional girl, and I Am Not scared of letting the tear's flow ! ) I also have a pretty high pain threshold, but, there are times, when pain can take over. Your driving into where a fight with knives were involved, and You taking control of the situation, was obviously Pure Experience taking Over, along with self preservation. Michele, I Am sorry to hear that the medical professional was Transphobic. But why should You have to hide who You really are. Being Transsexual Myself, I can understand where You are coming from. Michele, Your Photograph's as always, are Lovely. You are a Very Pretty, Beautiful, Young Lady.  I hope that thing's get better for You - Medically. Good Luck, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxxxxxx

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Hi there Staphanie


I am not feeling kinds of pain at the moment, and that is excellent for me.  I dealt with the doctor in the way I would do in any other way, if you transphobic, I will explain what trans is and if you still can't deal with it, and you the best in your field, I will deal with you, but also know that your treatment wouldn't be that of what you would normally do, but I also know that a medical practitioner wouldn't do anything that is wrong as long as they know that you are a stubborn and knowledgeable person in the field that they are working.  Probably counts in my favor that I know what they are talking about when I walk in a surgery or hospital.  The nursing staff and other persons in the hospital made up for the doctor, by being super nice and if they didn't know what transgender / transsexual was, I would explain and so give them training and what not to ask, even though I would answer some of the NO NO question.


I am also an emotional person, but usually vent in a different way then crying.  And I am easily annoyed when I skipped a dose or am on my PMS.


I do also think that it was experience in my field, but I've always been defensive of other people.  I remember some gangster wanting to rob my friends in school, and I took control of that situation as well by stepping into the line of fire.  I used myself as the primary defense and the sexy twins as the secondary means of defense, even though I knew that they were 5 times better at fighting then me.  But I used my what I knew as an advantage.  I also knew the one gangster and where he lived, knew that he was in the gang one of my uncles created and that he knew my family was off limits from them, but he had some new guy him that came for an initiation.  Got home and told my dad who was the oldest, and grew up in a family where the eldest is the one you should listen to, and lucky for me his siblings all feared and respected him as well as most of the gangsters.  I still have that in me, but I know that my gangsters are from different groupings and that I now am thinking of the community and not my friends or family alone.


I am thus prepared to handle any doctor or gangster to protect myself and that of the community, just because I was raised to make people understand that everybody is equal and need that respect and understanding from any person.


I am glad that the medication is done and that the poison they were pumping into my body made me so sick that I lost 6kgs (about 14Lbs) in under a week.  Would I entrust the same doctor to treat me, yes.  The only things he did that made me angry was the fact that he didn't consult the treatment with me, and that he is transphobic.  I also know that he attempted to be kinder by the time I was discharged from hospital.


Thank you for the complements on my looks, and I am thankful that my hair wasn't effected by the medication.  I am one of those girl / ladies that will get admitted to a psych ward for the loss of my hair.


Stay kind and sweet.


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