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A day in the life of detox and sobriety

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A life of Drugs, parties, sex and crime

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A day in the life of detox and sobriety

 

 

 

 

As of couple days after posting my last week’s blog I got the call from my councillor letting me know that there had a bed become avaible at a detox and if I wanted to I could go in as of Tuesday. Today’s weekly blog post is aimed to hopefully provide some insight as to my first week in detox, the pros, cons, challenges I had any just the life I’ve been leading whilst in here.

I begin my detox journey being picked up by my councillor who makes way to my house at 9 am. The earliest I had probably been in up in a while. In the hours the night before I had organised to see my father and any family that I could to say goodbye and let them know of my arrangements. When I got the call originally I jumped up with glee and was excited beyond any measure. Any fears or possible nervous scenarios that might play out later seemed not to be in question, only the promise of a better tomorrow and hopefully Blair. I had already done so much work prior to this phone call. As you all would have known from my prior blog last week I had been sober more than 2 weeks and had increased my runs to 2 a day. I had already so much under my belt and had been doing this myself with ought any assistance from a detox centre etc. so I was not concerned as much, to be honest I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder with my pre-existed ideas of how easy life was going to be in here since I had done it on my own already, However my stay so far (on day 6 writing this) has had so many ups, happy memories, laughs and genuine progress on my road to recovery it has had its time of stress, tears and breakdowns along with self-doubt and any other unpleasant emotion I had suppressed seemed to come out. I am very lucky that I write this sentence; I have had not many repeated experiences with the negative but majority more of the positive but from my experience from some of the other lovely people I am sharing this detox unit with have at time struggled beyond any pain I have and I will not sugar coat that, I feel I am simply a person who has just been able to adapt to this new adjustment a lot easier than others and my life situation before hand may have been more easier or whatever term you wish to use to them. When I did arrive at the unit my fears and anxiety surely did kick in. I can say that there was only one other person in the unit when I arrived and I will say (with respectfully leaving there details anonymous) that I have connected and had such an enjoyable time with them and already have plans for future when hopefully we may meet again in other rehabilitations or just in life generally. This was very fortunate and such an advantage to my first few days in the unit, as I do know in the past when I attempted a detox stay I was faced with people who honestly scared me and made me fear for my safety whilst also making me fear for my own recovery there. I did arrive and for the first hour or 2 was on edge and especially more after my councillor had left me to settle in. I remember tho just wanting to unpack and settle in. Something about unpacking seemed like the right thing to do. I completed this very quickly whilst pacing up and down my bedroom, which I might add I am so lucky because the facilities in general are so amazing, honestly it is better than my own bedroom. Anyways I needed up letting my anxiety take control and it honestly felt like de ju vu from the last stay and already in my head pacing was ‘get me out of here’, ‘this is not for me’, ‘this will be like last time’, ‘there’s no way I can continue here’, ‘there’s no way they can help or support me anyways’. From listening to other peoples stories on their first days and just in general the workers stories on what a lot of other in stays are feeling are exactly the same and I do know for a fact that a lot of my readers are reading this because they are on the same journey as me whether that is if there in detox, rehab or even in there parties stage hoping to get clean and get it together. This is mostly why I write this week’s blog about this as I do feel that by sharing my experience in a detox program after sharing my battles with drug addiction and whatever else I have shared and how I did cope and manage in a detox program PLUS by sharing truthfully my fears and any troubles I may have had along the way to help provide some insight and maybe get my readers who maybe wish to go into a detox program to receive help can take some comfort away from my own experience in here. So as I did say those pesky thoughts did race through my heads and I already thought within the first 2 hours that I was going to bail. I will say this tho, honestly and I mean honestly if you are afraid of going in to a detox program because you’re scared that you will be one of those people who get to the door and then 10 minutes or if not straight away turns away and goes back home (which I add was my reservations to and a lot of other young people out there too) that the people working in these facilities and the companies in general honestly do not mind nor take any offence at all. This was one of the conversations I was having with one of the workers here and they honestly told me that they have so many young people end up leaving the same day or at the door BUT that was okay and they said to me good on them tho for at least even trying, if they couldn’t do it this time, maybe next time and good on them for at least taking a step in trying and WANTING to get help. This is honestly so true, I know it sounds cheesy and some outreach workers who may be helping you get into a detox etc. will say all this but you mauy7 think ‘yeah that’s what everyone says’ but I am telling you it’s true. 

Continuing on I did do the typical ‘take a few breaths, look at it from outside your head and emotions’ and I actually and am proud that I did, used one of the things I learnt of the headspace app which in summer is all about mindfulness and helping with mental health etc. and the technique I learnt was to image my mind, emotions anything I think or am dealing with and imagine a road and that the cars are all of those thoughts and feelings. It told me in a session that it is human to want out onto the road, stop the cars, divert them, send them in opposite ways, whatever but in the end we end up with a mess and all these cars (thoughts and feelings) crashing and becoming an explosion. Instead of taking this human instinct try and train yourself to sit back and still allow yourself to experience these emotions (watching the cars on the side of the road) but allowing them to continue on  within there drive and let them leave. So I sat back and took a deep breath and in that moment with using this technique allowed myself to come up with a reasonable solution. I realised that I knew that I was ready, that myself doubt was perfect normal and it was even more perfectly normal to have fear and anxiety to new environments and situations. I decided to take a leap of faith in my own strength and did what I knew I had to do to make my stay possible and to be continued on. I knew for me that I needed to just leave my room and jump in, ripping of the band aid if you will. I went down tackled the kitchen and the setup of helping yourself. I used the lounge room to watch my TV show on my laptop instead of isolating myself in my room and when the opportunity to dive into9 the program which on that day was arts and crafts (even though arts and crafts made me have my own reservations) I still took it and aloud myself to experience new things. I am no Picasso but I did allow myself to try and expe4riance and have a laugh and painted myself a canvas and write a nice quote on it15368900_564139483781659_1723914478_o.th

 

Diving into the program, engaging in conversation and opening up and showing small acts of kindness to the other people I am staying here with, helped me adjust in so much easily as it suddenly felt like a place of acceptance and a place I could make my own. Some of you reading may have a harder time adjusting or might find that my technique of ripping the band aid off or even if your confidence in a social situation may be a bit harder than I recommend just telling the workers there. They are there for you and to help you with your stay there and how to make it as comfortable as possible, don’t ever feel like you’re bothering them or like you shouldn’t as that is what they are there for, however I do know that it is really hard when you do have those reservations as even at time to time I do to. 

The rest of my week at the stay has been so jam packed with act ivies and outings such as tree surfing, movies, pools, gym etc. I have taken up every opportunity possible whilst also proud to say have been at the gum and pool every day at my stay here. That is another great tip for your stay here which has worked for me and that is to use any drug sustaining methods or things to focus your mind on in your stay when things are hard and apply them or alter them in some way to make them possible whilst in the unit. Mine since my first day of sobriety has always been fitness and though I can go for a long run, it has just been easier with my situations here to go to the gym and pool. This has made me feel like I’m achieving and doing something with my time when things do get bad. I will not act like there haven’t been downs, luckily they haven’t been constant and honestly have been small but I have used that method to help cope. As I have said there are many ups I have experienced in my stay here which has been the support, the hospitality, the outings, the distractions, the socialising, friends, company HOWEVER there has also had its cons, as with everything. The cons would be that sometimes you do have to compromise and adjust your standards a bit more then when living at your own home as you are now living and working in a team, this is honestly the biggest piece of advice I can give you. You are now living with workers and other people in the unit who all want to do their own thing and have it there way and we all know it is super hard at time to be working in a group and having to work in teams. I will admit this has been my biggest challenge as I have not always seen eye to eye or liked some of the things others have said or have maybe bucked heads a few times but it has pushed me to continue to work in a team, mature and become more reasonable and kind so I am thankful for that, however I will not lie at times I do want to tear my hair out (whatever little I have anyways). Other cons would be that sometimes you do feel home sick and things are not always as easy and the things your used to having around you are no longer there, it is a big adjustment and you do have to be strong but there are support systems in place to help work around this, otherwise it would not be possible.

 

This is the end of my blog today and I do apologise to anyone reading if I have blabbered on and on but I will admit this was supposed to be focused more on the days here and the details but I did end up turning it into trying to maximise my thoughts and feelings here and turning my expe4riance into advice for others who are on the same road or who are looking into detox programs as I know that I would of loved to read something similar before I was going. I do see my family tomorrow and the rehab I hope to enter which will be exciting, I am so tired and exhausted from all the activities, fun and hard work I’ve been doing and had here so I will end here. Thank you so much for reading and please if anyone has any questions or just plain comments please find me on my Facebook page (link provided below) and feel free to contact me on there. I leave you with some personal pictures of my stay here so far from tree surfing, I hope you enjoy. 

 

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*any people in the picture have given consent and permission to their picture being posted in my blog 

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/BlairJamieTransteen/

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/blairb98/ 

Snapchat- Blair.hill982  


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4 Comments

Posted

Hey Blair

As always, I'm a big fan of your videos and love reading your posts. When I was younger I went through drug addiction / recovery. It's wonderful to see you writing about your journey. And it makes me proud to see trans folk like us being open and showing other folks who went through or who are still going through this difficult stuff that recovery is a long road, but a worthwhile one. I'm 12 years sober.

Keep at it. Always love seeing your work.

Love
Charl

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Posted

Hey Charl,

thank you so much for your kind words and support xx yes it is so good too when I see a trans people being open and showing support like all of us lovely people who post on here. Congratulations for your 12 years! well done you should be so proud. Please by all means show anyone who might find this post helpful or even just posting on social media.

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Posted

I've never been on your road, but I do understand it is a hard one and I think you handle it with a great deal of humor, grace, and self-awareness that will help you on this journey.  I wish you all the success in the world and an awesome life to fill your future!

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Posted

Dear Blair, Charl and Briannah,

First, Blair, I just wanted to let you know I love your artwork and photographs.

Even though I am not in recovery, I do not smoke, drink or drug, because I come from a family of alcoholics (both of my parents as well as all my brothers - I have no sisters).  Actively seek friends and partners who do not smoke, drink or drug.  Am not a wet blanket.  Far from it - I love to party and have a good time, just with sane and sober people!  Have many friends who are in recovery and I have the greatest respect for them!

Your friend,

Monica

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