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First move is happening. Save me.



So things are starting to happen faster now.  We have moved in with my mom as planned, and I am alternating between helping Nikki move things and cleaning mom's house.  (Seriously, it took three hours to go through the pantry and get out all the expired food from years 03 to 16).  And the rest of the house is insane, but I'm slowly taming it.  Mom is getting the better end of this deal, really.  Free cleaning and repairs and cooking until we sell and buy a new house.  Old house is nearly empty, just a bit more to pull out and then it's painting time.  We're still waffling on whether or not to fix the damaged laminate.  New car is working out great, old main car is doing great, old secondary car is going to the scrapyard, the costs to fix the brake issue and make it sellable are higher than we could sell it for.  Bummer, some extra money would have been nice.  

It's kinda weird being here again.  I lived here with Grandma, my mom, and my son when I met Nikki.  I had the downstairs basement finished room, although ever since the big flood it's impractical to use as a bedroom anymore.  Which is a same, as it's HUGE and was lovely with lots of space.  Only ever had to come upstairs to use the bathroom.  I was the hermit Bree in the basement!  :)  

Nikki's girl mode items are all packed away with a decoy tag, he's still very much closeted as far as our families go.  Since he realized transition is not a path for him, dealing with our awkward families is a door he doesn't want to go through.  As in most things (other than anything food related, do NOT EVER trust Nikki's judgement with food, trust me) I trust his judgement and respect his choices.  And he pointed out I won't be at risk for giving myself a black eye again slapping myself with the breast form.  (Didn't quiet get a black eye, but I did have a nice red mark from that oops.  Why do they put it in such clingy plastic?)  Nikki does have a nasty set of scratches across his back, so I've been teasing him he made a ghost angry that we're leaving.  It sounds more fun than I think the cat did it while we were sleeping.  

I haven't had any really awful burning for a week, had one bad night last weekend, but it's been good since.  Nikki's physical health is solidly great, and his dysthymia has been very much under control.  He continues on his medication, but the improvements in our life have done wonders also.  Once his job is less demanding (they're in the middle of some big changes that take a lot of hours from him) he's going to see about finding a new therapist in our target town and he can just go after work and then come home until we move.  He has to start over anyway since his passed and then we went on insurance hiatus.  He'd rather do it just once instead of twice. 

It's sorta amazing how far we've come since last years confusion and upheaval.  :)  ​I'm proud of us.  Now I have to go continue trying to convince my elderly cat that moving was a good thing and that he should eat some of his food.  Dog is loving the adventure of a new house (wish she would stop running full speed into doors though, she's traumatizing ME with her poor banged head) lizard doesn't care.  Our lizard is too cool to care.  :)



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​Good for you and Nikki, Bree! Your mom is lucky to have you cleaning up her house. I can't imagine having to deal with spoiled food and crap from over a dozen years ago. Three hours to just get through the pantry? What was she using it for, a dump? "Mom is getting the better end of this deal, really." Ya think? !!!

Good for you too that your feeling better and Nikki is holding his own. You're both troopers!



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Today we are both broken, exhausted human beings.  I injured my ankle but good, so I'm limping around like a lame horse, but we got a LOT done.  We also during the packing and moving process took a hard look at the things we own and got rid of at least a third of it all, maybe half, it's hard to judge when it's all in a pile of boxes vs, in it's normal position around the house.  It does seem like less boxes than the last move though.  And the couch isn't in great shape anymore, it was a cheap couch that lasted like 10 years, so we jettisoned that too and will just save up to get a nicer one after we move.  We have plenty of really comfy folding camp chairs and zero gravity lounges we can put in the living room until we find one we like.  

I also see how many of my bad habits came from my childhood, normalized permanently into me.  I can't ever undo that, no matter what people say.  Our life experience is our life experience and it colors who we are and how we are in the world.  What I can do is learn to identify it and control that part of me instead of being controlled, and having far more success learning better ways and keeping to them.  I can see how a thing is better, and normalize that into my brain too so I consciously have choices and make them.  45 and I'm still figuring it all out.  Grandpa told me I'd never stop learning til I die when I was very young and frustrated with school because if felt like it was just reiterating and they'd taught us everything, and he taught me a new thing to prove it.  I think he also cemented the ideaology of learning on my own outside the system into my subconscious mind that day, where beforehand I had been socialized by both family and school system that school was everything and anyting not included wasn't important (ah, the 70s elementary education system).  Thanks grandpa for saving me from myself. :) ​ He was literally the best, most caring, and most nurturing parental figure in my life.  I wish his life hadn't been cut so short, I really would have liked him to meet NIkki and see me finally get my life together.  :) ​ 

I guess I should go back to cleaning, sit down break is over and time to test the ankle.  And Nikki might want to eat at some point, and right now I'm the only person here who knows where any of the food is.  I'm important!  LOL

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